Disclaimer: I do not own any of the character's from the Disney's Kim Possible franchise, they remain the sole property of their respected creators.
Warning: The following fanfic is rated a solid M, for Mature content. This is due to very strong language, themes of strong violence, nudity, sexual themes, sexual violence and the topic of suicide. Not suitable for those under the age of 18. You have been warned.
Thanks to CajunBear73 and Sentinel103 for helping me nuture this plot bunny. Hope you all enjoy.
This is my last entry, for I finally reached the end of my long journey. I lost, everything.
I regret opening Pandora's Box. I was better off being kept in the dark, never knowing the truth. Yet, I did anyway. People say that God works in mysterious ways, that after all I recently been through was some sort of 'divine ultimate plan' but hey, it did open my eyes on how I lived my old life. I was a stupid girl blindly following that damn food chain system Connie and Lonnie fussed all over.
And for what?
Becoming a shallow, self centred bitch who lorded over her bullshit little empire, constantly trying to maintain her place as the most popular girl in school. Truth was, aside from the few that actually liked me despite my faults, everyone else fucking hated my guts for the way I treated them. Ever since the graduation party, when I got home and made that discovery, that one revelation, I left my old life behind to begin a fresh start. In the end, it turns out you can never escape what the big guy has in store for you. For an omnipotent being, he's got a fucked up sense of humor.
My life is inescapable.
Always had been. Always will be.
That is, if I choose to continue living.
It was early in the morning, fairly quiet except for the sounds of the gentle breeze blowing in the air and the soft chirps of nearby crickets. Hair-like wisps of cirrus clouds hung in the dark sky, the stars sparkling in the heavens while in the distance towards the east, mixtures of yellow and orange began to stain the dark canvas as the sun made its approach, yet to rise from the horizon. A few feet away from the edge of a ravine, a battered rust colored '57 Ford pickup truck was parked while the driver lay in the bed. Half empty bottle of Dewars Scotch in her hand. Some people drink to forget is what they usually say, but in her case, she could never be able to drink enough to forget what she knew.
Taking another large swig from the bottle, she coughed heavily after she swallowed the fiery liquid, the strange sensation in her stomach as it protested her abuse of the organ. Feeling the muscles in her abdomen spasm, she managed to lean over the side of the truck just in time, expelling the contents of her stomach on the ground with a sickening splash. Her eyes watered as she continued heaving until she could bring up nothing more, coughing and spitting out the foul remnants of bile in her mouth and wiping her lips clean with the back of her sleeve. Trembling slightly, she hoisted herself out the back and in her inebriated state; lost her balance and hit the ground hard.
"Dammit!" She hissed; the tiny sharp stones on the ground dug deep into her palms, drawing blood as they tore the skin. Pushing herself up off the ground, she leaned against the side of the truck until she regained her balance, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath as she felt the world spinning beneath her feet.
With her diary lying in the back of the truck, she wondered if she should leave it on the dashboard before deciding against it. She wanted to get it, her suffering over and done with, and not spend her last moments in the world fussing over little details.
Walking slowly to the edge of the gorge, each step clumsy from her inebriated state, she stopped just a metre away from the edge, and took in another breath of the cold air. Shivering, not only just the cold, the brunette glanced over the edge, just barely making out the jagged outlines of the rocks below. It was only then when the sickening realization of what she was going to do slammed into her like a jackhammer, her legs giving way as she collapsed to the ground, the fear of living and dying overwhelming her.
"Oh Jesus, fuck!" Bonnie whimpered as she broke down into shuddering sobs, curling up into a fetal position, rocking back and forth on the dirt. "Guh, Oh G-God!"
She never had thought about death or dying before, she always thought she would have a long life and worry about dying when she was at least seventy or something. But now, she really started to question it. She wondered if there was an afterlife or if she would just cease to exist, that as soon as her body hit the ground, nothingness would follow. Or would God exist on the other side? She certainly never believed it before but tonight caused her to take a lot of things into consideration.
If he did exist, what would she say to him?
'Hell, perhaps I should say 'Hey asshole, thanks for giving me a fucked up life when I was born.''
Yet to her living was just as terrifying. She didn't know how to continue with her life, well, whichever one she chose to live. She just wanted to stop feeling like this, like right now.
How she felt in her state of mind, there was only one quick solution to the problem.
"Okay," Bonnie told herself in a whisper, a mix of determination and fear in her voice, as she psyched herself up. "C'mon! You can do this! You can do this! You can fuckingdothis!"
Getting up of the ground and moving closer to the edge, she looked down and started picturing in her mind her stepping over the edge, visualising the fall, the sickening impact of her slamming into the rocks below. She went over the vivid and gruesome images in her mind. Bones fractured, protruding from the skin, her bodysplit open, and splashing the nearby rocks with her blood and gore. In another scenario, she died by bleeding internally. No mess, only death. The scenarios continued, over and over again, her gaze never looking away from the jagged ground below until she felt ready.
'So, do I just jump or should I do a countdown, then jump?' Bonnie wondered, the question repeated itself in her mind and she couldn't help but giggle at the next thought that shot into her mind, a little dark sense of humor she developed over the past two weeks. 'Maybe when I jump, I should do one of those fancy dives like the ones they do at the Olympics. Take my life with style!'
"Ah fuck it, I'll do a damn countdown," She muttered to herself, closing her eyes and extending her arms, preparing to swan dive off the edge. 'Okay then, I...can...do...this! Right, startin' from three.'
She took in another deep cleansing breath. 'Three.'
Tensed the muscles in her legs for a clear jump. 'Two.'
And then exhaled. 'On...'
Just as she was about to take the final step to seal her fate, the sound of an approaching vehicle surprised her. Stepping back from the edge and shielding her eyes from the glare of powerful headlights as she turned around, watching it pull up beside the pickup truck.
'Jesus, talk about fucking bad timing!'
Squinting her eyes, she tried to make out the figure that stepped out, wondering who it could be. As soon as the lights died, Bonnie swore as she recognized the familiar design of the purple car, as well as the mission uniform that belonged to a woman she knew all too well.
'You have got to be shitting me!', Bonnie thought, stepping back closer to the edge.
"BONNIE!" Kim screamed, more out of fear than concern. "GET AWAY FROM THERE!"
"No way K, you are not stopping me from doing this!" Bonnie snapped, wondering how the hell Kim managed to track her down so fast. "How the hell did you find me anyway?"
"I had Wade 'borrow' GJ's spy satellite network to track you down," Kim explained, carefully keeping her distance. She didn't want to make Bonnie too uncomfortable. "So you can thank him."
"What? Thank that little fucker for prolonging my damn life? No way, I don't really plan on staying that long," Bonnie coldly said, unfazed by the flash of anger in Kim's eyes.
"Don't you ever talk that about Wade like that, he's only helping! Now step away from there and come with me, you're not thinking clearly!"
"I can't K, I have to do this," Bonnie defiantly, heart pounding in her chest. "And I have never been more clear in my life, I have to do this. I have no choice!"
"You do have a choice! Don't throw your future away, B! You got your whole life ahead of you!"
Kim realised her poor choice of words when she saw Bonnie's reaction, the events that occurred during the past fortnight took its toll on the young brunette's mental health. All her years of facing super villains made her hardened against their aggressive outbursts. She never batted an eyelid when it came to Drakken, Dementor or hell, even Shego, when they lost their temper and tried to intimidate her. However, Bonnie was different. Because for the first time ever, she was the only one who made her flinch. But what made her flinch was that Kim knew what was on the line, and she would be damned if she was ever going to let Bonnie take her own life.
"MY WHOLE LIFE AHEAD OF ME?" Bonnie screamed, her bloodshot eyes meeting Kim's with pure hatred. "IN CASE YOU DIDN'T NOTICE, I LEARNED MY LIFE WAS NOTHING BUT A FUCKING JOKE!"
"Bonnie...your life is not a joke!" Kim said, her heart pounding in her chest as Bonnie started to shift herself closer to the ravine's edge.
"Yes, it was," Bonnie coldly spoke, holding up a hand as Kim slowly edged forwards, a sign for her to stop. "Okay, that's close enough! I swear to God, you come any closer, I'll fucking jump Kim!"
Possible froze, her breathing heavy as she saw how unstable Bonnie had become, just how much she had been pushed over the edge. She never had training to talk someone out of committing suicide, much less someone who had been her rival for years. Even though Bonnie was hardly a friend to her during their years at Middleton High, she could never forgive herself if she failed to prevent Bonnie's death.
As the suicidal brunette turned and prepared to jump, a helpless whimper broke the silence, Bonnie turned to face a sight she never expected to see in her life. For the first time ever, Kim fell to her knees, doing the only thing she felt she could do in that sitch. She was pleading to Bonnie's sense of reason.
"P-Please," She pleaded; desperation in her eyes. "Oh God, please Bonnie, I'm..I'm begging you. Don't do this to you, to everyone. Come with me and I-I'll get you help to get you through this. I'll be with you every step of the way, I promise but please, just don't kill yourself."
Bonnie closed her eyes, fighting the urge to cry herself. Then restarting the countdown in her head, she at least wanted to die with some shred of dignity, which she found ironic considering what she was about to do.
Turning to face Kim one last time, she spoke what she knew to be her final ever words to the woman who was her rival all those years in high school. She could see that Kim was completely helpless; frightened that she would be unable to prevent a death that night. That for the first time ever, with so much on the line, that night will forever scar her soul.
"I'm sorry K, but it's...it's far too late for that," Bonnie said solemnly, tears falling from her eyes. "Goodbye Kim."
"BONNIE, NO!" Kim screamed as she desperately sprang toward Bonnie, pushing herself with every bit of strength and agility she could muster, reaching out to grab her before it was too late. To her horror a split second too slow, grasping nothing but open air, the sound of Kim's scream rang in the air as Bonnie stepped into the void.
OPENING PANDORA'S BOX
Story Beta'd by CajunBear73 and Sentinel103
Two Weeks Ago - Graduation Beach Party
Bonnie sat near the bonfire, studying for summer school while everyone else partied the night away, a double celebration for not just graduating but surviving an alien invasion. An alien invasion foiled by the usual heroes of the hour, Kim Possible and Ron Stoppable.
At the start of the new school year, Bonnie always imagined she would have been centre stage at the graduation party but she didn't count on an alien race declaring war on Earth, just because Kim humiliated one of them months before in order for her rival to save the Earth. However it wasn't just Kim's night but Ron's as well, the loser finally stepped up and singlehandedly defeated two ten foot tall aliens in hand-to-hand combat. Still, she thought that throwing them into a falling space battle cruiser was just showboating.
But she found it so unfair that everyone got to enjoy summer, while she was going to be stuck in school for a week, catching up on all the lessons she skipped. The summer was supposed to be for relaxation, not studying. Only losers at the bottom of the food chain were supposed to be stuck in summer school, the ones who were either too stupid or didn't have parents who loved them enough.
Bonnie never considered herself a loser but thats what her sister's kept saying to her. Those two always treated her like crap. Never did they show her a single ounce of love in her entire life. They spent every waking moment in taking pleasure in making her miserable and sometimes it worked, laughing themselves silly as Bonnie ran to her room after being brought to tears.
She set out to become a winner and not a loser like they said of her, by getting the ultimate revenge on them. She was to beat them at their own game and become far more popular and better than they ever were in high school. Connie and Lonnie were known as the two best cheerleaders in their day but Bonnie, she outshone them by utilising her unique fusion of ballet and gymnastics to give her a graceful style that her sisters could never achieve, not in a million years.
That was her way of saying 'Fuck you', right back at them.
Concentrating on her studying, she went over a few books that she borrowed from Tara to help her prepare for what Barkin had in store. Jolted from her musings when a volleyball smacked into the back of her head, and growling with annoyance, she turned to face the klutz, only to find Kim smiling sheepishly at her. God, she hated Possible so much.
She made a mess of things with her fucking 'I can do anything' attitude. Weeks after Bonnie became captain of the cheer squad, Kim wanted to sign up and Bonnie reluctantly agreed to let her tryout after the rest of the squad wanted to see what Kim had. The result? Possible performed feats that Bonnie only wished she could do; but for her, it was impossible. She once tried to attempt a move that Possible once performed, only to result in landing awkwardly and twisting her ankle, putting her out of action for weeks. She was a threat to her popularity, as well as her desire to outdo her sisters.
Rubbing the back of her head, she was about to start yelling at Kim, Junior quickly defused the situation by wrapping a loving arm around her shoulders and kissing her tenderly on the head. He may not exactly be the smartest guy in the world and most people believed that she was just dating him for his money, well it was a small factor of her shallowness, but deep down she loved him so much. Leaving her to her studies, Junior went to get her a cool soda, only to get distracted by engaging conversation with Kim and Ron, congratulating them on their heroics.
Taking advantage when she saw Barkin catching sight of Kim's brothers and giving chase again, she decided to slip away and at least have some fun that night, and searched for the girls. Anything to shed the foul mood that clung to her. She saw Junior was talking with Josh and from the way they were laughing she could tell they were getting on quite well. Making her way over to them, she suddenly was knocked off balance as two smaller pre-teens ran past her, hitting the ground and getting a mouthful of salty sand. Spitting it out, her gaze shifted to Jim and Tim Possible, who were still fleeing from the bellowing Mr. Barkin.
"Dammit!" She snarled, getting up and brushing the sand from her clothes, as someone placed a friendly hand on her shoulder.
"B, you okay?" Tara asked, smiling at her. "C'mon, you look like you could do with some fun."
Taking her hand, she led Bonnie over to the rest of the girls on the squad talking to Tara's boyfriend, Josh. As much as Tara's heart was in the right place, Bonnie found it hard to get into a fun loving mood, her smoldering rage continuing to burn inside her.
"Oh. My. God!" Marcella said, with a squeal, clasping her hands together. "That's so great Josh!"
"Hey, it's not like it's in the Louvre or something," Josh laughed modestly, taking a sip from his soda. "But hey, I'm just psyched to see my work on opening night."
"So, I see Joshy told you the good news already, huh?" Tara beamed, hooking her arm in Josh's and kissing him gently on the cheek. "I can't believe his first piece is in a museum now! Everyone totally looking forward to seeing the opening ceremony in the Upperton Arts Centre?"
The girls nodded, except for Bonnie, staring down at the ground with her arms crossed. The flames of her rage building.
"Hey B, you okay?" Hope asked, noticing the sour expression on Bonnie's face. "Look, just chill out and enjoy yourself."
"Easy for you to say," Bonnie muttered, kicking the sand in frustration. "You don't have to be stuck summer school for a week."
"Shouldn't have skipped the last week Bon-Bon," Josh said in a joking tone of voice, the brunette's teal eyes flared with anger as the girls giggled. Ever since that ski trip and her mother having been called by Kim's mother to help chaperone, everyone learnt her humiliating nickname: Bon-Bon. Something that she hated other's calling her, something that was was enough to kindle her smoldering rage, escalating it into a full blown inferno.
"Y'know what, Josh?" Bonnie snarled, shoving him forcefully in the shoulder which resulted in him spilling his drink on his shirt. "You can go fuck yourself!"
Ignoring the horrified gasps from the girls and the stunned Josh, Bonnie turned on the spot, and stormed away from them. She only got a few feet away when she felt a small, yet strong hand grasped her shoulder, roughly turning her around to face a furious Tara.
"Okay Bonnie, what the hell is your problem?!"
"My problem?" Bonnie answered coldly. "I'm feeling bad enough already and I don't need that loser making me feel even worse!"
"He is not a loser!" Tara said defensively, trembling with rage. "Hell, if anyone's the loser around here, it's you, Bonnie!"
She fell silent, glaring at Bonnie who was too stunned to reply, looking as if Tara had just slapped her hard around the face. Shaking her head, Tara looked at her friend for all those years, a look of pure disgust and resentment on the baby blond's face.
"Y'know, I almost feel sorry for you, almost," Tara said coldly. "The way you behave and everything, you are just as bad as your sisters!"
"I am so nothing like them!" Bonnie spat back venomously. "How dare you say that?!"
"C'mon, you know it's true B. All three of you are bitches, you're all self centred and all you cared about was that stupid fucking food chain!"
"Oh yeah, well you...I mean...," Bonnie wavered, as she tried to come up with something, anything, to counter what Tara said but she knew she was right. She was like her sisters, making her no better than them.
"You know what?" Tara said, in a calm matter of fact tone. "I think we're done. You are just so immature, what with that attitude of yours. To think, I was actually friends, with you. Goodbye, B."
Turning on the spot, Tara left her once best friend, going over to the bonfire to take the notes back she lent to her friend, before going over to Josh. Watching from a distance, Bonnie sighed as Tara broke down into tears, burying her face in Josh's shoulder, his gentle arms wrapping around her. The girls on the squad just gave Bonnie a final detested glance, before gathering round Tara to comfort her. Turning to see Junior, Bonnie saw he had an uncomfortable look on his face, no clue as to how to handle the situation he witnessed.
'So much for a fun night,', she thought, trudging over to Junior, regretting her actions.
"Junior," She sighed. "Please...take me home."
The night was ruined for her.
After a short drive, Junior's cherry colored Ferrari dropped Bonnie outside her house; the only light on in the house was in the kitchen. The young couple took a few minutes saying goodbye, which Bonnie slyly turned into a make out session that went on for a little longer than they intended; not that they were complaining or anything. Getting out of the vehicle, she waved as her boyfriend drove off into the night before quietly heading on inside. Going into the kitchen, she saw her father was rummaging through the refrigerator, softly humming a little tune he normally hummed while getting the fixings for a sandwich. He developed a pot belly from all the years of covert snacking, although it was hardly recognizable when he wore his suit to work. Wearing a light blue dressing gown, over a t-shirt and striped boxers, he didn't notice Bonnie entering the kitchen, placing a jar of mustard, slices of ham and cheese on the table before going to get some bread.
"Late night snack?" Bonnie said, with a sly grin on her face. Slowly raising his hands in the air in a joking manner, he smiled while his face bore an 'Okay, ya got me' look.
"Promise not to tell your mom?" He said, smiling when Bonnie mimed zipping her lips, padlocking them and tossing away the key. "Heh, thanks lil' Bonble-bee."
As he sat down at the table to make his snack, Bonnie went to get herself a glass of orange juice, taking out her favorite glass from the cupboard before joining her father at the table.
"So, how was the party? You have fun?" He asked, while spreading the mustard thinly as Bonnie sighed.
"Not really," She sighed, her voice starting to crack. "I-I...got into a fight with Tara, and we...we..."
Trying to compose herself, she felt fresh warm tears escaping from her eyes, comforted by the loving arms of her father as he gently held her. She buried her face into his shoulder, holding onto him tightly, her cries muffled by his dressing gown. Rocking her back and forth, Franklin Rockwaller patted her on the back softly, planting a loving kiss on her forehead.
"There, there sweetheart," He whispered, as he continued to comfort her. "Hush now darlin', don't you cry. It'll be alright."
"Oh God, w-we've been friends f-forever!" Bonnie sobbed, shuddering from her cries. "I can't believe it's over!"
"How'd you two break up?"
"We...well, it's my f-fault really. I-I was still f-feeling mad about going to s-summer school and Josh jokingly said 'I shouldn't have skipped the week', then I just snapped at him and...well then Tara and I got into a...Oh God, it's all my fault!"
"Hey, hey, now listen to me," Franklin said, cupping her jaw with his hand. "Friends sometimes have pretty bad arguments in their lives but it doesn't mean your friendship is gone. Okay, so you had a pretty foul mood tonight and you made a mistake but I'm sure if you just apologize to her then she'll forgive you."
"Daddy, I don't think she'll ever forgive me. It's over between us, for good..."
"Bonble-bee, everything'll be alright," He said, kissing her gently on her forehead.
She could feel her sorrow slowly ebb away; her father's loving arms consoling her as she received much needed solace. Resting her head on his shoulder, she continued to hug him tightly as she let her tears flow. Whenever she was in pain, both physical or emotional, nothing was more comforting to her than her father's arms.
"I messed up tonight, big time, huh?" Bonnie sighed, thinking to how her graduation was delayed by just one credit.
"Well, I can't say I'm not disappointed really. You should have gone to classes that week, instead of just skipping them. I know you said that nothing ever happens in them but just because something doesn't look important, doesn't mean it isn't."
Bonnie had to agree with her father on that. She did miss out big time on a few occasions when it came to events that didn't look or seem important at the time, only for something pretty exciting to happen. For the next few minutes, she just held onto her father, just as she always did when she was a small child. Her father saw her eyes slowly starting to close, as sleep gradually started to take hold.
"It's getting late," Franklin said, kissing her again on the cheek. "You better get on up to bed."
"But I'm not...," Bonnie began to say, a yawn interrupting her. "Okay, point taken. Goodnight daddy."
"G'night darling. Sleep tight baby."
Going upstairs, Bonnie quietly tip-toed so as to not wake up her mother and sisters, and headed into her room to get changed. Lifting the pillow off her bed, she picked up her pajamas she kept underneath, a habit she picked up from her mother. Changing out of her clothes, she put on pink bottoms and a white top with a purple heart design on the front, and climbed into bed.
As she snuggled up underneath her duvet, she glanced at the graduation robe and mortar board that hung on the back of her chair in front of her vanity mirror, a constant reminder of missing that one credit. Despite her exhaustion, she couldn't drift off the sleep, the very presence of those two garments keeping her up. After what seemed like a lifetime, she flicked the switch on the lamp on her night stand, glancing at the digital display on her alarm clock. It was 1:23am.
"Dammit..." She muttered, throwing the covers off and heading over to the chair.
It seemed silly that she couldn't sleep because of two simple pieces of clothing, but like some items that she owned, she hid them away because of the memory associated with them. Picking them up in her arms, she carried them out of her room; taking them to the one place she always hid stuff that had bad memories. The attic.
Slipping on her pink slippers, Bonnie left her room and went into the hallway, then up the stairs, avoiding the seventh step that squeaked as she wanted to avoid waking everyone. She opened the door and flicked the light on. A dim light shone through the dust covered bulb, giving off a weak humming buzz as electricity coursed through it. It was fairly cool, the cold night air blowing through small gaps in the roof, an assortment of clutter stored out of the way.
Up in the attic were the Christmas decorations, an antique mirror, a mannequin which wore her grandmother's wedding dress and dozens of dusty, brown cardboard boxes that had stuff they bought over their lives and couldn't bear to get rid of. Heading over to a box that had the word 'Bonnie's' written in marker pen on it, she opened it up, finding all the old stuff she once owned in there, such as baby clothes and toys. Cramming the robe and mortar board inside, she closed the box and turned to head back down to her room, catching her arm on a larger box and knocking it to the floor, spilling its contents with an audible thud.
She listened hard, hoping no one had been woken by her clumsiness, sighing with relief when she heard no activity from downstairs. Bending down to put it all back, she saw the box was labeled 'Edith's', her mother's. It was all old paperwork from the days her mother worked as a pharmaceutical saleswoman, which required her to drive to different states. She couldn't take a plane as she used to have an intense fear of flying, which took its toll on their marriage from the weeks her mother was away from home, long before Bonnie was born. But she was lucky they saw through those tough times when her mother fell pregnant with her. In the end, her mother quit her job in order to focus on being there for everyone, becoming a far better mother than before. Suddenly, something piqued her interest in the pile of papers.
A small battered, dusty brown envelope with a name faintly written in black ink: 'Bonnie'.
Picking the envelope up, she turned it over in her hands as she examined it, a quizzical expression on her face. She wondered why a letter addressed to her would be inside her mother's personal effects, but more importantly, what it could be about. Perhaps it was something her mother forgot to hand her a while back, or maybe it was a will she wrote in case anything happened to her. What further piqued her curiosity was that it was that someone had opened it before, and sealed it back up with a piece of tape. After finishing off tidying up, she put the box back where it was before taking the letter back to her room, lying down on her bed and turning the letter in her hands. She wondered if it would be right to read it or not, after all it didn't look very important, until the words of her father's wisdom echoed in her mind.
'Ah, screw it!'
Carefully, she opened the envelope. And after she unfolded the page within and began to read, life as she knew it was changed forever.
Hey there guy's and gal's, so here it is, my first step into M-Rated fanfiction. Now a word of warning, as this is going to be dealing with really edgy stuff so believe me when I say this is gonna be a dark and gritty fanfic.
Now I wrote quite a few family friendly fanfics in my time but I decided to branch out to a more mature audience. Anyway, I always wanted to do a really good Bonnie story and after PM-ing CB and Sen about the plot bunny on my head, I formed a story that has a new fresh take on Bonnie. Anyway, CB and Sen know how this is gonna end but for the rest of you, well, we're gonna keep the big finale under our hats. Now don't expect updates all of a sudden, because CB and Sen can be quite busy and I got other stories to update while taking care of other stuff, so try to be a little patient guys and gals.
Anyway, feel free to send a review, I would love the feedback and see what your thoughts are on this. So until next time then.