Author's Notes: Here's chapter 2. This one is now in the mature section, so I hope you found it. This is the post-ep portion of the story and picks up after Ed's heart-to-heart with the team. If the move to the M section wasn't a big enough clue that this chapter is going to be a little more intense, then let me further warn you: it gets steamy! Little eyes or eyes that don't like that kind of thing, stop reading when they go in the house.
Disclaimer: The show Flashpoint and its characters were created by Mark Ellis and Stephanie Morgenstern and belong to them and its respective networks. I am making no money off this story and it is for entertainment purposes only. However, this particular story is my creation and should not be used without my express written permission.
Safe in My Arms
When Sam relinquished the keys to her without comment, Jules considered that tantamount to admitting the day was bothering him. Not that she needed any sort of sign or confirmation to know that. After fastening her seat belt, she reached over and gave his hand a squeeze. "Should I make a pit stop on the way home?"
She didn't elaborate, but knew she didn't need to. He would know what kind of stop she meant. He shook his head. "No, let's just go home. Do you mind?"
She smiled at him. "Not at all."
She started to remove her hand from his so she could turn the key in the ignition but he quickly recaptured her hand before she could move it more than a centimeter. Her smile broadened as his larger hand encapsulated her own. She loved holding his hand, it was such a simple gesture but one that screamed "we belong together." A simple gesture but one that took her breath away every time he reached out to take her hand in his, especially when it seemed to come out of the blue, like while they were just sitting at the table eating a meal. As much as she loved having his hand covering hers, however, it made it extremely difficult for them to get anywhere right then.
Almost as if he realized the problem, he gave her hand in his a firmer squeeze and reached over with his other hand to turn the key to start the engine. Then so he could still hold tightly to her hand, he moved the gear shift to reverse, After she'd backed out of the parking space, he shifted to drive so she could continue on. Then he lifted their enjoined hands so that he could brush his lips over her wrist.
They didn't speak during the short drive to her house, and instead, just enjoyed being in the company of the other. It wasn't a new thing for them. Quite often at the end of a long shift, they wouldn't talk as they both mentally processed the day in their own minds, so that once they were ready to talk, they could do so without knee jerk reactions. It was their safety measure since they worked and lived together.
Once she pulled into the driveway, Sam once more cooperated by putting the jeep in park and shutting off the engine. His grip on her hand tightened. "I don't really want to go inside yet."
Jules nodded, although she was a little surprised because he had said home was where he wanted to go. "We don't have to. Somewhere else you want to go?"
He shook his head. "No, I want to be here; I'm just not ready to take what happened inside. Home is our safe place; I guess I need to process it a little more. I know it doesn't make sense…"
Jules leaned over and kissed him, remembering all the tumbled directions her thoughts had taken during the call. "It makes perfect sense. It's nice out tonight, let's go to the backyard."
Sam smiled, grateful as always that she understood him so well. She followed him out of the passenger side of the jeep, climbing over the seat so that they didn't have to release hands. However, as soon as their feet were on the driveway, Sam released her hand so that he could draw her into his embrace. For a second, they stood there, holding each other, locked into a motionless slow dance set to silent music. Jules rested her head against Sam's chest.
After a few minutes she gave his waist a tug. "Come with me."
They walked to the top of the driveway and Jules slid the latch to the backyard gate open. She led Sam to the recently purchased patio swing. She'd been surprised a couple of weeks earlier when Sam had led her out the back door with her eyes covered to present the gift to her. He'd told her then as much as they loved the outside, he wanted them to have a place to sit and rock their baby in the fresh air and then later just a place to sit while their son or daughter played in the yard. Now, Sam sat down and pulled her into his lap. Jules curled her feet up in the seat beside her as she snuggled into Sam's embrace. He set the swing into gentle motion as his hand instinctively sought out its new favorite position beneath Jules's shirt on her bare stomach. He couldn't wait for when the day finally came that he was able to feel his child move beneath his touch.
After a few minutes of silence, Sam sighed. "I knew Ed was having trouble with that call back in February, but I didn't think it was that bad. How did we not know?"
Jules had a feeling Sam's concern wasn't just for what Ed was going through but she was willing to let him set the pace of the conversation. They would eventually get to what was bothering him. "We didn't know because Ed didn't want us to know. For whatever reason, he couldn't or wouldn't let us see how much it was affecting him."
"I had to stop him from trying to clean up the body." Sam admitted softly. He hadn't told anyone about that part of the call and he wouldn't tell anyone else besides Jules. But he needed to tell someone and he didn't want to keep any secrets from the woman he loved. "He said he didn't want Harold's ex-wife and daughter to see him messed up. I should have known then something was horribly wrong. That's a rookie action; Ed knows better. But it was like he wasn't really there. I guess after listening to him explain about May, he sort of wasn't. He was locked into what happened before. You hear about PTSD, but you never think it could happen to you or someone you know."
Jules reached up to lightly caress Sam's cheek. "At least he's getting help and admitting he needs it. That's a huge step toward getting better. And he's not in this alone. Now that he's let us in, we'll all be there for him. Just like he would be if it were one of us."
Sam leaned his head back against the cushion of the swing. "We take so many precautions. We train; we wear protective gear; we do everything we can to minimize the physical risk we face every day. But there's no precaution we can take against something like that."
Jules leaned back so she could get a better look at him. "Sam, we take precautions every day. Professionally, we debrief after calls; we have an amazing internal support system within the team. Personally, you and I talk to each other whether it's out here like this or over a pint of Ben and Jerry's; you watch my back and I watch yours; if one of us is hurting or having a difficult time, the other is going to do everything possible to help. But Sam, you and I both know that no matter how many physical precautions we take, bullets and bombs can sometimes still do damage. Officers get hurt and sometimes they even get killed. The same is true with PTSD. You can do all the right things and still the calls can get too much; especially with someone like Ed who wears his emotions so close to the vest. If I didn't have you in my life, someone I can trust to open up to and who understands what I'm feeling after a call, I could easily see myself going down that road some day."
Sam's arms tightened around her and the hand that wasn't warm and comforting against her stomach fingered the loose tendrils of her hair. His eyes were fixed on her face and his expression was somber. "You might start going down that road but if you did I would drag you back to the safety of my arms before you could even get more than few feet down it."
Jules smiled. "I know you would. But as much as trust you and as safe as you make me feel, it's no guarantee that it couldn't happen. I'm sure Sophie has tried everything she could to reach Ed these last few months. You and I both know that Sarge keeps a close eye on all of us. Even if we missed it, you know he saw something was wrong and tried everything he could to help. If, God forbid, I ever started slipping down that path for whatever reason, I know you would do everything possible to help me, just like I would do for you if it happened to you and like we'll do for Ed now that we know. No matter how much we love someone, it won't stop the pain from starting and it won't take it away overnight."
They both fell silent once more as Sam continued to gentle rock the swing with his foot against the ground. Jules knew more than just Ed's admission was bothering Sam. Knew from his demeanor after he finished with SIU that the call was bothering him. She wanted to pull him back from his thoughts the way he had just finished saying he would pull her to safety, but she also recognized that he needed to feel and think about these things to be who he was. If he needed time to fully process what he was feeling before he confided in her, then she'd give him that time.
"When I first saw that baby, before we knew she didn't belong to him, I thought 'what kind of father holds a gun that close to his child?' It didn't make sense to me. I'm a sniper; I'm around all kinds of weapons every day; is it hypocritical of me that I don't want that kind of exposure for our child, not if we can help it?"
Jules shrugged. "No, but I don't think guns are inherently bad either; not if it's handled right. Dad always had guns around. I don't remember it but the family story is that he took me hunting for the first time when I was two; although I doubt I really handled a gun at that age. My brothers and I all developed a healthy respect for guns at an early age. Dad didn't hide any of his weapons but we wouldn't have dreamed of touching one of them."
"I'd still feel better if we kept ours in the locked gun safe." Sam admitted. Jules nodded, resting her head against his chest.
"Not a problem. We already keep them there anyway. But that's not what's really bothering you, is it?"
Sam shook his head, his voice taking on that haunted tone that he only got when a call was especially troubling. "He was a father trying to protect his child and I killed him."
"No, he was a paranoid schizophrenic off his meds who kidnapped a baby out of the crib in her own nursery." Jules instantly countered.
He looked down at her and brushed his lips across her temple. On a logical level, he accepted her words as truth and didn't question it. On a more emotional level, however, it was a different story. "I know he was delusional, Jules. I get that. But I don't think he knew what he had done or that what he was doing was wrong. In his mind, he was doing everything he could to protect his child. I understand that completely. You haven't even started to show yet but already there's nothing I wouldn't do to protect this baby. If I thought he or she was in danger, nothing would get in my way."
Jules opened her mouth to convince him he had only done what he had to do but before she could utter a single word, Sam silenced her with a kiss. He continued to rest his forehead against hers even after he ended the kiss. "I don't doubt that I made the right call. Not only was I doing my job by protecting the baby and my coworker, but I was also protecting my child and the woman I love. I can't and won't feel bad about that. I just…I don't know. I guess I wish there could have been another way."
Jules had been in his shoes before. She'd stared down the scope at a suspect on numerous occasions, focused on the moment and ready to do her job but hoping it wouldn't be necessary. She knew it wasn't that Sam was questioning his actions just the situation itself. She snuggled back against him. "We all do. But after listening to his story, had we taken him down without a shot, he probably would have just stayed in that cycle of going off and on his meds until something worse happened."
Sam gazed up at the second floor of the house at the window of the room they had talked about making into the nursery. He shook his head again. "I'm not sure I'll ever feel comfortable leaving the window open in the nursery."
Jules had had the same thought earlier as she waited for Sam to finish with SIU. "We don't have to worry about that. When we start remodeling the room into a nursery, I'm going to install a motion alarm on that window. If so much as a stiff breeze breaks the barrier, we'll know. We won't have to worry about anyone coming in through the nursery and when our son or daughters gets to be a teenager, we don't have to worry about him or her sneaking out the window at night."
Sam grinned. "Why do I have a feeling you tried that trick a time or two?"
She shrugged her shoulders noncommittally. "I cannot answer that. God, Sam, I thought the reality of being pregnant had hit me the first time I was puking my guts up with morning sickness at midnight. But I held that baby in my arms today and it felt so right. I used to wonder if I would be a good mother; I mean I've made a life out of being one of the guys, so what do I know about being a mom? I knew I wanted this baby - our baby - from the moment the doctor confirmed I was pregnant, but I couldn't be sure that wanting him or her was enough. After holding Katherine on that ferry today, for the first time I felt like I was ready to be a mom."
"I never had any doubts." Sam brushed the side of her face with the back of his hand before cupping the back of her head to draw her in for a kiss. The hand on her stomach slid upward under her shirt to cup her left breast while the hand on the back of her head drew her even closer to him. Jules sighed into the kiss and shifted so that she straddled his lap.
The kissing deepened in intensity as their hands began to roam. Before their make-out session could reach a point of embarrassment if any of the neighbors were looking, Sam stood, lifting Jules with him. As if sensing what he had in mind, she wrapped her legs obediently around his waist.
Once he had the back door unlocked and open, he carried her across the threshold and kicked the door shut behind him. He barely took the time to lock it behind him before his hands were once more beneath her shirt seeking her bare skin. His mouth found the spot on her neck that never failed to have her panting with pleasure without leaving a mark.
He carried her to their bedroom without bothering to turn on any lights. He deposited her gently on the bed and covered her with his body. Sam broke off his attention to her neck long enough to remove her shirt. Her skin was flushed with desire already, and he took just a second to admire it appreciatively before slipping his hands behind her to unfasten her bra. A second later it joined her shirt.
Her breasts moved up and down as her breathing quickened with excitement. Sam's breath caught in his throat at the sight and he felt himself grow even harder at the blissful perfection of the woman beneath him. He said a silent prayer of thankfulness that he was the one blessed to be granted the opportunity to love and be loved by Jules. If he spent every night for the next seventy years this way, it wouldn't be long enough.
He lowered his head, capturing her right breast with his mouth. She hissed in pleasure, almost arching off the bed. In some remote area of his mind, he wondered if her breasts had already started feeling more sensitive. He knew practically her whole body would undergo major albeit temporary changes as the pregnancy progressed and that her breasts more than other parts would be affected.
She whispered his name although it came out almost as a moan of pleasure. As much as he enjoyed lavishing her breasts with attention, seeing her physical reactions to his ministrations aroused him even more. He'd read enough to know that this part of their lovemaking would eventually have to be curtailed for awhile but he'd have to check later to see how much longer he would get to enjoy making love to her breasts this way.
Switching his attention to her left breast, Sam finished the job of undressing her. Her panties were already soaked with her arousal. Knowing she was already so ready for him filled him with an almost heady sense of euphoria. So much so that he didn't even realize her shaking hands were fumbling with the fastener of his pants. Didn't realize anything until her hands, which he only thought of as delicate when they made love, encircled and stroked his throbbing manhood. It was almost enough to do him in right there. With an almost predatory growl, he released her breast. His hands closed lightly around her wrists which in turn caused her to release him. He pushed her hands up and over her head pinning them there. Breathing hard, he stared into her doe eyes that were staring back at him in confusion.
"Baby, the things your hands and mouth can do to me defy explanation. They make me want you more than I ever thought possible. But right now, I just want…no, I need this to be about you. Please, for now, let me concentrate on making your fall apart in my arms. Nothing else seems important right now."
Jules continued to stare at him for several long seconds. They both liked control; it was a dominate part of both their personalities. What could have been a drawback in their relationship became their best asset. Jules knew of no other man who could have asked of her what Sam had asked without making her mad. But this was Sam, who never asked her to relinquish control, so she didn't think twice about nodding her assent. There would be a time for her to show him how much she loved him but for now she could show it best by being strong enough to surrender to his needs.
Immediately, he released the hold on her wrists but she didn't move them. Instead, she grasped the railings on the headboard in order to counter her natural responses to his ministrations. There was a hint of a smile in his eyes, one of relief for her understanding rather than of happiness that his will had won out over hers.
His lips captured hers in a fiery, possessive kiss. Her chest was heaving once more as he broke off the kiss, leaving them both more than a little breathless. The rise and fall of her breasts again brought them to his attention, and he latched on as if starved for what it could offer him. A nectar so much better than the breast milk she'd begin producing soon enough.
Her knuckles on the headboard turned white as his left hand skimmed her bare skin and disappeared between her thighs. Dominance she could give him willingly but she couldn't stop the gasp of pleasure and desire that escaped her lips when his thumb pressed against her sensitive bundle of nerves. The sound seemed to excite him even more as his thumb continued to rub circles in that one spot. A single finger slid inside her already dripping folds, and she arched up off the bed as if urging him deeper. A second digit joined the first, and his expert fingers quickly worked her into an even more heightened sense of arousal. Her juices coated his fingers and hand, giving him even easier access to her most intimate areas.
Jules could feel her release building, bubbling to the surface. She wanted to fight it off, wanted to prolong the pleasure as long as she could. Tears filled her eyes and spilled over but they had nothing to do with sadness. After several minutes of working his fingers in and out of her, scissoring them, and curling them inside her so that he hit every possible position, he pulled them out completely. Before she could whimper in protest, he eased down the bed so that his mouth was taking over where his fingers had left off. She spread her legs even more to allow him better purchase.
Any self restraint she had disappeared the second his talented tongue dipped inside her. Breathing was forgotten as her hips bucked, her eyes widened, and her mouth formed a perfect o. Sam continued his oral pursuits, holding her writhing body in place as she rode out her emotional high. As a semblance of coherent thought returned along with her ability to breathe, Jules lifted her head off the bed and met Sam's eyes as he watched her from his position between her legs. "Sam…please…."
Two words were all she could manage and any other time the pleading quality they had taken would have embarrassed her. But not now, not as Sam worshiped her body. At her plea, he slid back up to cradle her body against him. One hand brushed lightly against her cheek. Her slightly dilated, unfocused eyes met his and she wasn't sure what she'd been saying or if she'd even said anything at all. As if he recognized her sudden confusion, he smiled at her. "Please what, Baby? Anything you want, just tell me…or better yet, show me."
His final words were now giving her permission to touch him as she'd wanted to earlier. Her grip on the headboard however had been so tight, that now that she tried to uncurl her fingers, they didn't want to move. Kissing her lips gently, Sam reached up and helped her straighten her fingers. Bringing his hands down, he kissed the white knuckles. "Not a drop of blood left in them, poor Baby. I know I was asking a lot. What can I do to make it up to you?"
Make it up to her? After sending her to the extreme heights of pleasure, he wanted to make things up to her? He was going to be the death of her but what a way to go. Even at the irony of his statement, she recognized he was giving her permission not to hold back any longer. Her body was still tingling from the residual feeling of her powerful orgasm but already desire for more was rising within her. It would be so easy for her to pin him to the bed beneath her much the way he had pinned her and go down on him until he was screaming her name in ecstasy. And then she'd straddle him and ride him until they were both exploding with pleasure. It would be so easy and so fulfilling, but even as he was giving her permission to have her way with him, she sensed he still needed to be in control. And she loved him enough to give it to him.
He released her hands and she used them to undress him so he was as naked as she was. Then her left hand reached down and gently stroked his painfully hard manhood. Now it was his turn to hiss with pleasure. After several feather-light strokes, she gripped it gently in her hand. "I need this in me. Please."
He nodded and once more covered her body with his. He positioned himself at her warm, wet entrance. His hands cupped her face, his thumbs caressing her cheeks. "You ready for me now?"
"So ready. Please Sam." Only for him would she beg.
He smiled and slid inside her. "I told you, whatever you want. How do you want me, Sweetheart? Slow and gentle?" As if to illustrate, he completely pulled back and slid back inside her with agonizingly sweet tenderness. She whimpered with need Then he pulled back and slammed back into her with a breathtaking force. He leaned down to whisper in her ear. "Or hard and fast?"
There was no denying that she liked both. Sometimes she needed him to take her with a ferociousness that lacked any semblance of gentleness, rough and almost out of control until they both collapsed exhausted in each other's arms. But sometimes there was nothing sweeter or more arousing than him treating her as if she were a piece of fragile china. Tonight, she needed something in between but didn't know how to explain it.
"Both." She finally breathed out, wanting him to move inside her again.
And even though it didn't make sense and she couldn't explain it, Sam seemed to instinctively know what she was asking for. He alternated the pace he set between driving into her with a force that rocked her on the bed, a force similar to what he would use if they were sparring with each other in a CQB drill to a gentle thrust that belied the strength she knew he possessed. She couldn't predict his pattern so he was constantly catching her off guard. Her fingernails dug half moons into his back. Their mouths crashed together and their tongues dueled for dominance.
Once more she came undone in his arms, and Sam followed two thrusts later. He rolled to his side and gathered her close to him, rubbing her back. Their kisses slowed from a frenzy down to mere brushes of lip against lip. He could feel her heart beating wildly, almost in perfect time to his own.
"I love you so much," she promised drowsily, already half asleep.
He was sinking slowly but surely into his own exhausted sleep, but Sam was at least able to pull the blanket up over their bare bodies. "And I love you just as much."
Then they were both sound asleep.
- FP - FP - FP -
Sam's eyes flew open sometime later. He wasn't sure what had woken him. The house was still and quiet. He and Jules were still a tangle of body parts, intertwined together so they were almost one with each other. The clock was behind him so he couldn't see what time it was.
He lifted his arm enough so that he could see the lighted display. 11:47. Now he understood. It was the time Jules was usually rushing to the bathroom to empty the contents of her stomach in a fit of morning sickness. His own body had grown accustomed to the regularity of it so much that even in a dead sleep, he was prepared to wake up with her. He glanced down at the woman sleeping in his arms. He couldn't see any sign of her waking or that she was even feeling queasy. In fact, her mouth was turned upward in a smile and her face was serene and content.
He settled back down against the pillow. He wasn't sure whether it was the fact they had skipped supper completely or the mind blowing sex they'd shared earlier, but it seemed like tonight was going to be the first night she wasn't sick and throwing up. He kissed the top of her head and he settled back to go to sleep again. He'd be more than willing to test the theory that it was the mind blowing sex every night to see if it was the cause. All in the name of research of course. His eyes closed and he once more surrendered to sleep.