Trying Not To Love You
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or any of the characters they belong to Ryan Murphy and Fox.
Meredith rose the next morning to find her alarm had not gone off and that she was now an hour late for class. She cursed as she jumped out of her bed and ran to get ready. When she was finally dressed, she took a quick glance into Blaine's room to find him already gone. It was then that she remembered him mentioning the dawn dance rehearsals which meant that her grovelling would have to wait until later. She only hoped that she would catch him on campus for lunch and actually get a chance to talk to him.
Blaine frowned as he watched the teacher repeat the routine once more. Normally he picked up the steps quite quickly, falling into sync with the teacher within minutes, but today he was doing nothing right and messing up on even the simplest steps in the choreography. He had always been good at dance and since coming to Boston University he had become one of the top dancers in the class, but he was finding today particularly hard.
He knew that it was the fight with Meredith last night which was causing him to lose his concentration and he was losing himself in the dance as he normally did. The fight had caused all the old painful memories to come flooding back. The Sadie Hawkins Dance taunts as he was getting hit and kicked, the pain, the slushie being poured all over him, Dalton. Lastly, the most painful all, were all the memories of Kurt.
When he had finally graduated and gone to Boston, he made himself banish his past and focus on the future. Blaine knew that regardless of his feelings that there was no point in looking back. It only caused him more pain. Instead he chose to forget all the memories - good and bad - and focus only on the opportunities that the future would bring.
After high school, the glee kids had all gradually drifted apart and all the Warblers were scattered in the wind. When he had first started college, he tried to keep in touch with Sam but despite their efforts even they had lost touch. It hurt at the time but in hindsight, he realised that the rest of the glee club never really saw him as their friend but as Kurt's boyfriend so when he and Kurt broke up, they took Kurt's side.
They had been polite to him but only just, none of them noticed how he fell to pieces after the breakup. He never blamed them; after all Tina, Brittany and Artie had been Kurt's friends first and Blaine had never grown that close to the new kids. Marley had tried at first but then she got caught up in her drama with Jake, Kitty and Ryder and in the end he had been swept to the side.
The rest of them were just too caught up in their lives. Although they had all tried at first, after some time he was simply ignored. Finn had taken Kurt's side as he had expected him to; he hadn't been cold to him just indifferent. But he was Kurt's brother, so it did not come as much of a surprise because he had cheated on Kurt. Only Sam seemed to notice that he was not coping well - only he noticed that Blaine was falling apart. After high school eventually their friendship crumbled due to the distance since Blaine had come to Boston and Sam had settled in LA.
Blaine knew in his heart the day that he boarded the train to Boston that he was officially saying goodbye to Lima. He had nothing left there now. A bunch of memories and even bigger regrets. When they had broken up, Kurt had said he did not trust him and that Lima no longer felt like home. It had devastated Blaine when he heard those words. When he had boarded that train, he had understood what Kurt had been saying - Lima would never be home again.
Blaine had tried to contact Kurt after hearing those words many times, but after being ignored for so long, he eventually gave up. Blaine gave Kurt time and space to heal in the vain hope that he would come back to him. He remembered at graduation that he had searched the auditorium, thinking that perhaps Kurt had come but that vain hope was dashed when he realised that Kurt was not among the crowd.
Afterwards he had ducked out of the after party feigning sickness and later that night he had boarded the train heading towards Boston for early orientation. A few hours later he had texted Sam to let him know that he had left. He had apologised for leaving early, but explained that at graduation he realised that Lima was no longer home to him.
It was that night that he realised that Lima had never really been home; Kurt had been his home but that had burnt to the ground and turned to ash.
"Anderson put your back into it. Come on - one, two, three," his instructor Mr. Lorenzo barked, drawing him back into the present. He took a long deep breath and ran a hand through his sweat drenched curls.
After high school he surrendered in the battle against his hair, only gelling when he felt he really needed it otherwise most of the time he left it natural. This morning he had felt too tired to gel it, having been up the entire night. Instead he simply splashed some water on his face to wake himself up then grabbed a granola bar before running out the door in order to get to rehearsals on time.
Blaine burst into the studio having ran most of the way from his apartment. He took a few minutes to catch his breath and that was when he had noticed that his dance partner for the day, Chloe, was walking over to him. He straightened up slightly and put a smile on his face, but he knew that he must look a complete mess. She returned his smile with one of her own.
The morning session was gruelling and he made thousands of mistakes throughout the choreography, so he was elated when Mr. Lorenzo clapped his hands and told them that they were all done for the day. Blaine briskly walked over to where his bag lay, he grabbed his water from the bag then took a good drink in order to quench his dried throat.
Someone tapped him on the shoulder and he spun around quickly to see Chloe standing before him. She smiled at him as he lowered the water bottle from his lips.
"Are you okay Blaine? It's just... you seemed a little distracted today and you made a lot of mistakes today, which is unlike you considering you're the best dancer in this class," she asked, clearly worried about him. Blaine laughed and Chloe frowned at him.
"I am by no means the best dancer in here. You are miles better than me, in both your grace and technique. You're like a swan when you dance," he said complimenting her.
She blushed at his words of praise, turning practically pink.
"Thanks Blaine. I don't think that is really true but thank you for saying it anyway," she replied politely.
"If you ever need someone to talk to, I am here for you," she explained. He nodded his head in understanding.
"Thank you Chloe, I will keep that in mind," he said. She smiled at him.
She lightly touched his arm in a small sign of comfort.
"I will see you tomorrow Blaine, Please try and get some rest tonight," she said softly. He nodded again and she gave him another small smile before she picked up her bag and ran for the studio door.
Suddenly Blaine blinked realised that he was the last one here. The dance studio was eerily silent. He sighed and began to pack up his stuff. The afternoon sun shone brightly over the entire courtyard. It had turned out to be another beautiful winter's day despite the bitter wind blowing. Blaine looked down at his watch and frowned. It was now lunchtime so she should be coming here.
He ran a hand through his hair nervously as he scanned the courtyard, trying to find her in the massive crowd. Blaine hated being at odds with her and he knew that she meant no malicious intent by use of the nickname. It still stung and it brought all the flashbacks of that terrible night flooding back to him. Blaine had told Meredith about the Sadie Hawkin's incident one night when they had stupidly gotten drunk.
By the end of the night, he had been crying in her arms telling her all about the worst night of his life. Meredith was the only person that knew; he had only ever told one other person about it, but that was all in the past now. His eyes finally landed on her sitting alone in the middle of the courtyard. Blaine smiled as he began to make his way over to her. He wanted to make this stupid argument right with her as soon as possible, he just wanted his friend back.
Suddenly Blaine stopped when he realised that Meredith was distracted. She kept glancing to her left and he could tell from the tension in her body that she was upset. He frowned as he was sure that he had gone unnoticed so he knew it was not his presence that was upsetting her. He gazed over to the left trying to see what had caused her this much distress.
Finally his eyes landed on Michael and who he assumed to be Michael new girlfriend sitting at a table surrounded by all Michael's friends. They had once been Meredith's friends too. The couple were wrapped securely around each other and were currently engaging in a heavy make out session. Blaine felt anger begin to rise in his chest at the sight in front of him.
It was clear that from the way Michael was behaving that he did not care who saw him. Blaine really hated Michael and he had done so since the moment he had met him. This just proved Blaine's point that he was a utter jerk and he had been right about him all along. He clenched his hands into fists as thoughts of hitting Michael entered his head. His temper was rising and he was strongly considering those thoughts and he wanted to nothing better than teach Michael a lesson.
Author note: Here is chapter four, I hope you all enjoyed reading this. Thank you to all the wonderful people who are reading this and also to all the wonderful people reviewing this, I really appreciate all the support. Please read and review. Thanks once more to the amazing gleeeeeful for betaing this chapter for me.
This will probably be the last update until after Christmas so Merry Christmas everyone.