Return the Slab

Just a little story I came up with, after watching the episode on TV-Man, that King Ramses freaks me out! Is it his swervy movements? Or Is it his voice? Anyway, it's all from Courage's POV and I've added some humour here and there. I've tried to get as close to the dialouge of the actual episode as possible. Hope you enjoy, and please review!

PS: If you're afraid of Ramses, you're not the only one! :/

It was a misty night in the middle of Nowhere. I was sitting at home, under the radiator, all nice and warm snuggly! Despite the fact that the farmer, Eustace was throwing old boots at me, and laughing maniacly.

"Ha! Ha! Stupid Dog!" he laughed, with an evil grin.

I glared at him. Why did he always have to be mean to me and make my dog's life a misery.

"Eustace," sighed Muriel, my mistress, exasperatedly, "would you leave Courage alone, and let him sleep in peace, please?"

Thank goodness, SOMEONE is sticking up for me! Muriel took me in as a pup, and Eustace has always been againest it. Even threatened to drown me! If you want to know why I'm afraid of freezing cold water, you can just ask him!

"Hmph! He's just a stupid dog!" sulked Eustace going back to reading his newspaper.

Muriel clacked away at her knitting needles knitting-well-something.

Suddenly, one of my ears pricked up as I heard a strange noise from outside. It sounded like-buzzing. That was the best possible way to describe it. I quickly rushed to the window and peered out, (don't ask me why I can stand on my own two feet, because honestly, I don't know.) The buzzing had stopped, and I was sure I had heard a car alarm sound off and the whir of a helicopter. I must have been going insane.

"What is going on out there?" I asked myself quietly, (don't ask me how I can talk, because I can't explain that either.)

The next morning, I decided to go outside to bask in the sun-and then that's when I came across it.

A pile of dirt beside the water pump that was raised slightly, something I'm sure hadn't been there before. Something had obviously been buried underneath the earth. So since I'm a dog, and I'm good at digging things up, I decided to retrieve whatever was down deep in the dirt.

Using my trusty doggy paws, I shovelled up all the dirt, revealing a small hole, and at the bottom was-a hunk of rock?!

I held it up, and saw it had strange patterns on it. One was of a man dressed all in gauze, then there was three more down the side of what appeared to be waves, a record player and the a weird-looking bug. Not knowing what any of this meant, I decided to take it to Muriel.

I carried it in my mouth to the door, which was opened by my kind mistress.

"My my, Courage," she said, "what have you got there?" I took it inside to let her see, holding it in my paws this time, (seriously, am I a mutant?!)

"Eustace! Look what Courage has found!"

Eustace dropped his newspaper, angry that we had disturbed him.

"What do you suppose it could be?" Muriel asked.

Eustace peered at the crumbling piece of rock. "Well, judging by the strange markings, and the obvious age of the relic, I'd say that this thing must be-" suddenly he grabbed it from me, and chucked it out the window. "Garbage!" he finished.

"Eustace!" gasped Muriel, "how could you!"

"It's garbage!" insisted Eustace, "from the garbage king, for the garbage dynasty! And that's that! Stupid, dog. Always bringin' garbage into the house!"

I tried not to look upset, nor hurt at his comment. He turned on the television, and the presenter's voice greeted us all from the News.

"But our top story tonight, million doller slab stolen from the tomb of King Ramses..."

At this, Eustace made a dash for the window and grabbed the "slab," to bring it inside.

"I'm riiiiiicchhh!" he chanted, dancing round and round, I'm rich, I'm rich!" Typical! Now he wanted it! He started going through a list of what we could buy with the money. "Do you know what this means?!" he asked us excitedly, "New lawnchairs!" Me and Muriel didn't join in the fun.

"But it's stolen, Eustace," she said, "we ought to give it back."

Eustace growled at this, but still phoned up someone anyway.

I looked down at the slab in my hands-and discovered the man in gauze had disappeared. Oh no, I thought. I had heard of this "Ramses," fellow. Legend had it his tomb was cursed, most disturbed when his ancient slab was removed. I rushed up to Eustace and Muriel, and tried to act out about the "mummy," disappearing, and that I was scared, and wanted to give the slab back.

"Stupid dog!" muttered Eustace under his breath.

"Yes? Hello, Nowhere News? I'd like to put an ad in the paper..."

In no less than an hour later, we heard a knock on the door.

It was an old proffesser, with red hair and a moustach, wearing an explorer's hat. He said he was from the institut of archaelogical discoveries, and would like to help with the stolen slab.

"I've come to retrieve the slab!" he announced proudly.

"See, Eustace," whispered Muriel, "I told you it was stolen."

"What's your offer?!" Eustace asked rudely.

"You'll also get this lovely bag!" the proffesser replied helpfully, only to have the door slammed in his face.

"Eustace-" Muriel began. I tried to tell them that something bad was about to happen, but Eustace just laughed and Muriellooked confused. Why does no one ever listen to the dog? When he says that Little Timmy is trapped down the well, he means it! Now I was really starting to lose it. The man in gauze was gone from the slab, and I was sure that meant trouble.

Later that night, I had tried a few more failed attempts, along with Muriel to try and plead Eustace to give the slab back. But, my selfish master wasn't going to listen to us. He sat there, cradleing the thing to his chest, excitedly reciting all the items we would have once we had all the money, the slab would bring us.

"... Bugzappers...New razor blades...a new bulb for the attic..."

I sat on Muriel's lap on the rickety old rocking-chair shivering. My master was ecstatic and intent on keeping the rock all for himself-not that a dog would be able to do much with a lot of money.

All of a sudden, there was gust of wind, or something, coming from outside, that rattled every bolt on the front door.

I was freaking out, I felt like I was going to be sick with terror. "Oooooohhh!" I squealed, jumping out of Muriel's arms. Eustace got up, still carrying the slab under his arm. I didn't know what to do, I wanted to run and hide that's what I wanted to do. He was opening the door now, so I jumped in front of the window. Eustace stood at the door with his hands on his hips, looking out for-

-and that's when I saw something that made my heart almost stop.

Remember how I said that the man in gauze had disappeared from the slab? Well, now he was back, reanimated or back from the dead, whatever you want to call it, that was it.

He was standing a good distance away from the house, no more than a ghostly figure in the cloudy mist, wrapped in gauze, with twisty red hair and drooping, yellow eyelids. It's body was as thin as paper and when he spoke it was just about enough to send shivers all the way down my spine.

"Return the Slaaaabb."

Eustace taken aback by this, jumped in surprise at the ghost's sudden appearence and long, echoic voice.


"Return the Slaaaaabbb. Or sssuufer my cuuuuuurse."

To my surprise, I was sitting there, pratically wetting myself, yet Eustace didn't seem to care.

"What's yer offer?!" he demanded.

The ghost gave up, and said almost sadly, "thiis niiight. You will be visited by threee plaaauges, eeeaach woorrst than the laaaast. Return the Slaaaabb."

I didn't much like the sound of that. Three plauges? What did that mean? That's when I got it. The slab had been raided by King Ramses tomb, so his ghost had appeared outside our peaceful little house. That meant, he was going to show no mercy, until his slab was back where it once was. Eustace however didn't get this clear message.

"Ha! Nice try, Proffesser!" he said, sarcastically, slamming the door.

He turned to me and Muriel. "Who does he think he's kiddin'? I can see the zipper on that cheap dime-store costume!"

That's when I saw the waves carving disappear on the rock.

I squealed in panic, and then I felt the drop of cold water on my black button nose. It seemed to be raining inside the house. But that was impossible-wasn't it?

"Courage, did you leave the tap running?" Muriel asked worriedly.

I was just about to open my mouth to tell her that wasn't the case, when a sudden gush of water came out of Nowhere-litterally! We live in a deserted Kansas area, there was no lake for miles around here, and in the Summer months it hardly ever rained, yet here was the spouting water dripping down the wood of the house, soaking the wallpaper through. There was even water coming out from more unusual places, such as picture frames, the old moose head above the fireplace and even, (don't ask me why,) the old grandfather clock!

We started screaming as ice cold water rose high to our ankles, quickly coming up to our waists. We scrambled up the staircase, trying to get to higher ground, with a typical Eustace protecting the slab, holding it high above his head like an umbrella.

When we eventually reached the attic, the house had become a massive swimming pool. A collosal level of water had filled the room, so we had to swim to the ceiling to take a breath. Eustace, stubborn as he is however was down at the bottom, wearing a scuba mask, and hugging the slab to his chest.

I saw Muriel's long black boot kick the computer off the desk-top. I wondered if I should type in an answer and ask him for advice. But he was hardly gonna work with all that water clogging up his system. And anyway, what was I meant to type in? "How to stop long deceased Egyptian pharohs attacking your house with plauges and what to do when a slab is removed from an Ancient, cursed tomb?" I don't think computer would come in use there, just the same words appearing on the screen.

"Return the Slab."

Even now, those words chilled me. Muriel was gasping for air, and shouting for me to help her. So I took a deep breath, and held it, plunging into the water, past my idiot-of-a- master, and downstairs into the water-logged living-room. Then, all of a sudden, I came across what appeared to be a plug in the floor. That's convienent! I thought and pulled it out. The water drained away immedietly. Thank goodness it had stopped, (did I mention I was afraid of freezing cold water?)

I heard the low, whine from outside, the irritated voice of King Ramses pouting at us from the mist.

"Ohh, come oon!"

He soon went back to yelling what I'm sure was his little catchphrase over and over again. Eustace, Muriel and me then returned to the attic, rinsing out our drenched clothing. And then it happened. King Ramses bellowed up at us, "Return the Slab!" Eustace in turn, "What's yer offer?!" and then King Ramses threw his hands up in the air. Almost immedietly, the record player carving disappeared from the rock.

All was silent. And then, the most annoying song, I've ever heard came screeching from out of Nowhere, (again, you get my reference.) We all collapsed to the ground covering our ears. I've heard some pretty rotten matierial, but this was just the worst.

"The man in gauze, the man in gauze, Kiiing Raaaaaammseeess!" shouted the invisible record player over and over again.

"Courage! Make it stop!" moaned Muriel. Quickly, yet at the same time, rather reluctantly, I headed outside, (well, I didn't want to be out there in that creepymist with that thing, did I?!) In order to find the song, I first had to locate it's source. I messed up all the hay in the shed-barn, knowing I'd get a clap round the ear from Eustace in the morning, but what did I care now, I didn't have any ear-plugs, checking everywhere for it. I lifted up the water pump, I lifted up the farmer's truck, somehow, being strong enough to.

Finally, I rushed past a rock, but quickly headed back when I found the record player behind it, screeching along to that awful song. Pulling out a baseball bat, I whacked the thing with all my might, until the terrible racket was no more. Then I headed back inside, after all, I didn't want to meet King Ramses in person!

King Ramses himself was starting to get visibly angry now, I could see his yellow eyelids narrowed slightly and he swung an arm across himself in fury. From the top attic window, I could hear Muriel, getting angry herself now, at Eustace, (tee hee!)

"EUSTACE! What are you waiting for? Till we're six-feet under?" Eustace still belived, even after all that had happened, that it was the proffesser from the Institute in disguise.

"Oh, okay. But a million's as low as I go!" he yelled at the ghost from the open window.

I saw Ramses raised his hands above his skull one last time, as I tiptoed my way back to the house, carring the now broken bat. That's when I heard it again. The buzzing sound. When I turned round, I was horrified to see a cloud of brown insects headed straight towards me. Locusts! I paniced, screamed and made a beeline for the green front door. On my way, I saw the locusts, like termites, eat the water pump, the shed-barn, (oh well, at least I wouldn't be blamed for that!) and even the farmer's truck, leaving nothing but the black rubber tyres, (whoops, spoke to soon, I'm a dead dog!)

I burst inside only to discover Eustace clutching the slab, (surprise, surprise,) and Muriel, baking? (at a time like this?! I thought to myself.) I saw that the locust carving had disappeared from the slab, with the locusts appearing out of Nowhere, (do I really have to keep going with this?!) That was it! I'd had enough! I couldn't take this any more, no longer! I decided. I'm going to find a way to get Ramses his slab back, or my name is FiddleFaddle-and it's NOT!

I tried to grab the slab from Eustace, I had had just about enough of his greedieness and his stingieness! "Let go!" he shouted, as the locusts began to devour the house. It didn't help that King Ramses was still shouting his number-1-phrase in the background. "Return the Slaaabbbb," (did he EVER say anything else?!) "Let go!" he yelled, swinging me round and round. I held onto that hunk of rock, as soon as Eustace began to notice the mayhem goingon around him.

"GAAAGGHH! Okay, okay you can have it!" he said, finally letting go. He had finally given in, so without a moment to lose, I thrust that stupid thing right outta the window! Afterwards, the locusts stopped eating the house, and then flew away. We were all EXHAUSTED.

"NOOOO!" gasped Eustace, running out of the house, (or what remained of it anyway,) and grabbed the slab that had been thrown face down in the dirt, "I can't belive I almost did that! Eh?" he said, when he saw King Ramses standing over him, a displeased expression on his face. "Ha! What are you gonna do now, Proffesser? You're outta amo, mister! And don't think you can come by here and try to sell us no toebags, either!"

That was the last thing I heard before I saw the rush of flying brown wash over him, the buzzing noise again, Ramses famous words and then an ear-splitting scream...

The next morning was lovely and golden. I was sitting with Muriel watching in TV in (half of) the house, without a care in the world. The screen was a little flicky, since the antenna was missing, but I didn't really mind.

"In other news, the slab stolen yesterday from King Ramses tomb, has been returned today in it's rightful home in it's crypt in Egypt," the Newsreader told us. It even showed us clips from inside the pyramid-and the new markings had somehow been returned. There was an new one, of a familier looking old- man, but I just couldn't put my paw on who it was. (Hint: Nasty, grumpy, old guy who hates my guts and makes my life a complete misey every day.)

But right now, I didn't worry about that. I was too busy thanking my lucky stars that it was all over! Slowly, and gently, I laid back againest Muriel's soft, warm cardigan, and closed my eyes...

What did ya think? Was it good? Please do review, and guess what-Ramses doesn't scare me that much anymore-HALLELUJAH! So, anyway, thank you all very much for reading my (rather long) story, I do not own Courage the Cowardly Dog, or any of it's episodes or characters and for re-living your worst fear and me me getting over mine! :) R&R!

PS: If you are ever confronted with the task of giving up a million pounds worth of a slab, and there's an Eygyptian king outside your door demanding for it back-GIVE HIM WHAT HE WANTS ALREADY! ARE YOU LISTENING EUSTACE?! If I have anymore nightmares about this guy, I'm blaming him!

Thanks for reading! :) :)