A/N:
TISSUES NEEDED! This chapter is different than the others and in Bella's POV, but it wouldn't have worked in 3rd person.

Playlist:
'The Scientist' and 'Fix You' by Coldplay. (If possible, listen to it whilst reading)

Disclaimer:
Everything recognisable has its own respected owners. If you are unfamiliar with anything the chances are it's mine. Savvy?

Chapter nine.
Bella.

Hey Edward, remember the first time we met?

I was studying in the library and you took my seat when I went to collect a book. We had an argument in the middle of the room, Ms. Cope complained about the noise, but you didn't listen to her and continued to lecture me – you don't own this chair. I can take it if it's free. I was the better person and found somewhere else to sit. We crossed paths three days later; this time I stole your seat in pay back. Do you remember what happened then? You smiled. I love that smile. I'd pay any price to see it again.

Hey Edward, remember our first date?

It was horrendous, wasn't it? You were half an hour late, then the traffic to Port A delayed us by an additional forty minutes, the restaurant had given our table to someone else and we ended up taking a table in the back of Subway and shared a Meal Deal, but you let me have the larger half of the cookie – thank you. Even though everything went wrong, in a way, everything went right at the same time. We laughed, joked around, argued over tiniest of things, but it made me want to kiss you more. I'm craving a Subway right now, do you want to come back and join me? Please?

Hey Edward, remember when you first said you loved me?

We went to a Red Hot Chilli Peppers concert, because they were our favourite band back then. We arrived hours early and found a great spot near the stage. They played Californication and, holding hands, we screamed out the lyrics. "Marry me girl be the fairy to my world, be my very own constellation" do you remember messing that line up? It made me laugh, but I can't remember what you said instead now. On our way home we were still singing all the songs, dressed in our new Chilli shirts and having the times of our lives. You told me you loved me then. I won't ever forget the look on your face when I replayed the words. We still own those Chilli shirts, but I can't listen to their songs anymore. It hurts too much.

Hey Edward, remember when you proposed?

You mom asked me to bake something for her charity event that weekend. You said you'd help me decorate the cake whilst I made a batch of cookies. Remember when you asked me to see how you'd gotten on? Remember when you dropped to your knee right then, with a ring in your hand and the words 'will you marry me?' iced really badly on the cake? The 'O' looked like an 'A' and the 'R's looked like 'P's, but it's one of the sweetest things I had ever seen and will ever see. I accepted your proposal right there and then, and, as they say, the rest is history.

The rest is history because we'll never finalise that engagement. We'll never become husband and wife, and my last name will always remain Swan. I won't ever meet anyone as loving as you; I won't ever meet anyone who loved me as much as you did, or love them as much as I did. I know you'd want me to be happy, but I don't see how I can. How can I be happy after losing you?

We were meant to grow old and grey together. We were meant to start a family, raise them, watch them get married and beg for grandchildren. But that won't ever happen, will it?

Your message still gives me nightmares.

The CD that arrived in the post from an unknown sender and address; I had Alice come over and watch it with me. I was scared.

You appeared on the screen – battered and bruised with only enough strength to keep your head up. I screamed. You looked at the camera, you said your name, where you live and that you were really sorry and loved us all so, so much. The camera then flickered and…oh, God…I can't find the words…

You wore a sack, or…something, over your head and your hands were behind your back. Were they tied? I don't know. The ringing is still in my ears. The ringing of the…oh, my God…the gunshot…it won't disappear.

I'd never felt so empty in my life.

I'd never felt so angry in my life.

And I had never cried and wished for you as much as I did at that moment.

How could somebody to that? How could someone take an innocent man from his family and do that to him?

I promise on my life – on your life – that we will find these people. We will do whatever it takes to get them locked away for good. A prison sentence will never be enough; even when they die, it still won't feel justified, but I swear I won't allow any other innocent man to go through what you had to go through.

We collected all your favourite things today – the Chilli's shirt included – and filed a casket with everything that reminds us of you. I didn't want it to be empty. Emma's drawn you a picture – we've told her all about you and how much you love her. She's drawn a picture of her favourite teddy bear and said that she likes to cuddle her bear when she sleeps, so you can have this one and cuddle it when you're in the clouds.

Your family and I were the only ones at the burial – you never liked big crowds. I think it only hit me then that I won't ever get to see you again. I won't ever hold your hand, or hear you say my name, or kiss you goodbye again and that is the worst feeling in the world.

I love you, and I want you to know that. I think I've loved you since you stole my seat in the library. I will visit this spot, your grave stone, every day, and tell you everything that I did. I'm just glad you're no longer suffering.

Hey Edward, remember when you gave me the best ten years of my life?

Me too.

0-0

I now have to go to work in tears, great. Again, I ask you to please, please, trust me.