Okay everyone. I just need to say one thing about 4x07.
WHY? Why couldn't her love for him be completely pure, the way his is for her?
Why can Damon never win? He's officially the only character on the show I even remotely like anymore, and I love him with all my heart. Elena could learn a thing or two from me.
Sired. What a load of crap.
Anyway. Here's some angst venting from Damon and Elena, I hope you like it, and I hope this happens. Because I don't think you can sire-command someone to love you, and even if you can, Damon never did that to Elena. She chose to love him.
I Was Reborn to Love You
I let out a deep sigh. I can feel Damon's arms wrapped tightly around me, as though he were afraid deep down that I will slip away, and for that reason he will never let go. And I revel in it. There is not an ounce of the suffocation that I felt as Stefan tried and tried to change me, tried not to see who I was becoming, tried to hold onto the girl I was. Here in Damon's arms I feel whole, I feel like I am finally real.
You have never looked more alive.
I smile against Damon's chest, moving slightly in an attempt to be closer to him than I already am. And I know. I know without a doubt that this is it. I am drawn to Damon in a way that I cannot explain, that I cannot fight, that I do not want to resist. I know that I would follow him anywhere just as surely as I know he will never leave me. It's incredible to me that I ever dreamed staying with Stefan was the safe choice, that his love was better for me; because I have never felt safer or more loved than right here in the crushing grip of Damon.
I feel him stir, loosening his grip slightly as he shifted to look at me. I immediately mourned the loss of contact, but was rewarded when I gazed up into his face.
It's been a while since I've really looked at Damon from this close. I don't think I've ever seen him look happier. He wasn't really smiling, but there was a raw joy in his eyes that kept mine raptured in his. In this moment I wish for nothing more than to look into this face every morning. To see Damon Salvatore watching me watching him and bask in his glow.
"Hi," he whispered, a faint smile surfacing. I felt myself smile back.
"Good morning," I replied, snaking my arms around his torso and holding him to me in case he had any thoughts of leaving this bed. The small action transformed his smile into an enormous grin, and he moved up one hand to run his fingers through my hair.
This is so right, I know it is. This is the only time since I have become a vampire that I have felt so….human. I shuffle my body up a little higher along his and push my smiling lips against his. I can feel our hearts racing together, the passion of last night not diminishing in this sweet kiss, only transforming into a message. I hope he hears it in my desperate clinging and sees it in my eyes. I need him.
Eventually our lips part, but we remain close together, breathing each other's breath. My eyes are still closed, but I can feel his gaze once again on me. It's setting me on fire. My body begins to move of its own accord, one leg slowly sliding over both of his, and together we rotate so I am straddling him, our faces still only inches apart. Only now do I open my eyes, and what I see makes me inhale sharply. Damon's eyes are burning into mine, turning into a dark shade of slate as my slow movements torture him into arousal. I feel his body harden below me and now the lust is all I can think about. I lift my hand and stroke his face softly before leaning down and once more pressing my lips against his.
This time it is not just a sweet kiss. He moves below me and I groan against him, grinding myself against his boxers. I'm acutely aware of how little clothing we have on. I'm in one of his button-up shirts and my underwear, and he's in…well…his underwear. And I can't stop moving. His tongue slips into my mouth and he flips us over, meanwhile I'm practically writhing below him, attempting to gain some relief.
Then suddenly we both have to stop as we hear the front door open, and the one person neither of us wants to see is calling for us.
I hear my younger brother's voice echo through the boarding house. Shit. Here I am with Elena writhing below me and baby bro is once again getting in the way.
I press one last kiss onto my sweet Elena's lips before getting dressed with vamp speed. Sure I'm annoyed that his timing is so predictably awful, but I know how much the breakup hurt Stefan, and I'm not about to rub my passionate night with his ex in his face.
Fully dressed, I turn back to Elena. She is still sitting in the bed, practically pouting at me for leaving her so abruptly. She is wearing only my shirt (which is hanging open) and a skimpy pair of underwear, but I can barely tear my eyes away from hers. She is so incredibly beautiful. How is it possible that Elena Gilbert is finally mine?
"God, I love you," I murmur so only she can hear me as Stefan climbs the stairs, "but you have to get dressed," I add regretfully. She smiles coyly at me, thumbing closed the buttons of my shirt on her body and my heart stops for a moment. She presses a finger to her lips and speeds into my bathroom, hiding in the shower.
At that moment Stefan bursts rudely into my room.
"What's up, Superman?" I smirk at him, trying to ignore his highly accusatory glare, trying to ignore his eyes flickering to the odd piece of Elena-clothing strewn around the room, the broken furniture, and the messy sheets. Trying to ignore his glare soften to something close to pity before he shakes his head and apparently renews his resolve to be angry.
"Damon, where is Elena right now?" Stefan demands, arms crossing over his chest. I shrug, giving my best 'I-have-no-idea' face, but I can't stop half a smirk from creeping onto my features. Stefan just sighs.
"Do you know?" he presses.
"Know what?" I question defensively, wondering what latest piece of news is here to burst my bubble.
"She's sired to you, and you took full advantage of that."
I feel my insides drop as I attempt to process. There are just too many words in those two sentences that I cannot compute.
Sired to me?
I took advantage of her?
Determined not to be the emo brother, I cement my smirk into place, burying my sinking heart, and shrug in what I hope is a nonchalant gesture. Stefan glowers at me from my doorway and I wonder to what extent he hates me right now, but in an instant my heightened hearing picks up on a shaky breath coming from my bathroom. My smirk instantly falls as stare at the floor.
"Don't you worry, I'm going to find the cure, and I'm going to fix her. I'm gonna do whatever it takes to make sure Elena makes the right choice," Stefan swears.
"Okay, State-the-obvious-Stefan," I quip weakly. At least it doesn't seem like he hears Elena. Still not quite enough human blood in him for him to pick it up. "Why don't you go work on that, then." I bring myself to look at him, managing only a baleful glare that I can only hope isn't rimmed with tears. I can barely feel my face. What have I done.
Stefan walks out, slamming the door behind him. I hold my breath and I can hear Elena do the same until we both listen to the front door slam as Stefan speeds away. And I know what I have to do, but I don't know if I still have the strength to do it.
Elena staggers out of the bathroom, my shirt now fully buttoned up on her. Of course it is, I told her to get dressed, I remind myself bitterly.
Her eyes are wide, gazing at me, and I'm suddenly frustrated by the way I have no idea what she is thinking right now. And on top of that I have no idea whether or not what she's thinking are her thoughts or just her sired thoughts! I growl in anger and after a brief hesitation she steps closer towards me.
"Damon?" She prompts shakily, and I feel myself stiffen.
"Damon, I… I know what you're thinking, but I chose you. I came here of my own accord! What Stefan is saying makes no sense!" She rambled desperately, and I wonder if she knows where the borderline between her feelings and my influence is.
"Hey, Elena..." I meet her gaze, my anger softening to pity. This beautiful, strong woman - how could it be possible that I have any control over her? She has always been an enigma to me, just out of reach. Reaching for her felt like reaching for cookies on the top shelf, I stroke her only to push her further away.
"Elena," I begin again, "you know that I love you, and I will always love you. I will always choose you." She nodded, a tear forming in the back of her eyes.
I take a shaky breath and continue, "Good. Then listen to me and do exactly as I say." Confusion crossed her face as I stepped towards her and grabbed her arms, not letting her escape. "Once upon a time, you chose Stefan. Tell me why."
"Because I loved him," she replies, "but now-"
"Yes," I cut her off, "you loved him. You loved Stefan. You don't love me," I feel my own tears begin to surface but I persevere, "you didn't choose me, you only came to me because you are sired to me." The words I am saying are ripping my heart out. I wonder vaguely if will ever recover from this. And there is Elena, gazing at me as though I can say nothing wrong, and it's killing her. Desperately I try to ease her burden.
"This won't be the end for you, Elena," I offer encouragingly, "you and Stefan will be back together before you know it. I'll leave town." I know I have to, and I hate it. "I'll leave you two to pick things up again where you left off before I intervened. Drink blood however you want to, and live the life you want to live."
The tears are beginning to spill over for both of us, and I'm feeling a sense of deja-vu. Her necklace, my confessions, my insecurities, all on the table. And as always, I am showing her the way back to Stefan, her epic love.
I can see that Elena, precious Elena, beautiful Elena, who I thought was mine only minutes ago, is rooted to the spot, aghast. So I take it upon myself to speed away, no clear destination in mind.
I blink, and he's gone.
What the hell just happened?
I only went to him because I was sired to him?
The words don't make sense to me, but the more times I run over them, the more convincing they seem. Is that because I'm sired to him, too?
I can't believe it. I want to rewind to where I am trapped in Damon's loving arms. I have been craving him for so long.
But me and Stefan will be back together before we know it. That's what Damon said. It must be true. Damon wouldn't lie to me. I trust him so completely.
Something about this is so wrong, I can't quite put my finger on it. I want Damon. I need Damon. He never told me to feel those things….did he? No, I'm sure of it, this was completely my choice. But how will I ever convince him? Especially since me and Stefan will be back together before I know it. Because I chose Stefan. And I chose Stefan because I loved him. And this won't be the end for me.
No. No, no, no. I scrounge desperately around the room for my clothes, feeling relief as I get dressed. Is that because Damon asked me to do it? And a better question, do I care? My brain is on overdrive, my hyper-active vampire emotions rocking my body. I sit on the edge of Damon's bed, still trying to process. Okay. Tyler and the other wolves were sired to Klaus because they felt like they owed him, because they would never have to turn again. Why would I owe Damon? Why am I sired to him?
I'm desperate to figure it out. Because this can't be it. I'll have to find a way to break the sire bond, like Tyler did. Not so I can get away from Damon as Tyler needed to escape Klaus. But to get Damon back. To show him that my feelings - which are still so young and untouched and enormous that I am frightened to give them their true name - my passion, my lust, my need, my want of him - to show him that it is real. And it is from me.
Damon never asked me to sleep with him.
He never commanded me to feel for him.
But how will I ever convince him?
Well that's that.
If I get a good response I may write more. For now this is just a one-shot vent that I hope will be continued on-screen next week as our favorite couple mends fences. I have been waiting for Delena for years and this is what I get?! I can't even.
Please let me know what your own thoughts are on 4x07 and what you think is to come :)