Master Backseat

Driver from the Stars





Author's Notes:

Bakura: Why am I doing this again?

Ryou: Doing what, Yami?

Bakura: Participating in this story.

Ryou: Don't you remember how much the author is paying us?

Bakura: No.

Ryou: *hands him a slip of paper. *

Bakura: Is that her phone number?

Ryou: Nope.

Bakura: Wow! I love this story! Come on, aibou, we got us some shopping to do!

Ryou: But I have to do the disclaimer!

Bakura: Hurry up, then!

Ryou: Spooky doesn't own anything! WAIT UP, YAMEEEEEE!

*The two crazy people run out the door. *

Chapter One: Ryou's Amazing Driving Skills!

Ryou plopped down in his seat, pulling the box of Lucky Charms to him. Bakura sat across from him, finishing his fifth bowl of cereal. He noticed the worried look on Ryou's face and smirked. 

"What's wrong today, Woman? Hey! Watch what you're doing!"

Bakura snatched the milk bottle away from Ryou's hand. The boy had poured too much on his cereal, and now it was overflowing. Bakura grabbed a towel and started to clean up the mess.

"What the Hell is wrong with you, anyway?" Bakura growled at Ryou.

Ryou sighed, "My driving test is tomorrow. I'm worried because I haven't practiced in a while." He shoved a spoonful of cereal into his mouth. Bakura snapped his fingers as a thought crossed his spiky head.

"Never you fear, my girly-little Aibou, for your Yami is a master backseat driver! I'll make sure you'll pass your driving test!"

Ryou blinked at him. Bakura rolled his eyes.

"In other words, ROADTRIP!" he shouted, bounding upstairs to get ready. "Meet you in the car!"

"But-!" Ryou attempted to stop his Yami, but it was futile.

Bakura stuck his head down the stairs, an angry expression on his face. "I said, meet you in the car!"

Ryou shrunk back against the wall. "O-okay."

After tedious minutes of trying on all of Ryou's clothes, Bakura strode down the stairs, wearing black leather pants, a leather jacket, and a black tank top with the words "Tomb Raider" on it. He wore sunglasses on top of his hair.

"Okay, I'm ready- YOU'RE NOT GOING OUT IN THAT, ARE YOU?!" He stared in horror at Ryou, who wore a blue sweatshirt over faded black jeans.

"What's wrong with this?" Ryou asked innocently, looking down at himself.

Bakura shoved him up the stairs and kicked him in the butt. "GO CHANGE!"

Ryou started up the stairs, grumbling and rubbing his backside.

After more tedious changing, Ryou finally found the right clothing.

Bakura tapped his foot impatiently. "ARE YOU READY YET, WOMAN?!" he screamed.

"Just, just hold on!" Ryou called back. The door to his room opened and Ryou walked out wearing an olive green shirt over dark blue jeans, with a lighter blue jean jacket. "Is this okay?"

Bakura frowned. "For the love of Ra, have you no fashion sense?"

"You wore this last week!"

"Yeah, well, I looked better in it!"

"We look the same!"

"Like Hell we do!"

Ryou shook his head. "Just…just get in the car."

Bakura obeyed and left the house. Ryou opened the car door and got in. Bakura just stared.

"This isn't a car! This is a station wagon!"

Ryou rolled his eyes. "Just get in."


"Get in."


"Get in now!"

"Fine!" Bakura got in and slammed the door angrily.

Ryou started adjusting the mirrors so he could drive properly. "Okay then. Mirror in the right place?"

Bakura set the mirror on himself. "Check."

Ryou reached over and readjusted the mirror. Bakura glared at him.

"Car in drive?" Ryou looked down. "Check." He looked behind him. "Everything out of the driveway? Check."

He placed his hands on the steering wheel. "Okay, hands in 2 o'clock and 10 o'clock positions, and I am now backing up."

Bakura frowned. "That's the sissy way to drive. You're supposed to throw caution to the wind and just go."

"Shut up. Okay, I'm backing up." Ryou backed down the driveway. "Okay, and off we go."

"Okay, doing good", Bakura urged. "Okay, speed up. Speed up. A little more-SLOW DOWN! ARE YOU WATCHING THE SPEED LIMIT?!"

"Stop yelling at me!"

"Then stop being so stupid! Okay, turn left here. No, not here, here!"

"I know where I'm going!" Ryou snapped.

"You're sure not acting like it! Okay, slow down a little bit."

"Why?" Ryou glared at his Yami.

"Can't you see the stop sign?!"


"Yeah! Because you just passed it!"

"Stop yelling at me!"

"I'M NOT YELLING!" Bakura obviously…yelled…

"Then what are you doing now?!"

"Shut up and drive! Okay, speed up a little. Not too fast. SLOW DOWN!"

"What now?!" Ryou growled impatiently.

"Can't you see that tree?!" Bakura pointed ahead.

Ryou looked forward to see a tree about ten houses down, and nowhere near the road. "I'm nowhere near that tree! I'm not going to hit it!!"

Bakura shoved Ryou hard, so he swerved recklessly off and on the road.

"You see? You're driving crazy! Pull over!"

"What?! No way! I'm the one who has to pass my driving test!" Ryou shrieked.

"You'll never pass your driving test if you keep driving like that!"

"W-what?! You shoved me!"

"I did nothing of the sort!"

"That's it!" Ryou pulled over to the side of the road and turned to face his Yami. "Get in the back!"

"What did you say?" Bakura's eyes narrowed.

"Get in the back!"


"Go sit in the back!"


"GET IN THE BACK!" Ryou screamed.

"FINE!" Bakura screamed back, climbing over the seat. He leaned forward and pointed. "Turn right up here."

"Okay." Ryou replied calmly and turned left.

Bakura's face turned red with anger. "ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?!"

"Hey, do you want to go back into the Ring?"

"I'd like to see you make me go back!"

"Try me."

Bakura choked back an angry scream and slumped back in his seat. To pass the time, he started kicking Ryou's chair.

"So much for the 'Master Backseat Driver'."



Where will the dysfunctional duo end up next? Will Bakura be able to sit up front again? Will Ryou pass his driving test? What will come of the poor diners, gas stations, and supermarkets that are in our driver's way? And will Ryou and Bakura's road trip be full of humorous antics? You bet your sweet fanny! Stay tuned for Chapter Two; "Mister Bakura's Wild Ride!"

Until the future happens (which it often does.), LOVE, PEACE, and other such concepts.