Well, I'm came home early 'cuz I got sick and I realized this: I promised my readers another parody and I've yet to do it. So here it is, the sequel to Fortune's Fool: Method Madness!
Bernardo: (in an echoing sing-song voice) Fran-cis-cooo! (no response) FRAN-CIS-COOO! (again, no response) FRANCISCO!
Francisco: (appearing from behind a nearby pillar, annoyed) What? What is it, Bernardo? And you don't need to be so frickin' loud, I'm standing right here!
Bernardo: I was just going to say your hours up, geez! No need to get so upset!
Francisco: (awkwardly) Uh… Okay. Thanks.
Bernardo: Unless you actually want to stay here, then-.
Francisco: (taking off like Road-Runner) No-thanks-bye!
Bernardo: Didn't think so.
(Enter Marcellus, another guard, and Horatio, acting like a grumpy old man, but clearly not an actual one.)
Horatio: Alright guys, this better be frickin' important. Is Norway trying to invade again?
Marcellus: (in the weird, high-pitched voice we all know if you get the previous reference(1)) Noooo Rashy! We found a magical candy mountain, Rashy! A magical candy mountain!
Horatio: (kinda weirded out) Okay, whatever, if this is all you dragged me out of bed over, I'm just going to go back to sleep.
Marcellus: (in normal voice)I'm just kidding, man. You've heard the stories about how King Hamlet's ghost is haunting the area, right?
Horatio: But King Hamlet is dead.
Marcellus: Well, of course, otherwise he wouldn't be able to haunt it! DUH! (Bernardo slaps Marcellus in the back of the head.) Sorry….
Horatio: Don't hate me for this, but… I don't think the ghost is… well, real.
(Marcellus and Bernardo gasp)
Bernardo: Shun the non-believer! SHUUUUUUNNNNN!
(Suddenly, the spirit of King Hamelt, otherwise known as The Ghost appears behind Horatio!)
Ghost: (haunting ghost noises)
Marcellus and Bernardo: (screams) It's the Ghost of Elsinore! (more screaming as the two run around in circles)
(Horatio turns around to see… Nothing.)
Horatio: You've got to be kidding me! There is no such thing as-…. (The Ghost appears from behind Marcellus and Bernardo.) …Ghosts.
(The guardsmen turn to see the spirit and once again scream and run in circles.)
Marcellus and Bernardo: GHOST!
Horatio: That's no ghost! That's- (he goes up to it to pull off what he assumes is a mask, but his hand goes right through the spirit. Awkwardly and now terrified, he backs away toward the two guards who hide behind the young scholar.)
Bernardo: Speak to it, Horatio.
Horatio: Why do I have to speak to it?
Bernardo: 'Cuz you're the educated one!
Marcellus: Yeah, the ed-yu-ma-kay-ted one!
Horatio: (sighs) Alright. (to the Ghost) Spirit! What is your business here? Why are you patrolling the towers of the great Elsinore Castle? (to the terrified guardsman) I feel like I'm on an episode of Ghost Adventures. (to the Ghost) We mean you no harm… as we all hope you don't with us. Please, Spirit. Why are you here? (The Ghost turns to leave) Wait, come back! I demand an answer!
Bernardo: Who do you think you are, the King of Denmark?
Horatio: (ignoring this remark) Come back! Please! (The Ghost is gone.) Damn, he's gone. (I just said that.) We must report this to Prince Hamlet.
Bernardo: Prince Hamlet? Why him?
Horatio: He has a right to know that his father is haunting Elsinore. He just might be able to communicate with the spirit. Let's go, but let's not tell him until after the party.
Marcellus: (laughing) Which one? (Is slapped on the back of the head by Bernardo again) Ow….
Horatio: C'mon men! (They leave)
Director: And cut! Great job, guys! Take five and we'll go to the next scene!
(A loud Tarzan-like yell is heard as Random Guy appears onstage, swinging from a rope. Tech Guy runs on after him.)
Random Guy: That was awesome! I never thought of how much fun it is to be a Techie!
Tech Guy: Be careful with that rope!
Random Guy: (letting go of the rope) Why? What's gonna happen? (A sandbag lands on top of Tech Guy.) Oh… that.
Director: (facepalm) Be a little more careful, kid. We don't need another accident like last time.
Random Guy: Hey! Tibs is out of the hospital now! Jules texted me and told me herself!
Tech Guy: (in disbelief) She texted you?
Random Guy: It's a long story. (to the Director) So where's Little Miss Authoress? It's not like her to not be here.
Director: She texted me earlier telling me that she was sick and won't be around for a few days. She's mainly just been emailing me the script piece by piece.
Random Guy: She'll be back by tomorrow, you'll see. Until then, what's the worst that can happen?
(A kleiglight drops in front of him.)
Director: Piece of advice, I wouldn't utter that statement again. Truth be told, if you say that, something bad will happen.
Random Guy: Oh, like what happened with M-?
Director: Don't say it! Geez, have you ever been in theatre before?
Random Guy: Uh, no.
Director: You've got a lot to learn…. Can we get a broom over here please?
Hope you guys enjoyed that first chapter. More to come, since I'm also reading it in English XD
(1)If you do not get this joke, type up "Charlie the Unicorn" on YouTube. Trust me, it's worth your time :)