If you scroll down my tumblr, you may or may not notice a post from Dear John (it's a movie, an adaption of a novel with the same name) that says; "One day, I'll marry you" and it strikes me, like real hard, with these enormous sense of feels that I could not contain. It's a mixture of sad...? Kind of like, a heartbreak. So yeah, this is my take on that one line to be written into a complete one-shot. It is Blellie (technically) but, Blake is Ryder (And NO, in my head Ryder is NOT DYSLEXIC). And Nellie, no change in name except her surnames.
young love murder and she's the savior
He remembers Marley.
He remembers why he (kinda) falls in love with her. He refuse to say he has fallen in love with her, because that would point out that his momma is correct ("You fall in love too easily, honey- just admit it") and there's a part of him that hates knowing he's wrong... yet again. But there's also the pain, and hurt and heartbreaks that follows a person if one falls in love and faces rejection- it destroys people, inside and out, physically and mentally- and he has had enough of that witnessing it all when he's growing up.
He'd never faces a heartbreak like his momma though- not that it will involves blood and razors and tears and helpless cries during the nights- but he always has this feeling that he will, and he will do more damage than momma have ever done. It scares him to his core knowing he would end up like that, probably worse- but that's the harsh reality, and his momma's pretty scars remain on her arms for him to count, to be remind of.
And he remembers Marley.
He also remembers the feeling that she might be the one to destroy him.
(the fate works like a funny thing- because it reminds him of how dad destroyed momma)
He remembers Nellie.
He remembers the summer heat and his Granddad's old house and the smell of cigars when he meets her. She's nothing fancy- nothing to offer besides her smile and her friendship, and feeling like utterly shit, he accepts it with a cold, stone-like heart (although he never says that her laughter manages to soften his heart, bits by bits). He remembers by the moment summer starts, the last bell rings at McKinley High, his heart has been crumpled, stomped, broke and shattered when he sees the sight of Marley&Jake (he always knew he's going to lose somehow- he doesn't know why he even bother to fight).
He remembers the wrenching feeling in his stomach is because he has fallen in love, but he scolds himself (helplessly) that he doesn't, he can't and he won't.
(why fall in love with someone who won't love you back)
He remembers stepping onto his Granddad's place, hating anything that falls onto his eyesight. The furniture, old and dusty, comes out more ugly and disgusting than usual and the condition of the house, although it is swept and just a little less smell of something's dead, engross him more than it should. And the fact he has a bitter Granddad doesn't help him either- but he remembers.
He remembers looking at Nellie, and not hating her.
Nellie cooks dinner for Granddad and sometimes come to visit, or so Granddad proclaims she does.
He doesn't say anything- he doesn't want to give the impression that he might be interested in Nellie whatsoever, because he doesn't. But his Granddad turns out to be correct, it's just that instead of 'sometimes', Nellie makes a rapid visits; sometimes during mornings, over lunches and just before sunset, 'cause he would practically feels the wind rushing as she rides the bicycle over to the old house- and it's enthralling, almost like a new fresh breath of air when she comes (especially in her a white sundress and that smile).
Granddad nudges her once, "You got a little girl crushes on my useless grandson, eh Nellie? That's why you're always here all the time!" that has her blush crimson red and stutters out- but seeing the teasing, wrinkly smile on Granddad's old face, she just ends up bursting into laughter. Granddad laughs alongside with her too, until he starts to cough very badly, his body hunches over forward and he has his eyes close shut- and Nellie patting him on the back, reaching a glass of water and handing it to the old man.
He watches, standing by the side if she needs anything else.
She asks if Granddad's alright, but the old man tries to keep a straight face, waving his hand and scoffing as if nothing happens. That's when he caught Nellie's eyes, knowing he isn't the reason she's making a rapid visit; it's his Granddad.
He decides that even though he doesn't necessarily hate Nellie (like he should have), he doesn't like her either.
(it's not that he doesn't, he can't- but he's too confused to tell the difference)
He blames it on her name- Nellie Ross which are very similar to Rose. Marley Rose. The simple name of her has hurt him to his stomach, how can he like somebody that causes him such pain? It's not his fault her surname just happen to come close to Marley's surnames (it's not her fault either, but he doesn't care). His Granddad rolls the morning newspaper and smacks him across the head (like it's anything new) one day when the old man overhears him muttering those names, yelling, "Boy, you're no dyslexic and as far as what your momma had been tellin' me, you're no dumb either- so don't go twist your tongue and change other people's name simply 'cause ya' like it! Ross and Rose are not the same, ya' get me?"
And yeah, he realizes that nearly six hours later when he hears about how Nellie was suspended from school because she was caught in a fist fight outside the school compound, breaking a sixteen-years-old guy's nose; they're definitely not the same.
She comes again, in another set of her white sundress and her bangs pull back by a red-colored cloth. She's in a rush that day, he remembers- and his chest slightly pains at the thought of her leaving so early, but he shakes his head and pull himself out of reality. If she wishes to go, go she will. But his Granddad pushes him and forces him to follow Nellie- and he's about to protest when the old man slams the door shut in front of his face.
Unlike him, she responds with her laughter, gesturing her head to follow her- and follow her, he does. He asks where they are going, and she tells him she's visiting someone's special. He has something curling up in his stomach when she says that, but says nothing in respond, curiosity getting the best of him. They're walking at the park when she stops and gazes her eyes everywhere, as if searching for a missing friend. And then, unexpectedly, a shrieks of giggles blasts into the air, follows by Nellie stumbling and ends up falling on the ground.
On top of her is a little girl, no more than five years old, giggling as she meets her gaze. That day, he meets Nellie's three-years-old niece, Julie. Afterward, she explains that when her brother was a junior in high school, he got a girl pregnant- but the girl was terrified, so terrified she even threaten to abort the baby, but with her brother's pleas, she didn't. She had the baby, but didn't want it. Seeing as her brother knew he couldn't raise the baby alone, let alone still in high school, he gave the baby up for adoption.
Julie's birth mother got out of town as quick as she could, and her brother ends up as an alcoholic for a two years straight- until their Uncle Carl took him under his care, far away in Ireland. But before he left, he told Nellie to take care of his baby girl- she was fifteen then, and very rebellious, so it also took her a few harsh months to sober up and realized that her ego can go to hell, if she wants to be an aunt for her niece.
And this is where she ends up as, she says brightly, looking back up at him and he realizes her white dress illuminates under the sunset's orange stares- and it brings a small smile on his lips as he licks the ice-cream.
"So, what's your story?" she asks, short and simple, and curious. "You know, before you come here. Something must've happened, right?"
He doesn't exactly remember how it happens, he just talks.
He tells about Marley, he tells about Jake, he tells about Kitty, he tells about Finn, he tells about the musical Grease, he tells about New Directions, and he tells about the last day of school. He tells, and tells, and tells, and realizes the sunset-orange sky is now covers in stars- and he stops, and thinks that it's a beautiful sight. She touches his hand soeversoftly, he almost misses it. "Are you alright?" she asks him, her eyes stains with something he hates of seeing; pity.
But to that point, he doesn't really care that much.
He shakes his head slowly, his eyelids dropping while he mutters out in a muffled hush, "I don't wanna talk about it."
"It's okay," she says back soothingly, just as soothing as when her momma told him it's okay, there's nothing to worry about when she's on the floor, puddled up in her blood from her arms. He eventually drops his head onto Nellie's shoulder (like how he wishes he could drop everything else just like that) and she holds him up, tensing at the sudden action at first before he feels her body relaxes within seconds, sighing, "It's okay."
(but really, is it ever going to be okay)
He doesn't see her the next morning, and he finds himself fidgety all so suddenly- he's not supposed to feel this way, he orders himself again and again.
Granddad watches, narrowing his wrinkly eyes towards his one grandson and scoffs smugly, a smirk coming up to his lips. He sees this and sharply asks if there's a reason why he's smiling like that. He tries not to folds up any emotions when Granddad only chortles, chocking up his black coffee with those knowing eyes watching his every move, amused. "Ya' searchin' for somethin', boy? Or someone, maybe? Could it be Nellie?"
He left Granddad alone when the old man begins laughing aloud, mocking him.
He doesn't like Nellie, he convinces himself. (he kinda doesn't like anybody after marley, really)
He doesn't hope for anything.
He doesn't hope for anything when he's outstretching his legs on Granddad's porch and has his eyes wide open for any sign of sundresses or twinkling, dazzling, odd earrings (it's the only accessory she'd wear, of course he notices), he doesn't hope to feel the change in the air whenever her bicycle rings as she comes closer, and he certainly doesn't hope for her voice to be calling his name. He doesn't hope for anything (because when there's hope, there's expectation and when there's expectations- there's bound to have disappointments. and god knows how much he doesn't need that, right now)
Three days now, she hasn't come to Granddad's yet.
No, he doesn't hope.
So he can't explain the jolts of excitement when he does finally spot her sundress amongst the bushes and jungles Granddad lives in (it's multicolor, her dress- but she still looks pretty) and hearing her bicycle rings when she rides closer and the way her voice floats into mid air, yelling out his name against her tongue.
He can't explain- but he doesn't want to when she comes toward him, and they fall into each other's embrace.
She says there's a festival that night, and he watches how she emits conversation brightly with Granddad as the old man opens up story of when he used to come over to that festival with Nana- and they laugh merrily, patching up memories like old friends while he watches, almost feeling like he's fading into the background.
Until Granddad perks up, "Oi boy. Why don't cha' take Nellie here to the festivals? They'll have dancing and beers and musics. Somethin' you young kids might enjoy, right 'eh?"
He doesn't let her respond when he shrugs, "Sure."
He meets Maxfield, Nellie's ex-boyfriend, at the festivals and gets hit by a dose of reality that keeps bleeping on him in his mind, saying Nellie is still a high-schoolers, much like him. He doesn't tell her that in his mind, she looks way older- no, not older. Wiser. Her pale skin turns into a ghostly white colors that it might spooks him if he doesn't get rid of the childish fear of the boogieman. Maxfield glares dagger at both of them and shakes hand with him 'cause he knows it'll intimidate Nellie.
She's brave, looking at her ex with eyes that holds no fear and her chin held high.
That's the first time he ever officially touches her. His finger catches hers and knows her brave mask is just a façade she puts on because her skin is ice cold. It takes only a simple second for him to slide his hand further into hers, tugging it to ensure her that he's besides her, and she kinda leans in slightly against him, a way she responds in silent. Maxfield's nose crunches in jealousy, noticing their intertwining hands and seems to spit as he excuse himself.
When Maxfield walks away, her breath hits his shoulder immediately and she drops her forehead against it- just like how he had dropped his head on hers the other day- but their inkling fingers remain.
The fireworks lite up the sky and they stand behind, away from the crowd who's cheering for the show.
And under the same fireworks, he leans down and capture her lips with his
He kisses because he likes the sight of her under the fireworks.
She doesn't mind standing behind, which is okay by him because he isn't really fond of fireworks that much. While she watches the fireworks making a 'boom' up at the sky, he observes her face- every little changes in her expression; the small gasps and 'awhs' of admiration, and he feels something eating him up inside. A nasty voice that sounds awfully like an internal momma telling him he's jealous, of fireworks. But he ignores it (like most of the times)
He tugs their joining hands, immediately catching her attention and just like how fast she spins her head towards him- that's how fast he bends down and kisses her.
She tastes sweet, and he isn't surprised by that fact at all. She grasps his jaw before giving in into the kiss and returns it, at that point her hands sneakily moves to his neck- he tries to shut it down, but his stomach is making these swirly things and it bothers him to no end (and it's all because of her)
They break apart and that swirly thing in his stomach lessen, but doesn't stop. Their foreheads press against each other. He keeps her steady, both hands on her hips as they both take their breaths. "What was that?" she whispers against the fireworks sounds, against people who's cheering for it- and he hears it.
"I don't know." He tells her truthfully, grabbing her closer.
"Well," she sounds annoyed. "What are you waiting for? Kiss me again, you idiot."
He smiles, and obeys.
(he finds out that swirly thing in his stomach might be butterflies)
They spend their times like he never thought a couple would- by morning, she comes and makes breakfast for Granddad and him. By afternoon, they'd spend around each other and he's curious how he could feel so content when he's around her, but he never gets an answer. By evening, she's gone but by dinner, she comes again, and he'll be watching her dance around the kitchen, making the two men (if he could even consider as a man yet) dinner.
Granddad seems to be more cheerful than ever, teasing him to no ends- not that it minds him... that much. But he doesn't, not when Nellie is so good at handling Granddad- which is silently a sad view to witness because he should be good with his own Granddad, they're blood related for God's sakes (but it doesn't matter now, does it) and for the first time in what it feels like forever, he could laugh again with his Granddad.
It's cold that night and he gives her his hoodie, to which she takes even though she hesitates at first. She's leaning against him and they're kinda rocking each other from back and forth under the starry night while she tells him it has been a good day, spending it with him and Granddad. He agrees and hums against her hair, kissing it in the process. She closes her eyes and lets out a relief sigh, snuggling closer (that butterfly thingy comes back in his stomach and he smiles slightly)
"The stars are beautiful, isn't it?"
She looks up at that, nodding her head in agreement. "It always are."
She gazes back at him and tip toes to leave a lingering, deep kiss on his jaw, "Just remember," she says after she does so, "No matter how far we are from each other, we are under the same stars."
He looks back up at the sky, hugging her tighter. "I'll remember," he murmurs.
And he does.
He gets a text at 1:28 a.m in the morning.
He suspects it would be Nellie, 'cause sometimes when one of them can't sleep- they'll text each other. He's insomniac, so sometimes when she couldn't sleep, he could phone her and talk, and talk, and hears as she slumbers up into sleep. He whispers his goodnight with a soft smile on his lips and press the red button, breaking their call. But this time, it's different. It's so different, it shakes him into a complete fear that he'd go straight up to Granddad's old vehicle and drives it to Nellie's.
Can you come over? -Marley
But what he sees terrifies him even more. Just as he corners up to Nellie's street, he sees Nellie's walking out of her house- no, she's stomping her way out. And then, he sees Maxfield trailing behind, his hands flailing, almost in anger. The ex grabs Nellie's arm, spins her and - a rush of the last day of school's memory flashes in his mind - they kiss.
His hand accidentally falls on the honk and alerts the couple and Nellie's head snaps first, straight at him. His eyes glistens with fear, which soon she mirrors within seconds. But his... his has tears now. He puts the old vehicle in speed, passing through the neighborhood and the night as fast as lightning could be. His phone vibrates rapidly now, but his anger takes full control of him- so he pulls over the car, takes the phone and shut it.
He presses his head against the steering wheel, the tears rushing down his now-red face.
(maybe it's his legacy, to love the wrong people. but, he doesn't even realize he loves nellie)
Maxfield stands at Granddad's front's porch when he pulls over, and he's so tired and worn out, he couldn't believe this dude is still testing his temper. He gets out of the car, slamming the door hard to indicate his anger and the blond guy approaches. He's trying to say something, but he isn't having any of it. Maxfield keeps coming closer and before he knows it, the blonde dude's on the ground, covering his bruised cheek, and him- he's holding a fist by his side.
"I guess I deserves that—"
"You make me sick," he spurts out, rubbing his knuckles.
"Dude, dude, just listen to me—" Maxfield tries again.
"Stay there." He demands, walking away.
"But dude!" Maxfield's up on this moment, "It's you grandfather!"
When he walks through the emergency rooms, the first thing his eyes catch is his hoodie- and that only, has pains him more than anything- with her, wearing it. He steps closer nonetheless, muttering 'Granddad' under his breath like a chant, a chant to keep going. Nellie sits on the hospital's floor with her eyes red, dry (almost like him) and her shoulders shake with each sobs. She whirls her head around, as if his footsteps could be detect within ten feet away from her and she sniffles, her nose turning red by the sight of him. It turns out after she saw him, she went straight to Granddad but found the old man on the floor, in front of his door (probably trying to reach to him because he ran out of his pill)- and when she couldn't get a hold of him, she asked Maxfield to wait on him.
That sniffles make her lips tremble- and he does too, but he's better at keeping it together- and she lets out a chocking sound and suddenly, like some kind of twisted magician's show, it turns into a full mode sob. "Your— He's— I just— Eric," she says Granddad's name brokenly, throughout her sobs, and he knows he probably shouldn't this (but then again, he probably shouldn't do a lot of things) and knees down besides her.
His hand reaches out to her shakily, like he's afraid (and he is, he really is) but she doesn't seem hesitate when she just seems like she's falling down onto him- and they fit (however sick that may be) like a missing puzzle piece.
Despite the pain (among other things), he feels just like he always feel when he's around her; content.
It's eight hours later and her head's laying softly on his shoulders and both of them have been crying, but he's started to think those cries are just a waste of times because no matter how hard they've cried- Granddad doesn't come out of that room all healthy and mean and rude and grumbling something about the 'generations nowadays'.
Their chests move evenly and their hands are on each other like a seal that no one can break and they're holding onto one another because that's the only thing they really know to do when being thrown of this situation. He doesn't care the fact there's a war inside of him, between pain and butterflies as he watches their fingers intertwine together like it's made for one another. Her voice is hoarse when she says it, like a sad beautiful melody, "It's you. It's always been you."
He doesn't say anything about how he could feel his heart breaks, just a little bit more.
He pulls out his phone and shows her the message he received, and he knows, just by the glance of it, that she gets it- she gets how terrified he was. She rubs the telephone screen with her thumb, and he could practically feels the ways she's burning holes onto the message, particularly at one part; Marley. He swallows before saying, "It's Ross, not Rose."
She tilts her head up, "huh?"
"I know that now. It's always been Ross." His voice is above whispers, fighting against the rushing medics and doctors to be heard. "It's always been you."
The doctor comes out then before she could respond, and floods them with enormous sense of relief when she tells him that Granddad makes it through, and will be able to see both of them as soon as they put him into his ward.
But he guesses he's always a little bit more in love with Marley more than he loves Nellie (no matter how sad that is as it comes to rest on his mind)
He can't help actually seeing her in his mind, even when he's with Nellie- and the worst part, and it makes him feel like the most horrible man on earth, is that Nellie knows it- but she doesn't seem like she minds. Maybe she does, he never really knows. But she always ask questions and somehow manages to ease his mind and maybe underneath the words she whispers in his ears are just saying; it's okay for you to love Marley and maybe that's why he kind of in loves with Nellie too.
"One day, I'll marry you," he promises underneath the big oak tree, shielding from the sun, during their last day- as his arms are around her.
Nellie makes this chortles sound that appears like she's mocking him (and he stays silent about the fact her hands trembles when he says that) because she knows that's not going to come true, but it sounds good on her ears, so she nods. "One day, I'll marry you too."
But he still loves Marley.
(he doesn't tell anyone how he loathes himself for that)
Summer's gone just like that and he doesn't breathe a word.
He doesn't tell a soul about Nellie, or their adventures, or the fireworks, or the butterflies, or the heartbreaks or the promise he made to marry her (he's always kinda been like a gentleman around promises; always keeping it- he's just afraid he won't this time), but there's a photo of them together in his bedroom, one where someone took at the festivals, and the other one tucks away safely in his locker- but that photo only has her in it, in a white sundress and a smile like he remembers it to be. (he also keeps a drawing of stars by her in his wallet, just because)
He doesn't show it to anyone, but always find himself staring at it when he pulls his science book out of his locker. Marley comes one day, standing next to his locker with her soft eyes and kind smiles- and there's a churning inside of his stomach that tells him one thing; Ross is not Rose.
He remembers returning for a short vacation and finding that she moves away.
She leaves a letter, that makes him smile- but also makes him feel like he's thousand years old; don't be afraid to forget me.
He wants to tell her he doesn't, because he probably never will.
He remembers seeing her years later, in a black dress, at Granddad's funeral.
He remembers the heat, the crowds mourning over Granddad and most certainly he remembers how his eyes kinda just finds her. He doesn't talk to her until everything finishes. When he comes, he notices she's not alone. Besides her is a brown-eyed young girl, almost as pale as she is but with flowing dark shade of brown hair. She introduces the young girl as Julie and he takes a moment to compose himself. She tells the tale of what happened to Julie's parents, the one who adopted her, died in a car crash when she's five years old- and how in their will, they put her name as the guardian, and she's been taking care of Julie's ever since.
She asks what has happen to him in return, and he only smiles as a respond.
He doesn't say about the many adventures of him and many girls, the way he kisses each one of them and doesn't feel the same butterflies like he always does in his stomach when he's kissing her (there are a little few who would come close, but it's never enough). He stays quiet about the nights when he appreciates the stars and thinks of her. He doesn't go on and on about how he longs to feel content- doesn't tell about how he can't forget.
A lot has happened- but one thing always remain the same, and he admits it, clean, short and simple, like a greeting-
"It's always been you."
And she smiles- there's a tear (of joy) in her eyes whether she likes it or not- and she blushes crimson red, like she did, years ago. She nods her head, catching his hand in hers this time and lets out, "Yeah. It's always been you, too."
"Good," he says, almost laughing.
"Good," she beams.
He remembers Granddad and the way he rolled his newspaper before smacking it across his head. He yelped, whirling around almost hisses when he had to remind himself that the old man is currently sick. "Listen up, boy!" His raspy voice (from all those cigars) glared up at him, "I'm gonna be dead soon and leave this earth I've been living for almost 85 years of my life. Now, I watch too many young, reckless, moronic men screws up- and for the life of me, I'm not about to watch my own stupid moronic grandson screw up either- regardless I'm alive or dead!"
He stayed in silent, knowing Granddad wasn't finished. "Boy, Nellie is good for ya'. When you meet her again, do something. Don't be a dumbass you are and sits there like a man without a brain! She's a keeper, that one. Makes your life worth livin', I'm tellin' ya'."
For once, he lets the smacking-in-the-head passed, because he agreed with Granddad.
(and also because of that, he has the courage to walk up and talk to her that day)
He tells Nellie that before Granddad died, he managed to tell the old man he loves him, even it takes a while for him to realize that.
He also tells her that he realizes he learns to love Granddad because of her.
(the fate works like a funny thing- because if it wasn't for granddad, he won't be able to learn on how to love nellie.)
I need to stop writing like these like I'm good at it, ugh. I thought I was going to end it up tragically with both have separate lives, but have a change of heart and decides to give just a little bit of Blellie good endings. This story is also meant to focus on the Granddad, and yeah, I see how that fails. Anyway, hope you enjoyed it- and leave a review, if you have time!