X3 I can't remember how this all started, but I do remember I was talking to Aiko and we got into the topic of a teacher Akashi. Then somehow teacher Akashi turned into this fanfic. T~T So sorry for the horribly written fic. I think this is the longest one shot I've ever done. Hope you like it!
Kiseki no Job Switch
"Kurokocchi, today was really stressful. Let me take a nap on your lap" whined Kise, who was about to lay his head on Kuroko's lap before meeting the cold, hard surface of the park bench they were sitting on.
"Kurokocchi, so mean using misdirection like that." Kise cried, small tears forming in his eyes.
"If you're tired, then you should take a nap on your own bed at home since that would be a lot more comfortable than my lap" replied Kuroko, now sitting a bit farther from Kise.
"Kise, go home, nobody wants you here" commented Aomine who was leaning against the bench next to Kuroko.
"If you're just going to complain about your job, then you shouldn't have come today." Commented Midorima who was still in a white lab coat and had a stethoscope hanging from his neck.
"So mean. You guys are only saying that because you have easy jobs and just sit all day" Kise pouted.
"Kise-chin, don't pilots sit all day too?" asked Murasakibara who was munching on some sweets he had made earlier that day.
"It's not just sitting! I'm flying a plane! It's a lot harder than it looks" defended Kise.
"and you think looking at patients all day is easy?" asked Midorima with a raised eyebrow.
"You have nothing to complain about. You get to look at boobs the whole day" commented Aomine.
"I don't look at women's breasts the whole day like you think Aomine. Unlike you, I take my job very seriously and I don't lazy around Murasakibara's bakery shop eating donuts all day" stated Midorima, glaring at Aomine for making such an assumption.
"That's real stereotypical of you. I don't lazy around the pastry shop eating donuts. I don't even like sweets! I'm still pretty sure I do more work than you though" Aomine glared back.
"Mido-chin, I don't make donuts in a shop. I'm a pastry chef at a hotel. There's a huge difference" said Murasakibara, stopping his munching in order to explain himself.
"Yeah, huge difference there. Bakery, pastry, donuts, it doesn't matter. It's all the same thing of sticking stuff in the oven and waiting" said Aomine, scoffing at the thought of people going to school just to learn how to put things in the oven. "I can't believe that's considered a career. Anyone can do that. They don't even need to go to school for it."
"You're one to talk. Compared to me, all of you did nothing in terms of schooling" said Midorima, pushing his glasses up.
"Very interesting. What do you say we have an event" spoke up Akashi for the first time since everyone met up.
"What kind of event Aka-chin?" asked Murasakibara, curious as a child.
"Since everyone keeps saying how much harder their job is…why don't we find out with firsthand experience?" asked Akashi, tossing a shogi piece up in the air and catching it.
"What are you getting at Akashi?" asked Midorima, already not liking where this was going.
"Let's switch jobs for a day and see just how much the other works" Akashi enlightened his ex-teammates, who already had very disapproving looks on their faces "That is…unless you guys can't take it" with that said, everyone changed their looks to ones of determination. Akashi always knew what to say in order to get the reactions he wanted in people.
"Good. Atsushi, your chef hat. Shintarou, your lollipops" commanded Akashi, and without further hesitation, the items were given to him. He placed the lollipops in the hat and shook it well, making sure that none fell out. "Now, pick out a lollipop from the hat one at a time. The color of the lollipop indicates which person's job you have. If you get your own, put it back and draw again." Explained Akashi as one by one, the kiseki no sedai got their lollipops.
"So when do I get to look at boobs?" asked Aomine, holding up the green candy. In an instant, the candy disappeared and was replaced with a yellow one. "Tetsu! What the heck?!"
"Sorry, but I couldn't allow innocent people to be traumatized by you" Kuroko explained with his usual stoic face.
"So me looking at boobs is traumatizing, but Akashi with children is okay?" asked Aomine, pointing at the red head who had a black candy.
"I trust him." was Kuroko's simple and blunt reply.
"So the matchup is Akashi as a teacher, I'm a pilot, Tetsu as a cop, Kise as a shogi player, Murasakibara a doctor, and Midorima a pastry chef. Are you sure we're going to be okay with these positions?" asked Aomine, skeptical about their matchups.
"Of course. Or are you backing out already Daiki?" asked Akashi, staring straight into Aomine's eyes
"No, just making sure is all." Replied Aomine, not wanting to seem scared.
"Good. Then it's settled. Tomorrow we switch jobs. Until then, get lots of rest. You are now dismissed." Akashi said as he left the group.
"He already sounds like a teacher." Aomine thought out loud, with the rest of the group nodding their agreement.
"Man, it's so early" yawned Aomine, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes as he sat in the pilot's seat of the first flight that day. He hadn't expected flights to be as early as six in the morning. What's worse is that he had to be in the airport at least two to three hours before the flight.
"So what's the reason you're here and not Kise?" asked the guy sitting next to Aomine.
"He couldn't make it today because he has…other issues to attend to. He asked me to fill in for him" Aomine replied, hoping the guy would keep quiet throughout the flight and quit asking questions about Kise.
"I see. So then you studied with Kise and got your license together?" asked the guy, trying to keep the conversation going.
"Kind of. I'm the one that gave him the test. He can fly planes, but he sucks at driving cars. Nobody would pass him, so I agreed to pass him in exchange for meeting Hirakota Mai. It was a total let down though. Her boobs aren't even big in real life. They're photoshopped." Replied Aomine, remembering how disappointing it was to find out the model he loved wasn't as busty as in the photos.
"Wait, cars? Aren't you a pilot?" asked the man, starting to get a bit worried.
"Nah, I'm a cop. Flying a plane should be the same as a car though. Cop cars have lots of buttons, planes have lots of buttons. Shouldn't be that hard. " Aomine replied with a bored, sleepy tone.
"We're all going to die" was the last thought the co-pilot had before the plane started up.
"Woah, you're taller than Doctor Mido!" exclaimed a little eight-year-old girl who was looking up at the tall Murasakibara. He was wearing a purple lab coat with a purple stethoscope hanging out of its right pocket. Purple fuzzy cat ears rested on his head and matched the purple fuzzy tail that was clipped on to his black pants.
"Hey, how tall is this Doctor Kitty?" asked the little girl as she went up to Murasakibara and compared their height by placing her hand at the top of her head and leading it to a point on his leg.
"That's not tall, that's short" replied Murasakibara, taking out a lollipop from his pocket and putting it in his mouth. "and I'm not Kitty, I'm Murasakibara."
"Mura…Mura…Muratapibawa?" asked the little girl, looking at the frown on the tall man's face as she mispronounced his name. "Doctor Mura, why are you a kitty?" she asked, giving up on pronouncing his long name correctly.
"It's Murasakibara. Mido-chin said I'd scare the kids at the hospital, so I'm wearing it to look friendlier" he replied, thinking back to the conversation he had with Midorima earlier that day. "Though I think Mido-chin is the one that's scary. He's a huge tsundere and he always has an angry look on his face" said Murasakibara as he imagined Midorima chasing the children around the hospital yelling "nanodayo" with his usual displeased look.
"Where's Doctor Mido? Did you eat him? Is that why you're so tall?" asked the little girl as she walked around Murasakibara, looking for evidence that he was hiding Midorima somewhere.
"No way, Mido-chin would taste nasty" replied Murasakibara, scrunching his face up.
"How'd you get so tall ? Do you eat lots of vegetables to grow big and strong like what Doctor Mido says?" the little girl continued to ask questions.
"Vegetables are gross. Mido-chin doesn't know what he's talking about. I only eat sweets." replied Murasakibara as he placed his hand on the little girl's head. "so many questions…makes me wanna crush you." he mumbled as he ruffled the girl's hair.
"I'm going to eat lots of sweets and grow tall like Doctor Mura!" the little girl exclaimed excitedly, smiling happily up at the tall man.
"Sweets are justice." commented Murasakibara, nodding his head as he continued ruffling the girl's hair.
"What kind of doctor is he?!"asked a doctor who happened to hear their whole conversation.
"I look like an old fart" pouted Kise as he looked at the clothes Akashi let him borrow. "I think I got the worst switch. I'm no good with these kinds of things." He mumbled, walking around trying to find the table he was going to have a match in. All the tables had numbers that corresponded with the numbers pinned on the contestant's clothes, but he just wasn't able to find his number on any of the tables he had passed.
"I was thinking I would be put up against a good opponent today. Then I come here and I see it's against a washed up model my daughter used to fangirl over. What happened to that other child? At least he seems like more of an opponent than you." Came the voice of an old arrogant man that was seated at a table near Kise. Looking at the number on the table, he found out that the old man was his next opponent.
"Sorry about that, but Akashicchi couldn't make it today. He's busy with another affair. You do know we're actually 23 right?" asked Kise, his left brow twitching at being called a washed up model and a child. He was hoping that his vocabulary made him sound more mature than what he really was.
"23 is still a child compared to how long I've lived. Now are you here to talk or are you here to have a shogi match today? You're late and I'm not getting any younger." Said the old man pointing out that the other contestants had already started their games
"You must be very wise then. Sorry to keep you waiting." Kise smiled as he took a seat opposite of the old man, ignoring his complaints. He wasn't going to let the old man get to him that easily.
"Since it's you, I'll tell you upfront. It would be a lot easier on all of us if you would just forfeit the match. Nobody would blame you. After all, you're just an obtuse washed up model who probably doesn't even know the first thing about shogi." The man coldly stated, giving Kise a displeased look.
"Sorry, but I'm not mature enough to back down from a challenge." Kise replied, giving the old man the same look Akashi would use in a situation like this.
"Well you definitely have the same look as that other child. However, in shogi your good looks don't matter. You won't get special treatment here just because you were a model. I'll be generous and let you make the first move." said the old man as he motioned to the shogi board and pieces that were in front of them.
"You'll be sorry you made the mistake of letting me go first. I'll win this thing in no time" said Kise as he took a piece and placed it in a random place. If there was anything his modeling had taught him, it was how to make it seem like you knew what you were doing while looking cool at the same time.
"You're right, I'm regretting letting you go first. That's my piece." The old man stated matter-of-factly, thinking he would have gotten a better challenge from a rock.
"And after I went through all the trouble of looking cool and menacing. I could use perfect copy to imitate Akashi's Emperor Eye and predict where the guy will move his pieces next…but even then I still don't know the rules to this game. Kurokocchi, help me!" cried Kise on the inside, hoping that somehow Kuroko would come to his rescue and use misdirection to help him win the game.
"It's okay, don't feel so down rookie! You did your best." laughed a loud police man as he patted Kuroko's back rather hard.
"I'm grateful for the encouragement, but could you please not pat my back so hard? It hurts." commented Kuroko, almost falling over from the impact. Lucky for him, the most damage he could get if he did fall over was maybe some marks from the buttons in the cop car he was currently sitting in.
"Hahah, you're real funny, you know that rookie? You're also pretty scrawny, and that voice of yours is so soft, it's no wonder nobody noticed you trying to control the flow of traffic" The man laughed as he continued patting Kuroko's back like if the request was never made. "So what's the reason Aomine couldn't make it today? Is he pretending to be sick again?"
"Ah, no, he had a plane to catch" Kuroko replied, not wanting to lie to the man, but also not wanting to tell him the full truth either.
"Ah, he had somewhere to be?" asked the man, wondering why he hadn't heard of the flight beforehand.
"It was sort of a last minute thing." Kuroko replied, tucking the blue uniform shirt that was too big on him into the loose big pants that were only being held up by a belt.
"Hahah, you're so small and scrawny, you look more like you'd be Aomine's wife than his friend. Especially since you're wearing his shirt with his family name on it." the man laughed, patting Kuroko's back once again.
"Please don't say such embarrassing things" requested Kuroko, catching the police cap that fell from his head "He sounds like a fujoshi" Kuroko thought as he placed the large cap on his head again
"You know, he always talks about you. I thought the Tetsu he would always talk about was his girlfriend or something. Didn't think you'd be a guy. So you two have that kind of relationship then, huh?" asked the man, grinning and nudging Kuroko''s side with his elbow
"It's not like that. We're just friends from middle school." Kuroko replied, not really understanding where the man gets his ideas. "Yup, just like a fujoshi. Is he a yaoi fan boy?"
"Ah, so it's been going on since middle school. I see. There's no shame in that. In this day and age, those kinds of relationships are very common. Take good care of that guy for me, would you?" requested the old cop, giving Kuroko a serious look.
"Great! Have some donuts in celebration. We always get them from some ex-teammate of Aomine's who is now a pastry chef" the man exclaimed, shoving some donuts into Kuroko's hands "By the way, Aomine is always talking about you, but I don't think he's ever told me what your occupation is. I'm guessing you're not a cop though."
"That is correct. I'm actually a kindergarten teacher" replied Kuroko as he took a bite out of the donut. "Is there something wrong?" he asked when he noticed the man hadn't spoken in a while.
"Aomine is always so lazy when it comes to patrolling. Though he always makes sure to patrol some kindergarten at least three times a day. I used to think it was strange, but now it makes sense." the man replied, grinning at Kuroko.
" Aomine-kun, you liar. You do lazy around all day eating donuts." Kuroko thought as he quietly munched on the donut. He gave up trying to correct the misunderstanding the cop had about his relationship with Aomine.
"Wow, that looks really good!" exclaimed one of the waiters in the kitchen.
"Of course it does. I made it, nanodayo" replied Midorima, pushing up his glasses as he looked over his masterpiece. The staff in the kitchen was amazed that he could actually pull off a big cake after stating that he had never baked before. In front of them was a four-layer cake that had each upper layer smaller than the one below. The cake was decorated with green frosting that looked like vines all around. Scattered randomly on the cake were water lilies made of pink frosting. What caught their attention was the huge water lily at the top of the cake that had a green frog sitting in it.
"Great! We'll be able to serve this cake to the president of the company in today's special luncheon. And since the new guy here made so much, we can have some too" said the waiter as he took some of the frosting off the cake with his finger and licked it. "Or not. This thing is nasty. I wouldn't even give this cake to the hungriest guy in the world." added the waiter before he passed out from the horrible taste.
"Come on, it can't be that bad. It looks good. Maybe it's just the frosting. The cake itself should be fine." one of the cooks commented as he cut out a piece of the cake to try. He quickly spit out the cake as soon as it made contact with his tongue and ran to the nearest sink, drinking the water directly from the faucet.
"Is it really that bad?" asked another cook, eyeing the cake like if it had sprouted a mouth and was talking to them
"It's worse than bad. That thing is toxic, deadly and a threat to the human race. It's not even a cake! What exactly did you put in that thing?!" exclaimed the cook, pointing an accusing finger at the cake.
"Just the usual. Some eggs, rice flour, soy milk, mushroom paste, honey, vanilla, carrot juice, yeast, mayonnaise, coffee, butter, cream cheese, green tea powder, blueberries, tomato juice, red bean paste and grape juice." responded Midorima, listing off the ingredients like if it was common knowledge.
"What kind of recipe is that?!" exclaimed the whole staff, shocked at all the things that were in the cake.
"I didn't know who would be eating the cake, so I took the liberty of combining all of the lucky items Oha Asa gave for today and put them in the cake. Not only is it a lucky cake, it's also quite healthy" came Midorima's response.
"Healthy? Sounds more like you're trying to kill us! None of those ingredients go together!" the entire staff yelled, hoping Murasakibara would never hear of this incident. If he ever heard that an inedible cake was made in the same kitchen he makes sweets in, they would never see the light of day again.
"So this is the place. Shouldn't be that bad. I've led the Kiseki no Sedai and Rakuzan to countless victories. I should be able to lead little children" mused Akashi out loud as he walked into the kindergarten Kuroko worked in. He was met with 25 little kids running around the small room. They were all making a mess of the room by painting the walls and throwing toys everywhere while they screamed like if someone was about to kill them. Some of the kids were even hanging off the book shelves and jumping off the tables while others rolled on the floor.
"Quiet down, pick up your mess and sit in your seats or there will be consequences" said Akashi in his normal tone. At the sound of his voice, all the kids got quiet and looked over at him. One glance was all it took for them to realize that he was a scary person and shouldn't be messed with. In an instant, they all quietly began to clean the room and sat in their seats, waiting for him to speak again.
"Good. It seems Tetsuya has taught you well. I'm Akashi and as you've noticed, Tetsuya isn't here today and he has asked me to fill in for him. I expect all of you to be on your best behavior and act like reasonable well-mannered children. I don't know how Tetsuya leads you, but I'll tell you upfront: I don't like repeating myself. Once should be enough, and if it isn't, then we're going to have a problem. If you oppose me, just know that it is the worst idea you could ever have and there will be consequences. Do you understand?" he asked, making eye contact with each of the little kids while he was talking. A quick nod from each child indicated that they understood what he had meant.
"umm….Akachi-sensei, why are your eyes like that?" asked one of the little kids, raising his hand like Kuroko had taught them.
"Is there a problem with my eyes?" Akashi asked instead, not answering the question.
"Akachi-sensei, are you Koko-sensei's wife?" asked a boy, raising his hand like the other before him.
"No way! Koko-sensei looks more like a girl, so he's the wife. Akachi-sensei, is Koko-sensei your wife?" asked a little girl hugging a teddy bear.
"Akachi-sensei, is Koko-sensei a girl?"
"Akachi-sensei, do you and Koko-sensei have a baby?"
"Akachi-sensei, do you love Koko-sensei?"
"Akachi-sensei, are you and Koko-sensei getting married?"
"What Tetsuya and I do should not concern any of you in the least bit. Why don't we do something fun…like play basketball. I can't wait to start breaking-I mean training you." Akashi smiled at the kids, not wanting to hear any more of their questions.
"Yay! Bas'tball! Bas'tball!" the little kids cheered, unknowing of the torturous training that Akashi had planned for them.
"So how was flying a plane?" Kise asked excitedly
"A total pain. Your co-pilot or whatever the heck he was started yelling at me for falling asleep during the flight. I thought you could do that" replied Aomine, remembering how the guy wouldn't stop talking for the rest of the flights.
"Mine-chin, only passengers can sleep. Even I know that." said Murasakibara as he attempted to hear Kuroko's heartbeat with the purple stethoscope.
"What the heck are you wearing? You look ridiculous." Aomine commented, taking the stethoscope away only to try using it on Kuroko himself.
"A little girl thought I was a purple cat. She really liked it, though I got scolded by some doctors and got lectured by them. Apparently, I'm not supposed to tell the kids I only eat sweets because it encourages them to eat sweets…and the doctors said sweets are bad. They even gave me a pamphlet." Murasakibara replied as he fished out the pamphlet from the lab coat pocket and showed it to everyone.
"Of course they would scold you! What kind of doctor encourages a bad diet?!" yelled Kise as he attempted to take the stethoscope from Aomine, but failed.
"Hmmm…then how did your job go Kise-chin?" Murasakibara asked as he took back the stethoscope from Aomine.
"I got stuck with some old man that kept calling me a washed up model. It was horrible Kurokocchi!" Kise cried, clinging onto Kuroko and laying his head against the small man's chest, giving up on the stethoscope. There was an easier way of listening to Kuroko's heartbeat, and in Kise's opinion, it was also better.
"So Tetsu, how'd patrolling go?" asked Aomine, trying to pry off Kise from the small pale man.
"It was interesting. Apparently I'm your wife" replied Kuroko with a serious face "Please take good care of me."
"Whaaaat?! No fair! Why does Aominecchi get Kurokocchi as his wife?! I don't even remember a wedding! Aominecchi, you big meanie, give me Kurokocchi!"yelled Kise, struggling to cling onto Kuroko while Aomine continued trying to pry him off.
"Mido-chin, how was the cake?" asked Murasakibara, ignoring the scene in front of him, feeling bad for Kuroko.
"Your co-workers didn't appreciate my kind gesture and called my cake an abomination and a threat to the human race as they burned it to a crisp using a flamethrower from who-knows-where." thought Midorima, upset that his hard work on the cake was for nothing "Fine. Akashi, how was your day at work?" he asked, not wanting to admit his mistake. Midorima never made mistakes, especially if they had anything to do with lucky items.
"Apparently Tetsuya and I are married and we're going to have a baby. It was still rather fun getting to play basketball with the kids. You've taught them well Tetsuya. I can expect our children to be just as well-mannered" replied Akashi smiling.
"Akashicchi, not you too!" cried Kise, clinging onto Kuroko like his life depended on it.
"Congratulations Aka-chin and Kuro-chin." said Murasakibara as he ruffled Kuroko's hair "You should let Mido-chin look at you so you know when the baby is due"
"Noooooo!" cried Kise as he buried his face in Kuroko's chest.
"I think that's enough teasing for today. Any more and he'll end up having to see the psychiatrist…again" commented Midorima.
"Why? He's already messed up from all the other times back in middle school. Just like you said, this won't be his first time we've sent him to the psychiatrist. He's come back somewhat sane before. One more time shouldn't matter" Aomine replied, remembering all the times Kise has had to go to counseling because of them.
"Silly Kise-chin, even I know they're lying about being married to Kuro-chin." Murasakibara commented, poking Kise with a lollipop that he would give to patients.
"Kurokocchi!" cried Kise, not wanting to let the small man go. Kuroko just sat there gently patting Kise's head with one hand while he rubbed circles on his back with the other. If they had learned one thing from switching jobs, it wasn't that the other person's job was a lot harder than it looked, but rather they would never get tired of teasing Kise, no matter how old they got
XD Thank you for reading my horribly written fic!