Chapter 1

I know what is in your heart, what thrives there beneath the surface and I know that you cannot fall this hard alone. I wish you would have never allowed yourself to get involved with such a manipulative creature. Breathing in the airs of love and death at the same time, how can you live this way? There is never going to be a simple way of distancing your fervid desire for love from your perverse fascination with death. You cannot reconcile without becoming the one thing you were sworn to fight and I will not be there for the transition. I'm afraid that you need to make a choice and I want to say that I will be here for you if you need me, but I cannot. I'm sorry. Giles.

One Month Earlier

The cemetery was quiet tonight, which wasn't what Buffy wanted. She wanted to fight something right now, she didn't care what, in fact she wouldn't mind if the cemetery was flooded with demons and vampires from all over Sunnydale, she would kill every single one. Her hot blood was pumping through her veins with the adrenaline of a hundred athletes on steroids. It had been another long day and she was beginning to think that the rest of her days were going to be like this, which she didn't like the thought of.

She hadn't even had the chance to adjust to Sunnydale and her new life before Giles ruined her denial of being a normal high school girl. Now she was patrolling every night and even though it was almost Christmas she still hadn't met any friends or had the opportunity to go out and be normal. She had met a couple of people at school, but Giles wasn't sure if it was a good idea to involve anyone else in her life because of her dangerous calling. Willow was really smart and totally in love with her best friend Xander, both of them had tried to become Buffy's friends and had even tried to guess what was going on in her life. But Giles didn't approve whenever they would come around the library to see Buffy.

Buffy couldn't believe how awful her life was. She should be excited because she was helping a lot of people and she even had some kick ass power and strength, but nothing was making her happy. How could she be happy when every night she came home covered in vampire dust and had to rub the blood out of her clothes so her mom wouldn't ask about it? How could she be happy when the only person who knew her secret was withholding friends and even love from her? Giles was assigned a slayer when he was younger, and she died because he didn't know what he was doing, because he hadn't kept a close enough eye on her. Now Buffy wasn't allowed to do anything.

Sitting on top of a tomb stone, Buffy took her feet out of her strappy sandals to let her toes run over the cool grass. She always wondered how the grass could be so green and happy when it was growing over a dead person. Letting the clammy death grass caress her feet, Buffy felt like screaming. What was she doing? It was a Friday night and she was sitting alone in a graveyard with a stick in her hand waiting to kill something. How was there any hope for her? She wanted friends, she wanted to fall in love, and she wanted to be happy. But why wasn't saving the world good enough for her? She was sixteen and she already had an expiration date, Buffy still didn't know what to think about that.

While Buffy's inner dialogue was tearing away at the little hope she had left, she missed the sensitive hairs standing up on her neck. There was a vampire nearby and she should've noticed immediately, but for some reason she didn't. Buffy looked around the graveyard and decided that there wasn't going to be any action tonight. She stood up and slid her sandals back on and started to walk towards the exit of the cemetery.

Dressed all in black, he hid in the shadows watching her, the slayer. He wasn't afraid of her like other vampires were, no, not at all. He watched as she thought intensely within her mind and danced her toes on the grass, he needed to know what she was thinking, it was killing him. When she got up and started walking away he wanted to run to her and tell her everything that she would need to know for the coming days, but he knew he would only get a stake to the heart.

He would wait.

When Buffy got home, she had hoped her mom would already be asleep. But there was no such luck.

"Hi Buffy, where have you been?" Buffy's mom Joyce chimed as the front door opened.

"I was just walking around, it's pretty nice outside right now."

"Honey, it's eleven thirty at night and you were just walking around?"

"Yea mom, its no big deal," Buffy just wanted to go upstairs and be by herself.

"Since we moved here you go out for these walks every night and you sulk around here like you are a zombie. Are you on drugs? Are you fighting again? Tell me what's going on," Joyce's voice started to get louder with every accusation.

"No and no mom. Everything is fine, just peachy. You need to relax," Buffy was trying to brush off her mother, just like every other time she freaked out about Buffy's habits. She started to walk towards the stairs to go up to her room.

"Do not walk away from me young lady. You think that you can just brush me aside and patronize me with the same load of crap you used to when we were in Los Angeles. I don't think so, now you are going to tell me what's going on," Joyce was furious with her daughter, they had move once already because of her and now she acts like she never does anything wrong.

"Mom, nothing is going on. We have been here for months now and you haven't heard anything from school and you haven't seen me on the news, what more do you want from me?" Buffy hated that she couldn't be honest with her mom, but she knew that Joyce would never understand.

"I want an explanation. You are sixteen you should have a million friends and you should be having sleepovers and you should be happy, but you aren't and I need to know why. I know the divorce was hard on you and that you probably miss your dad, but there is no reason for you to be this way. Am I a bad mother?" Joyce felt so helpless because she felt like she should know exactly what her daughter needed but she didn't. She started to cry.

"You aren't a bad mother," Buffy walked over to her mom and put her arms around her. "I have just been having a hard time adjusting to the new school, the classes are a lot harder and I don't know a lot of people. I'll be fine, just give me some more time," Buffy lied. She wasn't sure if all the time in the world would be enough to make her happy. She was the chosen one, the one girl in all the world to fight the vampires, demons, and forces of darkness, how could she ever be normal enough for her mom or for anyone.

"I'm sorry that I got mad before, but we have already moved once. Buffy I just want you to be happy, you are only sixteen, you have your whole life ahead of you to meet friends and live your life. Everything will be fine," Joyce hugged her daughter and gave a big hopeful smile.

Buffy hugged her mom back and told her that she was tired and was going to bed. When Buffy got into her room she crawled into bed and curled up into a ball and started to cry. She wanted to believe that everything was going to be fine, but how could she when she always felt like she was dying inside? Her body was shaking with the sobs escaping her lips and her pillow was slowly getting wet and salty from her tears. She had no one, even Giles wouldn't let himself get too close to her, she was just another ticking time bomb.

The breeze that was coming in from the window had the faintest smell of cigarette smoke. He had followed her from the cemetery and perched himself outside her window. He was wondering how she could get away with being the slayer without telling her mom about it, that must be killing her inside. When he felt that she was coming upstairs he slid to the side of the window so that she wouldn't see him. As soon as she collapsed on the bed and started to cry, he wanted to go to her and wrap his arms around her. He couldn't stand seeing her cry and he wanted to kiss away her tears and tell her that everything was going to be fine. Because it was all going to be fine from now on, he was going to make sure of that.

He stayed outside her window until he was sure that she was asleep. He took out a pencil and some paper and watched her as she slept, maybe all she needed was a little hope. That's how it would start and then he would give her the world.