Chapter 3,5: The Matesprites of Forever

Then Chapters 2 and 3 came to pass and I finally realized what was about the 6 and 9 things. It could only mean one... thing CRANKY VASQUEZ WAS GETTING BACK TO TOUCH WITH ME!

- artifiocularGambler [AG] unblocked communispeechGatherer [CG] -

AG: Oh hey Cranky%
CG: I see that y9u finally made the rati9nal decision to un6l9ck me. C9nglaturati9ns and m9re s9cial justice p9intw f9r y9u.
AG: w8 what is my score currently"
CG: The current maneuver earned y9u 2 s9cial justice p9ints, making y9ur total:
CG: 888
CG: s9cial justice p9ints.
AG: And how a8out Meanie?
CG: Remind me, wh9 is Meanie again? The name seems vaguely familiar t9 me 6ut I can't remem6er keeping track 9f her s9cial justice p9int sc9re.
AG: Meanie Pixies. The one I'm currently hanging out with in the frog temple.
CG: Are y9u sure? Y9u never menti9ned the name 6elare in any 9f 9ur c9nversati9ns.
AG: Yeah I know I clicked random encounter and I found her:
CG: I'll 6e sure t9 track her s9cial justice p9int sc9re fr9m n9w 9n. H9wever, 6ased 9n the interacti9ns that I've seen 9n The Fr9g Temple 6l9g, as well as extrap9lati9n 9n my part, I w9uld estimate her sc9re t9 6e ar9und negative 413612. That is actually the l9west s9cial justice p9int sc9re I have ever enc9untered, which c9uld p9ssi6ly mean my meth9d 9f extrap9lati9n is inc9rrect. Actually, thinking a69ut it, I have deduced that there is little t9 n9 p9ssi6ility 9f s9cial justice p9ints 6eing earned 9r deduced in early childh99d, while the candy c9rn gru6 is t99 small t9 d9 anything c9herent, and theref9re c9ntri6uting t9 9r destr9ying the 6el9russian s9ciety.
CG: It sh9uld als9 6e n9ted that if I have taken measures t9 update Meanie's sc9re like this, they sh9uld als9 6e applied t9 y9u. 9f c9urse, the p9ssi6ility always remains that y9u are acting particularly nice t9 me, sans the 9ne m9ment when y9u 6l9cked me, estimated t9 6e seven days and 9ne h9ur ag9, when I was a69ut t9 deliver a hist9ry 9f demeaning names 9n 6el9russian s9ciety. Y9u may 6e surprised that, in spite 9f feeling 9ffended and triggered, I did manage t9 write a c9mplete essay. I als9 have made it availa6le t9 the 6el9russian Internet, f9r y9u t9 read at any time y9u desire. Just ask me, and I will pr9vide a link.
CG: 6ack t9 the s9cial justice p9int sc9re scale, while I was typing the previ9us paragraph, I already deduced a f9rmula f9r c9unting the speed 9f accumulati9n 9f s9cial justice p9ints acc9rding t9 age, and, as it applies t9 the unique 6i9l9gical c9mp9siti9n 9f 9ur species, 6l99d c9l9r. It d9es make a few assumpti9ns, as I will gladly like t9 p9int 9ut.
CG: Any individual's assumed lifespan is, acc9rding t9 6l99d c9l9r, 20 s9lar sweeps, multiplied 6y the individual's 6l99d c9l9r hue, 9n the RG6 scale, divided 6y 110 and raised as a p9wer 9f ten. This makes my 6l99d c9l9r am9unt t9 a life expectancy 9f 20 s9lar sweeps, y9ur 6l99d c9l9r, cerulean 9r 210, t9 a life expectancy 9f 1622 s9lar sweeps and Meanie's 6l99d c9l9r, with a hue 9f 330, which is the highest p9ssi6le 9n the hem9spectrum, t9 a life expectancy 9f 20000 s9lar sweeps. At this age, I expect the s9cial justice p9int acquiring rate t9 dr9p t9 9ne tenth.
CG: The final f9rmula is, as f9ll9ws:
CG: (1-1/(a-1))*10^(-a/e)
CG: 9r, textually, (9ne minus 9ne divided 6y (the individual's age in s9lar sweeps minus 9ne)), multiplied 6y ten t9 the p9wer 9f negative age divided 6y life expectancy.
CG: At y9ur current age, 6 s9lar sweeps, and y9ur 6l99d c9l9r hue, 210, y9ur s9cial justice p9int acquiring rate, acc9rding t9 this f9rmula, is 84987 9ut 9f 9ne hundred th9usand. 9f c9urse, this num6er and f9rmula al9ne are useless in deriving lifetime s9cial justice sc9res, which requires an inverse derivative 9f the f9rmula. It pr9vides us with an appr9ximati9n 9f the devel9pment 9f 6 s9lar sweeps 9rdinarily t9 that 9f 4 s9lar sweeps with a s9cial justice p9int acquiring rate 9f 1, am9unting t9 the rec9unted s9cial justice p9int sc9re f9r Meanie as:
CG: negative 413612 multiplied 6y 4 divided 6y 6 multiplied 6y 6 divided 6y 7 (again, generalizing appr9ximati9ns), resulting in negative 236340.
CG: H9wever, that is still unusually high f9r an individual, which makes me f9rget a69ut peculiar mathematics f9r a while and rething what values Meanie was raised with 6y her guardian, Luminescence Pixies. Luminescence is kn9wn f9r high 6enev9lence rates in the 6el9russian s9ciety, yet in her family there c9uld 6e a sudden repulsi9n, with Meanie thinking everything Luminescence did, ever, was dum6. Same g9es f9r y9u and Weg9tist S9rket, as well as me and Cakeman Vasquez, my grandpaternal figure.
AG: Let's pause here. I want to tell you something.
AG: Have I ever told you I enjoy you simply ranting and me watching?
AG: And I think it would be even gr8er if you could come over here to the Frog Temple, and I could simply listen to you instead of 8eing tired by text.

- communispeechGatherer [CG] ceased being unblocked by artifiocularGambler [AG] -

I then re-read the essay a couple times over, and, unlike Enchiridion Marrissa, I actually enjoyed it.

Meanie Pixies: are you serious you enjoy math NOBODY enjoys math

Aranna Sorket: Wh8ever. Your turn now, Meanie.

Seriously Written Note: And officially my love of mathemathics emerges in my fanfics for the first time.

(Me. Kankri. Now.)