"Hey there, true believers! It's me, Deadpool, also known as the Crimson Comedian, the Regeneratin' Degenerate, and the Merc with a Mouth!"
"And I'm She-Hulk, otherwise known as… well, She-Hulk's all I got."
"The two of us have a lot in common. We're both superheroes from the Marvel Universe -"
"Deadpool, you aren't a superhero."
"-have probably saved the world a few times -"
"-but most importantly, neither of us has a lot of respect for the fourth wall. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why me and Shulkie have been asked to let you, the readers, know what's going to go down in exactly one week's time."
"Put simply, IronicSnap has prepared a big massive crossover fight thingy, and he's going to update it every day from the first to the 24th of December, guaranteed. The final three days will even receive two updates each."
"Think of it like an advent calendar. Only, instead of chocolate or dinky little toys, there are explosions, banter, and cataclysmic showdowns!"
"She-Hulk, it was your turn to say something, and that was the best you could manage?"
"I didn't really have anything else to add at that point."
"Well now you've disrupted the flow!"
"Does it really matter?"
"I make a living out of talking incessantly. I think I should know."
"Can we move on?"
"I don't know, can we?"
"I'm going to say 'Yes'."
"And I'm going to say, 'Oh please Mister Cheetah, don't eat me, argh, no, help, please, arrrrrrgh'."
"That reminds me!," exclaims Deadpool, clicking a finger. "IronicSnap has one promise to make regarding this whole deal; he's including no OCs whatsoever."
"That's hard for him. He has about 80 at this stage."
"And 7 of them are kind of cool! But here's the thing; this is Fanfiction.net. You came here to read about characters you already know."
"Chances are, you're here to read about characters you already know do horrible, depraved, unspeakable things to each other, but yeah, point remains the same."
"So with that in mind, only pre-existing characters are going to partake in this shindig. Snap's not even going to use OCs he's already established on the site, so don't expect to see that crackerbox Wazimu or that man-among-men Link Deas."
"Wait, Snap doesn't own Link Deas."
"Yeah, but only the version of Link Deas written by Snap has a chance of surviving five seconds in this thing. I mean, in the book, he doesn't even have a gun!"
"That's true, and we all know how much stock you put in firearms."
"Teehee. Stock. Gun pun! Which brings us on to our next point we have to cover; some characters will die, so don't get too attached to anyone. There, covered. What's the next point?"
"Well, that was a bit unceremonious."
"Not unlike the death many people will receive! You gotta keep lighthearted about this kind of stuff."
"Riiiight… Think we should list the franchises involved now?"
"Ohh, ohh, can I? Let me do it!"
"If you think you're up for it, shoot."
"Hooray!" Deadpool inhales sharply for an extended period of time. "Sly Cooper, Marvel Comics [616 and Avengers Films], Avatar the Last Airbender, Sleeping Beauty, Ratchet and Clank, The Adventures of Dr McNinja, Street Fighter, inFamous, Team Fortress 2, Lion King (well golly there's a surprise), Death Note, Skulduggery Pleasant, Stargate SG-1, V for Vendetta, Resident Evil, Ace Attorney, Super Smash Bros Brawl (that just saved me some time), Tangled, DC Comics [Batman: Brave and the Bold], Jak and Daxter, ThatGuyWithTheGlasses .com, Star Wars [Knights of the Old Republic], Red vs. Blue, Portal, Kung Fu Panda, Metal Gear Solid, Professor Layton, Psychonauts, Dr Horrible's Sing-Along Blog, Princess and the Frog, Half-Life, Final Fantasy X, and Hype the Time Quest. Oh, and Minecraft and Left 4 Dead, but that's only locations. Huff, huff, huff…"
"That was impressive! You sure that superhuman lung capacity isn't a power of yours? Oh, legal moment - it goes without saying that Snap owns none of these."
"If the list above looks a little daunting, don't worry. Snap doesn't expect every reader to recognize every character, nor does he expect you to research those you don't. With luck, they'll be well-written enough that you'll get an accurate impression of them. That said, Dr Horrible is only 40 minutes long, available on the Internet, and very, very good… *cough*…"
"Product placement, classy. Anything else?"
"Well, we can't finish up without mentioning that the wonderful cover was drawn by Jakurith, who you should totally look up on deviantArt and donate lots of money to."
"There you go again! Must be a lawyer thing. I think we're about done here, don't you?"
"Yep, that's everything."
"Well, in that case, come back on the first of December to see the story launch! I know that a week in Internet time is pretty long, but you can spend that time to tell all of your friends about this."
"Have a friend you know likes fanfiction? Tell them about this story! Have a friend who you suspect might like fanfiction? Risk exclusion and mockery by telling them as well! IronicSnap cares more about the number of his reviews that he does about your social well-being."
"And remember, the first of December is the first instalment – an extra-long opening chapter!"
"It's only extra-long because you're in it, and you're incapable of shutting your mouth."
"See? You heard the lady, how could you possibly pass up the opportunity to read a copious amount of my scintillating wit?"
"Yeah, well said. Any questions are very welcome. Answers might not be provided, but it's a free Internet. See you in a week!"