if our love is insanity, why are you my clarity?
People were rotten.
…and the world?
Rotting right along with them.
It was Light Yagami's theory of life he had formed after seventeen years of existence in such a place.
The group of girls in the far corner of the subway compartment was a perfect example at the inept behaviors of the majority of the population. They were all dressed in their school uniforms – ridiculously shortened and altered to scream molest me! to any male that passed their way. More offensively however was the fact they were blatantly getting hammered at the ungodly hour – it was seven in the morning for crying out loud. Sadly, that didn't change the fact that they had a bottle poorly wrapped in a brown paper bag – Light even caught sight of cute stickers and sparkles on it – really? The thought that the idiots had even attempted on making their disrespectful display of breaking the law all "kawaii" got his hazel eyes twitching in disgust.
To do it in public when they were so clearly underage adding to the fact that they were more or less skipping school? What was wrong with people these days?
Besides the obvious answer everything, Light added as an afterthought.
He could just feel the way they were eyeing him with their heavy black eyeliner and fake contacts or whatever. Of course he couldn't blame them… it was a natural reaction he had from most people in his presence. He had long come to terms that yes, he was very attractive indeed, though he preferred the adjective handsome.
Ughhhhhhh, Light groaned in his head.
Even though yes, it was the usual reaction for girls to go goo goo gah gah at the sight of him, and believe it or not - a fair number of guys as well - it was still annoying. Why must they be so stupid and shallow and the worst – downright indiscreet…?
Light noted that the group of drunken girls of doom were taking up the right side of the bart compartment leaving him with only two plausible choices of where to sit.
It was safe to declare that there was no way in hell he'd sit anywhere near them, so there was the middle part of the enclosing to consider - which was empty.
He measured that choice for moment before realizing that doing so would still make himself an easy target - drunken bitches can easily manage to crawl their way over to him from that area.
That only left the far opposite corner of the compartment… which was basically empty too –
…except for a weird looking figure crouched over all but looking like an Emo kid dragged straight out of hell.
Light decided he'd take his chances with the latter.
He pointedly took out his phone and pretended to be immersed with reading a text message as to not have to listen to the comments of the girls as he walked passed.
When he got to the seats in the vicinity of the other male, he contemplated sitting across from him before spotting that there was a backpack already on it - as well as a pair of shoes… the hell?
He had no choice but to sit right beside the guy.
Apparently, the aforementioned subject wasn't just sitting knees up, drawn to his chest, head resting against his arms…
He was knocked out.
Light took his seat stiffly, with as much room as possible between the two of them. He felt the compartment whirl into motion, the black blur of passing lights from the window also further enunciating that fact. He also felt no harm in giving the weirdo a once over while he was sitting there doing absolutely nothing.
Is he some sort of bum…?
From what he could see, the guy was barefoot, and with that odd perch of his, his toes were curled around the cushion of the navy blue seat. How unsanitary, Light couldn't help but think. The said offending exposed appendage lead up to baggy faded out jeans and a plain white long sleeve with no jacket in sight – pretty much just ignoring the fact that it was well into the second month of the freezing Japan winters… The conclusions leading that this guy was a homeless was getting more credible.
Light flicked his gaze to the other's face noticing the colorless skin.
It looked unreal, whiter and paler than anyone he had ever seen. His eyes were closed of course, the dark eyes lashes fanned out softly against high cheekbones, just as the disarray of raven black hair with equally unkept jagged bangs fell over in the same fashion.
Light resisted the urge to whip out his handy dandy comb and brush the hairs into perfection. Instead, his eyes reached the other's lips, which he could admit was a nice shape, full and just slightly pouty...? Either way, it was probably the most color on his face – a slight pink.
Since his sleep was probably just that comfortable, the lips slowly parted open, giving Light sight of particularly sharp canines – the ridiculous thought popping up that this was indeed an undead zombie vampire bum thing right there next to him –
The subway train gave a sudden unexpected lurch, as it abruptly reached one of the stops.
The force of gravity – intertia perhaps – caused the already unstable crouch of the guy to lose whatever balance he had possessed. He fell face forward right onto Light's laps making the teen's eyes widened ten times their original size.
The new position... it was uncomfortable! …but more noticeably, it was suggestive.
Brown eyes darted nervously to see if anyone noticed the exchange and to his horror - the drunken girls were looking over at them.
"Oh, wow - look! Those two guys over there are totally doing the yaoi – "
"What where! Oh – are they in love!?"
"Aw, going at it on the train? People have no morals these days!"
Says the drunken idiot school girl, Light thought hysterically, wondering why his motor skills were failing him at the moment.
His body had broken out in sweat, and he finally planted firm hands on the surprisingly bony shoulders of the other.
Incredible - he hadn't even stirred from his untimely slumber at all, instead more intent on cuddling up right against Light's groin.
Light's voice had hushed panic written all over it as he shook the shoulders, not as rough as he would have preferred, still trying to remain civil here.
"C'mon – wake up - you're on me!"
You're all over me, his mind felt more like screaming, the warning bells going off.
The only response he managed to achieve…? The guy only opted to nuzzle even further into him, and to Light's jaw dropping disbelief, he could distinctly feel the hot heated breaths escaping that hanging-open unwanted mouth from a blissfully knocked out idiot right against the length of his –
Oh my god.
Light was… reacting.
No no no no –
He shoved with full force, frenzied and more desperate than he would like to admit. He swore he could still hear the girls laughing at him, when in reality, they had totally forgot about the exchange.
The well aimed push come to shove had the offender falling ungracefully to the floor, comically flailing his arms but to no resolve. He landed face first onto the carpeted floor of the train, in a rather absurd position as well; his baggy jean clad bottom sticking up in the air. Light momentarily got an eyeful of red boxers peeking out just below smooth looking impossibly whiter expanse of skin that had shown from the hitching shirt –
It was the first sound uttered out of this…this… this weirdo's mouth. Light couldn't help but notice the fleeting fact that his voice was low and pleasant - but who the hell cared right now?!
Light was aware he was more than likely red in the face right now, this little incident throwing him off more than it really should have – to other people it would have been no big deal but to the unintentional dramatic response the teenager had about everything…?
His eyes somehow managed to widen even more as his body acknowledged the feel of a little wet patch that had gathered on his once perfect tan slacks...
No way – is that - did he DROOL on me…!? Aughhhh…!
He felt a heavy stare of unfamiliar eyes boring straight at him causing him to finally look away from the ghastly god forsaken stain.
Their eyes locked for the first time and Light was taken aback by the blackness of the pupils he had never seen before – on anyone. It wasn't just the unsettling gaze of infinite black that made him do a double take. It was the ridiculous eyebags looking straight up like raccoon eyes that freaked him out. That was definitely not normal but could probably be explained by severe lack of sleep and maybe drugs? Drugs, yes this guy was definitely an addict!
"Is that my saliva or some form of ejaculation on your pants…?"
It was said so calmly with no emotion that Light had to do another double take in record time.
He had to force himself to keep it together and he let out an indignant scoff.
"I'm pretty sure that offending stain you are referring to came straight from your equally offending mouth."
He said it through gritted teeth at the same time he decided he did not like this guy… at all.
The other remained unperturbed by the iciness of Light's words, instead cocking his head slightly to the side and studying the window.
"Oh… I do apologize then – that was in no way intentional."
"I certainly hope not!"
Light was struggling to remain calm cool and collected.
Why was he the only one freaking out here? The crouching stranger looked totally okay with all the weirdness, in fact, his eyes looked ready to droop back down from extreme exhaustion.
"I can't really say such a thing is particularly on my agenda – "
"What the hell?" Light interrupted loudly, when L's head was midway back to sinking right back onto his lap. He seemed to be using all his willpower to even stay awake at the moment.
"Don't put your face there – " He squawked, pausing mid embarrassingly high pitched cry of indignation as he opted instead to glare down at the male below him, who had thankfully stopped his intent path on going anywhere near his body.
"Is this normal for you?" Light couldn't resist hissing the question. "How can you possibly talk so nonchalantly about something this uncomfortable?"
"That would be a no to everything you are insinuating. Although, I suppose it is also a yes - I do tend to lose consciousness around this time, I can't say I have ever done so on a moving vehicle however… and as for waking up with my face in a young man's crotch? No - that is definitely not a normal occurrence for me."
The lifeless way he said it as if he was describing the weather for crying out loud only ticked Light off more.
He grabbed at the other by his collar, not even caring if all proper etiquette had gone flying out the window – besides, this guy didn't seem to have much of a reaction to anything anyway.
"I hope you don't mind if I prefer to remove you from anywhere near my lower half… " Light bit out sarcastically, successfully plopping the guy down back on the seat next to him only to find him back in his usual crouch, feet on the seat and knees to his chest, a second later.
Light's eyes bugged out.
What the hell was with this guy…
"You seem particularly apt at exuding rudeness through polite statements, did you know that?" he observed suddenly, nibbling at his thumb and staring at Light with an intent look.
"- and you're just over all rude," Light snapped defensively. He pressed a hand to his forehead in frustration - then decided to get to the burning question.
"What is wrong with you…?"
A bitter twist of pale pink lips.
"Well, since you asked so nicely, I suppose there's no real harm indulging you with that type of information."
"Which is…?" Light paused not wanting to sound overly curious so opted to add just a tad derisively, " - beside the obvious high level drug abuse leading to a cracked out mentality, and all."
To be fair, he wasn't usually this rude to people he just met. Quite the opposite really, but this was just weird… He even felt a headache coming on. He hadn't had his daily cup of caffeine that morning, having been in a rush to go to the orientation for whatever high classed prim proper college his dad had signed him up for – which he had no idea how he was going to focus on now… after this -
"It is a simple disorder," the words were said in a bored tone of disinterest as Light eyed the habit the other seemed to have: biting at his fingers, pushing it against his lips, or maybe just having something in his mouth.
He quickly stopped his train of thought, fishing for another snide remark. He was still annoyed, just out of his element dammit.
"I had no idea there was a disorder for casually molesting strangers, you know, besides the obvious verdict of just being a complete creeper pervert."
The tilt of his head caused dark bangs to fall even further across his eyes, as he gave Light a slightly amused once over, not at all effected by the comment.
"You are really into name calling – I can only assume, you must be relatively young then?"
Okay, wait a second, now he was calling him immature…?
"My age is irrelevant," Light said dismissively but with a tight tone. He went back to the previous subject. "You didn't even tell me your disorder."
The other made a show of sighing.
"Such an adamant request cannot be denied…" He started before resolutely staring down his toes as he continued talking, fidgeting the whole while. "I…unfortunately am in possession of a rare sleeping inconsistency. That is to say - I do not sleep as most people. From sundown until around mid-noon, it is purely impossible for me to attain loss of consciousness. I remain awake regardless of anything I do to obtain sleep. However, come around this time – in the morning - I cannot help but pass out wherever I may be at the moment. A slightly close case of deliquium, but not exactly…"
What the hell was that supposed to mean...? No wait, he was screwing with him... really – it must be the drugs then - who knew there were such powerful mind altering horrors out there…?
He couldn't keep the skepticism he felt out of his voice when he spoke next.
"Is that just your fancy way of saying you're some sort of insomniac?"
He was frowning now, looking more tired than ever.
"To be perfectly honest, there is no known scientific diagnosis for this sort of behavior…"
He looked at his toes curiously –
"There is no cure."
Light couldn't help but falter at the sudden expression of extreme hopelessness that took over the other's face. He supposed it was partly due to the fact the big black eye bags would automatically make anyone look emo as fuck. However… he couldn't help feeling the little tug at his heartstrings… no matter how uptight or hateful he claimed to be of the world and humanity, it wasn't like he lacked compassion absolutely. This sympathy - a normal human reaction. . .
On top of that, he couldn't shake off feeling just a little bit guilty at lashing out at an obviously… severely-sick-without any-means-of-a-cure… person. Well, at least now he can safely check off drugs as a possibility.
"You… you don't have to get that look on your face..." He trailed off because this was his first attempt to be civil with the guy and it felt awkward after his previous abrasion.
"It's not as bad as you make it sound. I mean, at least you do get sleep. It would only be horrible if you had to go without it completely, so that's something right? Besides, it's not like it's some sort of fatal sickness."
Great, now he was forced to play sympathetic kind soul one meets on the train at – he glanced at the clock on the wall - 7 in the morning? It was way too early for this…
"It's kind of you to attempt to create a delusional silver lining on my situation but I'm afraid I can't agree with your sentiments exactly..." His voice was back to calculating, mechanical again, as if his defense went back up. "It is not death or well-being that bothers me. This… prevents me from leading a normal life."
Light let the statement sink into his brain for a few seconds.
Or maybe its your strange get up and even weirder habits! He couldn't help but think only slightly scathingly – he decided not to voice it.
It was uncanny because this guy didn't even seem to acknowledge the fact that he was totally not normal, instead dubbing the only abnormal thing about himself was that he was falling asleep in the morning.
It gave Light enough evidence to conclude that he was probably some sort of weirdo homebody who never got out much. Judging by the paleness of his never seen the sunlight complexion - he couldn't say he was far off with that theory. But he had to confess, the way he talked was surprisingly eloquent and yes – he could acknowledge that level of intellectual phrasing from a sleep deprived brain was pretty impressive. But only because it was so rare. Light never met anyone who talked so proper and formal even about awkward things.
"Don't say that…" Light said at last, realizing he had been silent for a while, lost in his thoughts.
He let out an airy laugh, just to ease the sudden down depressing tension in the air.
In turn, he received a sidelong look, eyes still wider than ever and his mouth kind of pouting a little, perhaps that Light's response was so short.
Light felt the edges of curiosity further spike at him.
"What's your name?"
He told himself he's only asking because he was tired of referring to the oddity as this guy in his head… it was obvious this wasn't just any guy. He had to be some sort of shunned genius… or something along those lines…
"Hm, does it matter?"
Light narrowed his eyes feeling slightly insulted at the direct rejection of giving him information so simple as his name.
"You don't know it?"
"Of course I do," it was said as if he thought Light was a particularly stupid idiot for even suggesting he didn't. "Maybe I just don't believe in giving it out to complete strangers manhandling me into questionable positions on the train while I sleep. . . "
Light flushed at that, mouth gaping for a few seconds.
"The train lurched." He rushed to explain, feeling the heat creep into his cheeks at how the other had phrased the whole thing. "It was an accident, I didn't PUT your head down – down there – "
The slight smirk of his lips soon proved it wasn't a serious accusation.
Freak with a sense of humor? Go figure…
Shaking his head, and grasping to whatever proper etiquette he had left, Light held out his hand.
The other seemed to consider the gesture for a moment…well, more of really long moment - eying the others hand like it was something one found on the bottom of their shoe or perhaps regarding the others name as if it was utterly ridiculous. Either way, Light couldn't help feel the moment going in slow motion, the bead of sweat sliding down his temple – he was sweating? What, he never sweated - vein throbbing now as his eyes assumed an uneven size due to disbelief.
Is he just going to leave me hanging...? Is he hellbent on embarrassing me on purpose or something? Damn it - people really are ROTTEN –
Then he felt the telltale slide of the other's hand against his own, finishing the proper greeting connection.
And he shook.
Light wavered at that.
L…? He can't be serious.
"Oh right, hello L."
Light's greeting dripped with sarcasm, insulted once again that it was such an obvious fake name. Hell, it wasn't even a name it was a freaking letter… What was it - did Light give off the impression he was a cold blooded murderer that wrote people's names in a notebook to end their existence while frolicking around feeding apples to a pet shinigami or something?! He'd like to think he looked more trustworthy and approachable than that...
And it was said so pleasantly that Light couldn't even go through with whatever scathing comment he had about the supposed fake name.
It's not just bullshit then… that really is his name?
"Nice to meet you." Light forced out just slightly mechanically, words failing him at the moment.
Needless to say, it didn't help in the slightest when the group of girls interrupted yet again.
"Oh em gee - the two gay guys over there are holding hands!"
"IT'S THE START OF THE FORBIDDEN ROMANCE OF DOOMED LOVE!"
What the HELL –
Light couldn't even stop crazed smile of disbelief at utter human stupidity from appearing on his face before realizing that in fact; they were more or less doing exactly just that – holding hands still.
He quickly withdrew his own as if burned, before cradling it to his chest while attempting to look nonchalant.
"Well… that comment successfully delivered an undeniable atmosphere of awkwardness between us," L commented coolly, hands retreating to its position at his knee.
"To be honest… I had no idea you were capable of feeling any form of discomfort." It wasn't meant to be insulting more of stating what his initial impression of the other.
L almost grinned at that before continuing on in what Light could describe cryptically.
"Only because Light-kun has no real idea on anything about me."
He was grinning… ?
It's the first real expression this L guy had in the past couple minutes of being in his presence whereas Light's moods had switched in a disturbingly bipolar fashion – from vague interest , to shock, to revolting panic, then annoyance and hostility, to compassion and pity … and now… he was back to square one, except take out the 'vague.'
He felt interested.
Who exactly was this guy?
He felt the need to voice it out in a casual way.
"You said earlier this is the first time you're out on your own… where are you headed?"
"Just a necessary appointment… I will exit at the next stop actually."
Light ignored the feeling of disappointment.
He considered prying more on the topic but didn't want to sound like an eager beaver. He opted for a small nod of his head.
His mind was already drawing possible conclusions.
Appointment? Medical purposes obviously… maybe he was going to get his daily dose of whatever the hell he needed to keep his nutrients at the proper level. Lack of proper sleep obviously had side effects on the body, and most likely negative ones.
Light didn't think he was pondering that long but before he knew, it the next stop had come already.
He observed that the subway stopped quite smoothly, in no ways as abruptly as it did before. Light had to think that it was a sick cruel twist of fate that it had lurched so haphazardly earlier causing the uncanny predicament and meeting of the two.
Cruel cruel world… to pique my interest like this with someone so damn bizarre when all I ever wanted was to get through a relatively normal life without dying of boredom…!
L was already up, the weight of his backpack only adding to his extreme state of exhaustion causing him to wobble uncertainly as he slipped his shoes on with a look of disdain. Light observed he had horrible posture on an otherwise what could have been quite tall but lanky figure.
After rubbing at his raccoon eyes tiredly, his gaze shot up and connected with brown attentive eyes.
This was it then…?
Realizing L wasn't going to say anything and was seriously just going to stare at him – Light had gotten the notion he had no people skills whatsoever anyway – he decided to make the first move.
"Have a good day…"
"I'll try. To whatever extent of good something can be while clearly lacking the thing that makes it anything but bad."
He paused briefly after the melodramatic statement of utter nonsense.
And then he was gone.
What the hell was that supposed to mean…?
His first impression was a weirdo, and his last one was no different. Sob story aside, he was still a weirdo. Was he purposely speaking in cryptic riddles or was L's world seriously that messed up… reversed… warped… that he just couldn't help it?
The feelings of pity, human compassion, and curiosity once again surfaced, racking through Light's body.
He should just get a grip, relax, and forget about those dark empty eyes, the snow white skin – maybe he was a ghost…? No, Light didn't believe in such superstitious things and besides he had proof he was real what with the drool – a proof of definite human bodily fluid - and then there was the feel of his hand, warm… the breath, hot - that had blew against his –
Light's eyes widened as he realized these feelings of interest and curiosity could be considered as borderline attraction.
What's wrong with me? Could I really find someone so different and abnormal APPEALING?
Then again, it should not have been that surprising what with Light's disinterest in everything in his life just because they were exactly that – normal - therefore utterly boring.
That was it then...? He was just bored?
It's not physical attraction at all, Light scolded himself firmly. Those unflattering choice of clothes and unkept appearance, I mean his hair – No definitely not. However, he could not deny there was certainly mental attraction. Someone being as smart as he was? That was so rare, hard to come by. That was really attractive in a sense, some could even say that intelligence was sexy –
Light pointedly ignored the last part of his thought process.
It's not like he'll ever see him again anyway – oh great, now he was starting to sound like a lovestruck god forbid schoolgirl who had fallen for the school's extremely-desirable-mysterious-loner-type-slash-misunderstood-genius.
What the fuck…
It was the lack of coffee.
Or maybe it was the wallet he had spotted on the floor near his foot.
Some sort of sick twist of destiny?
It was automatic though as he reached for plain black wallet and flipped it open with bated suspense. For a moment he wasn't even expecting there to be anything related to L because he was just that surreal and mysterious but lo and behold –
Inside was an ID card.
Okay, now he was seriously feeling like a creepy stalker girl…
He glanced at it, memorizing the details instantly. Not that he was obsessively doing it, more-so the fact he had photogenic memory and was amazingly smart like that.
"L Lawliet… "
So he really hadn't lied…? That was his name...
Light found himself smiling at that, feeling slightly touched.
For someone so obstinate about giving information to strangers yet he did, and for someone's first time in the real world while battling a strange sickness. . . to trust in him so easily? It was a nice feeling as if he was thought to be a likely candidate to impact someone's life, someone who wasn't stupid and rotten like all the other people in the world.
His eyes skimmed past the details but took note – he was 25?! – and apparently he was foreign exchanged as it read London… Light would honestly never have even guessed – seeing as how his Japanese was impeccable, even more proof that despite whatever weird lifestyle he was living - he was a total genius.
Such capability, is it really wrong I find it so damn attractive...?
fair (he guessed deathly white wasn't an option…)
And there it was – what Light had kind of been looking for.