The first to be eaten.

Scene: Three boys. A boat. A fishing trip. Night.

Sokka: You've got to be patient. Fishing is all about patience.

Zuko: Fishing is stupid. I can see the bloody fish right here. but it wont take the bait.

Sokka: Because it can tell you're not being patience.

Zuko: How about if I just smack it with a fireball. Does that count as catching it.

Sokka: No.

Aang: and you don't want to hurt it.

Zuko: Then why am I trying to get it to swallow a giant hook so I can bash it on the head with this stick.

Aang: I don't know. This is why I'm a vegetarian.

Sokka: Look, it's a Southern Watertribe tradition. We have to wait until you catch a fish the old fashion way. With patience and cunning. This is a big cultural thing. It's like really important. It will be a huge insult if you don't even try to catch a fish our way.

Zuko: Fine. Here fishy fishy fishy.

Aang: I don't think fish come when they are called.

Zuko:This one might.

Aang: No, it wont.

Zuko:Well do you want a go then!

Aang: Ooh can I?

Sokka: No, Aang. We have to wait for Zuko to catch one himself. And aren't you a vegetarian?

Aang: I am, but it looks like holding the stick is the most fun I'm going to get out of this night. We've been here for ages.

Sokka: We've been here for 20 minutes and I'm sure it's not going to take Zuko that long to catch something. We just have to wait and be patience. Fishing is all about...

Aang/Zuko: Patience. We know.


Two hours later...

Zuko: I hate this. There's no fish here.

Sokka: There are tonnes of fish here. You just aren't doing this right.

Zuko: Because this is stupid.

Aang: I'm hungry.

Sokka: I've got seal jerky, whale jerky, penguin jerky...

Aang: Do you have anything not meat based?

Sokka: No, but hopefully soon we'll have a fish.

Zuko: Hold on Aang, I think I've got some fireflakes.

Aang: Hey thanks Zuko...aaaw sweet Chilli flavour, do you have any spicy cinnamon?

Zuko: Yes Aang just let me got and check the backroom of the miniature fireflake store I carry with me everywhere. I'm sure I'll have some...…...Why are you looking at me like that.

Aang: I'm waiting for you to check your supplies.

Zuko: That was sarcasm Aang. I don't actually carry a store full of fireflakes with me.

Aang: Really?

Zuko: Yes really!

Aang: Well it's just that you always have at least three packets on you somewhere. Maybe you should think about diversify your flavours, so you can cater for everyone.

Zuko: I have sweet chilli flavour Aang, take it or leave it.


One hour later...

Aang: Which of us do you think is the first to be eaten?

Zuko: What?!

Aang: When I was a kid, the monks at our temple had to rescue some people who been shipwrecked on a nearby island. But because they had been stranded and alone for most of the winter, they had... eaten a few of the sick ones.

Sokka/Zuko: What!?

Aang: I know right. Friggin disgusting. This is why I'm vegetarian.

Sokka: Aang there is not much chance of accidentally eating a person just because you eat meat.

Aang: That's what you think!

Zuko: Look none of us are sick, so it's not going to come to that.

Aang: But it might! The monks told me that it was because the people were all meat eaters, and because they had been alone for so long that they descended into cannibalism. You two are both meat eaters and we have been waiting for Zuko to catch a fish for like forever!

Zuko: Hey!

Aang: What if he never catches one! And we have to build society anew right in this very boat and the jerky runs out!

Zuko: Look, I'm going to catch one!

Sokka: Well if you don't we can always eat you.

Zuko: Why me? Why am I the first to be eaten?

Sokka: Well technically speaking, the whole thing would be your fault in this scenario. Also from a utilitarian point of view, it makes the most sense that we eat you.

Zuko: What? Why?

Sokka: Because your the biggest. You'd feed more people. Eating you would sustain us for longer.

Zuko: That's a stupid reason. Besides I'm not even that much bigger than you.

Sokka: Oh, look how you change your tune now. Just yesterday we had a who's-taller contest and you were all "hardy-har-har -in your face Sokka! I'm taller."

Zuko: That's no reason to eat me.

Aang: I agree. Zuko needs all the wins he can get. He doesn't get that many. Look at how long it has taken for him to catch one fish!

Zuko: Hey!

Sokka: I just don't see why we have to resort to cannibalism right away. If we are rebuilding society anew, shouldn't we like try hunting first?

Aang: But you don't want to hurt the animals.

Zuko: Besides, I can't hunt very well. Evidently.

Aang: Don't worry Zuko. Neither can Sokka.

Sokka: Hey!


Fifteen minutes later...

Aang: Look, all I'm saying is that if it comes down it it and our situation is really that dire; you guys can eat me.

Sokka : For the very last time Aang, we are not eating you. Like how do you imagine this will go? Do you think Zuko and I and are just going to sit in this boat snacking on you, saying stuff like "Hey Zuko, can you pass me the Aang. Oooh I love my Avatar seasoned with fireflakes. Wow, he's even tasty as left-overs. We're having a swell ol' time in the cannibalistic boat – all thanks to Aang!

Aang: Well no...but I'm a vegetarian, so I wouldn't eat either you on principle...and I'm the Avatar, I'm meant to sacrifice myself for you lot.

Zuko: But that's the point Aang. You're the Avatar! The symbol for peace and balance in this world! That is why we couldn't ever eat you! Do you know what would happen to me if I did that? I'd be known as Firelord Zuko- the firelord who actually ate the Avatar – as in MUNCH MUNCH OOH HE IS TASTY- ate. I'd be Avatar-eating Zuko for all time. Do you know what me eating you would do to peace and stability the world?

Aang: But we couldn't eat you for the same reason. You're the Firelord. Your country would go insane if we ate you. There would be war and anarchy.

Zuko: Well then by process of elimination we have to eat Sokka.

Sokka: What?! Why are we eating me now? I thought we'd settled on eating Zuko.

Aang: We can't because he's firenation and they don't take well to being eaten.

Sokka: Well neither do people from the water tribes. I didn't wake up this morning saying "Boy, I really hope I get eaten today". Do you know what Katara would do to you guys if you ate me.

Aang: Well she's not going to react that well if any of us get eaten. You're her brother, I'm her friend and Zuko's her...person.

Sokka: Zuko – I've been meaning to get you on your own and ask you - is there something going on between you and Katara?

Zuko: Wow, look at the icebergs, they really are quite pretty.

Sokka: Zuko?

Zuko: And the water's nice too. It's really wet.

Sokka: Zuko?

Zuko: The stars are really shiny?

Aang: Guys...

Sokka: Zuko, I know what your doing. You can't keep dodging the question buddy, by pointing out other random shit.

Zuko: The clouds are really fluffy?

Aang: Guys? Guys...the line is it meant to do that?

Sokka: Look, you're not going to distract us.

Zuko: Fishing is such fun. It's not at all a waste of time or lame.

Sokka: I'll tell Katara you said that.

Aang: I think it's a fish. Should I just pull this string here? I don't want to hurt it. I'll just check and if it's stuck, I'll let it go.

Zuko: This net is really well made. It's an interesting design. It must have been made by a smart person.

Sokka: Thanks, I designed it myself. I noticed the other nets had a wide weave webbing which wasn't good for some of shallow water fish. They slip straight through. So I started looking at ways of refining the nets. This one is based off the...hey! I see what you did there!

Zuko: Oh, just eat me buddy. It's okay. I wont mind. I'll be a tasty snack.

Sokka: Look, we're not eating you! Will you just answer the question.

Zuko: Sorry, what was the question? I wasn't listening.

Sokka: Fine, I am going to eat you now.

Aang: Guys..guys. There's a fish here. What should I do?

Zuko: Really can't hear you buddy. You know I don't hear well out of this ear.

Sokka: Zuko! You are this close to getting eaten.

Zuko: Oh, now it's spread to my other ear. I think I've gone deaf?

Sokka: Zuko, seriously buddy!

Aang: GUYS! I think I just caught a fish!

Zuko/Sokka: Huh?

Aang: but seen as though there was no one else here and no one will ever know- and Zuko did put the line in the water and forget about it...I could just donate this fish to Zuko, as long as he promises to be nice to it. Then we can all swear that he caught it and then we have fulfilled this stupid tradition! We can go home! Sound fair?

Zuko/Sokka: Sounds fair.

Aang: Yay! Nobody has to get eaten!

Sokka: No, but Zuko still has to answer a question.

Zuko: This boat is made of really nice wood – and some one has done a great job carving it.

Sokka: Thanks, I carved it myself out of...Oi!