How many angels can dance on the head of a pin? It depends on the specific dance step. 44 in the case of a moderate tempo waltz, fewer if Samandriel is – WE ARE LEVIATHAN – involved because he is klutzy and disrupts the symmetry. I have seen them run, but I have never seen the Win- Winners, of course. I have seen the winners run, but I have never seen them dance.
I am not my father.
There are 9,310 birds in flight above the Nile River at this instant. 9,310 years ago, a 312-year-old turtle died when drought caused its waterhole to dry up.
Castiel thinks that perhaps all times should be measured with reference to his rebirth into godhood. The thought makes him feel like he should sing praise, but of course he does not. Gods do not sing praise. That is a job for angels, those that are left, those that he didn't-
One of the babies born in this instant has the potential to make great achievements in predicting turbulence in laminar flow. The trick is in the denominator. If you balance an elephant perfectly on its back, it will likely become annoyed and trample you. Lichens are magnificent.
Castiel will make new angels to sing his praises, but only if they choose to do so. His angels will have free will. They will love him because – WE ARE LEVIATHAN – he deserves their love, because he is mighty and just and worthy of worship.
I am not my father.
How many angels can dance on the head of a pin? What are you doing on a pin, you fool?! Get back to your station!
Castiel walks through a slum in Jakarta, his arms spread wide, luscious vines sprouting where he steps in an ejaculation of fruit and flower. Children run to the spectacle, arms outstretched and faces - WE ARE LEVIATHAN – Castiel lays his right hand on a young girl and heals her of the tumor she didn't know she had. A bigger boy steals fruit from a smaller one, even though the vines are prodigal in their offering. The bigger boy has no mouth. He will starve and he will die. Some would say this is cruel. If Castiel were to ask De- Deacons, of course. If Castiel were to ask deacons, they would turn him to the scripture, but Castiel has no need of old prophecy. His own testament will be written.
There is a man in an alley raping a woman.
The man drops dead.
I am not my father.
A star is born, flares, and dies. There are four electrons in the outermost shell of a carbon atom. There are over 1,000 left-handed American men named Hugo. Fewer than 100 of these men like their name. The typical hedgehog gestation period is 36 days. There is a woman whose avarice condemns others to poverty. There exists a hedgehog with over 7,500 spines. Truly extraordinary. The greedy woman will be punished. Humanity will not be abandoned by their new God.
In a diner, there is Sam. SAM is an acronym for surface-to-air missile. All such devices are subtly damaged so they appear intact, but will not fire.
There is a man of the cloth. Decades ago he enters the boys' locker room after a youth basketball game. He means to break up a fight. He is fixated on what he sees. He is preoccupied. He is obsessed. He prays that his thoughts will turn, but Castiel's father is silent. He asks to be reassigned to a job where he will not see children. He could learn accounting or minister to the elderly. He is told 'no'. He demands to be reassigned. He is told 'no'. He leaves the priesthood and joins a cloistered monastic order. He never once acts on his urges, though the struggle has devoured most of his life.
Castiel appears to the man. "I have judged your heart," he says. "Your struggle was righteous. Your efforts were not in vain. Rest now, in arms of heaven."
It is 40 years to the day since the priest entered that locker room. He dies in peace. At the same time, 13 men die suddenly. Some of these men did not restrain themselves. Others allowed sin to happen by ignoring – WE ARE LEVIATHAN – and concealing. 40 years of virtuous struggle are rewarded. 13 men justly punished. Castiel likes numbers. He wonders if Dean would approve of- No, he wonders if details, like the exact number punished, will be recorded. He hopes they will.
I am not my father.
Castiel does not like hypocrisy. Those who preach in the name of god are judged harshly, held to a higher standard. Castiel does not like dishonesty. He visits a town in Eastern Europe and – WE ARE LEVIATHAN – the residents speak only the purest truth for three days and three nights. There are 14 divorces and 2 suicides.
I am not my father. I am not absent. I do not neglect my children.
They will regard me with awe. They will love me as I love them. They struggle now under my rule because they have not known such love. They will not fear my power because they will know my wisdom.
How many angels can dance on the head of a pin? It doesn't matter. They don't dance. They weep.
Thousands are judged. Thousands are lifted up by grace. Thousands are judged. Thousands die.
Sam still doesn't sleep well, even with the worst of Lucifer removed from his mind. There's still plenty of memories of torture and bile to keep him awake. He grabs his laptop from the nightstand and flips it open, no particular task in mind. He's gotten on a retro Bejeweled kick lately; maybe he'll do that.
In the thin light from the laptop, Sam can see Castiel standing across the room. He's still, quiet, facing the far wall.
"Cas," whispers Sam, "what are you doing?"
"Your brother was adamant that I not stand guard, so I am standing, but not at guard."
"Right. You can sit or whatever. You don't have to stand there all night."
"I…would prefer to be a little uncomfortable."
"Okay." Sam shrugs.
Castiel turns slightly and the laptop screen's light illuminates the edge of his face. He looks sorrowful. He looks guilty.
"Cas," says Sam, "do you remember being, uh, god?"
Sam shifts awkwardly. "I know it's mostly you and Dean that are, you know, profound bond and all. And that's fine. And I know it's not the same thing, but maybe I understand what it's like to try to do a good thing and have it go really, really wrong."
Cas says nothing. He turns back to face the wall.
Sam gets out of bed. He crosses the room in a few short strides so he is standing a few feet behind Cas and slightly to his left. Sam's mouth feels dry. He takes a deep breath and asks, "Would you like to pray with me?"
Castiel's head cocks to the side. "I am praying."
"Okay," begins Sam, backing up, "it was just an offer, I-"
"But yes, I would like to pray with you."
They stand, silent and still, facing the wall for almost an hour. They share space with the divine. They think on their sins, not ready yet to pray for forgiveness. They think on their faults and pray for strength. They think on the work they have left to do. They pray for clean hearts.