Disclaimer: I don't own anything except my twisted ideas which you will see that I apparently have many of them...Yeah, I don't know where this idea came from! I pictured it in my head and it made me laugh...Thus this story!


Duncan was happy! Duncan was happy for many many many reasons! He was happy because:

1. He was on the show for the 5th season! Which meant he would get a chance to win money and Duncan loved money!

2. By being on this show, It meant that Duncan wouldn't need to be in Juvie! Duncan disliked Juvie. He owed some guy named Bob a new can opener and you can get many things in juvie such as cigarettes and weed and even tattoos! but the one thing you couldn't get in juvie was a can opener!

3. Duncan was in love! Love was something Duncan didn't really do frequently, except in seasons 1 and 2 and in season 3 when he had two love interests...

Yep, Duncan was in love and he wasn't going to let these assholes he was bunking with in the 5th season tell him otherwise! Duncan was packing a picnic basket for a picnic with his latest romantic interest must to the protests of his bunkmates!

"This is really wrong!" Harold yelled at him "I hope you get your heart broken as you have done to so many other people!"

"Screw you, Harold!" Duncan threatened him "She's the one!"

"That's what you said about Courtney..." Tyler told him "Then you made out with Gwen in the crappy bathroom on the plane"

"I wasn't asking you!" Duncan glared at Tyler "I'm serious this time! She's the girl I can see myself being with until season 10!"

"Or until season 6 when you find yet another love interest" Alejandro laughed "You flirted with more girls than me, I would say I'm impressed but I'm not...You fall in love way too easily!"

"I feel like I'm missing something" Brick added in "Who are we talking about?"

"Her..." Duncan dreamily held out a picture

"What about Gwen, Eh?" Zeke asked

"I dumped her" Duncan told him "I'm not going to pull a Courtney on Gwen! I want a fresh start with her!"

"I don't think this is right..." Cameron told him

"I think he should do it" Justin laughed "Then we can all laugh at him when he gets rejected..."

"Don't forget punched in the face" Noah laughed with Justin and handed Duncan his packed picnic basket "Here ya go, Romeo! Go get her..."

"You'll see how it's done" Duncan assured them "I won't be single when I get back!"


Duncan proceeded to flip them all off as he left to go to the docks and set up his lovely little picnic. He couldn't wait to see the look on his new girlfriends face when she saw this, Even though he didn't ask her yet he was pretty sure she would say yes! Finally after waiting for about 15 minutes or so Duncan finally saw who he was looking for!

"Hey" Mike walked up to him "I got your text"

"Great!" Duncan happily told him "Have a seat!"

"Okay..." Mike sat down awkwardly "I've never had someone ask me to join a super secret alliance with them where they prepared a picnic..."

"Candle lit picnic!" Duncan pulled two candles out and lit them and smiled

"It's 2 o' clock in the afternoon" Mike told him "Why would we need candles?"

"Listen, You and I need to be in an alliance..." Duncan told Mike "Just the two of us...Together"

"Can Zoey join the alliance?" Mike asked "She gets mad when I make alliances with people and don't ask her first..."

"Can we not talk about her?" Duncan asked him "This is about us"

"I'm going to go..." Mike stood up

"Wait!" Duncan grabbed his hand "Answer one question for me!"

"What?" Mike glared at him and pulled his hand away from Duncan

"How many gold medals did you take home with you from the Olympics, Svetlana" Duncan smirked as he said that "I want you to tell me everything!"

Mike suddenly got this confused look on his face and his eyes got completely wide and he looked like he was smoking way too much pot today. Suddenly Mike started to twitch really badly and fell to the ground and Duncan just smirked at him and helped him up.

"Are you okay?" Duncan helped Mike up smirking the whole time "Tell me something...Who are you?"

"Dun't be zilly!" Svetlana kissed Duncan "I am Svetlana! We hasz known each otzer all seezan!"

"That's exactly what I was hoping you would say..." Duncan escorted Svetlana over to the picnic that he planned for them "I wanted to ask you something, Do you want to go steady?"

"Ohh Yesz!" Svetlana jumped on Duncan and proceeded to make out with him, After about 5 minutes of making out Svetlana pulled away "Zid you dump zhat whore?"

"Of course!" Duncan assured her "For now it's just me and you!...Until I find someone else next season..."

"Zhat did you shay?" Svetlana asked him "I didn't quizte catch zhat last part!"

"Nothing dear..." Duncan laughed awkwardly "How about we go and take a walk down by the beach?"

"Okay!" Svetlana agreed as she and Duncan walked hand in hand to the beach


Back at the guys cabin they all stood there amazed seeing that Duncan apparently got who he wanted yet again.

"How on earth did he pull that off?!" Alejandro glared at Cameron "You cured him last season! How does that even work?!"

"Duncan triggered back the inner Svetlana?" Cameron asked "They technically are two separate people..."

"That's really creepy" Tyler told the group "How long does this usually last?"

"I don't know" Cameron told them "Why?"

"Oh god..." Justin sighed "They both live in this cabin!"

"How mad do you think Zoey is going to be?" Scott laughed "Assuming he keeps him in Svetlana mode and they come back here and have sex..."

"Who's going to tell her?" Brick asked

"You just volunteered yourself solider!" Noah laughed

"Fine..." Brick sighed "I'll be a man about it and tell her!"

"Have fun" Justin laughed


A few hours later Duncan returned back to the cabin alone. He saw the guys staring at him when he walked in.

"What?" Duncan smirked at them "My date went well"

"We saw" Alejandro smirked "Where is Svetlana?"

"Oh...She turned back into Mike" Duncan sounded sad "He was confused so I told him to go take a shower! On the plus side Svetlana agreed to be my girlfriend"

"Zoey is pissed at you!" Lightning told him "Really Sha-pissed!"

"Why?" Duncan flopped on his bunk bed

"You stole her boyfriend" Justin rolled his eyes

"No, I didn't" Duncan told them "She's dating Mike and I'm dating Svetlana!"

"You're girlfriend has the same parts as you!" Harold told him

"Are you gay?" Trent asked him laughing "Just thought I'd ask"

"No, I'm straight!" Duncan told him

"Mike is a dude, though!" Geoff told him

"Mike is a guy" Duncan agreed "But when he's Svetlana she's a girl"

"That makes you gay" Justin smirked at him

"It's not gay if you're girlfriend has MPD and is stuck in a man's body!" Duncan told them "Zoey can have Mike all she wants as long as I get my Svetlana time, I'm going to sleep now!"

Everyone had no choice but to accept this as they were forced to live with him and knew he would beat them up. Nobody brought it up ever again! It's bad enough Mike didn't even remember what happened and that's the way Duncan liked it.


I have no clue why I even thought of this...I hope you got some laughs!