Wow, Act Two already! Let's go! :D

(The Author takes a seat with her teammates.)

Director: Welcome back.

Author: Thank you.

Director: Things haven't quite been the same around here without you.

Author: You managed. For the most part.

Director: I blame our propmen for that.

Author: (shaking her head) No more guns in these plays.

Director: Right on. (speaking up) Action!

(Enter Polonius and Reynaldo)

Polonius: Alright, now here's some money. (hands it over to Reynaldo) Keep a close eye on my son. Make sure he's not doing anything to tarnish this family's reputation. Befriend him, but don't get too close. If anything, make sure he doesn't get into any trouble, even if it means creating trouble yourself.

Reynaldo: So it's alright if I have sex while I'm there?

Polonius: If it's the girl he's seeing, that's even better. Now go! (Reynaldo begins to walk away) Don't get lost!

Reynaldo: Yessir!

Polonius: Remember what I've told you!

Reynaldo: (getting progressively annoyed) Yeah!

Polonius: Don't eat the yellow snow!

Reynaldo: Goodbye, milord! (exits)

Polonius: (sighs) Some people…. Once your old and gray, they just don't want to listen anymore.

(A loud, ear-piercing scream is heard as Ophelia enters. The Director looks to the Author, who has a finger in her ear.)

Director: You okay?

Author: Sensitive eardrum. Can't handle loud noise frequencies.

Random Guy: (confused) Huh?

Author: Let me put it this way: Loud screams equals ouch!

Polonius: (geniuely concerned) Ophelia! What happened?

Ophelia: (traumatized) Hamlet! He just went into my room… he grabbed me… and wouldn't let go….

Polonius: He didn't hurt you, did he?

Ophelia: (shaking her head) He just stood there… staring at me! (breaks down and falls into her father's arms)

Polonius: (with a look of realization) He really loves you…. (more serious) We must tell the King and Queen. This lovesickness just might be the reason for his madness. Come. (they exit)

Director: Wow.

Author: What?

Director: That had to be the shortest, straight-to-the-point, scene you've written yet!

Author: (giving him a dirty look, but with a smile) Shut up….