The List of Things Sasori Does When He's Bored
Greetings my name is Marth. I am sorry for any of you who might read this, I'm not meaning for anyone to read this, just thought that I'd get this predicament out of my head…
It all started this morning; well no I guess it happened after I left that afternoon. I had left to go get some holiday shopping done, and I can't have the person I'm shopping for come with right? Well this made Sasori sad to be left home all alone. But it couldn't be helped. Now that isn't what this story is about, well it is, but it's about what he does while I am gone. And it's pretty odd.
First thing Sasori does when he is bored is he turns people into puppets, no surprise there. When I came home I found blood and organs everywhere, even on the walls. I didn't know how he managed that one. I guess that they were Christmas carolers, I saw the Santa hats, bells and sheets of lyrics covered in blood. I did not know they did their singing this early? Anyways Sasori invited them in for cookies and eggnog. We don't have any eggnog, I was actually going to buy some on my way back…oops guess I forgot.
The second thing Sasori does when he is bored he goes and finds more people. He went out and bought an abandoned building and turned it into a night club, but only the outside. Though in order to do this he used my credit card and spent 1,000,000,000,000 dollars on it. And that was just the building . He put up a bright neon sign and everything, costing 12,000 extra….. And then there was already a line outside within twenty minutes. People sure like to party I guess. Once everyone was inside the building went on a lock down and everyone panicked. Odd thing was I believe I walked by it, so that's where all that screaming came from.
The 2.5 thing Sasori does when he is bored follows the second; he turned those people into puppets.
The third thing Sasori does when he is bored is make the puppets act out a Shakespeare play. Well actually he did three of them, it was kind of odd. For one I didn't think he liked Shakespeare and for two how did he get a theater to act them out? I actually found videos of one of the plays he and his puppets did on YouTube. A little creepy.
The fourth thing Sasori does when he is bored is go out and find people to force to watch his play. Mainly just random people he finds out on the street, he just pulled up in a white van and shoved some people in. I'm surprised he didn't offer them candy or say there was a free bike in the back….
The fifth thing Sasori does when he is bored is kill the people who try to leave during his play and turn them into puppets to act out in his play. Now I get that trying to leave during someone's play, but well shooting a harpoon at their face is a little harsh. After the first person everyone stayed put, I think right now they are still sitting there, waiting to be told if they could leave.
The sixth thing Sasori does when he is bored is he counts his puppets he had made, and realizes he has too many. So he then goes up to a random lady and asks "is this your husband? Here you go!" and has a good laugh while she screams and passes out. He also gives some of them to other people saying "they work as great blow up dolls, except you don't have to blow them up." with a wink. Soon he has the right number that he can keep.
The seventh thing Sasori does when he is bored is uses the puppets he kept as blow up dolls. Yes, you heard me correctly. He first had some fun dressing them up as drag queens, well the males as drag queens. Next he made his own porno, but having them, well you get the point. And this porno had everything, straight, yoai, yuri, orgies, and threesomes. Now you all know why Sasori isn't left home alone anymore….did I mention that some of the puppets looked like me?
The eighth thing Sasori does when he is bored is he somehow ends up breaking the internet. He decided to upload that porno he made, thinking that someone would actually watch puppets having sex in ridiculous ways. And this porno fried the internet. I didn't know that one single video could do this but it did, I am both amazed and horrified and the same time….
The ninth and final thing Sasori does when he is bored is steal a cat. Yes steal a cat. There are so much other things that are more worth stealing, but he killed people, tortured them with a horrid play, and then made a porno with their dead bodies and the only thing he decides to steal is a small kitten….definitely makes sense huh? But at least it was cute, that is until he made it into a bowl of soup. Yeah when I came home he offered it to me, but didn't tell me it was cat until after I had a few bites.
Now you all know what happens when Sasori is bored and left all alone and why I no longer leave him home. This year I took him with me, he didn't get a surprise for Christmas and neither did I.