I'm currently writing up the second series of letters. In the meanwhile, have this Gizoogle version of the first chapter. I might do this for every chapter, actually.

This was so fun to read over.


Dearest fans,

It has recently come ta mah attention dat a shitload of yo ass have come ta tha impression dat I hold homosapien thoughtz fo' a few of mah enemies n' mah fellow villain Gin. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. While I do ludd tha attention n' free tea I have been given all up in hustla mail (the humours picturez of felines n' cups up in email is a pleasant touch) I still must address ta these rumours.

I aint gotz any feelingz of lust towardz a shinigami/vizard/hollow/arrancar/human/fullbrang/condom/butterfly/troll of any sex. I be only up in ludd wit mah dirty ass n' tha dope pleasure dat is takin over tha ghetto. Right back up up in yo muthafuckin ass. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Kurosaki Ichigo is mah enemy n' I will never git naked wit his muthafuckin ass yo. Dude only existz fo' mah crazy ass ta troll his ass n' troll his ass I shall until tha straight-up end.

Momo existz fo' mah crazy ass ta stab her muthafuckin ass. I will stab Momo whenever I please, n' there is not a god damn thang Hitsugaya can do ta quit mah stabbings. NOTHING, muthafucka! MWAHAHAHAHA-

Ahem. Movin on.

Romizzle has become a petty muthafuckin thang up in life. Why is yo ass humans so obsessed wit romizzle when yo ass can gotz a rula like me?

On another note, since when was yo ass under tha impression dat yo ass was readin a letter, biatch? Who holla'd dat dis note was from Lord Sosuke Aizen?

Oh. It says mah name up in tha start. Never mind mah foolishnizz there. Or was I straight-up actin foolish, biatch? No one shall know mah real intentions.

Ludd tha pimped out Lord Aizen-sama.


Dearest fans,

Da Heart.

Ludd tha pimped out Lord Aizen-sama

P.S fo' realz. Art thou prejudiced brethrens?


Dear Hitsugaya,

I be stabbin Momo

You're stabbin Momo

Everyone is stabbin Momo

Momo is bein stabbed

Our thugged-out asses shall all stab Momo

Stabbin Momo is fun

I be bout ta battle yo ass from behind

Ludd tha pimped out Lord Aizen-sama


Dear Tite Kubo,

Seriously, biatch? Butterfly wings growin up of mah ass, biatch? A condom, biatch? As if I aint gotz enough problems wit tha homosapien rumours already.

Itz bout time I reveal mah secret, Kubo. Yo Ass was never drawin me… yo ass never once controlled mah actions. Yo Ass created mah crazy ass yo, but dat is yo' top billin crime. From now on… I shall be tha one up in control of tha series.

Ludd tha pimped out Lord Aizen-sama

P.S. Thanks fo' lettin mah crazy ass up of prison n' everythang.


Dear Juha Bacha,

I thought I was embarrassed by mah minions n' mah appearizzle, n' then I saw yo ass fo'sho. I must say, what tha fuck do it feel like ta be a Hitla reborn n' have Nazi minions?

Ludd tha pimped out Lord Aizen-sama

P.S. I apologise fo' Aizenz racist like comment fo' realz. Although, he do gotz a point fo' realz. Is all Quincies German, biatch? - Ichimaru Gin


Dear Juha Bacha,

I be deeply sorry. Yo Crazy-Ass evilnizz is nowhere near as wack as em Fullbrangers. Please forgive mah dirty ass.

Ludd tha pimped out Lord Aizen-sama


Dear Orihime,

INOUE-CHAN, muthafucka! INOUE-CHAN!

Can yo ass peep how tha fuck buggin dis is, pathetic titties, biatch? I didn't even spend dat much time wit yo ass n' I be not dat Kurosaki pimp but even I can tell dat yo ass is buggin as all git out.

Please stop.

Ludd tha pimped out Lord Aizen-sama


Dearest hustla hoes,

What on Heuco Mundo do yo ass mean 'embrace tha homo', biatch? Is dis meant ta be slang fo' some shit?

Ludd tha pimped out Lord Aizen-sama.


Hipsters,

Yo Crazy-Ass attemptz ta con mah crazy ass tha fuck into tha 'swag' side is a waste. I do not know what tha fuck dis 'Tumblr' dat yo ass drop a rhyme of is, n' I have no intention of findin out. Yo Ass shall all perish first n' give mah crazy ass mah Nutella back.

Ludd tha pimped out Lord Aizen-sama

P.S. #yolo, biatch? Biatches please.


Dear Obito Uchiha,

Yo Ass have no reasons behind yo' actions. Destroyin tha ghetto cuz yo' ho died, biatch? Seriously?

Why have our crazy-ass asses not kicked it wit before?

I have come wit tha offer of a alliizzle. Together our crazy-ass asses shall destroy tha ghetto n' no one shall know our true intentions.

Want ta hook up?

Ludd tha pimped out Lord Aizen-sama


Dear Quentin Beiber

No.

Just no.

Fuck you, tha pimped out Lord Aizen-sama


Dear pimped out Lord Aizen-sama,

I be thinkin yo ass is pretty sexy.

Ludd tha pimped out Lord Aizen-sama.


Dear Yamamoto,

Haha, yo ass gotz OWNED by a lil kid.

Ludd tha pimped out Lord Aizen-sama.


Dear Gin,

I must fuck yo ass fo' dis pathetic mortal internizzle drop a rhyme doggtionary. It is like amusing.

Ludd tha pimped out Lord Aizen-sama.


Dear Kurosaki Ichigo,

I wrote yo ass a song.

Yo Crazy-Ass name is Kurosaki Ichigo n' yo ass be a

Human

Until a ho named Rukia plunged her sword tha fuck into yo' body

And tha yo ass became a Humangami.

Yo Ass went on adventures wit playas

Then yo ass became a Hollmangami.

As if dat wasn't enough,

Yo Ass became a Vihollmangami

What tha actual Soul Society?

And then, ta fuck it all up,

Yo Ass became a Vihollmangamibranger.

And letz add a Quincy there too.

Is yo ass even a unique thug anymore and must yo ass insist on rippin other gangstasz species?

Ludd tha pimped out Lord Aizen-sama


Dear Momo,

-stabs-

Ludd tha Lord Aizen-sama


Dear Tite Kubo,

Do yo ass want any further proof dat I be takin over Bleach, biatch? Just peep yo' backgrounds. What backgrounds, yo ass ask?

Exactly. I have been erasin dis ghetto of yours from tha beginning.

Ludd tha pimped out Lord Aizen-sama.


Dear Cloud Piece,

This has gotten straight-up up of character. Delete dis n' yo' pathetic existence now, nahmeean?

Ludd tha pimped out Lord Aizen-sama


Dear Kuchiki Byakuya,

If our crazy-ass asses had a baby together he would be tha Biatch of Glitterin Butterflies.

Just saying.

Ludd tha pimped out Lord Aizen-sama


Dear Espada,

Da meetin dis Sundizzle has been cizzlelled cuz of tha weather. Our thugged-out asses shall deal our deal do destroy tha ghetto on Tuesdizzle instead. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Do not forget ta brang a present fo' Tosen, whoz ass is celebratin his 400th birthdizzle on tha Wednesdizzle yo. Dude wanna ta gotz a book ta read.

Fridizzle lunch is on dis week. Our thugged-out asses is goin ta McHollow's. Brin tha soulz of yo' enemies ta pay fo' dat shit.

Ludd tha pimped out Lord Aizen-sama


Dear Soul Society,

I need mah glasses back. I can't peep n' I be havin one of mah minions write dis out. Brin mah glasses back ta mah crazy ass n' may consider not bustin yo' dirtnaps as fucked up as I had planned.

Ludd tha pimped out Lord Aizen-sama


Dear reader,

I planned fo' yo ass ta read dis letter. I planned dis from tha straight-up beginning. In fact, I planned dis before yo ass was even born. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Yes… all of yo' actions ta date have all played up in tha palm of mah hand.

Ludd tha pimped out Lord Aizen-sama


Dear Lord Voldemort,

I may be a condom

I may be a butterfly wit wings growin up of mah ass

I may gotz a mullet

I may have messed up tha Pokemon evolution cycle

But at least I've gotz a nose.

Ludd tha pimped out Lord Aizen-sama.


Dear Yammy,

WHY THE FUCK DID I HIRE YOU YOU FUCKING ELEPHANT DUNG HEAD YOU GOT FUCKING OWNED BY 2 FUCKING INJURED CAPTAINS ARE YOU FUCKING WEAK OR SOMETHING AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN GET FIGHTING SCREENTIME WHAT THE FUCK HOW DID I EVER HIRE YOU.

Ludd tha pimped out Lord Aizen-sama

P.S. FUCK YOU YOU BIZZNITCH.


Dear Ukitake,

I be thinkin yo ass need a Doctor.

Dooweeeooo oooo ooo oooo

Ludd tha pimped out Lord Aizen-sama


Dear Grimmjow,

Just cuz you've gotz yo' arm back do not mean yo ass is useful again.

Now git back up in tha kitchen n' make mah crazy ass a sandwich.

Ludd tha pimped out Lord Aizen-sama


Dearest Reader,

Yo ass is now under mah command. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Yo Crazy-Ass foolishnizz has covered yo' senses n' yo ass have not realised dat dis has all been mah plan.

-stab from behind-

Dopebye, loyal reader. Yo Ass was useful…

...For a reader.

Ludd tha pimped out Lord Aizen-sama


Can I marry myself?

Also, who here likes Avatar the Last Airbender? I'M IN AN AVATARD PHASE. I need ta write a Avatar tha Last Airbender story. Like, now, nahmeean?

I be muthafuckin right behind yo ass n' I be not afraid ta stab yo ass if yo ass do not review. Nah, just kidding. Unless yo' name is Momo. Then I be bout ta stab you.