Title: Listen To Me
Author: Emo Barbie
Pairing: one sided Richard/Justin
Summary: You are my everything. You complete me. And I wanted for you to see SO BADLY why I was the one who completed you as well...
Extra: In Richard's POV, just a long drabble that turned into a sorta weird one shot...
Listen To Me
You captivated me. From that very first moment I laid eyes on you, I was captured. At first I thought you were such a dork. This...know it all that had nothing else going for him. So I teased you. I bullied you. Everything the usual "popular" kid was supposed to do to the outcast of the school. To the unloved and alone...the creepy and unsocial. That was what you were after all. And I was the man that stood so far above you, that you looked like a little ant I could squash beneath my high priced shoe.
But then...you said something...I had pushed you to far, and then suddenly you were surprising me. With this...knowledge of yours. Telling me how you could easily kill me and no one would ever find my body. The way you looked at me...your presence...your anger. Your determination. I knew you weren't lying, and suddenly I found myself...captivated, right then and there. And can you believe it? Me. The richest guy in school, with the looks of Adonis and you...you, of all people. But I knew it. We completed each other. I saw it at that moment. And I tried to show you too; we created the perfect match. Together we were...everything, unstoppable, unfathomable. We created what people only dreamt of being, only deamt of having.
But you...you didn't see me the same way.
Why? At first, I thought maybe...but then she came into the picture, and I knew that I had lost you to her. I had lost whatever it was that I had managed to get from you. I knew I had to get it back. I wanted to show you, show you that no one, no one, loved you like I did. No one would ever care for you as much as I did...as I do. You are my everything. You complete me. And I wanted, no needed, you to see so badly why I was the only one who completed you.
So why didn't you see that? I mean, I didn't even do anything, I could have given up just like that. I could have made a deal, my father could have easily gotten me outta those murder charges...because I wasn't the murderer; you were. You were the one who killed her, but I...I would never say anything about you. But you, no you didn't love me like I loved you. You could say anything you wanted, anything, and I could have easily taken the blame. Everything was pointing at me. And I was okay with it. Or so I thought...
Would you have really done it? Would you have turned me over so easily? Like I meant nothing to you? Did I mean nothing to you?
That was the first time I felt it, even the Lisa scare was not that bad. But when I realized I might actually mean nothing at all...that you would so easily throw all this onto me and not even give it a second thought. I would have never been able to live with that, and for the first time I felt it. Felt Hopeless. Scared...alone.
I felt so alone, and yet you had her. You don't know how much I hated her. I knew it was because of her that we had fallen so far apart. If I could have...it would have been her that I would have pulled the trigger on. And we could have run off, together. We could have been happy. Change our looks. No one would have been suspecting a pair of drop out teens. We woulda just been another pair of runaways, trying to get away from our bad lives. You were smart. We could have started a new life, with new identities. We could have figured out a way to do that...but I knew that wasn't an option. Not for you. Not when she was in the picture. It was about her now, I was no longer even there in your mind. But if she were to die...especially by my hands...there was no way you would ever haven forgiven me. I knew that. I would have lost you completely.
That was why...If you were going to forget about me. Then I was going to forget about you, too. You were my everything in this world, all that I had left, and yet you were able to shrug it off so easily, so easily able to take that everything away from me. How was that? How was it that you were still there...right there in front of me...and yet I still didn't have you? You would come at my beck and call, but, you were still seeing only her. Everything was for her. Did you ever once see how much I cared? How much I loved you? Or was that too much to ask? Was that too much to ask of you when I had done everything for you?! And she...she only batted her damn eyes and kissed you?! Something even I couldn't do? Why was it that despite giving you everything, you gave me nothing?
And finally...I saw the end. Of course, you were with her...it's only ever her. That's all you see. Your willing to do anything to stay with her, aren't you? The moment you hesitated...I knew it. It was over. She had won. But when you turned on me...when you turned your back on me. I wanted you to hurt as much as I did. I wanted you to know what I had felt when you betrayed me. It was only fair.
Do you know how...badly I wanted to kiss you when you walked through those doors? To make you forget all this. To forget her. You were supposed to be mine! I had you first! And if maybe...maybe if I could have just shown you that. If I could have just proved to you...but it was to late now, wasn't it? Where we stood...what we knew...we both knew what ending was going to await us. I would have embraced it if I had you, but I didn't. So it was the only thing I could do, embrace you for that last time. This life...our time...it was not meant now. I knew we had already passed the marker for our life some time ago. But I was certain, in another life, another time, it was.
It was justified in my eyes, but when you turned on me...that gun. I knew. I knew I had been had. You stared at me...with those wide eyes...so hurt, like I was the one who had betrayed you! Like I was the one who had ruined you! But wasn't it always the other way around?
That hurt...I saw it there, and I wanted to see it so badly. Because, wasn't that the plan? You finally understanding my pain? But it wasn't right, you still didn't understand. Somehow, now..it was all my fault. Why was everything always my fault? I wanted nothing but you, to be with you, I wanted nothing more then what you wanted. And I saw what you wanted right then and there.
So why don't you just pull it? End all this for me? Please, I'd have rather died by your hands then mine anyways. So pull it. Pull the god damn trigger. I dare you. Pull it and fucking go back to your girl like you wanted. Blame it all on me. I know you will. So just fucking pull it already!
"Ah, shoot me. Shoot me! Shoot me in the head. Shoot me in the heart. Come on, whatever you want! Do it, it doesn't matter anymore. Pull the fucking trigger. Pull it. Pull it! Pull it!" I want this to end. Right here and now, this pain, this suffering...what we did...what you did. Everything, just pull the fucking trigger and wipe away everything! Nothing matters anymore.
But you won't, will you? No, you're going to still play the victim...as you point the gun at your head. "Come on-" I'm pleading, begging, my voice is shaking. Don't do this. Shoot me! End it all right here! Play the victim and kill the killer.
But you won't...because in your story, I'm the murderer right? I'm the villain here...and you're...you're just a poor sap I dragged along. In your mind, you don't kill people right? And in all truth...I don't mind. Let me play the bad guy, let me take the blame. If that's what you want. Just don't do this. Don't die pretending I'm the one who hurt you. Let it be me. Hurt me like you always have.
I know that stupid detective is what makes you stop. Because you can't play the victim if you shoot me in front of her. Isn't that right? So I watch as you lower the gun. I hear myself calling your name over, and over...hearing myself pleading with you. Don't give up yet. Don't give in to her. Don't do this. Please. Hurt me. Kill me. Don't let her win.
But you don't.
You lower that gun, and you stand up and you're walking away...you're walking away from me. Again.
No, I'm not going to let you go that easily this time. I won't let you do this. You're not going to walk away from me again. You're not...I grab the gun and I turn, I can kill her. I can kill her and everything will be fine. We can run away, I swear, everything will be fine, Justin...just you listen to me. Just watch and listen, everything will be fine.
I fire...and you're already jumping in to save her. Like the god damn hero you've made yourself to be. And I shoot you.
I shoot you, and then I'm running...and I don't know what I'm doing anymore, but before I know it, it's a shoot out. Then...then I have her, right beneath my fingers. Her throat...it's so fragile. So smooth, this must have been what it was life for you. This time I'll prove to you that we're meant for each other. If I can just squeeze, just like you did...but she's squirming, she's fighting so hard to fight back. And I'm...I'm laughing. I'm laughing! Because I know I can do this! I can fix this, I can fix us! Just you watch Justin. I'm not weak. Just listen to me ! We'll get through this, we will...and we'll run away together.
I squeeze harder, I'm killing everything that stands between me and Justin. Everything. Lisa, the guilt, this murder, the police, our differences...this woman, this woman is everything that is keeping me from Justin. Everything that's keeping us apart. And her death...it's beautiful.
The way she's slipping away...taking everything with her. Everything that stands between us...I can't help but kiss her. She's the last piece to this shit puzzle, and with her gone, everything's gonna be right again. Just listen to me Justin, just follow my lead and we'll be together forever. I promise you...just don't give up...don't give up-
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