I have to thank my a fantastic trio of friends for helping me with this: m0t0b33, teamalltwilight and Pyejammies! ;)
As always, I don't own anything Twilight related or anything else you might recognize in my story. I DO own the idea.
We'll just call them Hot Mama and Jailbait. :) Check the pictures in my FB group: Addicted-to-romione-bedward Fanfiction (link on my profile)
Ever since Jasper brought Alice in my office, looking like she's been run over by a train, I knew everything would change.
I insisted that Jasper was the only one to care for her bruises, not wanting everyone to see or hear about this. It was clear she's suffered domestic abuse.
James – that son of a bitch!
At home when we told her story to Edward…it was horrible. Especially when she said what he's done to her all these years.
Then the icing on the cake is Alice hinting at something that almost destroyed me the last time it happened. Now, it's not true. I know it.
She's imagining things.
I'm not pregnant.
I can't be.
The last time…
I shudder and refuse to remember what I've gone through. No one besides Carlisle and Kate, the OB/GYN, knew of that.
Edward brings me back to present, asking what's going on.
I throw Alice a warning look then turn to him. "She's insane," I tell him. "Maybe you should go rest. You're tired, Alice. You're pregnant," I hiss the last word.
We say goodnight and I take Edward to our room.
He's relentless, nagging me with what did Alice mean by "how far along" thing.
Finally, getting tired of it, I tell him.
"She thinks I'm pregnant."
His green eyes grow so wide they almost resemble two tennis balls. And his mouth falls open, probably trying to mock Fish.
"I can't be," I add, hoping he's still hearing me. "I've been told ages ago that I can't get pregnant. Though…" I trail off, meeting his eyes. "Anyway, I know I'm not."
Edward closes his mouth and gulps loudly then opens it again, not making a sound. "Are you sure? You've been acting really odd lately."
"Want me to take a test to prove you and Alice that I'm not? I bet that was a one time thing…horrible," I'm talking with myself.
"Whoa! What are you talking about?" Edward shouts, standing from the bed.
I wave my hand dismissively. "Forget it. Let's turn in. It's been a long day."
Next day, the first thing I do when I get to work is visit Kate.
Okay, the second thing because the first one is to leave Alice in my office.
The whole day I'm anxious and jumpy. I barely talk with Alice or Jasper or anyone coming in my office. I know my friend has something like a sixth sense, but I hope she's wrong.
When Kate comes to me with the results, I think my world crashes around me.
She takes me for more exams but I'm floating around, not really aware of my surroundings.
All I can think of what she told me last time. Maybe this time is better…though, whatever she tells me, I feel guilty for destroying Edward's life.
He's just seventeen – still two months away from his eighteenth birthday and high school graduation.
I'm holding back tears as Kate runs many tests. Apparently I'm two months pregnant.
It happened on Valentine's Day when I accepted stupidly to go bareback.
"Mrs. Cullen," Kate whispers getting my attention. "I'm afraid I have bad news…again."
I remember vividly when she told me how technology showed us how the baby would develop and Carl was all for it. She saw a few problems with the baby like a rare condition – I can't remember what she named it. But after a little research, she told us abortion was better because the baby would only suffer and wouldn't live much.
It was during summer holiday when it happened – when that horrible thing happened to us. I was under a lot of stress after the doctor's news, and I was constantly worrying, even though I shouldn't have. But seriously who's not stressed after they find out their child is doomed from the very beginning?
Edward was away with Emmett and his family.
We went to Kitty's after the miscarriage; Carlisle wanted to take my mind off it. I don't remember much of that time – I was a walking zombie.
He was next to me all the time helping me get through the hard times.
We commonly decided to never tell Edward about that.
And now…I have to involve him in this madness.
"What is it?" I whisper to Kate.
"You're just two months along, but of what I can see something's wrong. I can't tell yet. It looks like your uterus's position and size can affect this pregnancy too. Do you want to go with this?"
My proverbial biological clock is ticking. Loudly.
Question is – can I do this to Edward?
Can I go through this again…if I have to kill an innocent life? I always felt guilty for the way my last pregnancy ended.
"Bella?" Kate whispers, coming next to me. "I say we wait another month. Then we see what's going on."
Home, I allow Alice to prepare dinner when she insists.
I find Edward in his room, working on homework.
How do I tell him?
I'm going to destroy his life.
I stand there in the doorway watching him writing furiously on a notebook until a sob I've been keeping in my throat explodes making him turn to me.
"Bella!" He grins. "Hi."
I approach him and lean over his back, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. "I love you," I whisper, kissing his neck.
"I love you, too." He turns his head to look at me. "So…do you know if…you know?"
"Yes," I repeat, looking him in the eye.
"Oh. You…are…you know…but…" He's going to panic, I can see it.
"I'm so sorry for destroying your life. I should have never allowed you to be inside me without a condom."
"No!" He gets up and hugs me. "I'm not bailing on you. And you didn't destroy my life."
"Really?" I ask sarcastically. "Did you see yourself a dad before you even finished high school?"
His ears turn red. "I'll finish in a couple months. Then I'll get a job."
His words make my heart swell with all the love I have for him.
"But don't you want this? You don't look happy."
Perceptive as ever.
"I never thought it was possible. It's still a shock," I lie. "Are you hungry? Let's see what Alice cooks."
On the way to the kitchen, Edward holds my hand. "I never thought of this, but thank God you never had a kid with Dad. It would have been super weird."
His words falter my steps. "Yeah," I mumble.
While we eat, I arrange my thoughts. We need to hush out that horrible memory of the only other time I got pregnant.
Alice eats more than Edward which is funny. She's six months along and already so big. I bet she'll look like a ball when she reaches eight-nine months.
After dinner, I send her to watch TV or do whatever she wants. I need to be alone with Edward. He even offers to help me wash the dishes.
"I need to tell you something," I whisper, so quietly I barely hear myself. I'm sure he doesn't hear me over the faucet's noises.
"What's that?" Edward asks, glancing at me.
I jump on top of the counter – my favorite place – grab the plate from his hands and towel it dry.
"There's something you don't know. We didn't want to tell you because…it was over and done before you returned from the trip," I murmur, polishing the plate until it's squeaky clean.
"You and Dad?" he checks, searching my eyes.
"Yeah," I croak, nodding.
God, why is this so hard?
"It's okay, Bella. I'm sure there were many things just between you two. It's normal," he says softly, shutting off the water.
"This isn't the first time I'm pregnant," I blurt out, staring at the dishtowel in my hands.
"Say what?" he exclaims surprised.
I peek up at him, through some of my hair that fell over my eyes. "About four years ago…" I swallow hard. "You went with Emmett's family on that trip to Grand Canyon. Do you remember?"
"Of course. But what are you telling me?" He frowns, moving the hair out of my eyes. "Do I have… Jesus. Tell me this is a joke! Tell me you don't have a kid with Dad!"
"I don't," I sob, covering my eyes with my hands. "A terrible thing…happened. It wouldn't have been normal…I was…taking…it…" I gulp air. "B-Baa-ddly," I stutter.
Then I'm in his arms and everything seems better. He knows how to comfort me even without words.
"And today, Kate, my doc, she…said there might be problems again," I whisper in his chest. "I don't think I can go through that again."
"Shh. I'll come with you on your next appointment. Okay? You won't be alone." He rubs my back slowly. "Uh, about the other time…I don't remember you being… True, when I returned, you looked off, but Dad told me you'd be okay and not to worry."
"Exactly. We both agreed to never tell you. I found out I was pregnant a day before you left…though, I suspected it for some time. Carl was at work when I took the test, but you were home." I raise my head to look at him. "You have no idea how hard it was for me not to tell you, but I wanted your dad to be the first to know."
"Oh, I see. I mean, I remember how happy you were that day." Edward laughs. "Here I thought you were happy to have me out of the way to…you know what I mean."
I giggle and cup his cheek. "We were happy for approximately four days after you left, then my tummy hurt so badly…that Carl called Kate in the middle of the night. We went to the clinic and after a few tests…she saw some sort of problems with the baby. I don't remember what kind of rare condition she told me it would have had, but she said we'd suffer – all of us, including the baby. We came home and I cried the whole night because I knew what could happen." I take a shuddering breath. "By the end of that week, Kate gave me the worst news: I had already lost the baby. I can't tell you how I felt when I left her office. I expected police men outside to imprison me for killing an innocent life. I was responsible for my baby's death. It never stood a chance and it was all because of my defective body."
Edward brushes my tears and kisses my forehead, one arm still around me.
"We went to Kitty's the next week. She saw how miserable I was and unlike every other time, she didn't have any snide remark. I'm sure Carl told her something – no idea. But his idea to distract me didn't work. I fell asleep crying every night for months on end. Then when I was somewhat better, I talked with Kate and she told me it was impossible for me to have kids."
"Apparently she's wrong," Edward comments.
"She told me next time she'll be able to tell me more. It seems I'm the problem – something about the way my uterus is positioned and the size of it being too small to carry a baby. The risk of another miscarriage is still high, and my age isn't helping matters either."
"Oh." Edward makes sure to look in my eyes. "If…if there's a risk…what would you do?"
That's the trick question.
I'd like to go all the way.
But what if something happens to me?
I can't leave a teenager with such a burden – even though he says he wants this.
"Let's pray there won't be any real complications," I finally say, leaning to kiss him.