Sterek Forbidden Love
That night all I could do was dream about Stiles, dream about him kissing me and me kissing him. I tossed and turned and fought with my pillow the whole night just being grateful my wife was gone so she wasn't able to hear me scream in my sleep; instead of being home she went to spend the night with her mother to help console her and Scott. I wanted so bad for the night terror to end, I wanted so bad to wake up from this horrible nightmare of knowing the man I loved was now dead because I was a coward. Because I was too afraid to tell him how I felt but I also knew that my eyes being closed was the only way I would be able to see him again.
The dream started out by me walking down the street smiling because I had just seen Stiles, our eyes met and smirks crossed our faces simultaneously. He walked towards me pushing people out of his path never taking his eyes off of me and I began to walk towards him as well until we were able to grab each other. I held onto him tight and he began to kiss my neck before whispering in my ear "I love you." I smiled and took his hand and we started walking again only now there was no one in the streets; all the people and all the noise was now gone leaving nothing but the chill air and leaves on the ground. That's when Stiles started to pull away from me and began to walk backwards while looking at me with tears in his eyes. He kept whispering "I'm sorry," and I tried to run after him but my feet wouldn't move so I screamed for him to come towards me but he kept going back. He went to the ledge of a bridge, looked me with tears in his eyes and leaped; my feet moved fast enough for me to watch him die leaving me knowing I wasn't able to save him.
I woke up in deep sweat by the phone ringing a part of me relieved that the nightmare was over but another part saddened that I could no longer hold him or see his face. I answered the phone with a deep sigh and sound of desperation to hear an excited Pastor Reid on the other end of the phone asking me to come to an anti-gay marriage rally that he's hosting. I thought this was some kind of joke so I reminded him I had already went the other day and that the joke was not funny. He began to stutter and asked me what I was talking about because the rally was today; there was genuine confusion in his voice so I asked him for the date and when he told me it was Tuesday I dropped the phone. Allison grabbed my arm and asked me what was wrong and I instantly became startled because I knew she was over her mother's house so I asked her "what are you doing here? I thought you were over your mother's house." She looked just as confused as Pastor Reid sounded on the phone and responded with "what are you talking about, I was here all night I waited up for you and Stiles to get back from your male bonding last night, remember?" I leaped from the bed and fell to the floor Allison asking me what was wrong and if I was okay. I wanted to shout out "Hell no I'm not okay!" I wanted to scream out to her "yes I remember last night only last night was two nights ago and Stiles is now dead." I wanted her to hear me say "I think I'm going crazy because I think I've lived this day before." But instead of saying all of those things I simply said "Yea..yea..i'm fine..i just have to..have to go to a rally." I ran into the bathroom to splash water on my face to make sure I was truly awake and just stared at myself in the mirror trying to tell myself that everything was going to be okay.
I just kept staring in the mirror with water dripping off my face trying to grasp a hold of myself. Allison kept knocking on the door asking me if I was okay but for a brief moment I was unable to answer; I wanted to answer but my mouth wouldn't allow any words to escape. I turned on the shower and murmured I was fine hoping that would be enough for her to leave me alone for a bit and it worked. I took my clothes off in what seemed like slow motion and just remembered that if I was indeed going crazy and this day had repeated then that means Stiles was still alive and sleeping in next room. I don't think I've ever showered as quickly as I had at that moment because I rushed out of the bathroom with only a towel on dripping wet past Allison to Stiles room. I could hear her ask me "where are you going?" but I didn't care to answer nor to look back my only concern was seeing if he was alive. I busted open the door to his room like I was a cop or something only to find his bed perfectly made and no Stiles in sight. I feel to the ground tears automatically streaming down my face. I felt like a little school girl who just had her heart broken for the first time and yet I didn't care because Stiles was not in the room and once again not in my arms.
That's when I heard singing coming from the kitchen and the smell of pancakes and I instantly remembered he liked to wake up early and cook breakfast, I sat there for a second and whispered out loud "breakfast" before rushing up and into the kitchen where he stood. I froze in the door way to the kitchen still teary eyed and unable to speak. Stiles stopped what he was doing to tilt his head and ask me if everything was okay. I grabbed my chest and slowly started to walk over to him and gave him the biggest hug I had ever witnessed in my life. I didn't want to let go of him, I held on as tightly as I could until he said he couldn't breathe then I let up. He gave me a puzzled look and I just kept saying "I'm glad you're okay, I'm glad you're alive." He laughed and said he was glad he was alive as well and then went back to making pancakes. Allison came from around the corner and wondered why I was dripping water all over her kitchen floor and I couldn't tell her the truth but instead I just said "I had an idea instead of going to the rally I decided to take Stiles out today so he and I can bond some more. I think it will help him with some of the issues on his heart as well as help me." Stiles stood there confused for a second then said "really? You want to go out with me again?" He began to smile as did Allison and she said "that sounds like a great idea it'll do you both some good to get out of the house and know each other. I'm glad to see two of the most important men in my life getting along so well." I smiled not because of what she said but because if she only knew how along we were actually getting.
I gave her a kiss on the cheek then went back upstairs to change my clothes for the activities that were to come. The more I thought about being with Stiles again the less I thought it was weird that I had relieved the day before and thought maybe it was all a dream. Just my guilty subconscious trying to tell me I could lose him forever and that there were worst things in the world then acknowledging love for another man. I tried to convince myself that Stiles dying was nothing more than a horrible nightmare and that I should live every moment with him as if it were my last. How many people actually get a second chance at love? How many people wish every day they could just turn back the hands of time and relive a mistake made and I've actually gotten the chance and well call it fate or call it crazy I don't want to mess this one up.
After finishing our meal we left in the car headed towards the park a few blocks away from where the rally was being held. As we got out of the car we spotted an empty bench and sat down on it so that we could talk. I looked at some birds looking for worms and at some couples walking their dogs and everything just looked peaceful; even Stiles looked at ease like nothing could harm us in this moment. "You've been in deep thought all morning, now are you going to tell me what's wrong or do I just have to guess?" I remained silent because I wasn't sure how to respond, I wasn't sure how to say I watched you die because of me so I just sat their quietly with my hands in my lap observing the park. "Okay I'll take that as I'm going to have to guess, is it about last night? Look if you're still freaked out…" I cut him off from talking because I didn't want him to blame himself. "It does have to do with last night but not in the manner you think it does. I don't know how to say it so call me crazy but last night I was at the hospital and I watched you die and it was all my fault. I had did something and it made you angry to the point you wanted nothing to do with me and so Scott convinced you to come see me and you had crashed and died in my arms and I never got the chance to say…" He grabbed my hands to steady them because they started to shake as the tears began to pour from my eyes once again. I sniffled a little to try and convince them to go back up but no such luck a few kept escaping. "Hey, hey, look at me Derek I'm right here okay. And what's weird is I remember everything you just said as well, I remember dying and feeling so cold and empty and then at peace all over my body and hearing the faint words of you telling me you loved me. I remember reading the article of the rally against homosexuals and you being there and I remember feeling so crushed and thinking you must hate me and hate yourself because of me. I remember it all but when I woke up this morning and realized none of it happened I thought well maybe it was just a dream and then you came downstairs and looked all weird and to be honest I got freaked out a little. I began to think maybe it wasn't a dream and he lived the same day I lived but when you didn't mention anything by it I just let it go." I don't think a bigger sigh has ever been giving in the history of sighs I felt so my relief to know that I wasn't crazy and if I was crazy I wasn't crazy alone. I looked at him and he looked at me and then I leaned in to kiss him, he pulled back and asked me if this was really what I wanted to do and without hesitation I gave him a sloppy, wet, hot kiss. I stuck my tongue deep into his mouth, allowing the warmth and wetness to massage my tongue and then I took my left hand and began to rub his chest feeling the hardness of his nipples against my cold finger tips.
Stiles let out a slight moan that made me harder than anything I've ever experienced and I couldn't believe what I was doing. I couldn't believe I was portraying PDA to the extreme and was doing it with a guy while I had a wife not to mention the fact I'm a pastor and am supposed to be mentoring this kid not seducing him. Yet I didn't want to stop it felt so good and so right and we weren't harming anyone or anything so I couldn't see why there was a problem. After feeling his dick grow to a full erection we both started laughing and said we better cool things off before we get arrested. It felt nice to be able to laugh with him, and that's when I saw a sprinkler a few feet over and grabbed his arm. He asked me where we were going and I told him to run the sprinklers like a couple of kids and get wet. He never hesitated and in fact he bet me he could be me there and well let's just say he lost that bet. We ran over to the sprinkles pushing each other and laughing like a couple of school boys just out on school break; everything seemed to start going in slow motion and while we were running and playing a large part of me didn't want any of this to end. After about ten minutes of running through the sprinklers I looked up, freezing and dripping wet, and saw all the couples kind of stopping so they could all stare at us. I even saw a few look a little disgusted almost as if they were judging us for having fun, almost as if they were condemning us for being two men and a feeling of anger overwhelmed me. The same anger and disappointed I felt all those years ago when my father's church would judge my sister without even knowing her and I was reminded of who I used to be. I used to be a person who understood the bible but also understood the world and didn't want to judge another without first learning of him and the sin and I would certainly not hate or condemn anyone as I know realized I've been doing with Stiles.
I grabbed Stiles hand and knew exactly what I had to do and without hesitation he followed me asking "where are we going now in such a hurry?" I didn't slow down but instead palmed his hand so we were walking hand in hand beside each other and responded "We're going to go to the rally, hand in hand. It's time I'm reminded of who I am and prove there's more to God's love then just words written in the bible." Stiles smiled and said it was about time he came out of his shell and when we arrived at the rally fear grew inside my whole body. Like the night mare I was frozen in place at all the faces staring at us and slander being shouted at us until Stiles squeezed my hand harder and whispered "if you want to turn around now is the time." I looked at him and thought to myself turning around would be the easy thing to do, going back to my regular life would be the responsible thing to do but then I remembered that I did that once and it didn't work out for anybody. So I squeezed his hand back, took a deep sigh and said "let's do the damn thing huh." Nervous as I could be I walked into the area where the rally was and saw people giving me confused looks who didn't know me, others were huddled in small groups looking and pointing then Pastor Reid came up to me with a huge grin on face and shook my hand. "So glad of you to drop by Pastor honestly I was afraid you weren't going to show after hearing how you sounded on the phone. Who is this?" I returned the smile and said "yeah this morning started out kind of…" Stiles smiled and finished my sentence "weird…this morning was definitely a bit weird. Sorry I'm Stiles relative of Allison." Pastor Reid put his arm around Stiles and said "Oh the army man i've heard about you well glad you could join the rally around here we're real supportive of the bible. Hey I have an idea Stiles why don't you speak about how you feel of the repeal of don't ask don't tell. I mean I know having those queers come on to you must be hard." I couldn't help but to laugh and blurted out "it's hard alright." Pastor Reid looked at me with confusion as Stiles and I laughed then said "I don't get the joke." Stiles grabbed my hand and said in between laughs "I'm kind of 100% gay or like you put it…queer." Pastor Reid took a step and said "Derek you're allowing this sin into your home and you bring him here? Don't you remember what we stand for, how we took an oath to uphold God's will." I didn't let go of Stiles' hand but instead responded with "I took an oath to love thy neighbor, to help and mentor, to be not only the best Christian I can be but the best man. You stand there with hate and disgust in your heart and all for what? Because a few verses of the bible says homosexuality was an abomination. Do you even realize in those times abomination meant unclean and wasn't a literal translation to sin? Do you realize out casting people, hating others, praying that they don't have any rights is nothing what God intended? Do you realize how contradictory you are being by being here right now? I thought being a pastor was to bring people to church by love and honor not turn them away by hatred." Pastor Reid took another step back and everyone began to crowd around making comments and sneering. "Derek if your father could hear you right now he would be so disgraced by your words. I know this sinner is family but he's allowed the devil to take control of him and until he redeems himself of all homosexual actions, his soul will be forever condemned to hell." Stiles grew angry as did I while the rally crowd cheered Pastor Reid on so I responded with "I can't believe I used to think like you do now, I can't believe I used to stand in front of my congregation and promote ignorance. You stand there and call yourself a man of God but do you even know what that means? Do you get disgusted when elders and pastors of the church rape little boys, when they steal from the church, when they cheat on their spouses, or even abuse them? Does any of that bother you or are you stuck on the Leviticus verse of man lying with man being an abomination? The bible also says if a child disobeys their parents they should be stoned or that slavery is justified…do you agree with those things? Do you want to go get a lamb and sacrifice it? The church has ignored and grown so much but yet has failed to understand God's true intent and all I can say is that I'll pray for you." Stiles and I turned around feeling accomplished and as we were walking away you could hear the words "fag", "queer", "go to hell", "stop spreading sin", and many other hurtful slurs being yelled at us but a large part of me didn't care.
I know saw the hypocrisy of my religion, I stared that hypocrisy in the face and I didn't like what it had to say. Stiles looked at me and said "I'm proud of you." I gave him a kiss and said I was hungry. We left and went to a diner and just talked like the night we did karaoke and it seemed peaceful once again. On the way home we knew we would have to talk to Allison and I was dreading it but I couldn't allow her to think everything was normal when that was farthest from the truth. As we arrived home still a little wet from the sprinklers Allison greeted us with a hug and asked us how our day was. I took a deep sigh before saying "I kissed Stiles." She sat down immediately probably because I blurted it out rather than saying something spiritual, philosophical or meaningful. "Are you…are you a homosexual?" Stiles grabbed my hand and spoke "I don't think he's a full fledge homosexual not like I am but he and I have something here it's like we complete each other. I know it sounds crazy and the last thing you ever want to hear but I love him and I know we're meant to be." She wouldn't speak, I tried to walk over to her but she screamed for me to not touch her as tears strolled down her face. "How could you do this to me, to us?" I didn't know how to answer because deep down I didn't know how I could either, how I could be so selfish and such a monster to give in to temptation like it was nothing. I'm a pastor, a spiritual leader even if I was having homosexual thoughts I should have contained them and prayed harder. I should have told Stiles that he was no longer welcomed in our house and that he should join the church. I should have said no to these feelings but I didn't and there's nothing more left to be said or done because my decision had been made. "Allison please don't be mad at us, I love you and you were always there for me but when I'm with Derek everything just seems to disappear. It makes no sense at all because we just met but the connection is stronger than any other and even last night we had the exact same dream if it was a dream but either way it made us realize there are worst things in the world than being gay. My nightmares seem like a distant memory when I'm with Derek and I feel whole Allison, something that has never happened to me before." He grabbed my hand again and I said "And when I'm with Stiles everything makes more sense. I feel like a part of me that had been missing is now filled and I can't explain it any other way. I know we have a family and with every fiber in my body I mean it when I say I love you but not the way I love Stiles. I don't know if this is the devil, if this is fate, if this is for a moment or eternity but what I do know is that you deserve more than what I can give. You deserve my honesty and truth and that's what I'm giving you." She sat there crying and managed to murmur "leave it to you to make me feel sorry for you, you always were good at saying the right things. I want you to know you are an asshole for this Derek and as far as you go Stiles you are no longer welcomed at our home and after everything we did for you. You come into my home, eat my food, and seduce my husband and now I'm left with nothing but two babies and a divorce. Derek since you pay the bills you clearly can have the house I'll go to my mother's and come for my stuff later. The twins are staying here so I hope you enjoy in case you didn't remember they have a cold so all they do is cry. I hope you two have fun playing around in sin you're nothing more than a couple of devilish fags." She got up from the couch, grabbed her purse and keys and headed out the door. The way she slammed it woke the twins up and Stiles looked at me and said "I'll get one you get the other." We grabbed the twins and went back to the couch laying them on our chest and rocked them to sleep while laying our heads on each other watching Twilight Zone marathon. I looked at Stiles and he looked at me back and we began to kiss once again he said "let's put the babies up" and we did just that. We went straight to my bed kissing and taking each other clothes off and then he started sucking on my neck that drove me crazy. My dick was throbbing it was so hard and he leaned me on the bed and whispered "want me to show you what I've learned," with a smirk on his face and then went to wrap his mouth around cock. His mouth was so warm, wet, deep, and his tongue massaged the tip of my dick as he deep throated the whole thing. He kept going up and down on my dick and I grabbed the back of his hair to steady him as it felt so good and my head tilted back out of enjoyment. He started to play with my balls with his hand and then moved his tongue to my hole by licking the edges of it giving me an added bonus of pleasure. I never knew sex could feel so good or be so hot all at the same time. I lifted his head up because I couldn't take any more I was ready to explode and I wanted to please him first I pushed his on his break and grabbed his cock with my hand. I was still a little nervous at first because it was my first time with a guy but Stiles touched my cheek and told me it was okay and then all the nerves just lifted away. I wrapped my mouth around his dick and at first it tasted weird, and it felt weird but the more Stiles enjoyed it the more I began to enjoy it also and I wanted to do anything to make his moans louder. I slide my tongue up and down the side of his dick while playing with his balls and fingering his hole. Stiles rolled his eyes to the back of his head and with both hands grabbed the back of my head as to tell me not to stop and I didn't. I kept slurping on his dick getting it nice and wet and I could feel it throbbing in my mouth like it was ready to explode. He lifted my head up and said he was ready so I reached over to the night stand and slipped on a condom. I spit on my condom so it could have some moisture and then I stuck the head of my dick into his boipussy. It was nice and slow and I could feel Stiles tense up so I started licking his back and kissing him and I instantly felt his body relax. I was able to stick the rest of my dick into his ass and felt so much warmth, tightness, and juices massaging my dick as it went in and out. Stiles began to get into my groove and we made passionate love in sync with one another.
After I came Stiles came a few seconds later and we just laid there on the bed beside each other in complete happiness. "That was hot." He said while giving me a sligh smile and I responded with "Next time it'll be even more hot." He leaned over and gave me a kiss and I rolled over and grabbed his side so we could cuddle. We fell asleep and awoke when we heard the babies crying because they wanted to eat and needed to be changed. The rest of the night well was self-explanatory, we ordered pizza watched a few movies and just fell asleep wrapped in each other's arms. I woke up to hearing Spice Girls being sung and I knew it was nothing more than Stiles. So I rushed downstairs and smelled the breakfast cooking and came up behind him to give him a kiss. Before we could talk about last night a brick came flying through the window with the words "DIE FAGS" written on it in sharpey. Right after the brick came eggs and the sound of screeching tires. I didn't touch the brick but instead ran right to the window to see the color and tag of the car but could only get a partly description. I called 911 and they came over and got all my information and said they would look into it but I knew by the disgust look on their faces they wanted nothing to do with us either. My only concern was that brick could have hit one of my daughters and I knew then this lifestyle that I wanted wasn't safe for my children. I had no idea why everyone was so set out to destroy our relationship, why it seemed the universe didn't want Stiles and I to be together. I mean is our love forbidden or something? Should we be penalized for loving each other just because we are two men? Stiles was so shaken up by the whole ordeal that he went and called Scott to talk to him about it. Scott suggested Stiles and I take the twins and move to a new town more liberal and while it was sudden it sounded like a reasonable plan. I had to deal with a divorce, selling of the house, finding a new job, a new place to live, but looking at my twins and looking at Stiles I knew I would do anything for them even if that means moving from the one place I've ever known.
We spent that night in fear, in fear of not knowing what was going to happen next, if we were going to get harassed if we went in public or not. I picked up the newspaper and front headline wrote "GAY PASTOR CRASHES ANTI-GAY MARRIAGE RALLY WITH ARMY BOYFRIEND." And I knew instantly why the people came to our house because of the article and I knew this would only be the beginning. After so many omens told me to stay away all I wanted to do was grow closer and remembered my mother always telling me "if it comes easy then it's not a challenge and you should always challenge yourself because that's when greatness is made." Her voice kept replaying over and over in my mind and as we lay down to bed that night I remember thinking "I'm not sure if this is a dream or reality. I'm not sure when I wake up tomorrow if Stiles is going to be alive or dead but I am thankful that I had the chance to stand up for what is right. I'm glad I had the chance to fall in love for real even if only for a few moments and I'm thankful I was able to follow my heart and not my bible. If I wake up and Stiles is gone then at least I'll have my memories."