"You feel so good, Cas."
Dean rasped the words as he his hands grabbed onto the angel, his mouth working hard on claiming him.
"You were... wonderful... back there." Castiel hushed in between Dean's kisses doing his own best on feeling Dean.
They were sat on Dean's couch, kissing and groping after their previous encounter with Crowley, letting loose all of their pent up energy and excitement. A congratulatory make-up session, if you will.
"You were so badass, Cas."
"Yeah, you were all up in there."-Dean gritted out, going back to biting his way into the angel's mouth, rough and excited.
"I was 'badass'?" Castiel prompted further.
"Yeah, you were badass. My badass boyfriend." Dean wasn't thinking of his words by now, only set on making him hot and hard. He was definitely sure this was it. That Cas would get naked and finally see some skin.
"Say that again." Dean stumbled through the next kiss he was giving him. Cas wanted... Dirty talk? Or some form of dirty talk?
"Badass boyfriend?" Dean said meekly against Castiel's cheek, unsure of what exactly was happening.
"Yes." The sigh bordering on moan was his proof enough. If clumsy, not-in-a-good-way bad, not-so-dirty dirty talk is what got him off, then Dean wasn't one to fail.
"Yeah, you are, you know you are. You put the ass in badass." Dean let himself get into it, settling down on Castiel's lap, his hands on the angel's shoulders. And yep, that was a boner. Success is what was written in the lusty grin he gave Cas before diving down to tug at those soft, soft lips.
"You're my badass boyfriend, and you're gonna give me some hard lovin' tonight." In any other situation he would have been cringing at the words that were escaping him, but Cas was shaking beneath him, his hands losing control, gripping him with a force that spelled passion.
"T's alright Cas, let yourself go, I'm right here, I got you." Dean spoke into Castiel's hair, grinding down on his lap.
"I want it bad too, Cas." Yeah he got it, he was amazing. Less talking, less clothes now, please.
But none of that was happening for the next thing he knew he was grinding down on couch cushions and kissing an imaginary friend.
"Cas, the hell?" He mumbled unintelligibly to where the angel stood, a safe distance from Dean and the couch.
"I apologize, but you wouldn't listen!" Hold up, Cas was full blown aggravated and what was definitively afraid. A stark opposite from the sexy-sexy, ready for the ride from before.
"They are calling me up, Dean and they're..." He took a stop as an intense grimace took over him, making him bend his head forward with a hand on his forehead.
"And they're angry at me. Zachariah particularly. I-I have to..." Castiel struggled to regain himself, though Dean ignored the man's obvious inner battle. All he could concentrate on was his dropping erection and raising temper.
"What do you have to, Cas? What do you have to now? I haven't seen you in weeks, Cas, weeks!" He straightened up slowly, approaching the angel with slow steps when all he wanted was to pounce on him.
"You haven't even told me whatever the fuck you had to do before, and now you have to go, again?"
"Don't fucking interrupt me!" Drops of spit flew from the demon's mouth as he yelled.
"I know this whole thing started as a set-up, but I didn't think this whole relationship was going to be a publicity stunt! What do they have to say about us, when there hasn't even been an 'us'?"
"Dean, I can't hear you!" The demon's furious ranting was stopped with Castiel's lost and shaking voice.
"What?" Dean quirked an eyebrow.
"I'm so sorry, I can't hear you! I have to go! I'll come back as soon as I can, I promise!" Castiel shouted the words, hands firmly clapped over his ears and then he was off, just like that.
Dean stared long and hard at the space Castiel previously occupied with a mix of pure anger and fright. He finally dumped himself on the couch, and continued his musings, his libido completely replaced by coursing anxiety.
Right then, he didn't want to think, thinking was the last thing on his to-do-list. Alas, he knew he couldn't turn on the tv. Everything would be about him and Cas, and 'oh, what a scandal those two make!'. He just, didn't want to be reminded.
With a defeated sigh he trudged over to the fridge and brought a six-pack back to the couch. Then he thought better, and went back for some whiskey. Laying himself as comfortably as he could manage, he decided he would get black out drunk and sleep away his thoughts. This depressive idea brightened him up, just a little bit.
Even so, those nagging feelings wouldn't keep calm. With the bottle to his lips, he thought just how close he was to that bottle being Cas' dick, and that heavy, sloshing sound being Cas' short breaths and soft moans. And how bad he wanted it to be that way.
Or they could even just talk. He had so many questions to ask him, so many answers that kept him worried, no matter how much he hated to admit it. But, Cas was... He was busy, and Dean was his housewife just waiting for his attention, day after day, after week...
And then the phone, the stupid phone started ringing, and sitting up to grab it, his head started ringing along.
"Yes?" Whoever it was, was bound to pick up the last of his bad temper.
"Are you insane, Dean? What was that? Who does that? Without asking, without consulting with me, going up in that shirt, with those socks, are you kidding me? Lucifer is out of his mind here, and I'm out of my mind, and whoever-"
"Bye, Sam." Dean dropped the phone down and went around to yank the cord off the wall. Felt good too, not great, but good.
Slumping on the couch again, he almost felt like crying. He hadn't cried since he was human, but he was that close to actually dropping a tear. Misery had taken over him like a dark blanket wrapped around him.
He watched the ceiling with heavy lidded eyes and burning alcohol sliding through his throat.
His high dropped him so low, he felt all of these long forgotten, heavily unpleasant feelings round on him. Humiliation was the strongest. What he thought was a brave act of defiance with his significant other, was the equivalent to a stumbling drunk shouting on the streets about 'the truth'. He was a laugh, a mockery, and now Sam knew it, and Sam was disappointed.
He let hell down, let himself down.
"Dean, are you asleep?"
"Would you wake up? Is that how this works?"
The demon's bleary eyes looked up into Castiel's looming face. His vision went disoriented from the previous heavy drinking, and that gut wrenching feeling was back. Either he felt like puking from the alcohol or by the sight of the angel's face.
He shuffled on the couch, his body facing Cas. He kept quiet as he watched the solemnly standing angel, going through his thoughts and trying to pick up the soberest one to voice.
"Would you like me to cure you of your hangover?" Castiel offered steadily.
"How would that even work?" Dean feigned interest. He had more pressing matters here, though Castiel wasn't in on it yet.
"I wouldn't know. I've never tried healing a demon." Castiel tried out a stiff imitation of a shrug, which under different circumstances would have roused a smile from Dean.
"Cas..." Dean sighed the word, beyond tired with this whole ordeal.
"I'm afraid you have occupied the whole couch."
"Down, on the ground, in front of me, whatever, come one. Just sit." Dean flapped his hand in a useless presentation of lazy frustration.
Castiel did listen though, and dropped himself gently on the carpet, crossing his legs as an after thought. Dean propped his head on his hand, setting his face to level with the angel's.
"Would you like to repeat what you said before I left, earlier today?" The angel spoke after a while of Dean's unnerving silence. Cas wasn't the only one that could stare.
Dean smiled a distant and gently sad smile before he took the angel with a hand on his chin to pull him forward. He placed a soft, unlikely for him, chaste kiss and pushed Cas back, who remained staring and frazzled.
"Are you alright, Dean?" Emotion dawned upon Castiel's face, and what Dean could read was worry and fright.
"I'm not." Dean shook his head with a forced grin, keeping his green eyes steady on the angel's blues.
"Would you address the problem, or problems to me? If it is in my power to help and reassure you, I will do so. I will try to." It was almost funny how Castiel immediately turned into combat mode.
Dean only smiled along, and raised a hand to trail over the angel's stubbled cheek.
"I know you would. Problem is, that I have to tell you the problem." Dean gulped the uneasiness down and let his smile drop. He could feel his lips threaten to quiver with the strain of faking it.
"Are you implying I am to already know the problem?" Castiel quirked his head to the side, a mannerism Dean found cute ever since he met him. He could admit it now, could admit all those other things he pretended to hate before. Those things were easy. But parts that he always, sincerely hated about the angel came harder to cope with, now.
"Yeah, Cas. Think hard." Obliviousness was one of them.
The angel nodded as if given an order and remained silent in thought for a good while. Dean was just fine with the way he started fidgeting, criss-crossing his legs over and over, hands playing with his tie in agitation. He was quite content actually, even tapped out a rhythm on his hip while the silence prolonged.
"I gather that you have received a lot of presents over the course of my absence. Though, going by the wrapping paper, empty boxes and bottles those have been of use. " Castiel finally started speaking, and oh boy, was he far off the road.
"I haven't the chance to ask, but I presume hell has given you trouble too. I'm afraid I don't have power over the demons, but if necessary, I am willing to gather an army. I would hate to assume that your brother might be unhappy with this. It would pain me to imagine this, and though it seems unlikely, I am willing to fight for a place for you in heaven, given you no longer have appropriate living arrangements, be it that you feel unsafe, or unwanted, I am willing to understand and accept all as valid. If I have guessed right, then say so, and I will immediately set on making it right." Dean's smile came easy with the angel's speech. No matter how much of a dimwit he was, he was sweet. A soldier, always ready for the fight.
"Castiel, what are we doing here?" Dean shifted his position to get closer to the angel.
"Have I-Have I not guessed right?" The angel's eyes squinted along with his head-tilt.
"No. I'm afraid you haven't."
"Dean, this is unlike you. You are distressing me, and I would appreciate it if you would tell me, outright, what is wrong." Well, Cas had to get tired by some point.
"My problem is we haven't been in a relationship, Cas. We aren't. Not really." Dean finally voiced his real concern.
Castiel met this statement with wide eyes and heavy silence.
"I was hoping we were? Do you- If you wish to see other... Others, I-I will-" Castiel stuttered through his words, his discomfort evident in his body language, and this is where Dean had to stop him.
"That's not it, Cas. I don't want anyone else." The demon ran a hand through his hair in exasperation.
"Then, please. Dean, I understand I may be difficult, and I may not always understand you, but you have to tell me these things. I have to know what I'm doing wrong, I can't fix it, otherwise." Castiel sounded so desperate it almost made Dean back off. But no, if he didn't say everything now, then it would just pile up and up and up, until everything burst out and they were done, for good.
"Then let's start with the sex thing." He picked the hardest topic to get over first, but he had to. If they could get over that, then he was confident everything else would be easy.
Castiel got even more horrified with this, his whole posture growing rigid.
"What about it?" He did though make the effort to keep his voice calm and steady.
"What's with you and sex? I've tried bringing it up before, and you vanish on me. I haven't done anything to you, beside a hand on your naked stomach and you go cold. Is it me? Is it the fact that I'm male? Is it sex in general? I need to know what it is, Cas. I have to, so I can know what to do, and what to avoid. We are partners, on the job and in private, you said so yourself. I want to have you in my bed, Cas, and if this is something you can't handle, you have to tell me." Dean gave his ramble of thoughts and questions that have been on his mind since day one.
Castiel listened carefully, with his posture carefully stiff, obviously horribly uncomfortable with the subject at hand. But he stayed, and he listened, and that was more than he gave before.
"Alright." Castiel inhaled deeply, before continuing.
"First, I must apologize for vanishing, before. So, I do. I'm sorry. And no, it's not you, it could never be you. It is not the implied homosexuality of the act, though I do not have much of a gender. I believe it is the third, sex in general. I-I'm afraid I don't have experience with it. At all. I adore the way you kiss, I enjoy it immensely. Though I wouldn't know what to do with your naked body." Castiel took a stop to lick his lips, looking meek and at a loss.
"I am familiar with the technicalities of sex, yes. But with you, with me... I'm afraid I will panic, be inadequate, not meet your standards, go wrong, hurt you in some way. I couldn't imagine hurting you. If I were to be with you, in such intimacy, I would want you to feel perfect and loved. And I'm not sure I can achieve that." Castiel finished with a long and shaky exhale. This was obviously taking a toll on the angel, but it was worth it. Dean got the gist of it, no more mixed messages for him. The demon straightened up from his position, resting his back on the couch when his head started swimming. Fuck, he forgot about the drinking.
"Ok, alright." He squeezed two fingers over his eyes.
"Alright. So, I get it. You need time. Is that it, you need time?" Dean prompted again, looking down on the angel who was still sat on the floor with unimpressed eyes.
"To sum it up, yes." At least, he seemed to be calming down.
"So why didn't you? 'Sum it up' before?" He was probably pushing his luck, but he wanted to do some pushing.
"I was afraid you would find my worries laughable." Castiel confessed with an embarrassed side-ways glance.
"I do. I do find them laughable, but that doesn't make them any less real. For you at least." Dean scowled at the angel. Seriously, this all could have been so easily avoided.
"I'm afraid I don't quite get your meaning..." Castiel spoke unsurely, and oh, hell.
"I'm saying it's alright. And that, yeah, you are worrying about nothing, and sex comes naturally. And besides, you have me to show you." Dean let himself grin at this, giving the angel a soft blush.
"So, anyway, you just gotta promise me we'll work on it. I'm up for taking it slow." Dean nodded at his final decision.
"Yes. I promise." Castiel smiled softly in response, and Dean grinned easily. So that was cleared up. And before his mind would cloud over with all the possibilities he could show the angel he went onto the next topic.
"Now, you tell me what's been going up in heaven. The full deal, so I know what we're up against."
"Yes, of course. When the news reached heaven, Zachariah was dissatisfied. As you know, Zachariah is my superior. He was outraged, yelled every obscenity he wrote into his books." Dean sniggered at this.
"He wanted me to break up with you. I was explicit in my intentions with you, told him I wasn't going to do that. I made him angrier with this, and he threatened to take away my job as a guardian. This, of course, wasn't, isn't and will never be possible, for Zachariah is not God, and I have been given my job with my creation as a Seraphim. I told him so. This of course, made him furious, and he threatened to shame me into obeying him. Threatened with books with my name on it, threatened with television shows and riots. I explained that I do not watch television, with no intentions to start anytime soon, told him I have read only one book of his, and had done so only to have a strong opposing argument supported with facts when discussing the atrocity that it is. And in regards to riots, I brought out the fact that I have most of the Seraphim on my side, with Michael and Gabriel as archangels, and not to mention, my boyfriend's, meaning you, brother who is second in command." Dean's smile just grew brighter and wider with every word. Yup, he had a badass boyfriend.
"That was it with him. Then a lot of angels started showing up at my home. Anna was congratulatory. She was absolutely thrilled for us. I appreciated her support. Then Gabriel came with an angel I haven't yet met. Samandriel is his name. Gabriel is supposedly his superior, though I do not think him fit for the responsibilities. He explained Samandriel wanted to meet me, for he was allegedly a big fan of me. His words not mine. Samandriel was very shy. I think he had some questions, but felt embarrassed to voice them in front of Gabriel. Gabriel promised to support me and 'have my back'. I thanked them both. Then Balthazar and Uriel arrived. Balthazar was supportive and Uriel said so himself, though I have my doubts. I'm not sure about Balthazar but I do believe Uriel wasn't sincere. I'm afraid something bigger is about to happen. I have no confirmed suspicions, only a feeling. We will see." Dean smacked his lips as he nodded along to Castiel's narrative.
"And after followed meetings. Lots of meetings. Day long meetings. I'm afraid I've lost track of time being in there. If I had known how long I have actually been away I wouldn't have bothered staying there. Though, I promise you I thought of you a lot." Castiel smiled intimately, and so sweetly Dean felt himself redden.
"Yeah, I wouldn't blame ya." Castiel gave a soft chuckle which only broadened Dean's grin.
"A lot of angels were there. Michael and Raphael among them. Although you and I were the main topic, I didn't speak much. They spoke as if I wasn't there. Cursed me, praised me, all while not giving a look at me. And so, today I got tired of it, and came for you. And after Crowley, Zachariah called for me. Among other angels' voices, he was the loudest. I took care of them as fast as I could to get back to you. Nothing new happened, Zachariah took out his typewriter in front of me and started yelling out everything he wrote. It was some weird parody of 'Little Red Riding Hood' where I am the little girl and you are the wolf and Zachariah is the hunter. It was awfully disturbing and uncreative." Dean full on laughed at this, Castiel stopping to smile along.
"That guy's got some issues." Dean chuckled the last of his laughter.
"Shame he wont see Anna. The therapy would do him good." Castiel brought up Anna's job as a psychiatrist for both humans and angels.
"Yeah. Go on."
"Anna was excited and talked about a revolution. Gabriel laughed at me. Samandriel gave me an awkward thank you, though I didn't really understand why. Balthazar greeted me with applause, Uriel gave me a stiff nod, Michael gave me a lesson on public decency, but was otherwise supportive. And... Here we are now." Castiel glanced hopeful but otherwise emotionless eyes at Dean. He was still afraid of the outcome of their conversation. Dean was explicit in his questions, but not in his intentions.
"Yeah. Here we are." The demon affirmed the last spoken words. Dean felt conflicted with where he wanted to take this from now. His starting point was that maybe he and Cas should brake it off. But now, being in the angel's company he was reminded of all the things he liked about Cas. And letting all of that just go seemed like the dumbest idea ever.
"Have I missed anything in my short departure?" The angel asked.
"Sam called. He's kinda freaked out. I think we might have made some trouble." Dean scratched a hand over his neck, having forgotten that bit.
"Dean... May I touch you?" Castiel chanced his blue eyes at Dean. How could Dean ever resist that softness, so uncommon in his world, yet all his to witness.
"Yeah, sure." He smiled at the awkward question. Castiel approached Dean carefully, sliding upright and sitting himself next to the demon on the couch. His blue eyes searched the demon's face in what must have been wonder before he put both hands on Dean's cheek.
Even in the short time of being with Cas, Dean got to figure out a lot of interesting little things about Cas. Like how he loved touching Dean's face. Weird, but fun.
"Giving the statement at Cowley's show was supposed to be our... Our final summation of the phenomenon. That whatever happens, whatever someone says in our name, we simply do not care. If things have changed, if you cannot cope with the stress..."
"Cas, stop with that shit, alright?" Dean shook his head which was still cradled by Castiel's hands.
"I get that you're trying to be a good boyfriend and all, but you can't pretend that you'd be good with whatever. And yeah, you're right about that, and a bunch of other things." He couldn't help but avoid that intense gaze that was so close and equally relentless.
"All in all... All I'm asking is, is we spend more time with each other. And you come over when you feel like it. Don't wait for invites. And when you want to be with me, and touch me don't hesitate so much." Somehow that wasn't so hard to say, actually made him pick up the courage to look the angel into the eyes.
"You are not breaking up with me then?" Castiel gave a tentative smile.
"No." With that simple syllable a set of soft lips founded themselves over the demon's mouth.
"Not yet, though." Dean teased, the angel's lips curving in a smile as they headed for Dean again, hungrier than before.
"You fuck up again..." He found the air to voice as Castiel slid against Dean, making him lay back as the angel's body loomed over him.
"I might have to... Reconsider." That mouth was definitively hungry, rough and excited is how Cas felt, his hands sliding into Dean's hair and over his shoulder.
"I will make you reconsider the reconsideration, then." Dean chuckled at the angel's broken humor.
But he couldn't find the will nor the strength to argue or mock when he had an eyeful of blue and a handful of angel to hold and make his own.
"You could pull that off, yeah."
I hope the dialogue wasn't too long. I tried for a more natural line of conversation, how it develops in a tight situation. Next chapter should be more scenes though, with quite a bit of Samifer in it. And hopefully funnier.
Big thanks to everyone that reviewed, you really brighten up my day and make me feel goofy. And of course, get me back to work on following chapters.
If you would care to review, then thank you and hope I don't disappoint.