Genre: Romance, Comedy
Summary: Lamia made a gadget out of the Great Demon Lord's request to toy with Oga and Hilda's relationship. Now the two parents of the Baby Demon Lord couldn't be separated for more than 1 meter. What should they do so that they could be freed from this gadget, so called "Darling, You Idiot"?
AUTHOR NOTE: This is my fifth fic in this fandom. The idea of this story is not purely mine and I got the inspiration from the second chapter of manga Steins;Gate: HiyokuRenri no Sweets Honey. It's really hilarious, honest.
Disclaimer: I don't own either Beelzebub or Steins;Gate. Just this fic ;)
= Darling, You IDIOT! =
Lesson 1: Do Not Quarrel
"Lamiaaa~" the Great Demon Lord called with a singsong voice.
The called girl, Lamia, quickly presents herself in front of the Lord. She kneeled down as she answered the call, "Yes, my Lord. Do you need something from this Lamia?" she asked formally.
"Don't be so stiff," the Demon Lord waved his hand. "Anyway, Lamia. Do you remember the last time you told me about Hilda and my youngest child's human parent, Og… Ogre or something?"
"It's Oga Tatsumi, my Lord," Lamia corrected.
"Oh, yes, Oga… yes."
"Is something the matter? Do you want me to kill that human, my Lord?" a devilish smile formed on the petite girl's lips when she said it.
"No-no-no, anything but that, Lamia. It's just… when I listened to your report about Hilda and that Oga kid, it sounds just like one of the galge I played recently! Seriously, the two of them should just shut up and get married already! Just kidding," the Demon Lord burst out in laughter.
"Ah-hah…" Lamia sweatdropped.
"That's why, Lamia. That Oga kid should be really grateful that he got to get on Hilda's route, though it doesn't look like he knows the right choice to choose. That's why, this helpful fairy character, the coolest Great Demon Lord ever is going to help him to get into the Good Ending!"
Lamia didn't even know where to start asking the Demon Lord about what kind of thing he is saying, though she is quite sure that he's talking about things in the game. But what about this Good Ending thing? Does that mean the Great Demon Lord actually supports that bastard Oga to be with her precious Hilda nee-sama? She cannot disobey the Demon Lord's order, indeed. But well, she could always think of a way to mess with the plan.
"… You must be asking yourself curiously about the reason why you are here, Lamia dear. And I'll tell you the reason, like, now! And the reason is: I want you to make a gadget that would make them get closer to each other! Dr. Furcas once told me how you love making gadgets! Can you do the favor for me~?" the Great Demon Lord begged, though the way he talks sounds more like he's mocking someone.
Lamia smirked devilishly. She just had a brilliant idea popping in her head. "But of course, my Lord. Your wish is my command…"
"Sweet! I love you, Lamia~"
"What are you doing lazing around here, damn fool? This is exactly why your brain isn't developing. All you do on free times are simply playing this ridiculous game…"
Despite hearing the female's comments, Oga didn't shift from his position and continue beating the last Boss – in the game. He has been playing this game routinely for a week. Damn, this woman isn't making him stop playing. He is fighting the last Boss and this game will end once he defeated it. He's devoted one week of his life to finish this fuckin' game so whatever she said isn't going to affect him, not one bit.
"Oi, sewer rat." She called.
"I ain't listenin'!" Oga answered abruptly.
"Hilda nee-sama! Oga Tatsumi!" greeted the petite girl, Lamia, after she kicked the door opened.
Oga pressed the wrong button and his game ended just like that with 'YOU LOSE' and 'GAME OVER' on the screen. He gritted his teeth in frustration before he slammed his joystick on the floor and approached the petite girl, "What do you think you have done, you little shit!" he snapped. "I was about to defeat the last Boss a second before you fuckin' enter this goddamned room!"
"Chill, won't you? I have a so much better game for you to play to your heart content," she smiled sweetly at him, though he is sure that this is going to be another ridiculous stuff from the Demon World.
"What is your purpose here, Lamia? Did something happen back in the Demon World?" Hilda asked. Her voice was intense.
"No, no, Hilda nee-sama. Nothing is wrong, really," she waved her hands, "I'm only here to hand you something the Great Demon Lord asked me to." The little girl began digging her pockets. Not even a second after, she revealed two odd-looking white rings. But the rings had an awkwardly large purple stone on them, replacing the diamond.
Both Oga and Hilda displayed a puzzled look.
"What's that supposed to be?" Oga asked, raising an eyebrow as he took a closer look at the foreign items.
Hilda did the same. She seemed to be as curious as Oga.
An annoying proud grin formed on the petite girl's face as she puffed up her chest and explained to them, "These items are the samples of the newly-introduced gadget in the Demon World made by me, called "Darling, You IDIOT!" which was made for the purpose of improving one's relationship with their couple. Whenever your couple tried to cheat or something like that, it will send you a signal through this crystallized Chupacabra blood!" she pointed at the purple stone. "How is it? Genius, right?" she grinned, hands on her hips.
"Yeah, yeah, now get outta here. I gotta continue this game you just crushed." Oga rolled his eyes as he picked up his joystick from the floor.
Hilda stomped on the PS2 by reflex and with her usual stoic expression she faced Lamia again.
"Please explain why you are giving us these." She said, ignoring the fact that Oga was screaming in horror, looking at his crushed game console. First Lamia crushed his game and now Hilda even crushed the console.
"Damn woman! I am SO going to beat the crap outta you for this, just you wait!" Oga growled, showing his predator-like teeth.
Hilda who was having her hands crossed, looked at him without wavering even a bit, as if she was challenging him back. The staring competition between the two seemed to last for eternity. Luckily, Baby Beel was having his nap and was sleeping soundly to actually react to his parent's fight.
Lamia had to butt in to actually stop them.
"Maa, maa, Hilda nee-sama. Please calm down. You wouldn't want to wake Beelze-sama up, would you?" Lamia nervously persuaded the blonde.
With that, the two threw their faces away from each other and scoffed.
"Well, I shall let that slide. Rather than paying attention to this thug, I should be asking you about the reason you brought us these items instead, Lamia."
"Oh! Yeah, I should be explaining it. But first, let me briefly explain the function of this so called DYI…" Lamia said with a bright smile.
"Hm? Alright, please do."
"You see, this—"
Like a déjà vu, someone slammed the door open again. They were surprised to actually see Alaindelon without Furuichi, entering the room. They were wondering what he was doing here but he kept quiet and sat down on the floor near Oga.
"…Alaindelon?" Both Hilda and Lamia muttered in unison.
"Please ignore me, Hilda-sama, Lamia-dono."
At first they blinked, but then they decided to ignore him and continue the conversation.
"Like what I said before, this gadget needs several conditions to be fulfilled." Lamia said as she gave Oga and Hilda each one ring. "Now, put them on each other." She instructed.
"What!? You can't be serious! It looks as if we're getting married or somethin'!" Oga complained right away.
"I am not doing this." Hilda deadpanned.
"This is just an instruction. Please do it. It won't kill any of you…" Lamia sighed.
After struggling with their pride for a while, they decided to just go along with it. Oga was the first one to do it, and he was shaking like a drenched cat. He gulped and sweated as he slowly inserted the jewel embedded ring into Hilda's thin, slender ring finger that fitted her perfectly.
They went silent for a few seconds before Hilda quickly inserted the ring into his ring finger and looked away almost instantly.
'The Demon Lord is right. They should just get married already…' Lamia sweatdropped and gritting her teeth. In one hand, even she could think that the two were perfect match for each other, but on the other hand, she could never agree with this relationship. Her perfect Hilda nee-sama should never end up with a barbarian like Oga. There are tons of other more proper males out there who would go head over heels for her.
"Oi, continue the damn instruction, you midget! I wanna get over this as soon as possible!" Oga groaned.
"Yes, yes." Lamia rolled her eyes. "Okay then, this is just an instruction so be careful, don't activate it yet. The consequences are high, you see."
"Hm? What kind of consequences are there?" Hilda raised an eyebrow.
"Err… See the small button near this crystallized Chupacabra blood?" she said as she showed Hilda the button near the purple stone. Oga rolled his eyes when he heard about the Chupa-something blood. All the Demon World things are hard to pronounce.
Hilda put her finger on the button but didn't push it. Oga did the same and was looking at it like a curious small child.
"Okay. You're highly forbidden to push that button, because—"
"You damn old man! What do you think you have done to my room!? Why did you put all the ridiculously disgusting posters of macho men on my walls! Now my sister thinks that I'm not only a pedophile but also purely a gay, dammit!"
The third time someone slammed the door open today and it was Furuichi. At the same time the door was opened, shocked Oga and Hilda unconsciously pushed the button out of surprise. None of them noticed it before Lamia made a huge fuss over it.
"NOO! You creepichi! What have you done!?" Lamia shouted like there's no tomorrow as she kicked Furuichi in the stomach.
"Calm down, Lamia." Hilda persuaded the pink-haired girl.
"But… but… Hilda nee-sama, once you pressed the button, you can't turn it off anymore…" Lamia sobbed, eyes watery.
"What was that!?" now Oga was the one who's panicked.
"I can't see what the problem is here. It's not like we'll die because of it." Hilda was far from panic.
"Yeah, like you even care." Oga rolled his eyes.
The blonde shot a glare at him.
"What? Wanna fight?"
Hilda sighed. "What is it to gain by fighting a chimp like you?"
"What!?" Oga growled as he stood up from his spot and pressed his forehead against hers while showing her his signature demonic grin. A vein on his head throbbed rapidly because of annoyance.
She returned it by pushing him away too.
None of them seemed to want to give in and the process seemed as if it would last for eternity if only the spark of lightning never shocked them.
At first, they thought that it was Baby Beel. But actually it wasn't.
Alaindelon and Furuichi seemed to be dumbfounded by the fact that the two was shocked by something other than the baby Demon Lord. They were not sure whether they were seeing things or not, but they were sure that they saw lightning coming out of the rings they were wearing since earlier.
But the two men were not as dumbfounded as Oga and Hilda themselves.
"H-hey, what was that earlier?" Hilda stammered, wide-eyed.
"H-how do you expect me to know?" Oga was stammering too.
Both of them looked at the ring encircling their ring finger, "Don't tell me this is—" they quickly shifted their gazes to Lamia.
The petite girl was smiling nervously.
"You see, one of the conditions you have to fulfill after activating this gadget is…"
The two widened their eyes even more at what the girl would say after this. This is definitely not something they would be able to guarantee, they knew it.
"…The owner of the rings cannot quarrel."