A/N:Hey, guys! It's been a long time since I've written any fanfiction. This takes place Season 8, just after episode 7, only The Trans stay with the Winchesters for 1 hunt. I didn't feel like the air was really cleared with the civil wars brothers thing.
Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or any of the amazing characters within. This story was mostly written for my peace of mind, and I don't mean to do any harm to Mr. Eric Kripke's, or Jeremy Carver's vision
Billy: I noticed that you left Sera Gamble off of that list.
Mel: Bobby died on her watch.
Billy: Which allowed us to see the Winchesters truly on their own for the first time.
Mel: That's true, but she still killed Bobby, twice.
Billy: So did Eric Kripke at the end of Swan Song!
Mel: That's true. But Bobby's death seems a little more permanent.
Billy: As a writer, I would think that you'd have a little more sympathy for these sorts of things.
Mel: As a ghost whose stuck being 16 years old for the rest of his afterlife... I think you're sort of a know-it-all.
Billy: Whatever, can we just give them their story?
Mel: I guess, so.. but this isn't over.
Billy: With you, it never is. *throws the story* Here you you go! Don't forget to review! She hurts me when you don't...
Mel: That's not true, why would you spread something so awful?
Billy: I was hoping it would get you more reviews...
Mel: That's so sweet! *throws her arms around Billy in a very dramatic way*
Billy: Mel! You're choking me!
The hunt hadn't gone well.
They hadn't saved anyone, they arrived too late.
They found the broken, burned and partially eaten remains of the missing people. Two kids, a soccer mom, a business man, and a grandmother from Chinatown.
They did hunt down and kill the Eloko that was doing this, but no one who was in immediate danger was saved, and it had killed five people.
Their relatives and loved ones will sit in limbo wondering what happened to them, why they disappeared and if they are alive or not.
Dean was sick of deciding whether or not to tell people that their loved ones were gone. It put him in a foul mood. It made Sam quiet.
The trees flashed by on their way out of town.
They should be headed to another case quickly make up for their failure in Indiana.
Dean didn't feel like it. Dean didn't think Sam did either, god knows he's always wanted a normal life.
From the back seat Castiel sighed, growing more human by the minute. He is still paying his penance. At least he was able to reattach Kevin Tran's finger. Though, the keeper of the word wouldn't have had his finger cut off, if Dick Roman hadn't been digging for the tablets in the first place and the fact that Castiel brough Dick Roman into this world meant the blame laid solely on Castiel. He knew it. He hoped the prophet didn't. He still had a lot that needed fixing.
Mrs. Tran was holding Kevin's hand, to comfort him while she was processing the remains they found…
Dean gripped the steering wheel tighter, the impala was grief-struck, it was hard not to focus on what they witnessed. Nightmares for sure, the many times he'd been unable to save his brother, the guilt that enclosed him over his father's death, leaving Lisa and Ben, for leaving his half-brother in the cage, and for living.
He drew a sharp breath.
Popped in a cassette, no longer wanting to sit in silence, while he drove them far away enough to not remind them of that scene.
"Then Came the Last Days of May" by Blue Oyster Cult started playing.
Sam went white. He remembered this song from his darkest days, whenever a hunt went bad with his Dad and Dean, this would be blasted. Dean carried on the tradition after their father died, routinely blasting it, when he was feeling guilty for being alive. It didn't stop until after their talk on the Impala after that Zombie hunt where a Boy brought back his puppy love crush from the dead and was ultimately killed for it.
In his head, Sam called this, "Dean's feeling guilty" song, because anytime he felt wrong about things is when it was played. That's how he realized Dean had killed his childhood friend, Amy Pond.
"Our timing sucks." Kevin Tran finally broke the silence that everyone was trying to ignore.
"Yeah it does." Dean quickly agreed.
"There wasn't anything different we could have done." Sam stated, "It was inevitable."
"Try telling that to the parents of those two kids." Mrs. Tran piped up.
Castiel was the only one who remained silent. The occupants of the car turned towards Cas, expecting him to say something, since this turned into a caring and sharing moment.
He remained silent.
Everyone shifted back to how they were situated.
"I still think there isn't anything for us to feel guilty over. The Eloko killed those people, not us."
"Of course you would Sam, you don't even feel bad for taking a year off!" Dean said, agitated
"Dean you took a year off with Lisa and Ben, I don't see anyone trying to make you feel guilty about it."
"I told you to never mention them again, Sam." Dean pulls the Impala over on the rural road. Gets out of the car, slams the door to the Impala and starts walking. Sam follows. "I told you I'd break your nose."
Castiel, Kevin and Mrs. Tran sat awkwardly in the back, with a quick look around to make sure they're all just as confused.
"Dean, it needed to be said. Erasing their memories was wrong."
"After all we've been through, after taking a year off, you don't realize that there's no way of getting out of the life, unless if you don't know of it?" Dean laughed bitterly. "I did what I had to, for my family… unlike you."
"You don't know what's best for everyone, Dean. I care, why do you think I ran when you died? Bobby was gone, Cas was gone, and you were gone! I had no one, I had nothing. For the first time in my life I was completely alone. Have you ever been alone, Dean? Truly alone?"
Dean stayed silent.
"How can you judge my actions then? What gives you the right? Who decided that you know what's best?"
"No one was looking for me. I was in purgatory for a year. I came home, looked for my brother to find out that he hadn't bothered looking for me. On top of that, he couldn't bother to answer his phone, or help anybody. As far as I'm concerned, the only family I have is Cas and Benny… my real brothers."
"So now monsters are your only brothers? What about what you did to Amy? I know Castiel has killed plenty. I'm sure Benny has killed plenty, too. I'm sure he's killing now. What makes Benny any less a monster than Amy?"
The guilt Dean had written on his face turned to anger. "What made Emma a monster? She hadn't killed anyone. She was born a monster and you shot my daughter before she even had a chance."
"She was going to kill you."
"You can't know that. She was my daughter."
"And half monster."
"You know Sam, for a while, you resembled a monster too. With your weird psychic thing, you're Vulcan mind grip stuff, and the demon blood. Oh, and soulless Sam. In fact, I dare say that you were more of a monster than Emma. As far as I'm concerned, you murdering Emma and I hunting down Amy… makes us square."
"Amy saved my life. When we were kids, her mother found me, and was going to kill me. She killed her mom to save me."
"She also killed four people."
"To save her son, can you honestly say that you wouldn't have done that for Ben?"
"I told you not to talk about them." Dean said anger flaring, he stepped forward and threw a punch that was blocked by Sam, he took another swing, and another, and another until his fist connected with Sam's jaw.
"I told you to never mention them again." Dean said, breathing heavily. Dean stopped while Sam held his jaw.
"Dean." Dean's face contorted with pain, eyes wide, and appeared to be trying to remain composed. Sam was quiet, he turned his head away from Dean, ready to give him space. He had forgotten how much loss affected his brother.
"They were my family, Sam. Lisa was going to die, just because the demons knew she was my… she was my… We were over, and they still came to kill them. I couldn't… I can't… I can't keep letting people die. They're safe now, Sammy."
"Dean." Sam started, that sympathetic look on his face.
"Just don't remind me of what I did to them, Sammy."
"I just need you to let go what I did while you were in purgatory."
"I don't know if I can, Sammy. I went to Hell for you. I've died for you, so many times. I killed a little girl with cancer, just so Death would rescue your soul. I left Adam to rot in the cage, so you could come back. I took care of you when the wall finally fell. Then, you left me to rot. Did you even try to find out where I would've gone?"
"I hoped it was heaven that you would get to be at the roadhouse, with Ellen, Jo, Ash, and Bobby. That you could finally rest. Besides that, I had hoped that you had just been blown back to some place, and that you'd contact me. I didn't initially shut off the phones; I was waiting for your call."
Dean looked at his feet.
"I didn't know how to start looking for you. So I waited for three months, kept getting calls from people who needed help, and so I helped them, I don't remember much about those hunts. I took dumb risks, hoping that I wouldn't have to keep living… that I wouldn't be alone anymore."
Dean sighed. "That's our Achilles heel, every damn time."
"Then, I hit a dog, and met Amelia. Dean, she made me alive. I wanted to live. I thought, Dean wouldn't want me to throw my life away, and… they just kept calling, needing help… I'd leave for a couple days and she wouldn't trust me anymore. So I shut off the phones."
"You forgot all about Kevin." Dean finished.
"Yeah. I did."
Dean took a deep breath, and swallowed hard. "Look, I learned some things after Amy that makes me regret it. I'm sorry that I killed Amy, looking back it wasn't the right thing to do. But foresight is 20/20, right? But since you killed my daughter, I think we can call it square."
"But Benny is still my brother. He's a good man, and you'll just have to see it. Now let's move on before we grow some lady parts, Bitch."
They both got into the Impala, for the first time since they were reunited, it felt good to be together again. The three occupants of the back seat, stared at each other, and decided it was best they didn't ask.