Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are owned by Disney. All registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.
NoDrogs created Kasy and Sheki, I've changed their origin and added a younger sister.
Set soon after Time Cops: Save the Guacamole, Save the Bat Mitzvah, some 20+ years into the Best Enemies series. Narrator is daughter to Kim and Shego. Junior is son of Joss & Wade. Catlyn is daughter of Tim and Erin (Tara's younger sister).
Of Mice and Lemurs… Okay, There Are No Mice
I was in English class, trying hard to stay awake with only limited success when the voice of God came over the intercom: "Mr. Hernandez, please send Jane O'Ceallaigh to the principal's office."
Mr. Hernandez looked over at me, but I was already gathering my stuff for the long walk. "Remember to send in your book report on 'Lo, The Plow Shall Till the Soil of Redemption'," he reminded me.
"I will," I sighed. Plow was quite possibly the dullest collection of English words in existence outside of a dictionary - it made the poetry of Milton look like great literature. I've heard a rumor that Milton is considered great literature anyway, but I've always had a little trouble believing it. I found Junior heading to Mrs. Wright's office as well. "Know what this is about?" I asked.
The secretary waved us in the direction of the open door. Not that she needed to, Junior and I had a lot of experience with Mrs. Wright's command center. We went in and assumed the parade rest position.
She gave us a cold look, "Lemur. Either of you know anything about it?"
"Lemur?" Junior asked.
"Been one seen in the halls multiple times today. When anyone gets close it disappears."
"Disappears?" Junior asked, puzzled.
"Why did you call us in?" I demanded. "Why are we the two you always call to the office?"
"Do you need the list?" she snapped. "I didn't say either of you are responsible. It simply saves time if I start with you two. Mr. Load here appears to be in the dark on the subject of lemurs. Your initial response was to change the subject. While that might be outrage over an unjust accusation it might be a clumsy diversion. Lemurs, what do you know?"
"Um… Well, I… I don't know anything about lemurs myself," I stammered, "but it's kinda weird. I was in California a couple weeks ago for some bat mitzvahs – Junior wasn't there – and there was some kind of disruption and someone said it was lemurs or something, I mean, I didn't see them, I'm just saying I heard there were lemurs there and then they all disappeared. That's what they were saying."
"So, you're asking me to believe this phantom lemur followed you from California?"
"I'm not asking you to believe anything! I don't know anything about—"
"Mrs. Wright," the secretary's voice came through the door, "lemur sighting in the hall outside the science labs."
Mrs. Wright was pushing herself back from the desk at the word 'sighting' and out the door by 'labs'. "You two stay here," she barked over her shoulder as she did her own disappearing act.
"You said something about time lemurs?" Junior reminded me when the coast was clear.
"That was what I-plus called them. I didn't see them do any temporal shifting, so I could have been lying to myself. They're darn good at spatial shifts."
"Probably how they disappear. Why would it follow you home?"
"You don't know it had anything to do with me! You're as bad as Mrs. Wright! I fight some lemurs in California and suddenly I'm Lemur Girl or something?"
"I was just saying, you fight some lemurs in California and suddenly there's one at Middleton High? That's too much coincidence to—"
"Maybe it's the Lowerton mascot."
"Why would the Lowerton mascot be in the halls of…"
"Why do you keep asking me questions I don't know the answer to? You're as bad as Mrs. Wright."
The voice of doom came through the open door behind me, "As bad as Mrs. Wright?"
I closed my eyes. Principal Wright would, of course, pick this second to come back to her office. I didn't think life could get any worse, but opened my eyes and found it could. Trailing meekly in the wake of battleship Wright was cousin Cat. "I was just saying he was asking questions I don't know the answers to," I explained as she assumed the throne of authority behind her desk and Cat joined Junior and me on the firing line. Being less familiar with the protocols for interrogating prisoners of war Cat just fidgeted nervously.
"Before he retired Principal Barkin warned me about the Possible family," Mrs. Wright began. "I used to think he must have exaggerated… Miss Possible, the lemur appeared to be looking for you. Was that your pet?"
I wasn't sure if cousin Cat knew the importance of plausible deniability, so I spoke up in her defense, "Why would you accuse her of that? She doesn't know anymore about lemurs than I do."
"The lemur handed her something," Mrs. Wright snapped. "And I'll remember that you know as much as she does."
"I was just sitting in class," Cat told her, "and the lemur came in. It wasn't… It was cute, but… I… I mean, maybe it was just…"
"Why don't you look at what the creature handed you," Mrs. Wright suggested in a honeyed kind voice that Junior and I knew from experience was a trap.
"Uh… Sure," Cat said and examined the little leather pouch. She opened it and found a piece of paper. "There's writing on it."
"Read it," the principal ordered.
"It says… Jane lied to you. Box for you on Wade's desk. See instructions…"
"Is that all it says?"
"May I see it?"
"What else does it say that you won't let me see it?"
"And what does the signature say?"
"It, um… says 'Cat'."
"I see," Mrs. Wright said, "I –"
"We're being framed," I protested. "Why would Cat write a note to herself? Someone else must have written it and given it to some random lemur to—"
"We don't have a regularly scheduled lemur," I insisted. "Probably a Lowerton plot to get Cat in trouble so she'll miss a swim meet or something, and the lemur messed up and gave it to Cat. Pure accident."
"And the reference to yourself and Mr. Load?" the enemy counter-attacked.
I put an arm over Cat's shoulders, "Just wanting to cause trouble for Cat and her best friend in the world," I answered.
Cat gave me a suspicious look, but put her arm on my shoulder, "Yeah, Jane's my best friend." There was a little inflection there that suggested the question, "Did you lie to me?"
There was a minute of silence while Principal Wright pondered our fates - or her moving up her own retirement… Those were my guesses anyway. She could have been thinking about the broken light in her office two months ago… I swear, I had nothing to do with that. I'm just saying I don't know what was going on her mind during that minute of silence. Finally she sighed, "While the odds against the three of you being innocent in this melodrama are staggering there is a serious lack of hard evidence linking you to the lemur. It simply disappeared when I went into—"
"I still don't understand, how it could just disappear?" Junior asked.
"I don't know," she snapped. "How did that contraption I confiscated from you disappear from my locked closet while I was sitting here in my office?" Junior had the good sense to regard that as a rhetorical question and not provide an answer and Mrs. Wright returned to what I recognized from experience to be another verdict not so much of acquittal as a sentence of probation. "You three may return to class. If the lemur continues to appear I will assess the situation from that point."
The lemur certainly did continue to appear. The next time was at lunch. I was sitting at a table with my cousins and hoping Francis would come over and sit with us when I heard laughter and cries of 'look at that,' from the direction of the side door. The crowd parted and something lopped along the floor in our direction.
"Ohhh, isn't it cute?" Cat asked.
"No," I muttered, hoping it would come close enough for me to grab. It jumped up on the seat beside Cat and I slowly reached towards it, hoping to grab it by the scruff of the neck.
Apparently lemurs have wonderful peripheral vision – at least those who survive the lions, or tigers, or polar bears, or whatever else preys on them wherever it is they live. This one had the benefits of many generations of selective breeding. It turned and bared its little fangs before emitting a loud hiss. I don't speak lemur fluently… Heck, I don't even speak rudimentary lemur… But I'm pretty sure it was some kind of a threat. He didn't scare me – I was a lot bigger than he was – but the cafeteria wasn't a good place to settle this man-to-man… Or lemur-to-girl… I mean, I didn't have a set of dueling pistols on me and someone might have been shot by accident when we did the ten paces thing so I cautiously drew my hand back as Cat patted the thing on the head and promised it that she wouldn't let me hurt it as the creature gazed at her with a look of adoration.
"Is that your monkey," someone in the crowd that had surrounded the table asked.
"It's not a monkey, it's a lemur," some girl corrected him.
"Lemurs are a kind of monkey," someone else argued.
"Lemurs are classified as prosimians," Junior announced with that annoying tone of voice that can't be argued with and kills all discussion, "while monkeys are classified as anthropoids. They both belong to the order of primates."
"See!" the one girl said in triumph.
The boy who said lemurs are a kind of monkey looked like he wanted to argue, but then he remembered that when teachers had a question they usually asked Junior for the right answer. "I meant to say they were both primates."
Cat gave the thing some pieces of her fruit salad and its response to her was probably the same as mine would have been during a calculus test if God suddenly appeared in a fiery chariot and gave me the answers to the questions I was having trouble with.
A couple other kids were going back to find pieces of fruit for it when Coach Snyder, on lunchroom duty, headed our way to check out what was happening.
"That your lemur, Ms Possible?" he asked Cat.
"She never saw it before in her life," I answered quickly. "We have witnesses."
Cat remembered she had been seen with a lemur earlier in the day, and Mrs. Wright was a witness to that fact. "It might be the one I saw earlier," she began. "It isn't mine."
"All lemurs look alike," I argued.
"That's racist," Junior shot at me, "Or, uh, primatist."
Coach Snyder muttered something which might have been a profanity under his breath and reached for the lemur, which simply disappeared. "What the hell?"
"Did you hear about the phantom lemur?" I asked him. "That was it. It seems to like Cat. It's not her fault lemurs like her."
Most of the crowd had melted away when Coach approached, but Francis took the opening to join us at our table. "Sorry I missed the excitement," he chuckled as he cautiously poked his entrée with a fork to make sure it was dead.
"With my luck it will be back," I predicted. I usually enjoy being right, but wouldn't have minded being wrong on that one. I wasn't. My genius for knowing future… Well, maybe it's not genius so much as… But I digress. The point is, the lemur was back before we finished lunch.
When the buzzer sounded the end of lunch the startled lemur disappeared and Cat told Junior, "I'm going home with you to see what's in the box for me."
"I'm coming too," I told him. I was as curious as Cat on that subject and was having trouble restraining myself from jumping to his place right then and checking it out.
Given how the school day had gone I wasn't too surprised that a furry critter was sitting on the low brick wall outside the school. Several students were trying to get it to acknowledge their presence, but it was waiting patiently for someone else. Cat squealed with delight, held out her arms and said "Pretty baby," and it jumped up and hugged her.
I figured I might as well try and make peace with it and reached a hand over to pat it on the head. It bared its little fangs and me and confirmed my low opinion of all things lemur. "It's like I've got the mark of Zorro on me, or something," I complained.
"Mark of Zorro?" Junior asked.
"It's in the Bible. Something about marked for trouble or something."
"I think that's the mark of Cain."
"Nah, it's the mark of Zorro. Cane marks are what you used to get when the teachers beat you in school."
Junior didn't say anything but just looked mildly exasperated. He hates it when I'm right, but I know the Bible way better than he does.
Junior's mom and dad weren't home. He texted them to let them know Cat was with us. Cat and the lemur. Cat and I are both second cousins to Junior but I get counted as honorary sister so he doesn't have to alert them to me being over any more than I have to alert my mothers. I mean, when you've bathed in the same tub with a guy you pretty much know everything about him. Not that I can remember bathing in the same tub with Junior. That was before we were even one, but parents – being parents – remind us of the fact way too often in order to embarrass the heck out of us. Junior wasn't sure if he should tell his folks there was a lemur in the house – it's the sort of fact some parents might prefer to not know about – but in case there was any sort of incident he wanted to be able to tell them, 'I warned you.'
We found the box on the desk in Junior's bedroom. Junior reached for it but Cat stopped him. "That's mine."
"How do you know?" I demanded,
"'Cause the note said it was," she retorted.
The lemur prowled the room as she opened the box. "Is this a Chrono?" she asked, holding up the device she found inside.
Junior extended a hand and she gave it to him to examine, "Yes," he confirmed, giving it back, "a five point three."
"Five-three!" I protested. "I've only got a five! How did she get a five-three?"
"Now who's being Mrs. Wright?" Junior answered.
Cat, meanwhile, was looking at another note, one she found under the Chrono. She gave me a dirty look, "This says you went on a mission last week without me."
"You promised you'd take me on a mission!"
"I didn't say when! I didn't say I'd take you on my next mission. I said someday."
"So you and Junior went—"
"I didn't go on anything," he interrupted. "I'm recovering from my operation, remember? She went by herself."
Cat glared at me, "You went without backup?"
I glared at Junior, "Why'd you tell her that?"
"At least I didn't tell her you got your butt kicked," he shot back.
"What?" Cat demanded.
"Junior!" I shouted. "You didn't have to say that!"
He shrugged. "Truth."
"Justice," Cat said, "you owe me a mission. This one," she added waving the note.
"The American way," I muttered.
Junior looked more puzzled than usual. "I want truth. Cat wants justice. What's that American way thing?"
"It just sounded good," I told him. "I think the American way thing is denying reality when you don't like it – who was that guy who went crazy after an election because it didn't go the way he wanted and he said in a democracy he would have been elected and then he declared himself emperor of the United States or something?"
"I think his name was Trump. Who cares about a crazy man? I want to know about this mission Cat claims to have."