A/N Hey there my fellow readers, due to popular demand I have started another ShuichixRyuichi, though this time it won't be a lemony one shot, it will still be lemony but I intend to write it out as a full story! It's not a prequel, sequel or carry on from 'Just once' as a couple of people have asked but instead is a whole new story. Here's chapter one for you, I hope you enjoy, let me know what you think!
- Chantelle (:
"I wish I could comfort you,
if love is our defence.
It's alright, I can comfort you.
If you let me, I could love you to death."
"Can you just shut the help up for ten minutes? What part of complete silence can't you seem to understand?"
It started off like that. Just small annoyances leading to a scolding and then Eiri ignoring him for the rest of the night or sometimes only until his tall handsome other half decided he wanted to fall around before bed. Shuichi was used to his lover's ill temper and harsh manner, but things slowly but surely began to change, for the worse.
It happened shortly after Yuki proposed.
Hiro had forced himself to be excited for the sake of his best friend, but he refused to smile and give his blessings after the first bruise appeared. It was on his wrist, Shuichi had tried to cover it but his sleeve had slipped up his arm when he went to reach for some sugar one sunny afternoon in a little café named Shiki: Four seasons.
"Shuichi what the hell is that?"
Violet eyes widened in panic and Shuichi rushed to pull his arm away from Hiro who was a split second faster than him.
He caught the escaping hand and forced the other male closer before pulling his sleeve up to reveal a large dark bruise that had wrapped itself around the delicate wrist.
It was too rough to be anything sexual or playful.
Shuichi hid back in his seat, cowering from horrified brown eyes that searched desperately for an explanation. He truly wanted to believe he was wrong but every part of him knew he was right.
"Did Eiri do this to you? Don't lie to me Shuichi, You've been acting so different lately, is this why?"
Shuichi looked down and remained silent. Too scared to say no, even more scared of admitting the truth.
"You know why he's been like this don't you? Now that you've agreed to marry him he's got you in his trap. Now that he knows he has you he doesn't have to worry about you ever leaving him."
His words were spiteful and harsh. Shuichi recoiled, feeling stung.
"It's not like that Hiro, you have it all wrong!"
"I'm wrong am I? But he did do that to you didn't he?"
While Shuichi couldn't deny that, he did not appreciate the accusations Hiro had hurled towards him.
Yuki was not that kind of person. He would never hurt him intentionally.
Yuki had spent every second after the incident making it up to him; cooking him dinner, he was kinder; he spent the night with Shuichi watching a movie and then making love to him rather than working.
Shuichi knew Yuki was sincere; he'd just momentarily lost control of his temper. Whenever he looked into Yuki's soft, light brown eyes he could see genuine regret and sorrow.
How could he Hiro see that? Hiro was far too biased to understand, he'd never had a good opinion of his lover and now this seemed to be just the excuse Hiro had been looking for to reveal his loathing of Eiri.
"No, it wasn't like that, he's sorry. It was my fault."
He'd hoped to sound convincing but instead his voice was feeble and he sounded pathetic. Hiro reached over the table to once again grasp Shuichi's hand, this time he held it gently, his thumb running across Shuichi's knuckles.
"Shuichi please, don't become that person. Leave now before he hurts you again."
This time there was genuine concern lacing Hiro's voice. Perhaps he was just playing the role of over protective friend, but he didn't want to take chances. He would never forgive Eiri and he'd step in without hesitation if he had to.
"Please Hiro, try to understand that it was just an accident."
Hiro knew he couldn't. He sighed and let Shuichi's hand drop before giving a small smile and nodding.
"Okay Shuichi, if you think you're okay then I trust you."
The flat Shuichi shared with Yuki was silent when he arrived home. Hiro had dropped him off and now he was on his own. He had to call into NG studios for work later in the evening so he needed to freshen up and maybe take an afternoon nap, he'd had a sleepless night and his talk with Hiro had been emotionally draining.
"Yuki? Are you home?"
He was answered by silence. With the discovery that Yuki was absent Shuichi felt himself relax.
He'd been on tip-toes with Yuki for a couple of weeks now, more so than usual, and he couldn't understand what had caused his lover's sudden change in mood. He'd always been cold and agitated but recently it had gotten worse.
If he were perfectly honest he was almost excited about being on his own. He made himself comfortable and grabbed a coke can from the fridge before kicking up his feet and listening to a mixed CD on the stereo that Ryuichi Sakuma had made for him.
There were a couple of songs that Ryuichi had recently made on his own. He wasn't planning to go solo again, at least Shuichi believed he wasn't, he just felt like creating one or two songs outside of Nittle Grasper.
Shuichi found himself slightly confused but at the same time pleasantly surprised at the soft selection of music Ryuichi had picked out for him.
The older male was usually so energetic and intense that he always assumed that was the only taste in music Ryuichi had.
It didn't take long for Shuichi to drift off after closing his eyes and letting his mind float gently with the music.
It was at least an hour before Shuichi awoke feeling groggy and slightly confused. Afternoon naps never agreed with him, he always felt worse off after taking them.
He found he'd drooled slightly and quickly wiped the corner of his mouth with his sleeve, thanking God no-one else had seen him sleeping in such a state of disgrace.
After regaining his senses completely Shuichi turned the stereo off and made his way into the bathroom for a shower.
He tried to keep it quick, he had decided to make his way into work earlier so he could get a head start on writing up a new song before the rest of the band turned up. He felt more comfortable writing at NG than anywhere else for some reason.
Perhaps it was because he got so distracted if he tried to focus at home. Locking himself in a quiet study room and isolating himself forced him to work harder.
He wondered if Ryuichi ever had problems studying, considering he was even more vigorous than him.
Given the quality of the other man's work Shuichi concluded that Ryuichi most likely was the type who got down to work when it mattered most.
Whilst pondering on that a thought crossed Shuichi's mind; Eiri had been returning home from meetings and what not quite late recently.
He always complained about how loud and distracting Shuichi was so perhaps he had found solace and peace in studying away from home as well.
He could only imagine how much harder it would be for him to study and to be constantly distracted by Yuki. No wonder Yuki was always so short tempered with him.
Maybe the fact that he'd finally managed to get work done undistracted was what had been making him a lot more bearable the last few days. Bearable.
Such a harsh term for the man he intended to marry. Would their relationship always just be bearable?
For him it was something more. However he wasn't sure how Yuki felt about it. He could only assume Yuki felt the same way, he wouldn't have proposed and chosen to spend the remainder of his days with a man he hated so it had be love on both ends.
For the first time since their fight Shuichi gave a genuine smile and felt a warm gush fill his body.
Even after all these years he could barely believe Yuki wanted to marry him of all people. Maybe if Hiro knew the way Yuki truly was with him, and how much he genuinely cared he would understand.
The sudden and disruptive ringing of the phone interrupted his thoughts. He jumped out of the shower immediately, clumsily wrapping his towel around his waist without first drying off and running to answer it.
When he finally picked up he found it was Tohma Seguchi asking after Eiri.
He gave Shuichi the reminder that the two were to meet at the Seguchi house for dinner the next day and asked him to pass it on. Shuichi was reluctant when Eiri first asked him to go along but now he saw it as an opportunity to get into Tohma's good books.
On top of being his boss he was also a member of the band he both adored and rivaled with. What harm could a double date do, now that technically he would be a part of the family?
He decided to be on his absolute best behavior to prove that he could be mature and worthy of Yuki's love.
He had felt an over bearing pressure to impress Tohma after finding out just how deeply in love with Eiri Tohma really was. It was partially for acceptance but mostly because he wanted to display Eiri as his.Tohma couldn't have him. Though, since the arrival of their second baby Mika and Tohma had barely given Yuki and him the time of day. They were far too busy juggling work, a toddler and a new born. Life was definitely progressing.
Shuichi made his way into the bedroom and began to dry off. Before he could begin to search for something clean to wear he noticed something peculiar.
He recognized the grey dress shirt Yuki had left the house in lying in a crumpled heap on the ground. Yuki had left before him so he couldn't muster a genuine reason as to why he'd have come all the way back home just to change shirts.
He had an important meeting early morning with his publicist at one and if his sense of time was correct they should have only just started. Maybe he'd decided to go with something more formal?
It was rather hot so changing from sweat soaked clothes was another possibility that he wanted to believe.
He knew he probably shouldn't, it was morally incorrect and quite frankly prying and mistrustful, but he found himself giving the shirt a quick sniff.
There was a smell, but it wasn't sweat. Shuichi felt one last hard thump before his heart stopped abruptly in his chest.
Was that, a woman's perfume?
He let the shirt fall to the ground before taking a step back and trying to think straight.
Yuki wouldn't have slept with another woman, he was gay!
That smell was far more feminine than anything either of them owned.
It was definitely the smell of a woman.
It was not more than ten minutes after Shuichi had rung sounding distressed that Hiroshi arrived, pulling up into the long drive way on his motorbike. Shuichi was already waiting outside with his head hung between his legs.
Shuichi didn't look up or answer which unnerved him. He took a seat beside his miserable friend and wrapped an arm around him, pulling him closer to him in a comforting embrace.
"What's wrong, what did he do?"
He hated being that friend, the one who disapproves of a partner and always assumes the partner has messed up. Shuichi hated even more that Hiro was right. Once again Yuki had indeed hurt him.
He always thought he'd cry if he ever found out Yuki had been unfaithful. He imagined himself breaking down, his heart tearing completely in two, but he was too tired.
Too emotionally drained to invest the appropriate amount of heartache into the situation.
"Nothing. Just take me to NG."
Hiro let slip an exasperated sigh but rather than arguing simply rose to his feet and handed Shuichi his helmet.
He wanted to be able to say he'd never seen Shuichi like that but ever since his friend had started dating Eiri, it was always like this.
He was just tired of playing the role of best friend only to be pushed away and shunned for having a negative opinion of the relationship.
The two climbed aboard and set off for work in silence, save for the deafening roar of the motor cycle as Hiroshi sped through the town center.
It was a blindingly hot day and Shuichi, who clung tightly onto Hiroshi, felt too hot for his skin.
The air was too thick and heavy and he needed to be moving. Sitting still was tormenting his frustrated mind and he hoped that soon the weather would change and bring rain.
He needed to be cleansed and most of all craved cold air and the feeling of being completely drenched. He didn't know exactly what he needed but he knew that was the closest thing to it.
His voice was so loud that both Shuichi and Hiro flinched. Merely seconds later a body collided into Shuichi who found himself wrapped up in an intense and suffocating hug.
"Mr. Sakuma, good to see you too."
He barely managed to say as he struggled for air. Ryuichi finally let go of him and grinned widely. Shuichi smiled back. He adored Ryuichi, he was so perfect in every way and he couldn't believe Ryuichi and he had gotten so close.
"Shuichi, I've been waiting for you to arrive so that you can hear the new song we wrote, come and watch me sing!"
Hiro, unsure about Shuichi's situation and how exactly his friend was feeling, decided to intervene to save embarrassment or rejection.
"Mr. Sakuma, Shuichi and I are very busy, he'll have to listen another-"
"I'd love to!"
Shuichi cut him off. Hiro found himself feeling a little agitated. Exactly what did Shuichi want from him?
One second he's completely crestfallen, begging for Hiro to come get him only to close up completely and refuse to tell him what was wrong, and now he seemed more than happy to run off with Ryuichi and act like everything was okay.
He would never voice his complaints though; it was too stressful dealing with Shuichi most of the time. He was always going from one extreme to the other, it was just who he was.
He instead gave a small smile and took his leave.
"I had better give Ayaka a call and let her know where I am, she wasn't expecting me to leave for at least another hour."
The three parted ways, Hiro to find a private place to talk and Shuichi and Ryuichi to rehearse together.
As the two walked off the long haired brunette looked back at them and sighed. He felt wounded and abandoned. He had slowly drifted away from Shuichi.
The more he tried to help the more Shuichi resented him.
Surely Shuichi could see how much he meant to him? Hiro didn't want to interfere he just wanted to protect his best friend. He wanted Shuichi to have what he and Ayaka had.
It wasn't the excitement Shuichi wanted, maybe it wasn't even very passionate, but it was simple, stable and mutual.
It was love no matter how plain things seemed, and they were hoping to add a third member to the family. Their arguments were trivial, what to have for dinner, where to spend Christmas, and it could all be resolved with respect and compromise.
It was always very hard for not only Shuichi and Yuki to recover from the fights they were always having, but for the people around them to as well.
Now that Hiro knew Eiri had been violent towards Shuichi he would never forgive him or condone their relationship.
He couldn't tell Shuichi that of course without coming off as unsupportive. The only thing he could do was turn to his wife for support.
"Ayaka, yeah it's me. I just need your advice on something."
"Shuichi, you're feeling sad aren't you?"
Ryuichi's eyes were like cold sharp and piercing steel, but at the same time they were warm and comforting.
Full of a trust and understanding Shuichi had never seen before, even in Hiro.
They were so blue and they saw right through him. When he sang they were so full of intensity and emotion that they sparkled, it was like he was going to cry.
He was so composed and focused at the same time. Ryuichi truly was bi-polar; he rarely saw that side to his idol, only when he sang and in situations like the one at that very moment.
The older male was so serious and seemed almost hurt, but Shuichi couldn't understand why.
"What makes you think that?"
He tried best to hide whatever sadness that Ryuichi could see in him and gave a nervous chuckle.
"Your eyes, they aren't smiling."
It was such a trivial sentence, it didn't even make much sense to Shuichi, but it gave him the chills to think that he could be so easily read.
"Is it Yuki, did he hurt you?"
The tone in which Ryuichi spoke scared him and he hadn't noticed until just then just how dark Ryuichi had become. There was a cold look in his eyes that paralyzed and terrified Shuichi.
He had seen it once a long time ago and since then had always been aware of how easily unstable Ryuichi could become.
"N-no Ryuichi, I'm just tired."
He gave a sheepish grin and rubbed the back of his head, hoping like hell it was enough to keep Ryuichi's mood at bay. He wondered if Ryuichi truly had him in it to ever hurt another person, and decided he'd rather not know.
"Alrighty then Shuichi! Did you like my new song? Mr. Bear and I wrote it for you!"
He found himself once again stunned. By Ryuichi's abrupt change in attitude, by his childlike demeanor and by the revelation that the song he'd just heard had been about him. It had been beautifully written; it was quite somber and was at heart a love song. He had no idea what to make of it.
"Ryuichi-san, I don't know what to say to that."
Ryuichi wrapped him into an embrace. This time it was gentle, caring. Not suffocating and intense like usual.
"Don't let him hurt you. Shuichi. I'll protect you, I promise."