This is me editing & copying Can I Move On? to make sure I have it on my computer. Re tying his has given me a new out look on it in case I find the time to start it up again; sadly this was a story I had half way written & lost all of. I'm sure everyone as a write knows how it is to have something written & then to lose it; it's so hard to make it feel so right again. If anyone does have any ideas, feel free to shoot them my way please. Published: December 3, 2012 - Edited: March 3, 2014.
Sometimes characters may be OOC which is because the direction of the plot requires it to be so. Just a warning in case it is not your cup of tea.
Warning: Some humor, extreme angst. Very, very sad.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, or any of its characters. Nor do I make profit from writing this. All rights go to the respected creators.
" Talking "
' Thoughts '
" ' Flashbacks or past words spoken ' "
Now-a-days sleeping had become non-existent. After the war, Harry had receded into his mind and locked himself away in Sirius' house. The nightmares had begun to plaque him more than before, and the loneliness only seemed to make it worse. Even so, he couldn't find it within himself to see anyone. His friends stopped by every day, sent letter and attempted to floo over; all of it was ignored. Sometimes they even wondered if he was even still breathing. The worst part had been when Ginny had showed up at the door, begging and pleading to just talk to him; maybe even see him. The only proof they had of Harry's life still burning bright was his loud; sorrowful yell of "Leave me alone!" From the moment he had killed Voldemort, he had disappeared. Apparated right out of the battlefield and straight into Sirius' home; avoiding seeing or speaking to anyone. Surprising everyone, Draco tried to speak with Harry shortly after he had disappeared from the Wizarding World. He hadn't been at the court meeting to decide the Malfoy's fate, but the judges had mentioned Harry had spoken to them personally on their behalf – they were pardoned.
"I don't understand how he can do this Father! Not one word, not even the Weasel has heard from him and yet he speaks to the judges about our fates!" Draco was pacing the floor, beyond frustrated. Harry had always caused his blood to run hot and it hadn't changed.
"Come now Draco, let Potter be. If he wishes to stay cooped up in that old house away from the world, who are we to stop him?"
"Someone should do something! What if he healed wrong? You have to admit anyone after the war has some psychological damage; think about his part in it. He would have it worse than anyone."
"Why does it matter to you what Potter does Draco, honestly? I thought you would be over this by now." Finally moving around to sit on the arm-chair near Lucius, he picked up his glass of fire whiskey.
"It was…something Severus said to me once…" Lucius' brow went up in question; surprised Draco had mentioned his Godfather. It had been a sore subject since the war ended.
"What is it that he said to you Draco?" Silence filled the room as Draco stared into the fireplace, his eyes glossy from the alcohol consumption of the evening.
"He caught me arguing with Potter again. It was the first time he ever truly ripped into me about it. Not like normal, something – something was different about him when he spoke to me. He had said 'The time for games is over now, Draco. The real fight has already begun and you need to decide what's more important. The life of you and your family; or Lord Voldemort. Don't be condescending towards Harry for following what he believes in.' It was the first time I ever heard him call Potter by his name. His face looked so…conflicted, that all I could do was apologize and tell him I would think about it." Lucius watched his son closely; seeing Draco down the rest of the glass before setting it down on the small end table.
"Did you think about it?"
"…Yes Father, I did. Before I could tell Severus me answer though, he had already gone." Lucius knew what his son meant. Having Severus die was hard on everyone, especially how it happened.
"What would you have told him, Draco?"
"That my life, my family, is more important than anything Lord Voldemort could have offered me." Lucius smiled softly at his sons answer, rising from his chair.
"You had said you noticed Potter and Severus spending more time together as the war got closer. Maybe you should go find solace, and possibly, help Potter find his own." Draco looked up from the fire, glancing in his father's direction as he walked back to his desk.
It was the fifth time that week that Draco had come by 12 Grimmauld Place. Some days he got no answers, others he was yelled at to go away. Obviously with him standing there, for the seventeenth time, he ignored the wishes from Harry.
"Alright Potter, this time I will not leave until you open the bloody door. Nothing you can say or do will make me leave until I talk to you." Silence greeted him in answer. Trying to make himself stay calm, he cleared his throat.
"You know, Potter, I've always had a passion for singing. I could entertain your neighbors with my lovely voice until you decide you would like to let me in." Still no answer and he was barely holding onto his anger.
"Alright Potter, you left me no choice then! 'I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves! I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves and this is how it goes-!'" (had to do it xD it just hit me that way) On and on Draco sung the same tune over and over, until about the tenth time he heard crashing from inside.
"Don't you people understand the bloody point of being left in peace?! What drives any of you people to think I want to see or speak to any of you at all?!" The door suddenly flew open and Draco held in his gasp at the sight before it. It was definitely Potter, not that you would know if you didn't know him personally. His hair had grown to his mid shoulders. It looked messy like he'd just climbed out of bed or didn't feel like brushing it. He wasn't wearing his glasses, but even if he had, the long gash starting from his temple and sliding down over his right eye towards his lips would have still stood out. His frame was thin, thinner than it had been in school and he looked ill with blue-black marks under his eyes. The worst part of all had to have been the stunning green eyes that always blazed bright through everything, were now a dull; dark forest green.
"What the bloody hell do you want Malfoy! What can I do to get you to leave me alone and never bother me again!?" Draco blinked a few times, realizing he had spaced out while he took in Harry's features after the past two years.
"What I want is to speak with you. Grant me that Potter and you'll never see me on your sodding door step again."
"Then by all means, get your arse in here and let's finish this so I can get back to what I was doing." Harry had shut the door roughly behind Draco, immediately heading towards the kitchen.
"What, pray tell, could be more important than speaking to me?" Draco knew he was pompous and that it would probably get him thrown out; but Harry – no, this stranger in front of him – he had no idea how to act around.
"I have way better things to do than speak with you Malfoy, but if this will get you to stop coming by my house, I guess I can indulge you for a few minutes."
"I can assure you Potter; I will be here for longer than a few minutes. I will stay until I'm content with what I came to do."
"And what is that?" Harry immediately cut in, not leaving Draco room to finish speaking if he had planned to. Standing at the counter, he grabbed a kettle he had on the stove before pouring two cups of tea.
"I came to speak with you about my Godfather, Severus." Quicker than either of them realized, Harry had dropped the two glasses of tea he had started to bring to the table. The look on his face was horrified, as if he was reliving something that had made him into who he was now. Quickly gathering himself and turning, he grabbed a broom and dustpan from the corner of the kitchen; spelling away the liquid.
"Potter, are you going to tell me what the hell just happened or are you going to ignore me?" Harry still hadn't said anything and he was in the middle of sweeping up the broken china. Dumping it into the trash, he turned around to face Draco but wouldn't look him in the eye.
"Say what you wanted to say then." His voice was soft, hoarse. Like he was holding back everything before it overflowed.
"Bloody hell, Potter, sit down before you collapse." He hadn't even noticed but he had been shaking. Standing up, Draco grabbed him by the arm; completely oblivious to Harry's discomfort at being touched. Making him sit in the chair, he headed over to the counter to remake the tea. Fixing two cups, he sat them on a tray with cream and sugar. Taking it back to the table, he sat down facing Harry. He was still looking at his lap, but his shaking had subsided.
"Even though Severus was my Godfather, we weren't as close as I had always hoped we could be. Our situation was a tough one, and I went to him when I needed dire advice or someone to talk to." Harry seemed to be listening to him but he wasn't sure. Sipping at his tea, he watched Harry silently make his own before drinking it.
"I always wanted to be like him, you know. I never wanted to take over the family business. I loved potions, I was good at it. Severus was the first person to ever buy me anything about potions, let alone support me in something I truly wanted. I wanted to make him proud in a way I never could with my father." Draco still kept an eye on Harry as he spoke but he wasn't sure how he was taking this. He never even meant to say this much, but it just seemed to be pouring out.
'To my rival, no less.' Something was definitely up, because from his knowledge, Severus and Harry had never really gotten along until the end.
"There was something I had wanted to tell Severus, something he had asked me not too long before he…disappeared. My Father thought it might be a good idea if I gained closure, and he believed you, Potter, could give me such closure." At that, Harry looked up at Draco shocked. His eyes were still lifeless, but he seemed curious.
"How could I do anything for you, Malfoy?"
"That's the thing, I have no idea what you could do for me, or me for you. My Father even suggested that I might be able to help you find solace as well as for myself." Harry was still silent, sipping at his tea quietly; as did Draco.
"What is it that you wanted to tell him?" Draco noticed how frail Harry looked suddenly; that his lifelessness seemed to deepen the further they dived into the conversation.
"After one of our last fights at school, he pulled me into his rooms and chewed me out thoroughly for my actions. I wanted o tell him…that he was right. That my life, my family's life, were more important than anything The Dark Lord could have ever offered me." There was silence, but Draco continued.
"You two seemed to talk more as the war continued and I hate to believe that you were closer to my Godfather than me, but at this point I'll believe anything. Do you think he would have been proud?" Silence seemed to suffocate between them. Harry didn't move or speak; occasionally sipping his tea.
"Severus…would have been very proud with your decision in the end, Malfoy. If that's all you wanted, you know where the door is." Harry stood, carrying his cup to the sink.
"Now was just a damn minute!" Before harry could comprehend what was going on, Draco had him turned and trapped against the counter.
"You can't just say things like that then tell me to leave! You've never called him Severus. What the hell is going on with you Potter?" He stared wide-eyed at Draco, not use to being this close to anyone. He could feel the tears pooling in his eyes and bit his lip roughly.
"It's none of your business, Malfoy. Please, leave."
"I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what the hell happened!" Before he could blink, an invisible force threw him into the kitchen table.
"Why the hell do you even care?! You wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for being curious about Severus! He's gone, Draco! Dead! I watched the only person I ever truly loved DIE! Is that what you wanna hear!?" Realizing there was no way to stop what he was saying, he stood stock still; breathing coming out heavy and ragged. Draco looked up at Harry amazed, still tumbled at the table. The force was gone, but he dare not move incase Harry had another backlash.
"You…you were in love with Severus?" He couldn't' think of anything else to say, nothing that stood out from what had just happened but those words. Harry turned his face down, looking off to the side.
"Leave. Go away and pretend you never saw me." Realizing that Harry was turning in on himself again, Draco stood.
"No. I won't leave and I won't forget any of this. Did…did he know?" Harry was shaking again, looking off to the side and clenching his fists.
"…of course he knew." There was nothing else to be said, nothing that couldn't change the situation at hand or what would happen after this.
"I may not have known my Godfather as good as most, but if he knew how you felt…and if he felt the same way Potter – Harry – then he would hate to know you've lived in mourning like this." Harry's eyes widened and he snapped his head around at Draco, tears streaming down his face against his will.
"How…"Draco gave a sad, hard smile.
"I may be a pompous arse a lot of the time, but I did know Severus personally. He was a kind man, even thought he was difficult and closed off. He would hate to know this is what you've become in his absence." No other words could have been said to change the tension in the room. Secrets that were never meant to be exposed had been and the overwhelming emotions were weighing him down.
"I know that…but it doesn't change who I am now. Please leave, Draco, and don't ever come back." Draco stood tall, brushing himself off before striding forward.
"I'm sorry; Potter, but I can't do that. Go on upstairs and shower, get dressed. We are going somewhere."
"I'm not going anywhere with you!" – "You will shut up and do as I say! This is important dammit, and I won't have you acting like a child. Now go shower or I will make you." Harry could only stare at him and blink; unsure what to do. He had never seen Draco this calm and collected before. It was even weirder because of what had just passed between them.
"…will I have to see anyone?" Draco felt his stomach tighten a bit at the gear that emanated from Harry.
"Only two people, and before you ask, they aren't your friends." Harry nodded his head jerkily, before heading towards the stairs.
"You will be down in here in 25 minutes, or I will come up there and get you." Harry made no reply to Draco as he headed up the stairs. Releasing a deep sigh, Draco uncharacteristically ran a hand through his hair.
'What the bloody hell have I gotten myself into?'
There we have it. Originally, the next chapter was where Harry ends up at Malfoy Manor where a surprise he had not expected occurs. Other than keeping that the same, the rest is up in the air. Any ideas, feel free to share them. :)