I can still hear them y'know. There loud, but I like it, it reminds me of how hard everything was before, it reminds me of being a parent. But I guess all things have to come to an end, even good things, even things we think are meant to be…
I sound like Professor Xavier now don't I?
There are some song lyrics I can remember that described today perfectly,
"…And if the light outside can save me I better keep the curtains closed…"
I can still remember watching Nate struggling to play that on his guitar, it was too big for him at first, he had borrowed it off of Rogue so that was probably why, but he had got it in the end, to me it was beautiful.
I just feel like giving up, that this is the right time to do it. I owe him my life and I think he would accept it if I died today, on his birthday.
Nate would be twelve today. Instead he died before he was nine, leaving me and his godfather to cope with his death.
You will notice how I said godfather and not father, that's because Scott was the first to die, I didn't mourn him though, I would've needed to love him first and I could never have loved him after he slept with Emma.
Unbelievable isn't it? The Boy Scout and wannabe prostitute running away together and then coming back two months later with a wishy-washy apology and a sun tan. So much for eternal partnership.
His godfather is Logan, the only man I ever truly loved, and now he's gone there is no one left for me, sure I might have friends and family left around the country but I will never have the one thing I crave.
So, here I am, sitting in my bathroom, razor poised over my wrist with my mascara running, I could re-apply it if I really wanted to, being telekinetic and all, but I want to die peacefully, I don't want Rogue to stop the bleeding, or for Beast to try and save me.
In the End it will be those two who really try, Beast is the mansion's doctor so he has to try, and Rogue is right next door and still has my psyche in her head. It would be like someone to come and cut down a tree, you would notice it was missing, that's how she would know I was dead or dying.
I chose today to die, everybody else is on a mission and the students have been taken to an art gallery somewhere in the city.
No one to mourn me, No one to cry, No healers here to use their powers on me, and no Remy or Jubilee to try and stop me.
The perfect day to die.
The first cut is deep and sends a stream of blood down my forearm, the second cut registers in my nerves and suddenly my whole arm is on fire with pain. But I must work through it, I can overcome it.
The sounds I can here around me are more like background noise now, ambient sound.
I can see the door be flung open and Rogue burst into the room, her clothes suggest she was either reading in her room or studying evidence against Mystique in the court case.
She runs to me and only notices the blood pouring from my left wrist when it begins to pool around her knees where she has knelt down, her short auburn and white hair is a different style to when I first knew her, and she has ditched the make-up, it's shorter, more stylish for a city worker and more motherly than her original style when she first had kids.
Her voice barely registers as she whips a white towel from my towel rack and wraps round my deep gashes, I can see her lips moving but no sound escapes.
I'm dying and she knows it, we were never close, even less so nowadays but now as I look up at her while she's panicking she looks like someone who really cared. Who wanted to help.
I limply held my right hand up resting it on her cheek; four years ago she would've absorbed me but not now. She's married and has two kids with another on the way, but she doesn't know that yet, only me, Beast and Remy know.
In the half-light of my bathroom I can see Nate's teddy still on my bed, and I know now that when I finally do pass on and all efforts to help me fail I will be with him and Logan in Heaven.
AN: In the comics Rogue has a partial Law degree and I need my sleep since its 22:11 and I need to get up in four hours, this was the best I could come up with. You can just deal.