A/N: Hi guys! This is my first story, and I'm just so excited to finally get it posted! I've been reading Bella/Carlisle fanfictions for more than a year, and now it's my turn to share my ideas with you. I know that the chapter is pretty long, but I prefer working like this.
About the summary. What I intended to write was this:
"Instincts are something you're born with, especially when you're a vampire. They're your allies –the only partners that won't betray you, or abandon you. They only exist to guide you, and help you survive. One thing though; you can't make a stand, neither to tame them…sometimes not even to understand them.
But when these instincts decide to step in, Bella and Carlisle will find themselves in a situation they never expected to be in –a situation where what's truly important change, where three things, will throw them off balance, yet make them withstand and be there for one another."
But I couldn't write it in 384 characters. So I had to make it shorter. Though, this is the real summary, got that? :)
About this story. It's an M for good reasons, and it's also romance, so I guess you can figure it out. But we'll get to that later.
There will be some surprises for you in my story, but we'll get there too. I know that the title is weird, but that's one of the surprises.
I want to tank KittyVortex, for being my betareader and helping me with this whole posting thing. She's great! Go read her stories too! I personally love them!
Almost forgot: the characters and whole twilight universe DON'T belong to me. They belong to Stephanie Meyer (whose books I've read only because of Carlisle)
I don't know what to tell you guys anymore. So read, enjoy, and please -please tell me what you think!
Chapter 1: Bad News
"It's not here…" I breathed out in frustration the moment I sat down on the bed. It squeaked and shook with me for a few moments, until the silence wrapped itself around the room.
For a few seconds I left it as it was, thinking about the alternatives. Yet it didn't seem to make sense. I felt frustrated, but I was sure that my frustration was going to soon become pure sulkiness, maybe even fury.
'I am a neat person 'I was telling myself, 'or at least most of the time.'I always put my books where I have to; I organize the groceries, and throw away the thrash. And I usually take care of the washing too. All but now, as it seems.
My breathing was calm. I was concentrating.
With my eyes closed not so tightly, I was trying to recall the last couple of times I really used that red shirt. I breathed in, still trying, 'Oh, c'mon! There are other things that I have to do!'
My eyes shot open as an idea popped into my head. 'I haven't tried this yet.' I immediately jumped off the bed and leaned over my legs, looking under the bed. I was proud of myself when something that could have been just my shirt, panned out before my eyes.
I drew it out, a discreet smile playing on my lips. So it was there; that's fine. At least I won't feel as if I'm so untidy.
In spite of that, when I pulled it in my lap, I felt my smile turning into a sigh. The pale light of my lamp changed everything. Why haven't I anticipated this? But of course I knew the answer: everything looks alike in the darkness. So I let the greenish tank top fall on the floor, and lifted my head so I could stare at the ceiling.
For more than three days, I've been searching for the red shirt my mother gave me before I moved to Forks. It wasn't in the dresser, or in the hamper. And for sure I hadn't forgotten it at school –perhaps I did. I shook my head. No. The weather wasn't that good in Forks, for me to take it off.
I wanted to believe that it was one of the shirts Alice kidnapped when they kept me captive at their house; when Edward had to hunt and they –he, didn't want me to spend time with Jake.
Sudden irritation clouded my mind and I had to shake my head once again.
I still couldn't understand this controlling part of him. In the beginning he wasn't so… aggressive. Or at least, not like he was now. Reflecting on all these things, he's been acting like this since we returned from Italy. Since Jake has become what he was supposed to become.
So he thought he had to protect me, and that I haven't spent a few months with Jake. And maybe even more, after he turned into the wolf. And even though I tried to explain to him that I was fine, that Jake would never hurt me, he kept refusing me.
My lips pulled into a grin when I recalled my escape: when Jake had stolen me from school. And afterwards I spent the day with him and the others wolves on the reservation. The grin turned into a warm smile as all the pleasant memories filled my mind.
But when I returned home, he had to ruin everything.
With another sigh I stood up and headed towards the door, then pounded down the stairs. I still haven't asked Charlie. I knew there was a slim chance of him knowing where it was, but I had no other options.
"Dad," I shouted, so that he'd know I was coming. When I stopped before the door frame his eyes moved to me. "Did you pick up one of my shirt for the laundry? Or put it somewhere else?"
The curious face he made when I stopped before him now turned puzzled. "No, Bells, I'm sorry. Haven't you left it somewhere else?" He asked me back, moving his eyes to the screen.
"Fine." I remained silent after that, my thoughts filling my already busy mind. 'I've searched everywhere. And I was sure enough that it wasn't in the house.'
I decided to call Alice, in order to be absolutely sure it wasn't here. Maybe she took it. Or at least saw me searching for it and therefore where it truly was.
I drew in a breath, leaning on the frame. Charlie was absorbed in the boring football game he's been watching earlier and I in my own thoughts.
It wasn't like I was that obsessed with wearing that shirt. I have plenty –way too many clothes, in my opinion; but not in Alice's. She really thinks that inside my dresser it's a secret door which leads to another dresser just as big as hers.
In the beginning I felt uncomfortable not knowing where it was. That was all. But as the time went by, the discomfort grew stronger too.
I was able to feel my brain not functioning. I was trying to find possibilities, and my brain was sending them back without any answers. As if it didn't matter, as if I already had so much to wear that one shirt just wasn't important.
After a few minutes of doing nothing, I finally decided to leave it at that. If I'm finding it, it will be most likely when I'm not even searching for it anymore.
A sudden, insistent knock thundered at the door and distracted both me and Charlie. As he wasn't making any signs of getting up, I turned on my heels and headed towards the door.
I was surprised when I almost bumped into Edward. His almost black eyes were wide open, just as surprised as mine.
"Hold on." His tone was sombre, his lips pulled back over his teeth. Only then I noticed how tensed up he was.
He stepped inside; darting around the room, like he was looking for something. His frantic moves were making me nervous as well. It made my body follow him automatically, while my mind just worried.
"Edward." His brow knitted as his eyes stayed trained on the stairs. "Edward," My voice was shaking, "you're scaring me."
He spun around abruptly, his face even harder. His spiky, copper hair made him even paler that the usual. Maybe that's what I wanted to believe.
When his lips parted, the words came out ragged with terror. "Someone's been in here."
My breathing caught into my chest. "W-what?" Physically, I did nothing. I was able to feel my brain freezing.
"And it was one of us." I wasn't even sure if my heart was still beating. Maybe it decided to stop as well –or it was beating that fast that I wasn't even hearing it. I found myself slowly starting to get dizzy.
It didn't last long until he observed it too.
"Breath, Bella." His flat voice ordered. I knew that he wanted to bring me out of trance I'd fallen into. It just wasn't working.
His icy hands were gripping both of my shoulders while his eyes bore into mine intensely. The breath I forced down my throat was supposed to send me back into reality and not make the dizziness worse.
"Bella, Bella look at me. Everything's going to be alright. I won't let anyone hurt you." His voice was rough, but he was whispering. He was watching me intently like assuring himself that I'd heard him.
But before I could say anything, his arms pulled me towards him and lead me into the kitchen.
There was silence after he sat me down on a chair.
"How do you know that the vam…pire, hasn't just passed by the house?" I burst out, the idea occurring to me in that moment.
To tell the truth, it could have happened this way; and I had many reasons for believing this. A believable one could be the weather. This place truly is cloudy and wet, so the perfect place to hide for one of them. Yet as I looked at him, the worry I saw spread over his face made me think I was drastically wrong.
The air I was breathing seemed to get lesser before reaching my lungs. I felt my face void of emotions while I waited for his answer.
Edward pulled up another chair and sat down. His eyes avoided mine while he answered me. "The scent is all over your room," he informed me, "and all over the house; I've checked before knocking." Then the black pools snapped at me and the volume of his voice decreased considerably, "There's no doubt."
An ice cold shudder ran down my spine, making his words even more dreadful. My palms were cold and wet. I had to gulp down the fear that was squeezing my throat. "It wasn't Jake or any of—" I murmured, trying to stay calm.
"I know." His voice then seemed smoother, more understanding.
"Then who…oh, God —when,when has this happened?" My heart throbbed ten times faster when the most important detail suddenly became obvious.
"Recently; the scent's still strong. Maybe last night—"
"While I was at the bonfire! While Charlie was at home!" I felt myself trembling with fear. He's been in here, with Charlie! If this vampire would have hurt him, —no. No. He's still alive.
"Turn it down, Bella. He's still in the other room."
Although I was still shaking, I pursed my lips together and nodded. He was right. I had to try to calm down. I inhaled, and kept the air in for a few seconds. But I choked in the process. "Who was it?" I asked, this time in a whisper.
"No one I recognize." He answered me just as quiet, but absently.
"You said it wasn't Victoria?" I asked, hoping it was so.
He shook his head "Yes, and not the Volturi either. It was someone I myself haven't met before."
"Then…" What he told me didn't help, as I hoped it would; on the contrary, I thought I would go insane. "What are we going to do?"
"We're going to see Alice." He stood up, the seriousness all over his pale face.
I stared into his eyes just as serious. My voice came out flat. "I'm not leaving Charlie alone."
"Bella…" He complained, "I would have known if he had been around."
He shot me an anxious look and took the phone out of the pocket of his darkish trousers. He moved next to the sink, tapping his fingers on the countertop. He was more than sure waiting for the one he was calling to pick up the phone.
I took my eyes off him, still trying to calm down. Now 'breathing correctly' wasn't working, I closed my eyes thinking that I'd have better chances at getting this under control like this.
When Edward started talking, I found myself wondering who he was talking to. I tried to catch what he was saying, just to distract myself from worrying. But the speed he was talking at, and the fact that he was whispering, made my attempt vain.
When he hung up, he offered me his hand. "Jasper and Emmett are going to keep an eye on Charlie while we're gone." He informed me, seeming stressed.
I nodded and took his hand, failing to make my brain function again.
It was Charlie who had to interrupt us again. "Why are you two in such a hurry?" He asked us confused.
He turned off the TV and stood up as well. He was looking at me, waiting for an answer. But the explanations weren't something I'd thought about.
Charlie raised his eyebrows.
"We have to go to talk to Alice," Edward stepped in, "she asked us to be there immediately." I stared at one another unable to say anything, but grateful that he did step in.
Charlie's eyes softened hearing Alice's name; of course. She was the only Cullen he was ok with being around me, no matter when and no matter how much.
"Oh, that's fine then." The traces of disbelief disappeared and he started heading back to the couch, the remote in his hand. "Tell her I said hi." There was no way not to roll my eyes at this. It was so Charlie.
I tried my best not to chuckle while Edward helped me into my jacket. "Thanks."
He nodded in response. "Let's go." Both of us maintained the same level tone.
"Bella?" Charlie asked after Edward opened the door.
"I'll wait for you in the car."
I nodded and took a few steps back in, so I could look at Charlie. "Yes, dad."
"Don't stay there too long." What he told me made my brow crease. The time restriction was something new. Or at least when it was about Alice.
Catching a glimpse of the hesitation on my face, he added right away. "You know that this afternoon I'm off with some fellows on a fishing trip, and I'd rather know that you're at home. You'd give me some piece of mind."
"What?" I kept staring at him dumbfound. 'No. He shouldn't leave!'
"I'll be back in a few days."
'A few days?! No; absolutely not!Why did this have to intervene?'
I harshly drew in some air, thinking about what to tell him. Not to go would for sure raise some questions; questions I have no time to answer; or the liberty to. Helpless tears clouded my eyes and I quickly turned to leave so that he wouldn't see them.
"Yeah, fine." I murmured, trying to hide as much as I could in my now brittle voice. One traitor tear rolled down my cheek and made the situation even worse. I felt my hands slowly start trembling in frustration.
'Why can't I protect him?' If he leaves and comes across the vamp –why do I have to literally watch him walking into a possible death trap …While I can do nothing!? I bit my lip trying to force the tears back.
Of course, that's not necessarily possible. But what if…?
I wiped my tears away, still frustrated. "Is there a problem?"
"No." The answer came out in a moment. My voice caught in my chest and I almost choke. "I just forgot that you had to leave." I closed my eyes and made a silent prayer. 'Just, please take care of him, for his own sake if not for me…'
"Please be careful."
He was the one who sounded dumbfounded now. But he promised he would be and turned back to the TV.
I felt myself ready to burst into tears, and quickly got out the door. It truly was the last thing I wanted –him to see me crying, and I was happy that I hadn't started it in there.
I whipped down the few steps of the porch. Outside it was cold, even though the yard was quite dry. I pulled the jacket around me, enjoying the breeze that was drying my wet cheeks. It was July; but the weather wasn't showing it. Not that it was such a hot weather in Forks during the summer…
The weather didn't manage to distract me too much –maybe as much as I wanted it to. This time, I felt helpless, and found no strength to fight against it. The never ending nightmare I was living seemed lately even longer. My eyes landed upon the now opened door of the shiny Volvo.
And this entire nightmare because of the pale, copper haired vampire that was waiting for me across the driveway; for him. Of course, he was worth it.
More tears watered my eyes for a reason I wasn't able to understand then. Maybe everything that happened exhausted me way too much; both physically and emotionally.
When I stopped before the car, Edward's cool face came into my view. I knew he had heard us.
"Edward…"I whispered to him, feeling the tears in my eyes again.
"I know." His answer was anguished but sharp. He propped the length of his nose in his clenched fists, tensing up considerably.
I looked at him while I got in. The door closed with a silent thud.
"I'm going to take care of everything. I promise you." Then he turned to me, the anger replaced by worry in a second. The question he asked the following moment made me want to crack up a humourless laugh. I wasn't ok –maybe going insane, but not ok.
Instead of that I nodded, biting my lower lip. Then cracked a weak "Let's go..."
To tell the truth; I was scared, both for Charlie and for them. God could only know what was going to happen to this family. But I hoped that he'll have pity on us.
I remember him having the engine started. After that, the worries blocked my mind and I found myself losing contact with the real world.
After a minute or two, I heard him mentioning 'the others'. But it was all I caught from what he told me. What I did was nod involuntary, trying to analyse what he told me; to distract myself –anything but to think about what happened.
Right away, 'the others' had no sense. But then I remembered the acute hearing they were all gifted with, consequently that they all were just as informed as Jasper and Emmett of what we –Edward, discovered.
The drive home seemed too short; I couldn't really remember much of it. I hadn't been able to pay attention to it either. Even thoughthe speedometer's needle hascrept past thespeed limit, it didn't really bother me. Or maybe I didn't perceive it. What I did perceive, were the anxious looks Edward threw at me sometimes, even if neither of us said anything about it.
Then the vague memory of the troubled and curious faces of the others; they all wanted to know what happened.
I woke up from that state being sat down on the white, leather couch I already knew so well. They were talking behind me, somewhere in this room; I could hear them, but what they were saying continued to get by me.
I didn't bother to turn around, I simply couldn't. I just sat there thinking about different versions of what could happen, about Charlie's safety and about theirs.
Edward raised his voice louder than the others; vibrating with irritation. Sighs fell from guiltless lips; the silence wrapped around the room being suddenly way too loud for my ears. It made me shudder.
"Edward…" I whimpered. It made no sense to yell at them.
Alice prudently sat down beside me, throwing her arm around my shoulders. The sad smile I saw on her face was reassuring, but it didn't help.
She had to make it worse. I'm more than sure that she knew it; that I never liked the 'everything's going to be fine' I've been hearing lately. At that moment I thought that it was on purpose.
"There's nothing to worry about." Her pitch, clear voice was warm, comparing it to Edward's.
That vampire had broken into my house and they had no idea of it –or wouldn't even have if it wasn't for Edward coming to me today. And if this wouldn't have happened either…I suddenly felt very sick.
'They wouldn't even know about this', I told myself, taking a deep breath.
Cautious footsteps echoed off the walls, causing me to open my eyes right away. And this only to face one by one, haggard looks –looks that on the other hand, were fixing me like Alice did.
It was Esme who broke the ice and asked the question that even Edward didn't know the answer to.
There was silence; like a stopped clock. Edward sighed and Carlisle raised his eyebrows.
"So it wasn't Victoria?" He sounded baffled.
"Not the Volturi either." Alice added, "I would have seen that."
Edward's black eyes narrowed in her direction.
"You told menottoletthemoutofmysight! And that's what I've been doing since we got back from Italy." Alice's pale lips pulled back over her clenched teeth so we could all see her annoyance.
"Why would they send someone here, anyway?" asked Rosalie, her voice dull.
"Edward…Whyare you so mean?"
The tension built up until now reached a dangerous peak, and I didn't really like it. His eyes snapped at me for a second as he opened his mouth to say something.
At that point, Jasper and Emmet burst onto the living room; both looks frowned, and fixed on me. Nausea worked its way up my throat as the worst scenario flashed before my eyes. 'It couldn't…'
"Charlie left the house with luggage." Jasper informed me hesitantly.
The stress that held my body was suddenly gone. I exhaled in relief. 'He was fine. Thank God… '
"He took off for a fishing trip. There wasn't really a chance for us to stop him." As it seemed, Edward was already one step ahead of me.
"Maybe if he's out of town for a few days, he'll be safer." I murmured, more to myself than for the others.
"He will be safer, of course." Jasper mused seriously. "Only if there isn't someone following him."
His words –as I was accustomed to Edward's eternal over shielding– made me literally tremble, and him to explode.
"How could you say something like that to her!?"
"She has the right to know, Edward. You've been holding back enough information." Jasper hissed back.
I stared at him, forbidden from speaking. It's not like I was able to speak at all, but what he said astonished me. The encouraging smile he flashed at me made me smile back at him.
He was right; I was now a member of this family, and so, I had to know everything they knew. No matter how serious it was.
Edward was still glaring at Jasper –as if stares could kill, or at least bring someone to their knees. This controlling part of him was starting to make me feel uncomfortable. But I was trying to convince myself that it was only because of these tense situations, and not something else.
"Didn't you recognize the scent?" Edward asked after a while, still shaken.
"No one I've ever met. But it's all over the place." Jasper's eyes were suddenly fixed on me and I stopped breathing. Then they moved back on Edward. "Do you think that we should have followed him?"
"No. Jasper, it's ok." I whispered to him, "Stop exaggerating; you can't protect everyone."
A clever idea crossed my already fussy mind. It made me act fast, but sent a shiver down my spine just as well. I wanted to swallow the fear that started squeezing my throat, yet my attempt was in vain.
It didn't matter anyway when this was going to happen. Why not sooner than later, then? We all knew that there was no other option –or at least one where I'd get to live. And above all, delaying the inevitable isn't healthy… for me; I was already getting sick of it.
"If I'd become a v-vampire now, you wouldn't have to protect anyone." My voice was about to crack at the end.
I failed miserable to hide the fear. It was definitely easier to say than do. Yet, I moved my eyes on the black orbs of the vampire I loved.
"No…" He murmured ever so quietly, then repeated it louder and louder.
"Why?" The answer he gave me got me irritated; the answer I somehow expected.
"It's beyond question."
"Why?" I teased. The irritation that came over me when he ignored my first question was now turning into fury. I didn't know why; maybe because he was denying what I wanted again.
I paused as his eyes drifted to Carlisle for a second. At that moment I really didn't care why he did that. I teased him again "Why do you keep doing this? It's going to happen anyway so–"
"Not now." He shook his head and stared at the floor as he answered me.
My voice was getting sharper and sharper. I have already decided this. I was able to lose my humanity for him, and he was refusing it. "Why do you never give me an answer?"
His eyes hadn't moved off the floor.
"It wouldn't be as easy as you think, Bella. The newborn thirst isn't something easy to control at all. You would–"
"Think of Charlie Bella!" Edward snapped, cutting Carlisle off.
"That's what I'm doing!" I snapped back. "If I'd have to leave this place, right now, so that he and the other humans would be safe, I'd do it! You know better than anybody in here my 'danger-magnet' luck!"
I had to stop yelling there. My throat was sore and I felt like I was choking. Instead of that, I took a deep breath and started again; trying to control the anger I was shaking with. "If it's not me who comes to grief, it's someone else, but someone I love –it's always like this. And that's the last thing I want." The last part lingered on my lips until I ended up whispering.
Carlisle glanced at Edward, with a worried frown in his brownish eyes. It was then when I noticed something I could have taken into account until then. I was surprised.
"Bella, please, just let it go. We'll find a way."
I ignored him and looked at each one of their faces, to see if I was right. And I was. Everyone –excepting Carlisle, has their eyes black enough so you couldn't make the difference between the iris and pupil; therefore thirsty enough so my presence would affect them.
"We will protect you –one at a time; And Charlie too."
The irritation I was feeling was like acid in my veins –it burned, it made me act the opposite of want I truly wanted. "How, Edward? How are you going to protect both me and Charlie and keep yourself fed as well?"
His black eyes shined; his mouth dropped open, while no words left those pale lips.
"Edward, Bella has a point," Jasper said, "You can't protect her from everything. And above all, we have to hunt soon."
"Then go." Edward said firmly. "I won't leave her here alone."
My answer was just as firm. "And I'd neither let you starve."
We've looked at each other in silence. I wasn't going to drop out, and as I noticed, neither was he. Something was telling me that our conversation was over. I breathed in frustration –loudly. Edward wasn't looking at me, but I could see the deep fold between his eyebrows.
"Bella, if you would become a vampire now," he begun, his voice grave – no; desperate, "then we'd have to leave, you'd never see him again, and he would believe that you died." At the end, the desperation changed into disgust and terror. I could feel it vibrating through his body, just like in his voice.
I shivered. I wanted to take a step back, but forced myself not to. I knew I had to stay still, to show him that his words hadn't scared me. It was my voice that betrayed me again.
"I…" The small word barely left my lips. It was so silent, that I feared he hadn't even heard me. I stared at him with my eyes wide open, not knowing what to tell him. There weren't any coherent sentences my brain could form at that moment.
It was because these words he said, so hateful, kept repeating and repeating themselves making everything even more aggressive.
"That's what I thought." He turned towards Carlisle and I frowned.
"F-fine." My voice trembled, but I could do it. "Charlie's not home for a few days, so make me like you."
"Bella, don't be absurd!" he burst out. "You hesitated!" Suddenly his eyes bored into mine and I flinched. "See?Again! You obviously aren't ready to become a vampire."
I inhaled deeply and answered him as calmly as I could, even though all I wanted to do was to scream. "And when are you supposed to be ready for this, Edward?"
He mumbled something for himself and turned away again. "Not now Bella, please. We don't know what's the matter with your guest, and a bloodlust crazed newborn would be the most stupid move we could make right now!"
At this moment, he seemed to be a bloodlust crazed vampire. The terror in his voice was replaced by nothing but desperation and I had to admit that he scared me. It wasn't more than a few second until he started talking again. "You are leaving this night, then?"
"You need to hunt too, Edward" Esme interrupted him sweetly.
"I'm fine." But his face was blank.
"If we are all going to leave, then we should go further into the forest. We should separate."
Emmett stood up cracking his knuckles and stopped before Edward. "You're coming with us, brother. I don't want to have you here, taking the risk of eating my sister."
A grin appeared on his face, as he looked in my direction. And despite the frustration I was fighting with, he managed to make me crack a smile too.
"Emmett. Not now—"He complained.
"Why can't you understand?" I cut in, fed up with this whole argument.
"There's nothing to understand."
"Yes there is. Whoever is doing this, it's because he or she holds something against me. And if you will make a stand—" my voice broke miserably. "Then you'll be hurt."
Stunned gazes locked on me, including Edward's. As if they weren't expecting it. But it was true: I feared for their lives –for the lives of 7 immortal vampires. They were the most important aspect in my life and the fact that they wanted to go to the bitter end for my stupid human life was making me insane.
"That's the problem?" His brow was now arched above his confused eyes, making him seem less edgy.
It was true, in a way. All this time spent so close to death was starting to affect me. At that moment, in my twisted mind 'being a vampire' had the same meaning of 'fending for myself'. If there was any chance that I could change it, to not have them looking out for me, I was ready to try anything; It was getting annoying.
"You're underestimating us, Bella." Edward stated, his playful voice seeming warmer.
"It's you who are overestimating your powers. You don't even know who we're talking about, let alone what he wants!" On the other hand, my voice was everything but amused –or cheerful; there was just sheer terror. I stared at him dumbly, pondering the sudden change in his voice. I felt like, between me and him, I was the only one able to put the things together coherently.
"But we will find out. And this soon enough so that everything will end well." I moved my eyes off him in annoyance.
'Perfect.' I thought ironically, and closed my eyes, trying my best not to step in again.
A/N: So, did you enjoy it? I know it's tensed up and such... And maybe you're wondering how Bella and Carlisle will get closer, considering that she kinda ignored him in this chapter. Next chapter though, everything will start making sense.
Can't wait to see what you guys think! But I really really hope you liked it.