This scene will be utterly confusing to anyone who has never read through the APPENDICES of Return of the King.
But I spent weeks poring over the appendices during my obsession... so it should be pretty accurate. There are more bookmarks in the appendices of my copy of RotK than there are in any other book I own. Including textbooks.
It really doesn't fit with the rest of the story, but I had to write it. And thus include it.
"Tell me everything, Sam," said Frodo. "Of you, and Merry and Pippin. Leave out nothing."
Sam laughed, his heart was filled with joy. "Well, that's quite a bit of information, that. Where do I begin?"
"Begin with your families, if you please. Wives, children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren!" said Frodo. He pulled over a chair for Sam to sit in, "Make yourself comfortable."
Sam sat and thought a moment. "Well, none of us have any great-grandchildren yet. I suppose I'll begin here. You know that Mr Merry married Ms Ella Bolger, but a few years after you left, Mr Peregrin married Ms Diamond Took."
Frodo beamed, "Pippin and Dia, somehow I knew that would be. Go on."
"Well, they had one child, Faramir, and sadly Ms Diamond died when Faramir was five."
"Oh, poor Pip." said Frodo.
"Mr Merry and Ms Estella have twins, Andwise and Marigold. They're a jolly sort, my Elanor and my Frodo like them a great deal. Andy married a Miss Jessamine Banks from the Southfarthing."
"Oh Sam, tell me of your children. How many do you have?"
"Thirteen, sir. Elanor, Frodo, Rose, Merry, Pippin, Goldilocks, Hamfast, Daisy, Primrose, Bilbo, Ruby, Robin and Tolman."
Frodo just smiled.
"Well, now I'll try not to confuse you here. My Elanor married a lad named Fastred from Greenholm. They have five children, Elfstan, Firiel, Galien, Hiriel and Ivren.
"My Frodo married Mr Merry's daughter Mari. They live at Bag End, he's taken over my gardening in Hobbiton just as I took over for my gaffer. They've got Holfast, Nick and Mattie, and Holfast is already helping Frodo a great deal in the garden.
"Rose married a lad from Tuckborough, Wilibald Took. They have three, Marco, May and Meliot. Merry and Hamfast moved up to Tightfield and are apprentices to Anson Roper. Pippin married a nice girl from Long Cleeve and moved up there with her.
"Then there's Goldilocks, who married young Faramir, Mr Peregrin's son, and they have one child named Violet. They live in Tuckborough in the Smials.
"Daisy and Primrose married into the Cotton Family, and Bilbo married a Cotton as well. Robin and Tom live away in Buckland, Robin married a Took and Tom married Fredegar Bolger's youngest daughter Amethyst. And if that's not enough to confuse you, Tom has three daughters: Diamond, Esmeralda and Sapphira; and Robin has four children: Lily, Rose, Daisy and Otto." Sam took a deep breath, "And I think I might be nearly as confused as you must be right now."
Frodo laughed, and Sam realized how much he had missed Mr Frodo's laugh. "No, Sam, it's good to hear of things away in the Shire." Frodo looked to the empty doorway, "Elissa is wonderful, but she never lived in the Shire, and she has never really known things as we have." Frodo clapped his hand on Sam's shoulder, "It's wonderful to see you, my friend. Welcome to Valinor."