Poor Allen...

Summary: Allen gets raped by Tyki, and in his state of weakness, begins hating himself for not being strong enough, develops severe cases of paranoia and the fears of being touched, close to anyone, and emotionally attached. Lavi and Kanda have to try to put him back together again, but it won't be easy, especially when Allen is too afraid to let them in.

No smut, guys! Sorry, I'm trying my hand at a serious hurt/comfort fic.



I lay on the ground, my legs frozen and my breath coming in raspy, quick pants. My face was wet with hot tears and my body shuddered involuntarily, curling up on my side, my knees to my chest. I lay without clothing, and a blanket that smelled distinctly of mildew draped over me. It brought no comfort.

"That was fun, card shark." he chuckled from across the room. I stared blankly at the chipped wall, a fresh wave of tears rolling down my cheeks. "I'll be back eventually. Maybe we can go for another round when I do, eh?"

The tall, Portuguese Noah chuckled darkly, opening the door. It shut loudly behind him.

I felt- no, I was incomprehensibly dirty.


I couldn't move, it hurt. My hips burned in fiery pain, and my nails gripped my knees.

I didn't dare call for help; none had come when I'd screamed earlier today, why would help come now?

I laid there for what seemed like an eternity, but what might have been a few hours, until the door burst open.

"Walker-dono, I've found you!" A finder sighed in relief.

I didn't speak.

I didn't move.

If I did, it would hurt, and he might come back.


I heard the finder call to his fellow finders for help.

I heard the noise of the three half-masked men, heard the words "lethargic" and "shock", but they seemed too distant, too far. I could do nothing but tremble as I fell into a dreamless sleep.

An empty, hollow, pointless sleep.

I woke in the train.

I was on my side, like before, but no longer on the ground. A velvet, red cushion was under me, and I was dressed in my usual clothes.

"Come back here!" A woman screeched. I flinched involuntarily, fear overwhelming me. Was she in here?

I glanced around the room, terrified. My whole body tensed, and I gripped the pale creamy-yellow sheet that had been wrapped around me.

No one but me was in the private train car. I couldn't relax. I couldn't release my frozen shoulders from their tight position.

I heard pitiful whimpers echo in the train car before realizing I'd made them, tears washing down my face.

What had become of me?

What was wrong with me?

Why wasn't I strong enough?

I swallowed thickly, sobs racking my body.

I was weak.

I shouldn't be an exorcist, I thought as I wailed silently.

No one as weak as me should be.

A failure.

A disgrace.

(end prologue)