The Revenge of Obi-Wan

Summary: So Qui-Gon has a penchant for 'pathetic life forms' eh? Hmm. wonder how Obi-Wan dealt with that little personality quirk during his apprenticeship

Obi is 16

Disclaimer: I own nothing, well. absolutely nothing worth suing over anyways : )

\This time he has gone TOO far!\ Obi-Wan mentally screamed as he awoke to the sounds of what seemed to be a large elephant tearing around his quarters. \As if it isn't enough that stupid thing kept me up until 0'dark hundred, but then it wakes me up before the sun has even contemplated rising!\

With a massive sigh, Obi-Wan tossed what sheets and blankets remained on his bed from the night's tossing and turning onto the floor. Rising from his bed like a revenge-bent spirit from the grave, he slammed open the door from his quarters to the main room.

"MASTER! You had better be awake and handling this situation or so help me, I will be facing charges for Mastericide!" Obi-Wan bellowed as he entered the shambles of what had once been their common room. Where there had once stood a couch, complete with pillows and comfy cushions, stood a pile of broken wood, torn cloth and the remains of whatever stuffing that thing had chosen not to eat. In the corner, where Obi-Wan's Nakitha tree had stood there were only splinters and bits and pieces of leaves.

\It took Bant six months to track down that tree as a gift for me and Qui- Gon's project only 5 hours to destroy it. Bant is so going to kill me.\

The kitchen table stood mostly in one piece, but the chairs that normally surrounded it were nowhere to be seen. All of the contents of the cupboards and the cold box had been spread all over the floor. Small tracks through the combination of Muja juice, melted iced cream, and tealeaves left condemning evidence as to just who had perpetrated such mayhem.

"MASTER! I am not going to clean this up! This is your problem, your mess, and I am going back to my bedroom now that there is nothing left out here for that little monster of yours to destroy!" Obi-Wan called to his still unresponding master. \If he even thinks that he is going to turn this into a patience, or Force levitation exercise in some lame excuse to get me to clean this up, he has another thing coming!\

Just as Obi-Wan turned from the kitchen to return to his bedroom, he heard the first crash. \I LEFT THE DOOR TO MY ROOM OPEN!\ came the panicked thought as Obi-Wan rushed headlong towards his bedroom. When he had left it moments before, aside from the sheets and blankets on the floor, his room had been in perfect order. Whereas Qui-Gon tended to be a bit of a slob, Obi-Wan was a neat freak. He could only imagine the chaos he would soon be entering into.

Entering his room, Obi-Wan was shocked silent by the damage that had occurred in so short of a time span. Small tracks of the Muja/cream/tea mix covered his sheets, coverlet and what was left of his pillows. Downy fluffs of feathers still floated from the ceiling as the remains of the pillows resettled to the floor. The contents of his closet had been spared the staining prints, but the line of drool covering his freshly cleaned tunics and leggings was more than enough to make Obi-Wan suddenly contemplate turning to the darkside.

Realizing that he was truly in danger of murdering his Master, Obi-Wan retreated farther into his room, and collapsed unto what was left of his bed. \Must not murder Master, must not murder Master.\ The thought repeated over and over until it became almost a mantra, just as well-used as the standby "Fear leads to Anger, Anger leads to Hate." that all initiates were taught from the crèche.

When Obi-Wan had been accepted as Qui-Gon's apprentice, he knew that he should expect his Master to be a little unorthodox. The rumors that flew around the initiate dorms were more than enough to prepare him for the rebellious man he would be calling Master. What he was not warned of however, was his Master's other dirty little habit. It was this little innocuous trait that had caused the new mantra to become such a prevalent part of his life.

Just as Obi-Wan thought that maybe he was capable of facing his Master without wanting to strangle the life out of the man, he noticed that his pants were damp. \Now how did that happen? I know that thing managed to track footprints across my bed, but surely that wasn't enough to make my pants this wet?\ Obi-Wan questioned as he began to stand up from the bed. Than like lightening, sudden realization hit Obi-Wan and not even the oft repeated, if unorthodox, mantra could save him. \THAT LITTLE MONSTER PEED ON MY BED!!!\

With that thought, Obi-Wan stormed out of his room and across the hall with thoughts of murder on his mind. \Maybe I should torture him first? Yes, yes. sleep deprivation, water torture, being bitten by small and unruly animals for weeks on end. yeah, that should about do it\ Obi-Wan continued his mental planning as he pushed the door to his Master's sleep chamber all the way open. Qui-Gon always slept with his door partially open so that his little "projects" could access the food and water he kept in his quarters for them.

Obi-Wan entered, ready to completely chew the man out, Master or no Master, but was halted at the site that awaited him. Qui-Gon lay asleep stretched out across the bed. That site in itself was not unusual, but the faint smile that crossed his face as the small N'arkan pup curled against his side was unexpected. The smile had lifted so many of the lines off of his Master's face, that Obi-Wan could not help but smile down at his sleeping Master.

\I guess that this 'pathetic life form' my Master has brought home this time isn't THAT bad. At least it didn't eat its way through the circuitry and cause the whole quarters to go haywire like that Correllian hamster he brought home last time.\ With his anger settled back to manageable levels, Obi-Wan decided to quickly pull the sheets back up over his Master before heading out to the common room to commence the usual disaster control protocols that Qui-Gon's penchant for small helpless critters had necessitated. As he reached down towards his Master, he was halted by the feel of the N'arkan pups teeth sinking into his hand.

Qui-Gon abruptly gained consciousness at the dual stimulus of the screamed "MASTER!!!" and the feel of his apprentice's small hands closing around his throat.