Warning: yaoi, slash, guy x guy lovin', RALPH x FELIX.

The first thing Ralph realized when he woke up:

The room was freezing.

The second thing he noticed: he had no clothes on.

And the third?

A softly-snoring, equally-as-naked handyman curled up on his chest, with the cutest bed-head he'd ever seen.

Did he mention they were naked?

Well, they were.

This was so going to be the best day of his life.

"Oh, God..." he breathed, disbelieving. Dreaming. He must be dreaming. Tentatively, wondering if this was all real, he placed a hand over Felix's tiny body.

Oh. Yeah.

Definitely not dreaming.

This is happening...he thought to himself, loving the warm skin under his fingers, the warm body across his torso. It took him a second to realize that the red duvet was on the floor and the blankets bunched at the foot of the bed. But luckily, he had giant arms and even more giant hands to solve the problem with.

"There we go..." Ralph muttered as he covered both himself and his lover with the welcoming sheets. Smiling, fully awake and energized, he adoringly watched Felix snooze quietly and preciously. In all his life, he never once thought that he'd one morning wake up with Fix-It Felix, Jr., his so-called enemy. If someone had told him before his hero's journey that he would soon be the handyman's lover and spend beautiful evenings with him in lustful hotel rooms, he probably would've flung them across Game Central Station. Because, obviously, he and Felix didn't really get along back then.

But ohhh, boy. Did they get along now.

A tiny sigh snapped him out of his thoughts. He happily directed his attention to the stirring light brunette who had complete possession of his heart. "Mmm..."

"'Mornin', beautiful," Ralph grinned, drinking in the wonderful sight that was Felix. The smaller man smiled, his eyes still firmly shut.

"You've been dying to say that, haven't you?"

"You know me..."

"More than anybody else," mumbled Felix, snuggling closer to his personal mattress. He wondered if Ralph could hear his lovestruck heart, erratically hammering around in his ribcage.

"Open your eyes, baby. I wanna see 'em," the wrecker begged sweetly, rubbing circles on his boyfriend's back. "Lixie? Please?"

"But this is such a good dream," Felix whispered, covering his face with his hands. "I don't wanna wake up."

"You're not dreaming, baby, I promise."

"How do you know?"

"Well...would you feel this in a dream?"

"Feel wh—?"

Ralph cut him off by pulling him to face-level and pressing their lips together. In response, he squeaked and squeezed his eyelids shut even tighter than before.

The kiss was chaste. Gentle. Perfect.

No tongue. No teeth.

Just sweet and honest and good.

"Please..." Ralph repeated lovingly when they parted, kissing his nose. "Let me see those gorgeous eyes."

"They're not..." Felix whined sheepishly, but he finally relented and blinked at his grinning companion.

"Aww, there they are..." the wrecker murmured, very much taken with his handsome lover. Though the handyman rolled his eyes, he seemed undoubtedly ecstatic about their current position.

He stroked his boyfriend's face, before sliding his hands up to the ruffled brown locks he'd been admiring since he opened his eyes. Ralph had many qualities that he loved so, so much, inside and out. Felix loved his caring and warm heart, his sweet deposition, his adorable clumsiness (at least, in his eyes). He loved his kissable face, his careful hands, his protective and possessive large arms. Everything about him drove Felix crazy. Joyfully insane.

"Ralphy, I love you..."

"I know. You wouldn't stop telling me last night..."


"What?" Ralph demanded innocently, raising his eyebrows. "It's true."

"I know...but still..."

"Aww, are you shy? Seriously? After all we did?"

"'M not shy!" scoffed Felix, pouting in such a precious manner that Ralph had to seriously stop himself from pouncing on him. "Not me!"

"Oh, I know that," laughed the larger of the two, throwing an arm behind his head coyly. "Shy people don't do half the things you did to me last night~"

If Felix had been blushing before, it was nothing compared to how explosively red his volcano-face was now. Steam practically came out of his ears. "Ralph!"

"Not that I didn't enjoy it," Ralph continued loudly, fully ignoring his counterpart's desperate glaring, "because I so definitely did."

"Jiminy jaminy, Ralph, stop! I get it! You—you liked what we did yesterday..."

"Liked? No. Loved. Which reminds me...what did you think?"

"H-huh? M-me?"

"Yeah." Suddenly, the smug smirk on Ralph's face vanished, a nervous frown taking its place. He brushed a few stray hairs out of his boyfriend's face with his pinkie, eyes silent but demanding. Felix, for his part, openly gaped at him with a mixture of shock and exasperation. "Yo, Lixie. Answer me, baby. And be honest, okay?"

"I—you can't be seriously asking me this, Ralph..."

"Ouch. That bad?"

"Are you KIDDING me?!" the handyman all but yelled, firmly grasping his lover's shoulders—well, almost, anyway—furious and half-hysterical. He didn't even know why. Maybe his emotions were finally catching up with the whole situation... "Really, Ralph? I thought I made it clear last night how exactly I felt about that."

"Uhm—when you say that—"

"Yes, I mean your very talented love making skills!" Felix blurted before he could stop himself, slapping a hand over his mouth when his mind processed his words. Shrinking away, he glanced off to the side, cheeks blazing in the brightest honeyglows yet. Ralph took this all in with possibly the lightest heart in the world, with the most elated expression on his face.

"Talented, you say?"

"Oh, hush you. Let's just go back to cuddling." And at that moment, an entirely new complication reared its ugly head.

Felix sat up...and cried out in pain almost instantly.


Clink. Clink.



"...la, la, la—ooh. This ride looks fun..."

"Damn. We're already out of root beers..."

"I like cola better," Vanellope casually declared, immersed in the colorful pamphlet in her tiny hands. She glanced up quickly to eye a scowling Calhoun pat around their relatively huge mini-refrigerator for another drink, no doubt the dark beverage she'd been consuming for the past half hour. "You probably drank it all."

"Huh." The tall blonde shrugged and straightened her back. She trudged over to her bed and flopped down, throwing an arm over her eyes. The black-haired child watched her bemusedly from her own bunk, several of the carnival's bright maps scattered all over the mattress.

"You're takin' a nap already?"

"Oh, hush. Like I could shut my eyes with you yappin' all night long..."

"Sorry," snickered Vanellope, twirling a red crayon, "I forgot how old people need their sleep."

Calhoun gritted her teeth and turned away from the smirking president, not even in the mood to tell her off.

"I'm hungry..."


"C'mon! Let's go get food!"

"The boys ain't up yet."

"You don't know that. Let's go wake 'em!"

But Ralph and Felix really didn't need waking up; what they really needed was some calming down.

In the next room, the two 8-bit programs were busy with problems that, unlike Vanellope's, breakfast probably wouldn't completely solve.

"Ralphy...honey, it's okay! It's okay—"

"No, it's not! I hurt you!"

"You didn't mean to! You didn't even know—"

"But you still got hurt! And—and I didn't—I even felt good—"

"Then it was worth it," firmly declared Felix, kissing his lover's finger, which he had firmly in his grip—the closest they could get to holding hands. He remained lying on his back on the bed, however, since sitting up still proved to be too painful. In the meantime, Ralph sat miserably on a chair—he felt sick to his stomach knowing he'd harmed his baby on that wretched bed—still mentally beating himself up for the pain he'd cause his tiny boyfriend. "Ralph—"

"I'm sorry, Felix. I really am... Maybe—maybe we shouldn't—"

"NO!" Startled out of his wits, Felix actually pulled himself upright, his spine and bottom aching beyond belief. Regardless, he kept on his bravest face and crawled out of bed and onto Ralph's lap. "See? I'm fine!"

"Don't do that!" hissed the wrecker worriedly, laying him down on his thighs. Luckily, the handyman was so tiny that he could comfortably do so. "Baby, don't strain yourself."

"Then stop feeling so guilty..." murmured the light brunette, staring up at him with soft, loving blue eyes. It was enough to shut Ralph up, taking his breath away in the process. For a moment, they just looked at each other, and eventually, the giant sighed, knowing he wouldn't win this argument. Especially if Felix kept smiling at him like he'd been doing for the past ten minutes.


"Do you really think I didn't know this would happen?"


"Ralph, even before we made love, I already knew it would hurt. It's only logical, right? It's not like we had no idea how everything...uhm, worked..."


"What I'm trying to say is that I love you and I loved what we did last night. I don't regret it, nor do I blame you for making me feel so amazing." Felix patted his boyfriend's stomach sweetly, winking at his transfixed face. "Besides, I'm sure that I'll be fine after a little more practice..."

At that, Ralph flushed in embarrassment, coughing lightly into a giant fist. "I-I'm guessing this won't be last time, huh?"

"You kiddin' me? We've barely even begun."

So in the end, they spent several minutes consolingly making out on the bed—"Mmph, it's fine..." "You're fine, ngh..."—which thankfully Ralph didn't mind occupying anymore. They only stopped when Vanellope and Calhoun came a-knocking a few moments later, the former of who began yelling at them to get up.

Ralph decided to answer this time, pecking Felix once on the lips as got on his feet, murmuring, "Stay here, baby...go rest."

"Ralphy! Put on more clothes!"

"Oh, yeah..."

"Boy, they're slow," muttered Vanellope on the other end of the door, arms crossed. The sergeant beside her only sighed tiredly, one hand rubbing her left temple. "What are they doin' in there?"


The little girl shook her head, a smirk forming on her lips. "Probably cuddling on the bed."

Calhoun's head shot up instantly, her eyes narrowing suspiciously. This was the second time the child's not-so-innocent words struck a chord with her that they shouldn't have. "What?"


"Why do you keep sayin' things like that?"

"Like what?"

"You know what," snapped Calhoun, eyes narrowing dangerously. The more she thought about it, the more she realized that Felix hadn't really been paying her much attention as of late. He wasn't trailing after her like a lost puppy anymore; he'd been doing that to Ralph lately. Heck, he'd been spending a lot of time with that giant of a man, time that they should've spent together.

She barely opened her mouth to further interrogate the now-loudly whistling Vanellope before the door meekly opened and Ralph poked his head out, yawning loudly. "'Mornin', ladies."

"Hey, stinkbrain!" Grateful for the distraction, the girl top-shelved the wrecker and made a running motion down the hall. "C'mon! Breakfast time!"

"Oh, yeah—"

"Where's Felix?" sharply cut in Calhoun, crossing her arms as she glared demandingly at Ralph. Who, for his part, scowled and imitated the gesture, but tenfold.


"Huh. Well, then I don't suppose you care if I check up on him, do you?" She moved forward and made to brush past the man, but he refused to budge.


"Why not?"

"He's...he's sleeping," weakly argued the affirmed antagonist, shrugging in emphasis. He did not appreciate the wilting glower he received from the hot-and-icy sergeant, who obviously was just as an unamused with him as he was with her.


Sorry, Lixie. "He'd kill me if I let you in and...uh, hear him snoring."

"I can't come in because he's snoring," deadpanned Calhoun with a raised eyebrow. She probably wouldn't have normally cared as much to see Felix, but Vanellope's latest comment continued to nag at her in the back of her mind. At this point, she was really just trying to prove the little girl wrong, that Felix and Ralph were simply coworkers—friends—and nothing more.

Vanellope seemed to realize that she was the cause of this spontaneous hostility, for she bravely grabbed the woman's hand and smiled cutely up at her when she sharply glanced down. "Let's get ready, okay?"

And because Calhoun was still female and had natural maternal instincts, her eyes softened a little bit and she simply nodded at the sugar-sweet voice. "Fine."

Ralph, shocked that he'd been let off that easily, couldn't believe his eyes as the two walked off without a backwards glance. A little confused at the odd and fast-paced mini-conversation, he retreated back into the room and shut the door with a tired sigh.

And was immediately greeted with an affronted Felix.

"Ralphy, I don't snore!"

"Hey. Hammerguy, why are you sittin' funny?"

Wasn't that the age-old question?

Felix flushed uncomfortably and all but dropped his fork, pausing mid-chew. He barely even registered Ralph choking into his coffee next to him.

Why was Felix sitting so weirdly?

Perhaps it had something to do with the nocturnal activities that he and Ralph had been a part of last night.

Perhaps it had something to do with how freakishly huge Ralph was in places besides his hands and feet, and how ridiculously tight Felix was in a certain place that his lover seemed to enjoy quite a bit.

And perhaps it also had something to do with how...enthusiastic...Ralph had been with him for several love-filled, beautiful hours.


"Ralphy, what are we gonna do?"

"I-I don't know! I think we're going back to the carnival today—"

"What? B-but I can't move like this!"

"I know! I'm sorry—I wish I could fix it—"

"Wait! That's it!"

Felix, with renewed vigor, rolled towards the right bedside table and grabbed the shining golden hammer perched atop it.

"I can fix it!"

But unfortunately, the magic hammer could only do so much.

Sure his back and bottom weren't in extricating pain anymore, but that didn't mean he was immune to the complete soreness all over.

Because he so wasn't.

"Am I sitting funny?" laughed Felix awkwardly, subconsciously scooting closer to his pink-faced lover. Ralph looked as though he was vividly replaying all of last night's activities in his mind; he even had the pleased smirk to prove it. The handyman pouted and elbowed him smartly. "Something you need to say, Ralph ol' boy?"

"Me? Nope," replied his boyfriend with false-innocence, 'accidentally' brushing Felix's hand as he reached for the stack of toast on the center of the table. Vanellope caught his eye and they both shared a winning grin. "Carnival again, boogerhead?"

"You know it!"

"Sounds fun—"

"Fix-it," an oddly sweet voice called from his left, and he was surprised to see Tamora Jean Calhoun smiling—yes, smiling—gently at him. If he'd been taken aback by Vanellope's question a few moments ago, it was nothing compared to how startled he was now at his not-really-girlfriend's very feminine mannerisms. "Why don't we spend the day together?"

"Uhm—I—why, golly, I—I—s-suppose-—"

"What about the carnival, though?" demanded Ralph quickly, shooting Calhoun an irritated glare. "We agreed on that."

"Well, true—"

"We can be together there, then," retorted the tall lady, her previous sugary demeanor gone in the blink of an eye. But she did suddenly wrap and arm around the confused Felix's shoulder and pulled him closer. "Huh, babe?"

She began kissing the side of Felix's face and at this, Ralph almost did lose it. He almost grabbed his—again, his—lover, almost had his way with him, there, in front of everybody. He wanted to show the world who Felix really belonged to, who he truly and sincerely loved beyond reason.


Despite his size, he didn't quite have enough backbone to perform such a brazen act.

So he kept to himself, scowled, and stabbed his toast.

Little scheming Vanellope, the ingenious child that she was, then proceeded to whine about having to go use the bathroom. Calhoun obviously realized that she was remotely responsible for accompanying the girl, so, grumbling, she got to her feet and warily accepted Vanellope's hand.

As they vanished around the corner, mingling with other guests—the breakfast hall was really crowded today; so many programs in the buffet room—Felix quickly jumped onto Ralph's lap and did his best to hug him as his tiny body would permit. "Ralphy, you know I love you, right?"

"Yes," obediently sighed Ralph, patting the handyman soothingly on the back. It really was impossible for him to be even a little upset with Felix, especially since he knew how pure and innocent the little man was, how he would never purposely hurt anybody. "I know."

"And you know that you're my favorite and that I love you more than anything else?"

"Well, yeah, but I really don't mind you lettin' me know...heh..."


"I...I dunno, I wish she just left us alone..."

Felix nodded simply and sighed, softly pecking his counterpart's lips. "I'm sorry..."

"Don't," breathed Ralph, rubbing their noses together, sharing even the warmth on their faces. "'S long as you're mine and not hers..."

"I'm yours, for sure," cooed Felix soothingly, gently running a finger across his boyfriend's smooth, kissable lips. Ralph playfully caught the digit and brought it inside his mouth, making the smaller man giggle bashfully. "Watch it, tiger..."


"Ow, don't bite too hard..."


"Hey. You're sucking too much...are you trying to swallow it, or what?"

"That's what you said."



Their destination was to the right.

Vanellope's attention was to the left.

They were on their way to the carnival when they spotted two hotel employees unveiling a giant colorful sign that read "TRATSER WATER PARK" in bold blue letters over at the plaza where the train station was at; it almost seemed as if the waves on the sign were actually moving, actually crashing against the text.

But other than that...there didn't seem to be any trace of the new water park anywhere.

"Where is it?" demanded Vanellope, stopping them in their tracks. She pointed almost accusingly at the sign and pouted at Ralph. "Do you see it?"

"Nope," the wrecker muttered, squinting. He really couldn't see anything but said sign. Did the employees accidentally make a false-revelation? Someone wasn't getting a raise anytime soon. "Not there."

"We could ask," Felix pointed out, already headed for the two workers. Vanellope nodded in agreement and scurried after him. Calhoun, meanwhile, only harrumphed and stood her ground, crossing her arms. Ralph would've stayed where he was, too—him being lazy and all—but he realized that the male employees Felix and Vanellope were approaching seemed to display way too much interest in the handyman than was necessary. Already one of them was in his personal bubble…

Resisting the urge to stampede over to them with his large arms raised in a terrifying manner, Ralph only scowled and quickly stomped towards his boyfriend and the walking migraines talking to him. When he got to them, he protectively dumped Felix onto his shoulder, looking more than very annoyed.

"Hiya, Ralphy! These fellas were just givin' us directions to the underground water park!" the light brunette told him, ruffling his hair playfully.

The 'fellas', as Felix so nicely introduced, were both attractive, tall blondes. The shorter of the two raised an eyebrow at Ralph, while the other just blatantly ignored him. "If you want, I can give you a special tour," he purred, eyes only for Felix. Who, for his part, only blinked in confusion.

Ralph was actually prepared to smash this guy into oblivion—he was already raising his arms—but Vanellope surprisingly beat him to the punch.

"But I want to spend time with my daddies!" she 'innocently' proclaimed, motioning towards Ralph and Felix. "We're here on a family vacation!"


"Yeah! These are my parents!"

"Parents...?" The blonde gaped at the two 8-bit programs in shock. He suddenly realized just how tall and destructive-looking Ralph was, how murderous he looked when their eyes met. "Y-you guys're married?"

"We sure are," snapped Ralph coldly, narrowing his eyes at the now-trembling hotel employee. His friend was already wisely backing away, his hands up in a defeated manner.

"Also, my sister over there has a gun!" Vanellope added cheerfully, pointing at Calhoun with a beam. The sergeant was conveniently examining a handgun at the moment they all turned to look at her, which only made the blondes panic even more.

"S-sorry about t-that, sirs...I'm—"

"Just about to leave, right?"

"Right!" With that, the two men shakily bolted away, completely traumatized. Ralph rolled his eyes while Felix only blinked, still very much bewildered.

"Honey, what just happened?"

"I don't really—"

"I knew you were together!" suddenly squealed Vanellope, hopping up and down excitedly. She seemed very pleased with herself, as though she'd just accomplished the most daunting task in the world. But then again, figuring out a few adult friends had the hots for each other before a know-it-all military babe would be a pretty amazing feat for any kid. "I called it!"

"Then we must be so obvious," nervously whispered Felix to his bemused boyfriend, eyes wide in shock. Ralph only grinned at him and winked.

"That's cos we're too in love."

"Ah, well, can't disagree with that."

The theme seemed to scream enchanted wonderland.

Well, icy enchanted wonderland.

It was odd; the park looked as though it was covered in snow and icicles, yet was warm and toasty as any other beach. The pools themselves were made of ice—clear, flawless—and the water was practically invisible.

It felt as though they were in one giant cavern, one giant frozen cave. Icicles also hung from the ceiling, which was so high up that it might as well be the sky. The park was huge enough that they couldn't even see the cave walls; the place just seemed to go on forever.

On the ground was what appeared to be snow, but actually felt like soft, inviting sand. The fun part was that one could actually make snowballs out of it regardless.

Every surface seemed to be colored in chrome, shiny and smooth to the touch. Not slippery, though. Safety was key.

Looking around, it was pretty obvious that there were so many pools to dive into, varying in size, depth, and warmth. Different slides accompanied each one, ranging from child-friendly slopes to terrifying monstrosities. Most of the pools were actually unoccupied, despite the fact that hundreds of programs were already on park grounds.

This, naturally, sent Vanellope on a furious, candy-fueled hunt for the most perfect pool that they could snag.

And because children on a sugar rush (pun intended) were impossible to keep up with, the adults simply let her be. No doubt she'd find the best one available...

The three other programs walked in calm silence, each deep in their own thoughts.

Ralph was mentally thanking the maker for making him so irresistibly hot underneath all the layers of clothing.

That he had gawk-worthy muscles and a massive six-pack to show off just made it that much better.

Thank goodness Felix wouldn't stop drooling over him.

It really was a nice change to Ralph's usually-shamefaced ego.

Beside him, Felix seemed painfully distracted, his eyes still drawn to his boyfriend's glistening chest. What he wouldn't give to run his hands (and tongue) up and down that glorious piece of flesh...and...muscle...so much muscle...

He had no reason to be acting like this, either. It wasn't like he'd never seen Ralph shirtless before; heck, he'd seen Ralph with nothing on! Of course he knew how amazing the giant man looked when bare; but he still couldn't help but admire how delicious he was wearing nothing but too-small swimming trunks that hugged him all the right ways...

Bad Felix!

For his part, Ralph found his own boyfriend extremely delectable in his red trunks—which he knew was Ralph's favorite color—as the smaller man had his own fair share of muscles to sigh over.

The difference between now and two days ago when he'd caught Felix taking a shower was that he could actually touch him without worrying about damaging their friendship.

Plus, he actually knew what was under those trunks...

Bad Ralph.

While the two men mentally undressed each other, Calhoun silently fumed, really disliking how painfully close Ralph and Felix had become. She didn't like how her boyfriend, who was walking in the middle, seemed to thread closer to Ralph than her. She didn't like how the two kept sharing secret glances and soft smiles. One would think they had something going on between them...

Scoffing at the thought, she slid closer to Felix and buried a hand in hair, effectively getting his attention. "Fix-It."

"Hello, Jean! You excited to go swimming as we are?" The fact that he he'd somehow managed to include Ralph in the question ("we") oddly annoyed her to no end.

"Hmm." She didn't elaborate on that; just continued to stroke his hair. Briefly, she considered removing her shirt to remind Felix of the gorgeous, properly-toned body that was hidden underneath, clad only in a black bikini. It might get him to stop babbling animatedly to Ralph every five seconds...

But then again, she wasn't the time to flaunt herself like some cheap broad for a man. If she was going to show off her perfect figure for all to see and admire, it would be on her terms.

"I think she found a spot," Felix suddenly informed them, cutting off her planning. He pointed at a spacious gazebo in the center of a small swimming pool of its own, like a giant ice-sculpture floating on air. Since there were so many of these and not a lot of programs in this part of the park, the relaxing spot was obviously theirs to claim.

There were what seemed to be little ice-steps that carried them from the end of the pool to the gazebo, clear as glass and light as air. It gave the illusion of walking on nothing, which seemed both interesting and nerve-racking all at once.

Vanellope ignored the steps completely; she cannonballed straight into the water, the splash so powerful that it soaked her older friends who were standing close by.

Felix laughed and followed after her, creating a splash just as powerful. When he emerged from the water, he slicked his wet hair back, grinning, and looked over at Ralph, eyes half-lidded. The giant program let out a small involuntary whimper, feeling lightheaded at the sight of his very enticing boyfriend. It didn't really help when Felix beckoned him in with a finger, unknowingly giving him a come-hither smolder.

Like a mindless zombie in love, Ralph scrambled into the water with only the thought of Felix clouding his mind. Meanwhile, Vanellope swam to the side of the pool and began encouraging Calhoun to join them. The sergeant couldn't resist a small smile at the sweet action, but calmly told the girl that she wanted to relax in the gazebo first.

"I'll join you!" The small president 'innocently' offered, surprising the rest of her party. While the blonde woman hopped the steps to the refreshing haven waiting for her, Vanellope turned to Ralph and Felix with a tiny smirk.

"I don't wanna be here when you two get all mushy on each other."

"We weren't—"

"Lix, we both know that's a lie."

"...yeah, probably, huh?"

"Plus, I can keep her distracted for a bit. I'll bug her to go on the slide with me, aaaaaall the way over there!" The young girl happily glanced over to the end of the pool, which was a good several yards away. The slide she mentioned looked puny from their current spot, but no doubt just as giant as the rest of the slides they'd already seen.

"What's the catch?" Ralph bluntly demanded, figuring the situation was too good to be true. In return, Vanellope only smirked some more and crossed her arms.

"That's for me to know and you to find out later."

"Deal, then." Bravely, the taller program held out a fist, which the smaller girl bumped with own. It was a shame, Ralph concluded to himself, that Vanellope, looking so angelic and adorable in her teal one-piece swimsuit (complete with frills around her waist like a skirt), was actually just as devious and sly as the most villainous of his friends. But in a precious way, of course.


When Vanellope had finally swum away, Ralph quickly directed his full attention to the nervous handyman staring up at him, willing himself not to lose control just yet.

He would've been successful...but Felix just had to go and open his mouth.

"I've been waiting to spend some alone time with you..."

That did it.

Trusting that his tiny sidekick had Calhoun facing the other way and occupied, Ralph enthusiastically locked lips with his boyfriend and dragged him under the surface.

It felt...oddly soothing to be in the water like they were, in each other's arms, mouths connected hotly. Underwater, it was as if they were in another world. A light blue, majestic new world. Nobody else but them. They were pleasantly warm all over, both from the water and each other.

Their hair floated like halos around them (if Ralph's eyes had been opened, he would've agreed that his Felix was the most beautiful angel of them all), their tangled bodies one entity.

Teeth met teeth, tongue met tongue. They shared their oxygen (and spit), mouths never leaving the other for even one second. Ralph's fingers were dangerously stroking the skin just above the waistband of Felix's trunks; Felix was running his hands up and down his lover's toned chest, lightly tweaking the two nubs there.

I love you, they both silently whispered, and it was a sign of their unbreakable bond that they understood what the other was trying to say without a doubt in their minds.

But alas, they knew they had to part. Their lungs were starting to burn. Plus, they thought of Calhoun, who might get suspicious if they kept this up any longer.

Felix squeezed Ralph's shoulders encouragingly, as though prompting him to resurface.

Ah, well...they always had later...

They actually had forever.

With that happy thought, the two pulled apart and returned to the outside world.

"Enjoy your swim?"


"Good, good..."

"The water's lovely," pleasantly commented Felix, beaming happily when Ralph carried him onto the gazebo. He patted the wrecker's arm in thanks and hopped down, droplets of water still clinging to his toned torso, glistening attractively. "You guys should go in, too."

"We were bonding." Vanellope smiled at the tall blonde woman on the chair beside hers. Believe it or not, she actually had fun chatting with Calhoun, especially now since she realized that they had a lot of things in common.

For starters, both were veterans to alienation by other females (hence why Calhoun was the only woman in Hero's Duty). Not only that, but they often intimidated others when they competed with men with enough ferocity to make them all cry. Thus they seemed too 'masculine' and unapproachable by most. Which meant that their loneliness only got worse.

Vanellope had never had a mother figure to look up to before. King Candy—before Turbo got to him—once acted like her father, someone she could rely on and trust. He didn't exist anymore, but that didn't meant she hadn't been missing him.

Sour Bill was the closest she got to having a father-figure. Ralph and Felix were like her uncle and aunt (respectively) who enjoyed spoiling her whenever they could.

Sure, she didn't have a normal family.

But for a glitch like her, what was normal, really?

So her somewhat-mother was this sexy, tough-as-nails, no-nonsense sergeant. Big deal.

It could be worse.

It could be Turbo all over again.

"Indeed," affirmed Calhoun, crossing her smooth legs together. She had already removed her shirt, clad only in her bikini. Casually, she glanced over at Felix to see how much he was drooling over her.

He...was not.

He was staring at her, yes, but only in a mother-hen type of way. In a manner that implied that he felt she was showing too much skin, like a parent might disapprove of his teenager wearing too-short shorts to school.

Not exactly what she had in mind.


"Yes, Fix-It?"

"...you sure you won't get a cold?"

Resisting the urge to face-palm, Calhoun nodded with obvious strain, her eye twitching some. Felix innocently tilted his head to the side in confusion, puzzled at the annoyed look she couldn't hide. He opened his mouth to say something, but Ralph suddenly nudged him.

"You guys wanna go to the slides?" Not that he really wanted to. But he didn't like Felix talking to Calhoun more, so...

"YES!" Vanellope squealed, already in the water and swimming away. The wrecker smirked and got into the water himself. He looked at his smiling boyfriend and motioned to his back.

"Want a ride?"

"I'd love to ride you!" Felix happily replied; that was, until he realized what he'd said. Blushing all shades of red, he held his hands up in defense, stuttering. "I-I mean, o-of course I'll take a ride on you—your back! I'll ride your back! Yeah!"

I'd rather you ride something else, lecherously purred the more predatory part of Ralph's mind. He tried to keep on a cool expression, though his face burned with pleasure. "Hop on."

"C'mon, Jean! To the slides!" Felix yelled as he climbed onto the other man's back, unable to look at his 'girlfriend', whose face he desperately wanted to avoid seeing. Who knew what she was thinking about his Freudian slip?

(Because he honestly did have an insatiable craving for Ralph. Each second he didn't get him, Felix grew more and more crazy.)

Ralph didn't want to wait for a reply; instead, he propelled himself forward and began swimming to the other end of the pool, where Vanellope was already climbing a winding staircase to the top of the slide.

When they were out of hearing range from Calhoun, he paused, letting out a low chuckle. "You wanna ride me, huh?"

Felix covered his face. "H-hush, you..."

"Ah~ but you rode me so well last night, after all...why not do it again? Right now?"

"We can't! Not in public!"

Ralph scoffed. "We'll find a nice bathroom."

"Hurry up, guys! The line's gettin' longer!"

"Go ahead! We'll catch up with you later!"

"Seriously? You two're so slow!"

"No, really, Jean. Stick with her and make sure she doesn't get into trouble!"

"Fine, fine..."

"C'mon, sweetie, let's sit down," Felix murmured to Ralph as the rest of their party vanished into the bikini-clad crowd. He took his lover's hand and led him towards a clearing peppered with tables and chairs, all of which looked like ice-sculptures.

The wrecker nodded breathlessly, still heaving from running after Vanellope for almost an hour. Though he really did love that kid, sometimes he wished she could just shut up and sit still for a change.

"You okay?"

"Fine," panted the larger program, groaning a bit as he lowered his body onto a chair. Felix hopped onto the seat across from him, smiling softly. When Ralph noted this, he blushed. "What?"

"Nothing," sweetly replied the smaller program, batting his eyelashes. "I just can't help but smile when I see ya, Ralphy! You sure put the honeyglow on my cheeks."

Instead of replying, the taller of the two shyly looked away, forcing himself to keep his composure and not jump Felix's bones at that very moment.

At least, not out in the open.

Speaking of which... "Hey, Lixie, do you know where the bathrooms are?"

"Oh, I'm afraid I don't, honey." Pure, innocent, and completely oblivious to his boyfriend's lustful gaze, Felix hummed to himself as he climbed down his seat. He held a hand out for Ralph to take, all smiles. "Let's go look!"

"Sure." Smoothly, Ralph got to his feet and happily accepted Felix's welcoming hand. He sighed in pleasure at sensation of their hands touching, especially since Felix's was gloveless for once. (Felix must really, really trust him to willingly place his hand within Ralph's freakishly huge one.)

As the two 8-bit programs walked, fingers intertwined, others couldn't help but stare. Now wasn't this such an odd couple, most thought. Not in a condescending manner, though; more of an amused and touched one.

Except the girls.

They were happily cooing at their cuteness and squealing in delight, fanning themselves in a fangirlish haze.

Females these days...

"People are lookin' at us..." muttered Ralph with his eyes downcast. He protectively drew closer to his smaller lover, ready to crush anyone who dared hurt his sweetheart.

"Let them look. They're just jealous cos I'm with the most amazing guy in the world!"

...okay, forget the bathroom.

Ralph just wanted to find the nearest flat surface.

Or maybe even a small pool...

No sooner had the lewd thought popped up in his mind when they suddenly felt the floor vanish from underneath them.

Then they were falling, falling, falling into darkness, screaming their heads off, clinging desperately onto each other (which helped somewhat).

Just as they resigned themselves to their fate—whatever that might be—the ground was back.

"Oof!" The men fell onto a large couch, one on top of the other. Luckily, it was Felix who had fallen last, and therefore wasn't crushed by his companion's heavy weight.

"Welcome to the Couples' Cabin! My name's Melissa and—oh, hello, again, sirs!"

Sure enough, when they opened their eyes, there stood the green-eyed brunette who, for whatever reason, had been dedicatedly keen to keep them together since day one. She waved at them from behind the front desk, looking rather pleased with herself.

"Why am I not surprised?" Ralph sighed, blinking a little to adjust to the lights. Atop him, Felix cutely rubbed his eyes.

"I know I'm not," he agreed, smiling at the beaming manger. "Where did you say we were, ma'am?"

They seemed to be in the lobby of a homely inn, something one might find out in the mountains. The walls were made of logs, like in a real cabin. A faux bear rug adorned the floor; two squishy armchairs faced an old fireplace, where different colored flames danced. Crystal hearts dangled from the roof, sparkling delightedly.

For some odd reason, the room was rather...an aphrodisiac.

There was no questioning the purpose of this special inn.

Melissa was only happy to confirm any suspicions. "The Couples' Cabin—an under-underground retreat for any lovebirds who wanna get some private time! It's mainly for the parents tired of chasin' their kids around," she added as an afterthought, retrieving a gold key from the many hooked onto the wall behind her. She easily tossed it to Ralph, who barely caught it. "Take a right down the hallway. It's at the very end to your left."

Somehow, the wrecker knew what was hidden behind the door. It would no doubt resemble the Honeymoon Room, except probably more obscene and more cabin-y.

When they got there (which was almost instantly, since they both were getting rather impatient) Felix solemnly turned to him. "I've always wanted to try this."

"Try wh—?"

And that was all Ralph could say before the handyman suddenly hopped up, pulled him against the wall, and crushed their lips together.

It took a lot of fumbling to get the key through the lock.

(Literally and metaphorically.)

"O-oh, my land..."

Ralph made sure to use all the surfaces the room had to offer, especially the hot tub.


He was really glad they were only wearing swimming trunks.

Much easier to get rid of.

"Ah! Ralph!"

Little did they know, a pair of Cy-Bug fighting soldiers had seen them not only kissing furiously outside their room, but also heard the sounds they made as the door slowly closed.

"Didja see that…?"

"Ain't that Cal's boytoy?"


Wait till Sarge got a load of that.

A/N: So Ralph and Felix are frisky. Yes. Very good.

So many innuendos in this one. No regrets.


I fail hard. *SOB*

Also, next chapter will probs be a continuation of Day 3 instead of a new one. It will probably be shorter, but this chapter needed to be cut up xP

Thanks for sticking around even during my fail moments!

Until next time~!