Title: Teach me
Pairing: Sinbad x Judal
A/N: Yet another unedited story of mine that I found lying in between my books. :x Do read & review! I'll give you strawberries!
"How foolish." Judal's crimson orbs darted towards Sinbad's direction. Judal sneered in sheer revolt as he leaned against the huge oak tree that hid him from the king's eagle eyes. To think that the king had actually been tangled in his spider web. Was it normal for humans to abandon the object that they desired to protect so greatly just to save another human who wasn't even related to them?
Hidden from the prying eyes of Sindria's guards, Judal had attacked a group of travellers who was just a breath away from Sindria's border, in hopes of raising some anarchy in that pathetic country and to think that it had actually worked! Judal couldn't help but laugh.
Humans are so predictable and rash. Without even thinking, they alerted Sinbad before tending to the injured travellers, leaving the border somewhat unguarded.
Judal could never comprehend the thought process of these creatures that were labelled as humans.
"Who did this to you?" The king's grating voice jolted him out of his reverie. However, that had only made Judal sink deeper into confusion. Care, was it? Something that will escalate to love: An emotion when you feel a tender affection for somebody. Love was something that the Al Sarmen had not taught Judal yet. When the Magi had questioned about it, the definite reply was and will always be: "Love is a despicable emotion that you should never ever harbour."
Even up until now, the Magi didn't know what it means to love or heck, even how it feels to be loved. Judal had grown up in the dark caverns of Al Sarmen's hideout, moulded by the enticing dark rukh that envelopes his body wherever he was. Whenever he was hurt or wounded after a session of training, the Al Sarmen would just toss him back into his revolting dark cell – where silence dominated over the tiny room; not even a single insect slumbered in between those chipped brick walls. The room that he was rotting in was in a horrible state: parts of the wooden flooring were now eaten away: stained by a million corpses of unfortunate insects. Yellow invaded the glass panels that were once windows; fogging it up and barely allowing any sunlight to pass through. The jubilant rays of the magnificent sun was veiled by the thick yellowing substance that clung dearly onto the panels but a tiny gap rendered approval for the adamant rays to seep in – a few fingers of golden ran across his bare tapering thighs and across his body, illuminating the sad excuse for a man.
By now, his trembling bony fingers clawed away at his side, desperately trying to calm his perplexed mind. Judal detested it. Judal abhorred that pathetic cell that they had always dumped him into but at the same time, it was the only place that he could truly unveil his perfect façade. In that cell of his, there was no need for him to grin like a crazed madman; there was no need for him to focus all of his hate into his crimson orbs; there was no need for him to act like a cocky brat; there was no need for him to act like he wasn't already broken – that he wasn't hurt: that none of these little things were bothering him. In that cell of his, he could bury his face into his sheets, which were already stained scarlet and allow his non-existent tears to stream down his cheeks. The tears weren't there – no matter how much he had tried to will them forward. They weren't present in his eyes but they were in his heart. Every second of his life, Judal was always battling with the tremendous shattering of his heart, over and over again. It was as if someone had actually sunk their claws into his heart, time and again as they tried to rip it apart, grasping onto the very essence of his existence but without actually touching him.
But even then, Judal couldn't get to the bottom of the cause. As the years passed by, the only thing that Judal had truly learnt was shoving ignorance towards his own damned soul and he had learnt that by thriving on another's melancholy and sorrow. The only way Judal could even seek a miniscule form of solace was to take another's life.
"My lord!" A guard rushed into the room before he did an obeisance. "One of the travellers has lost his life." On that note, the corner of Judal's perfect pink lips tugged upwards, playing the ghost of a smirk. Eighty-nine thousand, two-hundred and forty-two. At first, it was just for pleasure but over time, it had actually developed into a habit; for each life that he had stole, he would add it to his counter. Maybe, the Magi desired to kill as much as he had wanted or perhaps, it was just his means of lifting the heavy burdens of those deaths off of his shoulders. Either way, it worked, didn't it? Judal didn't even feel the slightest care for any of those lives that he had taken. But now, Judal felt as though he was at his limit: even the lives that he had taken didn't offer him any form of succour.
But the look on that idiot king's face when the guard had spoken those words struck him tremendously. Those eyes – those beautiful golden eyes of the king were now burning with acrimony and ire. Judal just couldn't comprehend it. Why was he so worked up over someone that's not even related to him?
Judal waited until Sinbad was alone, before he lifted himself off of the ground, as silently as a cat; not even a rustle of the winds echoed in the air, into the palace.
"Yo, idiot king!" Judal's raven locks rested against his nape as he gingerly settled himself on the window sill.
"Judal, you scum." Those words escaped the king's gritted teeth. It was unexplainable; but at that moment, a flash of agony seared through Judal's heart.
"You attacked them, didn't you? Bastard." Sinbad hissed as he withdrew a golden knife, releasing the blade with a flick of his fingers but Judal stopped the swirling blade with the tip of his index without even a sign of apprehension.
"Yeah. What's your problem? They aren't related to you." Judal snorted with contempt, studying the stunning golden dagger.
"Why don't you ever get it?" said Sinbad.
"You can't just take lives as and when you like!" Judal's eyebrows furrowed. It wasn't like Sinbad to flare up in any situation yet he was.
"Really?" Judal's gaze flitted across the room and out of the window. Judal had known Sinbad for a very long time, yet both of them never did hit it off on the right page. Both of them were destined to walk the opposite paths; with Sinbad heading towards victory and bliss and Judal towards despair and death and that was what attracted Judal to that man. Sinbad wasn't any ordinary human. Sinbad had been cheated, broken, swindled and hurt in the past yet he outstretches his hands and dedicates his life to building a haven for those humans who had shared the same fate as him. Sinbad would even go as far as aiding those who had opposed him and stood in his path and that included Judal.
"Don't move. You're badly wounded." A cool soothing liquid was poured onto Judal's terrible wounds. In the battle that they shared earlier on, Judal had missed a step and Sinbad's djinn equip had him impaled on his sword but wasn't that what battles are for? To wound your opponent as much as you can as you bask in their hardships and watch them suffer in agony?
"I'm your enemy here. Don't fuck with me. Just hurry up and kill me off!" Judal's outstretched hand swept away the bowl of liquid that Sinbad was holding onto. However, Judal only received a chuckle from the king.
"We're enemies but I refuse to kill you."
"It's not right."
But all his life, Judal had learnt that killing was the only way to survive in this world. To kill or be killed. The Al Sarmen had warned him during his training sessions. Nonetheless, right now, the king – his opponent was actually telling him that it wasn't right? So, what was right? Surely it couldn't be the king? The Al Sarmen raised him. Without them, he would have died wouldn't he? When his whole village was destroyed by that horrible fire, the Al Sarmen protected him, didn't they?
"Shut up and kill me already!" Judal's teeth gnawed into each other as he bit down on his lip, drawing a ridiculous amount of blood.
"Why should I? You didn't do anything wrong." Sinbad replied as he continued tending to Judal's wounds. That's right. Those were the days when he hasn't started shedding blood. Those were the days when he only summoned dungeons and practiced magic. He didn't do anything wrong.
Judal had wanted to protest but those unspoken words remain sealed beneath his lips.
Even then, he was searching for an answer – an answer to what's right and what's wrong. Judal didn't need anything else, he realised. Being a powerful Magi, he could obtain whatever he wanted whenever he wanted it and there lies the problem; boredom consumed him: how easily he could attain these things that people would never even dream of; how easily he could bend the spirits of humans; how easily he could order them around; how easily he could change the flow of fate.
And then it hit him, that empty feeling in his heart – it was the absence of love. Judal had never loved or been loved. Love was something foreign to him yet the word itself invaded his head and almost drove him to the edge. The question that he had been asking himself all these years:
"What is love?" Judal asked, not realising that he had actually spoken out loud.
"Love?" Sinbad's dulcet voice snapped him out of his trance.
"Love's something that you feel; an emotion that will bring you happiness, joy and bliss beyond your wildest imagination; when you desire to have and protect something; love is actually indescribable: it could only be felt." Sinbad cocked his head heavenwards as he spoke.
"Why do you ask me such a silly question?" The king chuckled friskily as if Judal was a five-year old kid who could not understand anything.
"Because I've never been loved."
Sinbad froze as the Magi ravished him with his crimson orbs.
"I've been searching for an answer, all these years yet I can't seem to find it." Judal said, trying to cover up for his slipping front.
"This love, that you humans speak of, is it good?" Judal flung himself off of the sill and leaned against the wall. Maybe Sinbad would give him the answers to the questions that Judal had sealed in his heart.
"I don't know why you're asking me all these but I'm in a fairly calm mood today so I'll answer you." Sinbad shrugged.
"Love is good. It gives you warmth and comfort and it supports you during your loneliest phases of life, ensuring that you won't give up on life."
Warmth? Comfort? Support? What are those? Judal mused as he gazed into the beautiful cobalt sky. All his life, he had never had support from anyone; everything that he does, he does it alone. Even when he was in pain, he will heal himself silently in his chamber. And warmth? What is that? Will if soothe this emptiness that I feel?
Judal averts his gaze towards the king. His lips parted slightly as he tried to mouth his question. Mustering up all his courage, he finally asked him:
"Will you teach me what is love?"
Judal knew he shouldn't have done that. They were enemies for crying out loud; made to oppose each other in every way possible. There wasn't any room for care, concern or questions. So, what was a powerful mage like him doing in an idiotic king's chambers asking him about love?
"We were born to oppose each other and someday, I'll have to finish you off." Sinbad walked towards Judal, flexing his fingers time and again.
Judal knew that fact pretty well; it was stuck in the back of his mind but he had finally found someone who could answer his question; the question that he had been asking himself for all of his life.
"That, I know." Judal replied, his once perfect façade slipped off completely.
"But I just need an answer and after that, I'll finish you off." Judal grinned but that smug was wiped off his face completely when Sinbad inched closer to him, brushing the younger male's cheek slightly.
Pink invaded Judal's cheeks as he flinched under Sinbad's touch. Sinbad's soft fingers sent shivers running down his spine but Judal didn't know why.
To think of it, Judal didn't know so many things. All he knew was power and killing.
"D-don't touch me!" Judal scowled, slapping away Sinbad's hand as he shot the king a death glare. What if I had made a mistake, asking this guy for help?
However, Sinbad only flashed him a smile before lifting his hand once more.
"Seriously? You demand an answer but you don't want to trust me?" Sinbad's eyes narrowed a bit as he lifted his right hand once more. Trust? Judal didn't trust anyone but Sinbad had a point. Judal's wilful gaze fell to the ground; admitting his defeat.
"Fine, you idiot king." Judal grunted but Sinbad only smiled.
"Trust me." Sinbad demanded, almost in a whisper while lifting the despondent boy's chin.
Judal's words were all choked up in his throat as blood rushed to his cheeks. Fuck, Judal! What the hell are you doing? Blushing over this idiotic king? However, he pushed his thoughts aside as his deep crimson orbs remained enthralled by Sinbad's gold gaze. Taking silence as consent, Sinbad's pale lips pressed against Judal's. A wave of serenity washed over the Magi as he stood there, awed by the foreign sensation that was now coursing throughout his body. Sinbad's long sturdy fingers tangled with Judal's black locks as he slipped his tongue into the younger male's wet cavern, flicking and sucking as he explored the Magi's delicious mouth. What is this feeling? Judal frowned as an alien surge washed over his body. Somehow, it felt wonderful and inviting. It felt really relaxing and placating. Judal gasped as he tried to distance himself from the king, knocking his open palms against that rock-hard chest, severing the kiss completely.
Was it warmth? Judal's soft finger tenderly pressed against his own lips.
"Love is good. It gives you warmth and comfort and it supports you during your loneliest phases of life, ensuring that you won't give up on life."
The Magi's lips tightened. Don't tell me… that I'm in love with him? Anxiety gripped at his heart as he gazed upwards towards the king. How could he, even think of loving Sinbad? They were worlds apart. Someone who lives in the name of the capital vices and someone who lives for the good of all people; both can never be together. That was wrong.
"Judal," Sinbad begun but Judal cut him off.
"Heh. You and I are destined to walk opposite paths, no matter how painful it is." The Magi let out a dry laughter; one with absolutely no humour, shaking his head with disbelief.
"The next time we meet; don't expect to come out of it alive." Judal gulped as he tugged on Sinbad's collar, until they were almost at the same level.
"As for my question," Judal tenderly brushed his lips against Sinbad's, basking in the simple warmth that it offered him. He nibbled on the king's lips as he caressed his soft cheeks.
"I found my answer." Judal broke away before he strutted out of the window.
"The next time we meet, I'll finish you off myself." Judal lifted himself off of the window sill, accompanied by his loyal black rukh that fluttered beneath his feet.
Heh. How fortunate was he? To discover love in someone he knew he would never be with?
I will curse fate with all my heart if that's what it takes to rid myself of this painful feeling in my aching heart.
Maybe the Al Sarmen were right: love is a despicable emotion.