AN: This was easy and quick to write. Though, I was heading in the direction for one ending and then halfway through, I kept going, until I started to write a completely different ending. So I apologize if it's weird and rushed. I SUCK OKAY. Enjoy :D
I'll admit that I'm a pretty oblivious person; most things need to be spelled out right in front of me to understand what's going on. That's just how I roll. I mean, I can catch onto things quickly sometimes, though it usually depends on the kind of day I'm having. I did notice that Cry was not as talkative tonight, not even laughing as often as he usually would. But me being, well, me, I just shrugged it off, not thinking too much of it. Cry has a right to have an off day every now and then. I have my own too. Yet still, it was a bit strange.
In between a break on Bloody Trapland, Cry and had gone off to make himself some tea, and I waited patiently for him to return. I entertained myself by killing his character numerous times, jumping on top of him and feeling my lips curl into a smile as I add more blood to the walls in the game. It was pretty fucking fun.
I heard the sound of a door closing quietly in my headset, and then the sound of Cry sitting in what I assumed to be his computer chair. "Got your tea?" I asked, smiling into the cam.
He seemed to take a moment, before replying with a soft, "Yeah."
I instantly frowned, not liking the tone he said it in, or the way he voice shook that slightest bit. "Hey, what's up, man? You okay?"
He didn't say anything. And I was about to say something else before a heard his quiet voice. "Fuck."
I felt my body freeze. "Cry, hey, what's wrong, talk to me." I didn't know what else to do, what move to make, I mean, I couldn't even reach out a hand to comfort him. But there was a definite sob coming into my headset that I didn't want to hear again. "Cry?"
I heard him sniffling, and muttering a sincere apology to me.
For a second, my heart seemed to constrict when I heard him speak so brokenly. "Cry, don't apologize to me, dude. There's nothing to be sorry for," I told him, making sure to keep my eyes on the cam, "What happened?"
He let out a long sigh, his breath coming out shaky. "It's nothin', Pewds. Family issues are just getting to me." He said shortly. "I'd rather not talk about it."
I nodded to the cam, not even sure if he was watching me on his end or not. I had no idea what to say to make him feel better and I definitely didn't want to pry into his personal issues, if he wanted to keep them to himself, the least I could do is respect that. If he wanted to speak to me, he would. I know, Cry would.
I sat there, twiddling my fingers underneath my small desk, not knowing what to say or do.
"I'm sorry." He told me again.
I shook my head at the cam, giving him a small smile. "It's okay. You don't have to be sorry." With the current situation, I felt like I should be the one to say sorry. I felt so useless not being able to cheer him up.
After a minute, I heard him sigh again, the sound coming out steadier now. "Thanks, man." He said, voice low. "It's all just one big build up, y'know? It gets to my head and stresses me the fuck out."
I sat thoughtfully for a moment before speaking. "You want a hug?"
I heard Cry's voice raise a pitch in amusement. "What?"
"A hug." I told him, suddenly thinking that this was a stupid thing to suggest.
"Why?" I could hear in his voice that he was smiling.
I shrugged. "Well, I usually like some comfort when I'm feeling down, I thought it could make you feel better. Don't deny it, Cry, you want a hug just as much as I do." I said, grinning up to the cam.
Cry spoke again curiously, the smile still evident in his voice. "What, so you like, want me to hug the monitor while you hug the cam or something?" He let out the tiniest of chuckles.
"No," I laughed, "Just follow my lead."
"Ohkay." He chuckled. "I'm following."
I wrapped both my arms around my torso, my fingers barely touching the back of my own shirt. "You got it?" I asked, "If you're not doing it with me then I feel really fucking stupid."
Cry was laughing now. "Yeah, yeah, I got it."
"Okay, now on the count of three, close your eyes and squeeze really tightly. I'll tell you when to let go."
I squinted to the cam. "Cry, you better be fucking doing this with me!"
He started laughing again, "I am, I promise." Cry said, his laughter dying out before clearing his throat and putting on a serious voice. "I'm so fucking ready for this hug."
I smiled and shook my head. "You better fucking be. Alright, one, two and three."
I closed my eyes and made sure to squeeze my arms around my stomach as hard as I could, trying to imagine that It was Cry that I was comforting right at this moment. I could hear him laughing softly under his breath in my headset. And I tried to picture that his head was resting on my shoulder instead. His warm breath tickling the back of my shoulder. The very thought made my stomach flip.
"This is nice…" I heard him whisper, I pictured him saying it against my neck and my heart quickened it's pace just the slightest bit. I squeezed my arms around myself tighter.
"Hm, yeah." I murmured in response. "Now, if you can, move your hand to your lower back. That's me trying to touch your ass."
Cry's laughter exploded in my ear and I couldn't help but laugh with him. My eyes still closed and arms still wrapped firmly around me.
His laugh eventually died down and soon, he was humming a soft tune to himself. "Y'know, this is probably the longest hug I've had with a man."
I smiled to myself. "You should be grateful that it's with someone as sexy as me."
"I am so very lucky." Cry said, that smile in his voice.
I chuckled again and loosened my hold. "Alright, you can let go now." I opened my eyes and gave a grin to the cam, stretching my arms out.
"My arms feel sort of numb."
Picturing him with his arms wrapping so tightly around himself that his arms became numb made me feel… nice. Like I really did make him do it with me. We really did just give each other a hug, simultaneously. Kind of.
"I hugged you too tightly."
Cry chuckled again, "Pewds, thanks. I mean it, really. That just made my day a whole lot better."
"Anytime, man." I smiled, "Like really, anytime. We could hug again now if you want to?"
"And then we can spoon?" His voice eager.
My stomach flipped again without warning, and my smile grew wider. "As long as I'm the big spoon."
"What the fuck, man? Hell no. I'm the big spoon. You can be the little spoon." He argued.
"Dude, no." I shook my head. "I'm the big spoon."
"Pewds, have you not seen the fanart? I'm the seme, man. I get to be the big spoon."
I laughed. "Why are you looking through PewDieCry fanart for?"
Cry began to laugh too. "So that I know who's toppin and who's bottom. And as the fandom is telling me, you my friend, are going to be spooned. By me." his voice lowered to a deep husk.
And suddenly my heart began to race again. Though I tried to keep a straight face. "Can't we both be a big spoon then?" I suggested with a shrug, hoping that my face wasn't as red as it felt.
"How does that work? that's doesn-" He cut himself off, probably trying to picture it in his head. "That won't even work. Unless you mean, like, we face each other and cuddle frontwards."
I can't believe we're talking about this. We're fucking talking about cuddling each other in bed. "This is so gay."
"It keeps the fans happy right?"
Couldn't argue that. I nodded in agreement.
"Great, then let's be gay Pewds." I heard him take a sip of his drink. "After we finish this level."
I looked back at my screen when I saw his character continuing on-wards without me.
Cry was laughing again. "How many times did you kill me? You can't even see the walls anymore."
I grinned. "You had to take one for the team."
"My team is a fucking asshole."
"Don't worry about it, Cry."
He jumped on top of my character, killing me before saying. "I'm still the big spoon, Pewds."
I made a face at him to the cam, letting him know I wasn't happy with what he said. "No way, man. We're going frontwards."
"No no, how about we just take turns each night? One night I'll be the little spoon and the following night I'll take the lead and so on."
My brows pinched together in thought. Once again, we were having this openly gay conversation. Yet I still couldn't help but let the images flow through my mind. Cry curled up behind or in front of me, with my hands resting over his arms and waist. I had to stop thinking about Cry like this. It's confusing the shit out of me and kinda freaking me out a bit too. Was Cry doing the same thing? Did he care at all about this?
He's a hard person to read when you can't even see his face.
"Huh?" Oh, the spooning thing. "Yeah, sure, Cry." I smiled.
Cry didn't speak again for a long while, only the occasional swear word when he died too many times. I was starting to worry again.
It wasn't until the third level we cleared, that Cry spoke up again, but his tone was serious and deep.
"I'm serious, you know."
"About what?" I asked, almost cautiously.
Somewhere in the back of my mind. I knew what he was talking about. Yet, I continued playing, dying numerous times attempting to get through the spinning razor blades.
It was an easy section, but Cry's delayed response was the real reason behind my lack of attention.
I heard a steady breath in my headset before Cry's deep voice hit my ears. "If we do meet, I'd like to…" He left the sentence hanging, but I knew what he was referring to.
I swallowed the lump in my throat, my heart thudding so hard in my chest. "Me too." I answered almost in a whisper, and I surprised myself by how honest saying It out loud had felt. I really did want to meet Cry one day, and perhaps even… lay with him. Or in other words, start something. Something I don't think I ever thought I would want with another guy.
"Good." He cleared his throat, almost nervously.
My heart was still racing and I felt a little light headed.
"You're not just saying that are you?" Cry asked.
I shook my head at once. "No, I mean it. This is just… new to me. I didn't realize you…" I stared at my screen, concentrating on getting through those damn razor blades.
"Yeah, me neither. It's a recent discovery."
I nodded once and I finally got through the blades, Cry's character was still waiting for me at the other end of the screen. Having already finished the map. He walked ahead, and the game went to the loading screen until the next level appeared.
"What happens now?" I asked, taking a deep breath to ease my nerves.
"Well, we've acknowledged each others… feelings. But I think we should stay how we are, until one of us travels at least." He spoke cautiously as if he was unsure what he was saying would offend me.
I gave him a small smile to the cam. "I actually agree with that. If you're okay with it?"
He let out a relieved sigh, "Yeah that sounds good." He told me as I began turning off the game until it was only the Skype call on my monitor.
"Heading off to bed?" Cry asked.
"Yeah, man. I'm pretty tired." I stretched my arms up and yawned as I spoke.
I heard Cry chuckling again.
"What is it?"
"It's nothing. I just can't believe how the evening has turned out." He murmured, "In a good way. A really good way." He quickly added.
I could only nod in agreement, "It's almost a relief really. I feel better now that we both know."
"Hm, would you say it's inappropriate to call you sexy now and mean it?"
I started laughing, and I felt my face heating up. "No," I chuckled. "Not anymore."
"Hey Pewds, before you go to bed."
"Yeah?" Still smiling from his comment.
"I'm coming to Sweden."