I have read through 350 chapters of Bleach over the weekend...and all I can say is...
BYAKUYA. HASN'T. BEEN. ANNOYED. A. SINGLE. TIME.
So, I have decided to completely and utterly kill all shred of self-control within him. After all, if I can make Itachi snap from pressure, then I should be able to get Byakuya to snap as well.
And I'm also listening to "Senbonzakura" by Hatsune Miku...
Warning: Reading this may cause you to loose a couple IQ points...and a few thousand brain cells...and maybe any shred of respect for Byakuya...or Rukia...
Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach. If I did, there would be so much more " *punch* FOOL!" moments in Bleach. And I'd actually get the living stone pillars to smile a lot.
Kuchiki Byakuya was from one of the noble Shinigami clans, and he was also the captain of the sixth division. One would've thought that he could handle his little sister.
"What now, Renji?"
Renji took a glance at his captain, who was halfway between pulling out Senbonzkura and slicing him up, and...pulling out Senbonzakura and dicing him up.
"Well...Rukia had a lot of sugar..."
Renji took another glance at his captain, and, when he figured out that Byakuya was serious, he quickly pulled out a dictionary, and said,
"Hy-per. Adjective. extremely active, or highly excited. Example: I get-"
Byakuya masterfully restrained from face-palming, eye-rolling, sighing, and head-desking and kept his face straight.
A very, very, very pissed of Zaraki Kenpachi stood there...covered with pink bunny rabbits?
"Please explain to me why your sister ran up to me today and did this?"
Byakuya simply said, "Rukia is not under me. I suggest you go to her captain and-"
He was interrupted by a "NII-SAMA!"
Byakuya slowly turned.
"LOOK! I'M A NINJA!" Rukia began launching Chappy the Rabbit foam balls at Byakuya, who easily dodged them all.
"Rukia, this is not the time for-"
Rukia lept onto him.
"COME ON, NII-SAMA! YACHIRU SAID SHE'D SHOW US THE SECRET PASSAGE WAYS UNDER YOUR HOME!"
Unfortunately, Byakuya did his best to avoid harming her and getting away, all while retaining his dignity, but...it's like Zaraki in the middle of a conference meeting with a sobbing Yachiru who keeps on saying that he won't wear pink and eat bananas and candy with her.
Of course, Byakuya resolved to get revenge on...
Matsumoto, who giggled and said, "It's nice to see such a close sibling bond!"
Hitsugaya, who just stared. And raised an eyebrow. And slowly backed away.
Nanao, who pretended she didn't see - until she broke down laughing.
Yachiru, who laughed and said, "See! See! Byakushi loves Rukia! Byakushi loves Rukia!"
Renji, who just carefully scooted away, coughing loudly and suspiciously.
And wonders of wonders,
Now, why would Byakuya try to kill Ichigo?
Well, here's a secret.
Byakuya has a secret overprotective brother side. Or brother-in-law. Whatever. Close enough.
(A/N: I think I will have to go into hiding after this.)
Oh. And there's the fact that, for some reason, Senbonzakura really hates Ichigo as well.
Alright. It's official.
Byakuya is very close to head-desking.
What is head-desking? It's like a face-palm. Just replace the face with a head, and the palm with a desk.
But really. All his precious paperwork. Ruined. By a hyperactive, foolish little sister.
And now, she was riding up and down the halls with a scooter, rustling everything as she went.
"NII-SAMA! RIDE ON THE SCOOTER WITH ME!"
"B-b-but n-nii-s-sama..." Rukia pleaded, using puppy eyes combined with heartbreaking look and adding some little sister cuteness.
"...If I do, while you leave me in peace?"
Byakuya stepped on the scooter, stayed on it for a split second, got off, and walked off, completely ignoring the angry shout and gracefully dodged the scooter that was thrown at his head.
Byakuya spit his tea out before stared at Rukia, who had somehow managed to get...how the hell did she manage to tie up Hitsugaya?
As casually as possible, Byakuya attempted to Kuchiki Death Glare Hitsugaya-san to death.
Said Hitsugaya-san was somewhere between choking and returned the Kuchiki Death Glare with a Hitsugaya Death Glare. (These two are very different and you should be careful not to mistake one for the other lest both the Kuchiki Death Glare and Hitsugaya Death Glare be turned onto you.)
"Rukia. Let him go."
"Chibi-taichou," here Hitsugaya redirected his glare to Rukia, "said that we should go through valuable sibling bonding time..."
The KDG (Kuchiki Death Glare) returned full force at Hitsugaya, who countered it with HDG (Hitsugaya Death Glare).
"Is that true, Hitsugaya."
"Matsumoto said it. Then hyper Chappy Bunny captured the wrong person."
"I see. You may leave now."
As Hitsugaya left, neither captain gave up on their death glare until they couldn't see each other anymore.
And Byakuya began continuously head-desking.
The next day...
"Er, nii-sama...why do you have a red bump on your forehead?" Rukia asked.
I believe I may have to go in hiding for a while...oh shoot. I think he's coming right now...