It wasn't an obsession, it wasn't anything that complicated. It just was. Every time I touched my shoulder I could feel the scars I had left on myself because of him. There were moments I regret, yet at this moment looking in his furious and hurt eyes I felt them melting away as a smile covered my lips. He was as I wanted him to be, is eyes were filled with such hatred and they burned only for me and nothing made me happier than this. I could never have his love I resigned to that long ago, but his hatred I had it all and I needed nothing else.
They way he screamed my name in rage, the looks he gave me, the glares. It was as if he wanted to beat me into the ground and watch me bleed on the pavement. He was magnificent in his anger, glorious. As we fought I realized he had become stronger and it made me love him even more. The urge I had to pull him in my embrace as he struggled and fought to escape my clutches was so strong I had to make him bleed to recover my senses.
A wave of pain hit me as he spoke about my former leader, as his eyes lit in righteous anger, admiration and respect. I wanted him to die, he didn't deserve his admiration! He didn't deserve his respect! Everything belonged to me and how I loathed the man who could commandeer his emotions, the ones I could never attain. I couldn't take anymore, his voice, his actions were driving me mad.
Misaki, look only at me!
See only me!
Even with my betrayal, even with my resignation some part of me longed for his affection. I longed for his smiles they were so precious and rare. I longed for his laughter, the deep tones as his face would turn a pale shade of red as he held his sides his eyes bright his happiness like the sunlight. I longed for him so desperately I despised how pathetic I had become, yet I could never let go of these feelings for him. It was impossible.
I knew then he was an obsession, he was everything! Everything I wanted, dreamed of, needed. He was everything and I would never, could never have him. I knew that I knew it and yet I wanted his hatred, his rage and his burning eyes looking upon me. I laughed aloud as I felt tears in my eyes as he charged at me again as I taunted him. I knew even if I didn't have his love I would always have his hatred, it was enough. He had to be enough for if I couldn't have his hatred I would have nothing.