A/N: So, happy Holidays, and happy Not-The-Apocalypse-After-All!

Again, I own nothing! (Except the universe, my Dark Powers, and the voices in my head!)

KJ- Kathryn Janeway
C: Chakotay
BT: B'Elanna Torres
TP: Tom Paris
T: Tuvok
HK: Harry Kim
N: Neelix
K: Kes
EMH: Emergency medical Hologram
V: Vorik


T83: Do NOT introduce Neelix to the Earth custom of 'Christmas Caroling'.

N- What's that?

KJ- You don't want to know. Or rather, the rest of us don't want you to know.

BT84: No more holiday decorations in Engineering.

EMH85: Or Sickbay.

K- Why not, Doctor? They're nice!

EMH- I can't concentrate with them around!

K- You can concentrate in the middle of a crisis with wounded people all around you, but you can't concentrate with some pretty baubles around?

EMH- No, I can't!

KJ86: No more mistletoe on the bridge.

KJ87: Or anywhere on the ship.

C- Care to elaborate on that incident, Captain?

KJ- No.

TP- What, no mistletoe in our quarters?

KJ- Fine.

KJ88: Mistletoe is permissible in your private quarters. But if I see any in any other place on the ship so help me I will blast it with a phaser rifle!

K89: I've heard of the Earth myth about 'Santa', but why do I look like one of his 'elves'?

EMH90: Since we're on that subject, NO, I will not dress up like Santa for the holidays! Why don't you ask Neelix!

N- What's a Santa?

BT- Harry, explain Santa to Neelix.

HK- Why me?!

BT- You're the lowest-ranking senior crew member.

HK- Dangit.

N91: MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

T92: That is not a rule. Please use this Security feed only for rules.

N93: THAT INCLUDES YOU, MR. VULCAN!

T94: Do not use all caps. lock to write rules.

N- WHAT'S CAPS LOCK?

TP- Here we go.

T- Caps. lock is a keyboard feature locking the keys on capital letters.

N- OH. UH, I THINK CAPS LOCK MIGHT BE STUCK ON MY PADD.

BT- No kidding.

N- HEY, COULD SOMEONE HELP ME GET CAPS LOCK OFF?

KJ- Harry, please help Neelix with his PADD.

HK- Me again?!

HK95: I am not the errand boy of the senior staff. Please don't send me on errands.

BT96: Don't use festively dyed tribbles as decorations.

KJ- I thought we got rid of those?!

BT- Where there's one tribble, there's too damn many tribbles. Apparently we missed one tribble.

KJ97: Any tribbles found on board are to be brought to me, used for various target practices on the holodeck, or beamed directly into space.

KJ98: Do NOT impersonate another member of Senior Staff when writing these rules. Please note that Rule 97 was not, in fact, written by me.

KJ- B'ELANNA!

BT- *cough* innocent! *cough* Yes?

KJ99: Do not encourage cruel behavior towards any creature, EVEN (This means you, B'Elanna!) tribbles.

BT- And you assume it was me!

EMH100: Do not tamper with the replicators to make real alcohol. I don't want to deal with after-Christmas hangovers.

C101: Don't color my tattoo red and green "for the holidays". I like my tattoo, and I don't care if it isn't festive. That isn't the point of it.

KJ102: Don't hide tribbles in my ready room.

HK103: Or in my clarinet case.

TP104: Or in the shuttles.

EMH105: Or in Sickbay.

K106: Or in Hydroponics. ESPECIALLY not in Hydroponics. That's our main food source!

BT107: Or in Enginneering.

T108: Or in the Brig.

C109: Or anywhere on the ship.

T110: Take down the tinsel.

KJ- Tuvok, it's a little bit of tinsel. It's fine.

EMH- Fascinating species, Vulcans. They evolved from a feline ancestor,you know.

KJ111: GET THAT TINSEL DOWN!

TP- Okay. I missed something. Why is our extremely logical, unemotional chief of security chasing tinsel like, well, like a kitten?

BT- You better get a holopic of that!

T112: Any mention of the incident on Deck 2 will earn you a stay in the Brig.

C113: Santa is not my Spirit Guide. Why would you even think that?

KJ114: FOR THE LAST TIME, NO MORE MISTLETOE!

TP- Uh, Captain, we may need your phaser rifle.

KJ- What? Phaser rifle?

TP- Rule 88. Come to Shuttlebay 2.

BT- What's going on?

TP- Mistletoe.

KJ- Sorry, Tom, as much as I hate mistletoe, I think you're on your own.

TP- Oh, come on! Really?!

BT- Tom, WHO DO YOU HAVE TO KISS.

TP- The Delta Flyer.