** Hey, loves. So, FF was being a poop and most notifications didn't send out over the last couple of days, so I'm reposting this for my followers that go solely by email notifications. If you've already read chapter nineteen, this is just a reposting :) **
AN- Keep the faith, babies.
Kurt's hand shook as he attempted to fit his key into the lock of his apartment door. He somehow managed to open it in his numb yet shaken state, and pulled Blaine in behind him by his fingertips. His mind had gone from racing wildly to an eerie state of calm during the cab ride home. He knew what he had to do now, and even though an inner voice was screaming at him that this wasn't the answer, to really think about this, he couldn't back down. He couldn't give in to his selfishness, not again.
He had to let Blaine go and he had to do it soon. He was suddenly grateful for the fact that they had yet to soberly say the words, "I love you". Somehow, he was convincing himself that not yet saying it out loud would make it easier to break things off. He pointedly ignored the fact that his heart was practically screaming his love for Blaine, the way it beat wildly at the other man's touch, the way it ached so much he was sure it was breaking to see his boyfriend in pain.
He knew he had to do it soon, but he couldn't quite yet. Blaine needed him for just a few moments longer. He needed comfort and reassurance after what had just happened. He needed to know how ignorant that woman's words were, and how desperately he was cared about. He again pointedly ignored how wrong it felt, knowing how much he would hurt Blaine the moment he had finished comforting him.
The guilt over knowing that, for all intents and purposes he was the reason Blaine was made to feel this pain at all was much stronger, however. It was eating him alive and overrode his common sense. The combination of the extreme guilt and his already deep love for Blaine was intense and trampled down the nagging feeling in the pit of his stomach that this decision was not right. All he could think of was that he wanted more than anything to do right by this man, not seeing how much more wrong he would be doing instead.
"What do you need?" He whispered as he took Blaine's hands loosely in his own, stroking in gentle circles with his thumbs. "What can I do for you right now?"
Blaine smiled at him genuinely. His first real smile since this whole thing had started. He immediately stepped fully into Kurt's arms, wrapping his own around the model's waist and holding him tightly.
"God, I'm so thankful for you," he hushed into Kurt's ear. "Just... just hold me for a minute."
A tear trickled down Kurt's cheek as he slowly slid his arms around Blaine, caressing his back and rubbing in slow, soothing circles. Blaine sighed contentedly, settling his cheek on Kurt's shoulder and brushing his lips against his neck as he spoke again.
"Did you know... the first time it really hit me how comfortable I was with you was that first night in bed together?"
Kurt hesitated, then shook his head in silence.
"I don't remember a ton of details about that night, but I remember how you held me and rubbed these slow, soft circles on my back. I had never felt so at home in my life, baby. I feel that way every time you hold me and touch me like that. This is exactly what I need right now. Please, don't stop."
Kurt let out a tortured little breath. Each of Blaine's words were like a dagger to his heart, and now he felt guilt from an entirely different direction. He was so confused.
He pressed a kiss against Blaine's hair in an attempt to cover a dry sob that escaped his mouth, then steeled himself. He began rubbing his boyfriend's back in firm comforting circles once again and spoke softly into his ear.
"Of course, honey. I'll always hold you when you need me."
Always, no matter what. You may hate me soon, but I'd still be there to hold you if you wanted... for the rest of my damn life.
They stood in silence, Blaine resting completely against Kurt and letting himself be held and Kurt pulling Blaine into him, doing his best to transfer how much he cared through his touch. Eventually, with a deep sigh, Blaine pulled away to look Kurt in the eye with a sad smile.
"Look, babe. I know very well how ignorant that woman was. I know she wasn't right, and I know that pretty much no one else in the room felt the same way, but..."
He faded away, staring off at the floor as he shook his head and chewed at his lip.
"But what, honey?" Kurt prodded gently.
"But," Blaine swallowed, looking back up at Kurt with misty eyes. "I was just called a pervert by a mother. I was just treated as if I was some dirty child molester. I was humiliated in public, in front of people who are sort of fans of mine and worst of all, a small child was taught to believe that I am a horrible person who can't be trusted."
Kurt felt his chest tighten. His throat felt thick and it burned to even breathe. He nodded slowly, not even attempting to cover how his own eyes were misting over as well.
"That really hurt," Blaine whispered, his voice cracking. As he closed his eyes, a single tear slowly squeezed from his lashes and fell down his cheek.
Kurt watched the tear run, and his heart felt as if it had shattered.
"Oh," he gasped, yanking Blaine back into his arms once more. "Oh, sweetie. I know. God, I know. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."
He kissed Blaine's neck with soft, damp kisses, whispering how sorry he was, over and over. He didn't even realize that he was basically sobbing until Blaine pulled back, cupping his shoulders and gazing at him in concern.
"Hey," he sniffed, reaching a hand back briefly to wipe at his own damp cheek. "Kurt, it's okay. Please don't be this upset. Yes, I'm sad and I'm hurt, but it'll be okay and it's definitely not your fault."
"I'm just," Kurt heaved, stopping for a minute to take a deep breath and slow his breathing. "I'm just so sorry you had to experience that. I hate it. I hate it so much."
He paused, moving his hands up to grasp Blaine's face, kissing him everywhere; his cheeks, his nose, his chin, his forehead, his lips. Each kiss was heavy and intense and when he finally met Blaine's lips they were both breathless in moments.
"I want so much better for you," Kurt whispered heavily.
"I know," Blaine mumbled as he gently kissed Kurt's lips in return. He laughed then, dryly. "Me, too."
Kurt couldn't swallow. He couldn't breathe. He felt that this was his window, but he couldn't speak.
"You asked me what I needed," Blaine looked at him steadily, speaking in a low voice.
Kurt nodded. Anything. Anything Blaine needed, it would be his.
"I need you," Blaine breathed, closing his eyes, sliding his hands up Kurt's chest. "I need to feel you. I need to be close to you."
I shouldn't do this. I can't. We can't. It'll just make it harder.
Blaine quickly began unbuttoning Kurt's shirt, pressing his face into his neck, running his lips and his hands over his skin, breathing him in with ragged breaths.
Kurt tried to fight it. He drew in every reserve, all of his strength, wanting to push Blaine away, his guilt now eating him alive.
"I need you," Blaine murmured against his neck, feeling that Kurt was holding back for some reason. "Please, baby. Please."
Fuck! I can't. I can't say no. One last time...
"Fuck," Kurt whispered harshly out loud. "Of course, baby."
He closed his eyes, letting Blaine take him, undress him, push back until they fell onto the couch together. He shut off his mind. There would be plenty of time for thinking later- plenty of time to feel the hurt. Right now he wanted to give Blaine what he needed and to make it amazing. Right now he needed to soak Blaine in, to feel and memorize every inch of him while he could.
He pulled Blaine's shirt from over his head with needy fingers as they fell into the couch together. Blaine pushed him down gently, sighing at the feeling of their bare chests touching as he pressed himself down onto Kurt's right thigh, one leg on either side.
Kurt groaned at the feeling of Blaine's erection digging against his thigh and was suddenly desperate to feel it, skin on skin, instead of through their layers of clothing. He pushed Blaine's hips away from his own, fumbling with the zipper before yanking his jeans down his thighs.
Fuck, this is going too fast!
He wanted to slow down, to enjoy the moment, knowing what this truly was, but it was too late for that. Their hearts were racing and they were both too far gone, too desperate to feel each other to slow down now.
Blaine kicked his pants and boxers off anxiously, grabbing Kurt's waist up and off of the couch at the same time, pulling down his pants in one swift move. With a little wiggle of his hips Kurt helped Blaine remove his own jeans and underwear, kicking them off with one foot as he dug his fingers into Blaine's back, pulling him close.
"Blaine," Kurt sighed, eyes sinking closed once more at the feeling of Blaine's naked body pressed down on top of his own. He thought suddenly of Blaine's confession, only moments ago, of how much he loved the feeling of Kurt rubbing his back, holding him in that intimately loving way, and drew his hands across his boyfriend's back with shaky fingers.
"Yes," Blaine mumbled against his chest as he covered the model in damp kisses. "Please, baby. Keep touching me like that."
Kurt's eyes burned and pricked. His throat grew thick and ached with every breath. His chest was an agonizing combination of intense love for this man and overwhelming pain.
Enough. Fucking pull it together, Kurt! You need to give him everything, give him all of you.
He sucked in a deep breath and blew it out, feeling an aching calm settle over him, and then opened his eyes. He gazed into Blaine's bright eyes, gently pulling him in for a kiss. Blaine sighed into his mouth, relaxing down on top of him. Kurt let his eyes sink shut once more, picturing those eyes, picturing the way Blaine looked, naked, with his body pressed needily against his own. He drew strong and confident hands over Blaine's back, touching, massaging, comforting him with everything he had.
He slid one hand down briefly to Blaine's ass, pressing him in so that they thrusted against each other, erections rubbing together, finally getting the pressure and friction they needed as their stomachs and hips moved in unison.
Blaine pushed his hands in underneath Kurt's back, pulling him in a close embrace so that they were connected, every inch, every bit of skin sparking as they touched and moved together.
Kurt felt himself pulsate as sharp jolt of pleasure shot through him and a small jerk of Blaine's hips along with a sudden tremor in his muscles told him that his boyfriend was feeling the same thing.
Shit! Too fast! I don't want this to be over! I just can't...
He clutched Blaine to him, digging his fingers so tightly into his back that he knew the skin had to be bright white from the pressure. Blaine responded immediately, sensing what Kurt was doing, and clutched at his back as well. Their movements halted for just a moment before their hips circled against each other once again, almost in slow motion this time.
They were both shaking a little from the exertion, from holding themselves back while striving to touch each other in every possible way, every bit of skin aching to touch the other's. Drips of sweat were running down their faces and their chests were shiny and wet as they pressed together.
"Kurt," Blaine groaned in a gravelly voice. "Kurt..."
He pulled back just enough so that he could look into Kurt's eyes and stayed there, the tips of their noses bumping lightly, their lips just close enough so that they could feel the puffs of hot breath hitting their faces as they gasped for air. Eyes locked, unmoving.
Kurt watched as Blaine's jaw tensed. His bottom lip trembled and a breathy moan escaped from his lips. He was certain that his own face mirrored Blaine's as his hips jerked forward against Blaine's, an uncontrollable heat spreading through his body.
"Blaine," Kurt's voice broke. He couldn't help it. He couldn't stop it. His intense emotions were already just below the surface and it was taking everything he had to hold them at bay. His building orgasm, knowing that Blaine was using his body to cause him to feel this way, knowing that he was doing the exact same thing to Blaine, in the exact same moment... it was too much.
Tears broke free, sliding down his face in hot little tracks as he held his gaze steady with Blaine's. His mouth fell open and his body tensed and jolted. It took every bit of will power for him to keep his eyes open, peering into Blaine's as they both came. The intensity was overwhelming, almost more than he could handle, and they clutched at each other as their hips rutted together roughly.
"Baby," Blaine whispered, repeating it over and over as he finally pulled away from Kurt's gaze, resting his head down into Kurt's neck as he slowly ground down into his hips in small circles, groaning as Kurt pushed up against him suddenly, stopping the movements when it became too much. They were both shaky and exhausted and chilled with the drying sweat, but they clung to each other still as they collapsed together, breathing heavily.
When their breathing finally steadied, Blaine slowly looked up and gazed at Kurt with a sleepy grin.
"Holy, fucking shit, Kurt! That was... intense... to say to least. You've definitely cheered me up, baby."
Kurt tried to smile back. He couldn't.
Blaine continued to gaze at him for a few seconds longer before he realized that Kurt's expression was way too serious. His brow furrowed and he shifted slightly so he could brush Kurt's bangs back from his forehead.
"Babe, are you okay?"
Kurt shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut. He pushed Blaine's hand away, feeling ill. If this was the right thing then why did it feel so horribly wrong?
Blaine gazed at him in concern and tried to cup his cheek, preparing to ask him if he was dizzy or something, but Kurt shoved his hand away again frantically.
Blaine's stomach sank and he slowly sat up, pushing away from his boyfriend. The look on Kurt's face was terrible, as if the mere touch of Blaine's fingers against his skin had made him nauseous.
"What's going on, Kurt?" He spoke in a low voice, eyeing the other man warily. "You're freaking me the fuck out right now."
Kurt slowly sat up, trying desperately to push aside how sick he was inside, knowing that Blaine would hate him for what he was about to do, no matter how well-intentioned. They were still fucking covered in each other's come for christ's sake.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Blaine burst out. "You're suddenly acting like the thought of me touching you is making you sick, which I've gotta tell you is confusing since we just finished having sex about thirty seconds ago! It also hurts like fucking hell, so please pull it together and tell me what the hell is bothering you all of a sudden!"
Kurt swallowed roughly. With shaking fingers he reached across to hold Blaine's hands. Blaine stared at him in shock, letting him hold his hands numbly.
What the fuck is he doing?
"I care about you so much," Kurt whispered, tears pooling in his eyes.
Blaine stared back, frozen solid.
What the fucking hell is he doing?
"If I could, I would be with you forever. Do you know that?" Kurt's voice cracked then.
Blaine didn't respond, his expression wooden.
This isn't happening. He isn't saying this. What the fucking hell is going on?
"I can't, baby," Kurt heaved a dry sob, scooting closer to Blaine, grasping at his fingers tightly. "I can't do this to you! I can't be the reason you encounter pain like you did today! I-I'm letting you go... before it's too late. Before we're in too deep. I can't be selfish anymore."
Kurt was clinging to his hands, gazing at him desperately, silently pleading with him to please, please not hate him.
A million thoughts were flying through Blaine's head as he jerked his hands away, feeling as if he had been burned.
Fuck you! You don't want me to hurt? You're killing me now! It's already too late! Please... please don't do this. I can't. I can't without you. Please...
He didn't get a chance to say anything. His stomach began churning. His face flushed hot. He'd never felt so ill, so suddenly, in his life. With frantic haste he threw on his boxers and dashed to the bathroom, slamming the door behind him with just enough time to heave into the toilet.
As he emptied the contents of his stomach, over and over, he vaguely made out the sound of Kurt sliding down the outside of the bathroom door.
With shaking hands he wiped at his mouth before collapsing against the inside of the door.
He didn't speak. Kurt didn't speak. Neither moved.
Blaine closed his eyes as hot tears started to stream down his face. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know what to do. He rested his forehead down against his knees with a dark sigh. He wanted to hate Kurt, but he couldn't. He loved him too fucking much.
So this is what it feels like to just want to die.
Kurt slowly rocked back and forth as he leaned up against the outside of the bathroom door. It had been almost ten minutes since he'd heard Blaine finish being sick and lean against the other side of the door in silence. For a couple of minutes he thought maybe he'd heard him crying; he couldn't be positive. His own quiet sobs had made it hard to hear.
He thunked his head up against the door softly, squeezing his eyes shut and wishing that the stabbing pain in his chest would fade, that the horrible, stomach churning guilt that was swirling around inside of him would ease.
He had been so sure that this was the right thing, so positive. Why did he feel that everything was now utterly fucked? He just wanted things to be right. He wanted to do the right thing, be the man who made the right decisions when it came to the person he loved.
His ears perked up and his heart began to beat faster when he heard the water running in the sink and the sound of small splashes. He quickly stood to his feet, adjusting his unbuttoned jeans and anxiously waiting for the door to open.
When the door finally swung open, it did so with force. Kurt's eyes widened. He wasn't quite sure what he'd expected, but it wasn't this. Blaine wasn't just hurt anymore, he wasn't just upset. His eyes were red and bloodshot, but his expression was hard and set. Now, he just looked fucking pissed.
With an angry swipe across his face to brush away some drips of water he pushed past Kurt coldly, moving toward the couch and snatching up his jeans.
Kurt watched wordlessly as he yanked them on roughly before turning around, eyes blazing.
"Why?" He asked in a dangerous voice.
Kurt's mouth moved for a moment, words trying to escape but failing.
"I-I told you. I can't do this to you anymore. This is my fault. I can't put you in the position of being hurt anymore."
"Bullshit!" Blaine shouted. He tried to button his jeans but his hands were literally shaking with anger and he gave up after a moment, turning back on Kurt in frustration. "You've known for a month now that I've put up with all of that shit from my co-workers! You know that I've already dealt with how this fucked up world feels about our relationship and you haven't said anything like this until now? What happened today is no different from all that, so that's complete and utter bullshit!"
Kurt's eyes narrowed and suddenly he was angry too.
"It's all the difference in the world, Blaine!" He shouted back, taking a small step forward. "Before when those things happened you were sad and frustrated... but you were okay! You would laugh about it and shrug it off. Today I watched you go through something that you should never have had to go through! Today I watched you get crushed! I watched as you were humiliated! I saw you in pain! I'd never seen..."
His voice cracked and he sucked in a shuddering breath, bringing his hand up to hold over his eyes.
"I hadn't actually seen it affect you yet, okay?" He finished in a low, harsh voice. "Today I saw, for the first time, how my selfish actions have affected you. It's just... It's my fault, okay?! It's my fucking fault! I'm so sorry, I just..." he faded away for a moment, pacing around in a small circle, running his hands through his hair in agitation and shaking his head in disgust. "I just couldn't help myself, could I? I was so crazy about you and you're the first man in a long time that..."
He stopped, shaking his head sharply.
"I can't be that person, Blaine! I can't be the reason that you're in so much pain!"
Blaine's brow furrowed. He was so angry, but at the root of his anger was simply his deep hurt, and even in the midst of the swirling emotions flowing through him he could see that Kurt was trying to do something right, even if he was acting like a fucking idiot.
"Well, I'm hurting even more now!"
Kurt let out a pained breath, looking at Blaine with a heartbroken expression and shaking his head slowly, uncertainly. Blaine put his hands on his hips in exasperation and sighed as he looked Kurt steadily in the eye.
"You were not the reason I was hurt today, Kurt. That ignorant woman was. And FYI, she hurt you, too! Why are you saying that this is your fault? That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard!"
"It's not stupid!" Kurt shot out, stepping forward once again so that they were only about a foot away from each other. "I don't have a choice in this, okay? I'm gay! I will always be gay! I will put up with that kind of shit because there is no other way, but you? You have a god damn choice, Blaine! I will NOT be the one to take that away from you! You can be with a woman and never have to experience this ki-"
"Choice?" Blaine interrupted, voice rough and shaky as he stepped forward, closing the gap so that they were only a foot apart. "What kind of choice do you think I have?"
Kurt's eyebrows shot up and he gazed back at Blaine in confusion.
"To be with a woman, Blaine," he responded softly. "I know that you're ultimately still attracted to women. You could-"
"I don't have a fucking choice, Kurt!" Blaine stepped in again. His eyes were swimming once more with tears and his voice was thick. "It doesn't matter if I ever find any woman attractive ever again! I haven't had a choice since the moment I fell in love with you!"
A heavy silence hung between them. They were close, only a few inches away. Both of them were blinking back tears, their chests heaving as they breathed heavily, whether from anger or simply their deep emotions they were no longer sure.
"But," Kurt breathed, shaking his head as a tear rolled down his cheek. "You could still be with a woman if you wanted. You could-"
"Don't," Blaine growled. He shook his own head slowly, just once. "Don't tell me that I could choose to be with a woman if I wanted. Do you know what you sound like? I don't. Have. A choice. Kurt. I am so in love with you. You. Only you. I can't..."
And that's when the penny dropped. Kurt saw it. Clearly. Of course Blaine didn't have a choice. Just as Kurt had no choice, both in the fact that he was gay and even more so in the fact that he was equally in love with Blaine.
His stomach clenched when he realized the truth. In this moment he was no better than those ignorant people who spouted that someone could choose to be straight, if they really wanted. He could hear that phrase echoing in his head, the one he and every gay person he knew had heard at some point in their lives.
All you have to do is choose to be straight, life would be so much easier for you...
"Listen to me, Kurt," Blaine whispered brokenly, interrupting his thoughts. "I know you think you're doing the right thing, but you're not. Please don't do this. I love you so much. I-
Kurt stepped in, successfully cutting him off as he closed the gap, clutching either side of Blaine's face gently and stroking his cheeks with his thumbs.
Blaine stayed silent. He could see the wheels turning in Kurt's head. It took every ounce of his will power to keep from speaking. He had said his piece. There was nothing more he could do. If Kurt decided to end it now, then that was that. He wouldn't beg.
Kurt struggled to swallow, a haggard breath catching in his throat. His eyes squeezed shut for a moment, his face drawn and conflicted.
"Baby," he whispered, then opened his eyes to peer straight into Blaine's. "I want..." he stopped, shaking his head sharply, just once. "I want so much to do the right thing. You don't even... I just can't shake the feeling that I'm being selfish. That holding onto you, even if this is what you want, means that I'm taking away the opportunity for you to have something else down the road. Something easier where you'll have the chance to be just as happy as you are now. What if you have that chance waiting for you, only I've taken it away?"
Blaine stared back, hands clenched at his side. He didn't respond for a moment, uncertain. The look in Kurt's eyes, however, was completely different than before. There was almost a pleading there, as if he was asking Blaine, finally, to prove him wrong. He closed his eyes and sighed.
"First of all, you're acting like you have the right to decide what's best for me," Blaine responded, opening his eyes and slowly bringing his hands up to clutch at Kurt's elbows. "I love you, so, so much, and I know that it's coming from a caring place, but that's bullshit. You don't get to make that call. Also, I don't care about the possibilities the future could hold because I'm god damn happy right now. Happier than I've ever been. Why the fucking hell would I give that up for a happiness that I have no idea even exists?"
Kurt listened in silence, his hands and gaze never leaving Blaine's face.
"Finally, you keep talking about how you feel like you're being selfish." He stopped, gripping Kurt's elbows even tighter, pulling him a bit closer so that they were almost nose to nose. "God, Kurt! Did it fucking occur to you, for one fucking second, that I WANT you to be selfish when it comes to me?! That I NEED you to be?! Christ! What hurts the most is that you wouldn't!"
Kurt's expression turned into disbelief, and he shakily drew a thumb across Blaine's cheek.
Blaine closed his eyes once more under the feeling, and froze. This was it. He'd said everything he had to say. If Kurt pushed back now then they were really through. He would walk out the door... and then he really would just want to die.
Suddenly he was being pulled forward. Kurt's arms were around him, so tight he could barely breathe. Kurt's fingers were running through his hair, almost yanking the curls as he kneaded them between the pads of his fingertips. Kurt's lips were on his; soft, warm and possessive.
He couldn't help the small, choked sob that came out of his mouth when he responded eagerly. He pushed back, throwing his arms around Kurt and clutching at his back.
After a few seconds, Kurt broke away, chest heaving lightly. He pressed several small kisses to Blaine's lips, pausing in between each one to either lightly stroke over his cheek or touch the tips of their noses. It was all so loving and intimate that Blaine wanted to sob with relief.
He didn't though, not quite yet.
There was a nagging feeling in his stomach. Kurt still hadn't actually said a word.
God, just say something! Just fucking say something, Kurt, I can't take it. I just need to know.
Blaine shut his eyes, feeling like half of this conversation had occurred with him doing so. He couldn't bear to look at Kurt right now, though. Not till he knew. If he looked at him he would either beg him to stay or cry, and he didn't want to do either. Not yet, at least.
Jesus christ, just say something! Just tell me!
"Fuck, Blaine... I love you, too. God, I love you!"
Blaine's eyes popped open. Kurt clutched at his face, eyes bright and blazing.
"I love you! I love you so much it... it hurts to even breathe right now, just looking at you!
Blaine let out a shocked and happy little laugh that, combined with the tears that he couldn't stop from falling, ended up as more of an adorable squeaking noise.
Kurt laughed, kissing Blaine gently.
"I'm sorry," he sighed, letting his arms drop to Blaine's shoulders and stepping in so that they were pressed together completely. Blaine let his own arms fall to Kurt's waist, linking his fingers together and listening in silence.
"You're right," Kurt nodded, sniffing lightly. "I... I just... you're right. I don't want to be without you. I thought I was doing the right thing, but you're right. I'm such an idiot. Please forgive me."
Blaine nodded his head quickly, smiling as he spoke.
"I already do. Well, like, ninety percent anyway. You have some ass kissing to do to get to the full one hundred percent."
Kurt nodded back, chuckling damply.
"Deal. Blaine, listen, I don't know what all to say right now. Just that if you want me, if you really want to be with me, and if you really love me as much as I love you..."
Blaine nodded just the tiniest bit, not wanting to interrupt, but wanting to encourage Kurt to continue.
"God," Kurt breathed, pushing him back and pressing him up against the wall. "I will always be selfish when it comes to you."
Blaine smiled slowly, then held Kurt close, letting him kiss up and down his neck as he sighed in relief.
"That bumps you to ninety-one percent."
Kurt smiled against his skin, then backed away, pulling him toward the bedroom.
"How about I try to bump it up to ninety-two percent?"
Blaine grinned back, letting himself be led by the hand.
"You can always try."
The setting sun cast dancing shadows across the bedroom through the window. The soft, orange light made the room appear to glow. Slow, rhythmic music came from the iPod on Kurt's dresser.
They were curled together on the bed, moving slowly, purposefully, eyes never leaving each other. The bedding had been pushed off to the side and it was just the two of them, naked, together, needing to feel every inch of the other's body.
Their time together earlier on the couch before this whole disaster of an afternoon had been rushed and frantic, almost too desperate. This was the exact opposite. They took their time with everything, every detail. Blaine had slowly, lovingly, worked Kurt open, stretching him carefully until he was whimpering and thrusting his hips upward, legs spread and begging Blaine to please just do it, that he needed him.
It had surprised them both, actually. They had gone into the bedroom with the unspoken intention of Kurt being the one to top. Blaine feeling that he needed to be wanted in that way, and Kurt feeling that he had something to prove, to show Blaine that he was wanted.
It changed though, the moment they shoved aside the blankets and fell to the bed. Again, it was just as unspoken. They never discussed a word. They had no idea how they knew, they just knew. Kurt needed to let go. He had been holding on too tight, while Blaine had had too much taken from him that day. He needed to be the one to take hold.
So they had settled into each other, still no words spoken besides constant whispered I love you's, and those were spoken constantly. Every movement, every breath, came with a small proclamation of love. Every urge they had held onto over the last three weeks to say those words out loud now came spilling out, and as they came to the end they breathed those three words over and over against each other's faces and necks.
They had never felt so completely as one. Kurt's legs were drawn up and wrapped around Blaine's back, ankles hooked and holding Blaine into him as tightly as possible. His arms were clasped around Blaine's shoulders, fingers playing gently with the damp curls at the base of his neck.
Blaine was pressed down on top of Kurt, barely holding up his own weight. He could sense the Kurt wanted this, though, that he needed to feel the weight on him. His elbows were pushed down into the mattress, holding himself up just enough so that he could press kiss after kiss on Kurt's lips as they finally came, first Kurt, then Blaine moments later.
Their breathing slowed and their bodies eventually stilled but it was a while before they pulled away, even then meeting right back together, wrapping around each other once more.
"We're not done talking about this," Blaine whispered as he kissed Kurt damply on the chest.
Kurt nodded, drawing a hand over Blaine's back in that same comforting circle, the one he knew would always be something special to them now.
Blaine nodded back, closing his eyes with a sigh as he swung a leg over Kurt's body and snuggled down into his shoulder. He spoke again, mumbling slightly against Kurt's skin.
"If you ever try to pull some shit like that again I swear I will bring my assistant home from work and have her smack you across the face, and she'd do it because she loves me... especially now that I'm apparently her new best gay."
Blaine couldn't help but join in when his whole body started to shake along with Kurt's at his boyfriend's silent laughter.
"I can accept that," Kurt breathed, reaching over the side of the bed and pulling a blanket up and over them both. Blaine grinned, hearing the obvious smile in Kurt's voice.
He pushed playfully at Kurt's chest, even as he snuggled into his shoulder once more.
Kurt just held him closer, rubbing in soothing circles against his skin under the blankets.
"I love you, too."
AN- kisses :)