Bonjour fellow readers! Pardon my temporary haitus, I was planning on coming back but didn't have any inspiration. Anywho...Warning: I use & instead of writing it out as "and". I'm sorry (not really) if that annoys you but whining about it won't change anything.
I nodded pleasantly at the usher who seated me then waved a hello to my friends. Orihime gave me a bright smile & a wave, Uryu chucked up a quick deuce before plunging his hand back into the bag of cookies between his knees & Chad nodded, eyes hidden behind his shaggy brown hair.
Though the santuary wasn't full yet there was still a strong sense of excitment & anticipation in the air. I waved at Tatsuki who was across the church, adjusting her choir robe. She hated the thing, poor girl, but she loved singing so much she didn't mind putting up with it.
"Hey Ichigo, are you staying for Christmas & New Year's or going out of town?" Orihime asked, leaning close to be heard. Her breath smelled like chocolate chip cookies which I assumed was what Uryu was eating.
"I'm staying this year. I saw enough of the family for Thanksgiving to last me well into next year" I said, rolling my eyes to the cieling.
I watched as the choir filed out from the doors off to the side of the stage, their posture straight & proud as their cream & burgunday robes made soft swishing noises. Some of the had on antlers with Christmas tree ornaments dangling off of them. They sat & waited as the band warmed up & the praise leader set up the microphone stands.
Uryu nudged me. "There goes yo' man..."
I glared my eyes at him before directing my gaze up at the choir stand where the sexy Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez stood with his arms crossed, chatting with one of the choir members. He was the most beautiful thing God himself had ever created (besides me, of course) with a voice so deep, he'd could cause a nun to masterbate with just a hello. His electric blue hair & matching eyes stood out sharply against his dark grey longed sleeved shirt & dark washed jeans with black Timberland boots. Father forgive me for I am having impure thoughts...but I wasn't going to let Uryu know that.
I scoffed. "Tch, that's not my man, fool"
"But you wish he was"
"Mind your own damn-ooh sorry Lord,-", I quickly kissed my knuckle & raised it to the ceiling, murmuring for forgiveness, "Mind your own business, four eyes!"
Uryu only chuckled, his gaze settling across the aisle where I'm pretty sure Mayuri Kurotsuchi was doing something extremely perverted in his direction. I don't know what Uryu saw in the guy; he was so weird & unashamedly perverted, I always wondered why he even came to church, the nasty freak. Sorry, Lord, I know we ain't supposed to judge but that guy is just weird.
Deacon Aizen took a microphone & tapped it, causing a loud & screeching feedback shatter the quiet talking in the room, causing everyone to cover their ears. "This thing on? Hello? Oh ok. Good morning, church!"
"Morning" the congregation muttered in unison.
"I'm here today to lead the congregation in a word of prayer. As we all rest on our feet, we bow our heads..."
Everyone stood & Deaon Aizen impatiently waited as someone shook Deacon Gin.
"I'm awake you idiot! I told you I just have narrow eyes!" he snapped.
"Stand up so I can pray!" Deacon Aizen growled then he cleared his throat when Deacon Gin finally stood. "Heavenly Father, we come before you now, knee bowed & body bent before thy throne of grace once more & again..."
"I'd like to be knee bowed or body bent before his throne of grace once & again & again..."
I glared at Renji who'd somehow slipped pass the ushers to take his seat all late, as usual. "You aren't supposed to be walking around during prayer, Renji, you know that"
"Oh get off my nuts, Ichi. The Lord knows I be tryin' to make it on time but..."
I noticed Byakuya slip into a seat across the aisle from us, zipping his pants back up & I shook my head.
"Renji, you're going to hell"
"You're coming with me, with the way you stare at Grimmjow"
"Shh!" an usher ordered us.
"The God of cateracts, knee shacks & a billy goat..." Deacon Aizen continued, "The very God who delivered Moses...from the belly of the whale & used said whale to feed the children of Israel for forty years..."
I grinned as I heard snickers all around me. It wasn't a secret that Deacon Aizen didn't study the Bible as he should (which would lead a person to ask the question why was he a deacon in the first place).
"& God, bless every man, woman & child under the sound of my voice. Keep a fence of protection around them at all times. Lord, let Your holy spirit run all up & through the pastor. Let Your anointing flow from his lips as the love juices of a woman-"
I slapped a hand over my mouth to hold in the laugh but Renji, however, laughed out loud, shaking his head.
"Yes, Father!" he shouted & I nudged him with my elbow.
"We ask & pray for these things in your Son, Jesus's name. Amen"
"Amen" the congregation echoed & Deacon Aizen handed the mic to Szayelaporro Grans (Sazay, as he liked to be called), the praise leader.
"Hey, Ichi, check it" Renji murmured, pulling out his phone, "I got this app that scans the lines in your hand & tells you what kind of seme or uke you are"
I rolled my eyes. "That is complete bull, Renji. Those kinds of apps are a waste of time"
"No, no, look"
Ichigo watched as Renji pointed his phone's camera, which was on the back, toward the palm of his hand & "Reading..." appeared on the bottom of the screen. Within seconds, "Sexy, controlling seme" appeared in big white letters.
"You are the sexy, controlling seme! You don't tolerate your uke getting the upper hand. You have to control everything, from what your uke wears, to what position they assume & what kind of role playing fantasy you two will act out. Typically mellow & observative, the sexy, controlling seme comes across as indifferent but when it comes to their uke, they come alive. Any other seme better watch out; sexy, controlling semes are ready to fight if someone even glances at their uke or a potiential one"
"Don't judge me" Renji murmured with a glare when I gave him a questioning look.
"Renji, that's so stupid" I huffed.
"It's so accurate though. I tried it on Byakuya & said he was the sexy, submissive uke!"
"It's an automated response that spews random responses, Renji, it's not even that serious"
"Dude look" Renji grabbed Orihime's hand & scanned her palm. She looked at me in confusion & I just shrugged.
"The Cute Uke" popped up in purple pretty letters. "You a kawaii uke! You bring the sexy, controlling seme to his or her knees with a simple bat of your big puppy eyes & will have them eating out of your hands. The cute uke is soft spoken & slow to anger, which semes find irresistable. While seen as a whore because they are surrounded by potiential mates, the cute uke is typically a virgin but not because they can't get any ;)"
Renji grinned wickedly. "Think I don't notice the way Chizuru looks at you Ori? You have that girl whipped like a great dane being lead by a leash by a pomeranian"
Orihime's face turned beet red & she looked away quickly.
Renji chuckled. "So ya wanna try to, Ichi?"
I sighed, rolling my eyes once again. I never believed in horoscopes, palm reading or any of that hoobah hoobah shi-I mean, mess, but I figured why not. At least it'd get Renji to shut up for a while. "Give me the stupid phone" I muttered.
I aimed his camera at the palm of my hand while trying to keep it hidden. Lord knows these elders are just itching to catch a young person slippin' so they can go & run to their parents & as the pastor's son, that wasn't going to fly. It read it then vibrated before a swirling circle asked me to wait a moment.
Someone nudged me, & I hurridly pocketed the phone, thinking it was a deaconness but it was just Uryu who nodded towards the stage. "Yo' man about to sing"
I rolled my eyes. "He is not my ma-"
"Oh shut up, you want him to be" Renji interrupted. I was about to respond but what I had to say wasn't appropiate to say in church.
Grimmjow crooned into the mic like a professional, making the women swoon & fan themselves hard. I wanted to sit in case I fainted but I wanted to watch him too. He had this way of closing his eyes when he hit those smooth, sexy notes & when he opened them he gave whoever he was looking at such a smoldering stare I'm surprised no one burst into flames. At one point I swore-uh I mean I promised he looked at me & smirked. I nearly had a heart attack.
"How great thou art" he finished on a beautiful note & everyone burst into loud applauding. I tried to stay composed in case any of my friends were watching.
Deacon Aizen took the stage again & waited for the congregation to finish. "Amen. Thank you for that wonderful song, Brother Grimmjow. God has his hands on your vocal cords like a trick in a prostitute's panties, bless you"
Uryu shook his head, rolling his eyes & Renji laughed. Loudly.
"We welcome now our man of God for the message & er, uh, hopefully we can be up outta here by twelve cause I'm hungry, ain't that right, baby?"
Deacon Aizen winked & licked his lips in his wife's direction. Deaconness Hinomori blushed madly while everyone shifted in their sets uncomfortablly. We remained standing as my father, Pastor Isshin, took his time taking the stage. He squinted as if the light was bothering him & knowing him, he was probably hung over.
"God bless you, take your seats in the presence of the Lord"
We sat & Renji nudged me. "Hey, what were your results?"
I remembered Renji's phone & pulled it out of my pocket, handing it to him to unlock his phone. Orihime, Renji, Uryu & Chad all leaned in close to read the results.
"You are the dominant uke! Unlike the cute uke, you are loud & out-spoken, always ready to butt heads with your seme. The dominant uke wants to be penetrated but wants to be on top while doing so. They are also seen as a "ho" because they know exactly what they want & if you can't give them that, then you can step. Hot headed & quick tempered, the dominant uke won't need much of an excuse to go off or rebel but they have a soft spot for their seme"
Everyone's eyes turned to me & even my arms & hands were red.
"Dude, that is so accurate" Renji muttered.
"That's pretty eerie how accurate it was" Uryu agreed, finishing off his cookies.
"Weird" Chad mumbled.
"So who do you think is Ichi's seme?" Orihime asked & then she giggled.
"Grimmjow" they all said together.
"Shut up!" I said a bit too loudly & I attracted a glare from Deaconness Kikyo who pointed at me as if she was onto me.
During the message, I was too embarassed to even look in Grimmjow's direction. Hypothetically speaking, if that palm reading was accurate would Grimmjow really be a good match for me? How would he tolerate & respond to my actions? He didn't seem like the kind of guy that would allow his uke to basically be rebellious. He looked like the kind of guy you just didn't mess with. He wasn't like body builder muscular, just muscular enough & his gaze was intimidating enough to tell you it'd probably be best to leave him alone. But I already felt myself even more drawn to him.
My eyes strayed in Grimmjow's directions quite a few times though (without my consent). His posture was very relaxed but not to the point of being disrespectful though his eyes, which were on me, could've burned a hole through the asphalt. Each & everytime he caught me looking at him, I'd looked away quickly as if (Lord forgive me) I was interested in my father's stumbling delivery. Must be hard to preach early in the morning hungover. I'd say it served him right but it's not right to judge.
"As we rest on our feet, the doors of the church are open. If you need salvation, a church home, rededication or prayer, please come & sit on the front row"
The choir stood & sang a soft, lovely hymn, almost like a lullabye & the congregation clapped as two people stepped out from their place in their pews.
"Do we have children's choir practice?" Renji asked me.
"Doubtful since most people will be away at the retreat next Sunday" I responded.
"We should ask Minister Sazay anyway. If he tells me one more time that there's no choir rehearsal then tells me there is three hours after church is over I'll curse him out, Ichi, I swear before God, Lord knows I'm sick of that bastard"
"Lord, forsake thy wrath & lightening & forgive the potty mouths" I mumbled & Orihime, Uryu, Chad & I all took a step away from Renji.
The redhead kissed his knuckle & raised it up to the cieling with a mumbled apology.
After the doors of the churh were closed, there was announcements & then we stood for the benediction. Once dismissed, more than half the church just stood around (mostly in the way), fellowshipping but because we were in the "young adult section" & seated near the back it wasn't as much of a struggle to get out. Unfortunately Minister Sazay was all the way up at the front, conversing with the drummer & keyboard player.
"Ichigo, wanna come catch some waves with me?" Chad asked, already undoing his tie. The poor guy hated dressing up in suits almost as he hated wearing shoes.
"Yeah I'll catch up with ya later. You know how Yuzu likes to cook those big Sunday dinners & plus, I gatta talk to Mr. Sazay"
He nodded. "I'll come by for my plate after I change"
I told the rest of my friends I'd catch up with them later & waded my way through the crowd of old people & little bad kids that were chasing each other, knowing good & well that was not tolerated in the church. Just as I was within arms reach of Minister Sazay Grimmjow intercepted, his electric blue eyes glowing & one side of his mouth turned upwards into a sexy smirk. God, You must've been horny when you created this gorgeous creature; he just oozed sex. From the way he stood to the way he walked & even the way he licked his lips ever so slight-wait...what? Did he just...? Nah, I must just be tired.
"Hey, Grimmjow" I say, trying to sound nonchalant, "Good job today"
His smirk turned a little cocky. "Why thank you. Maybe one day you & I could do a duet"
I chuckled (more like giggled). "Oh I don't sing"
Grimmjow took a step closer to me, his body heat radiating through his sweater. "Oh but I can make you sing..."
I...honestly have no idea how that was not supposed to be taken pervertedly.
I shifted nervously, taking an awkward step back. "Uh..yeah, I uh...I gatta go. See ya around"
Grimmjow nodded once. "See ya. Ichigo"
I turned & nearly ran towards the exit. I don't know how I knew but somewhere in my heart of hearts I knew that man was going to have a big impact on my life.