short oneshot that came to mind when I heard this song on TV last night. I hope you all like this. I'm going to issue a kleenex warning here... I was in a mood, and writing this put a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes.
It's been exactly five years. I'm going to see her today. I have to walk a ways through all the paths, but I don't mind. I brought her flowers, and her favorite candy. I finally see her up ahead, and I make my way towards her quietly. I with her in the grass, even lay next to her for a while. I tell her that I miss her too much...
Yori knows that she broke me. She's the only one I'll ever love like this... my marriage hasn't been exactly great because of that. But I really did try.
I really did try.
Oh these feet carry me far. Oh my body. Oh so tired.
Her life ended so abruptly, needlessly... anticlimactically. She was with her parents... they were going to her graduation. I was so proud of her... she studied international law and diplomacy. Every time I saw her reading up, studying, or even talking about all she'd learned, her eyes sparkled.
"It's a small world," she said once, "I know; I've saved it over and over." Later on, when I asked her why she wanted to do it, she smiled brilliantly, her eyes sparkling. "I saved the world from doomsday machines, mad scientists, aliens, and everything in between... I feel like now I need to save the world from itself."
Well that's just amazing. But that's KP... she is amazing. She was amazing...
The sun is setting now. Have I really been talking to her that long? I feel like I laid down next to her three seconds ago. Time has always been so slow since she's been gone. It feels like the world stopped. It did for me, when I saw the headlights coming up, Dr. Possible swerving to avoid the man in his car, arguing with some figment of his imagination in a drunken rage. The world froze as the two cars collided. The world was never the same when every single Possible, including the woman I love was pronounced dead.
In retrospect, the world always stopped when she was around. Villains froze when they spoke her name. My lungs froze when she walked into a room, and my brain completely stopped every time she smiled. My heart stopped beating when I asked her to marry me. "Yes," she whispered through her tears, and the world stopped again.
Time doesn't matter when I'm with her, even if it's at her final resting place. Time doesn't exist, and it always flies away without my notice.
Here, I swear, forever is just a minute to me.
I drag myself home, and Yori has a sad smile on her face when she motions to the microwave. Dinner. I shrug. I'm not hungry, but I eat anyway, because I don't want to make her mad. Yori's short black hair has grown some. She always says she's going to cut it, and I tell her I like it longer. Today, it's up in a neat bun. Always the formal one, she is. It makes me uncomfortable. KP was always so laid back. Well, uptight in her own way... driven is the correct word. But I could always be myself with her, and she understood that it was me just doing my thing. Yori always chalks it up to my American-style idiocy.
I drag myself into the shower and the hot spray soothes me a little.
KP was so full of life... I always thought I'd get to have her with me forever. Now I wonder if I can live through forever without my best friend, partner... lover... better half, defender, motivator—oh God...
Have my body. Have my mind. Have my coat. Take my time.
These I borrow. Borrow so far. Turn to dust. Fall apart.
The drops of water coming from my hair sting in my eyes and mix with the tears on my face. Her smile, her skin. Her sparkling green eyes—they always sparkled, because she was always happy. Even when she was angry, her fist clenched on her hip and a deadly expression on her face, her eyes smoldered with the fire that living put there. The fire that consumed me.
She was living her dreams when she died. I told her a lot about my dreams today. My dreams for my daughter, whom I named after her. My dreams for my future, and how they all included her and how now there's a big empty hole in everything I do.
Her biggest dream, I realize as tears and water blur my vision, was to see me live. She always called me 'Potential Boy' and it used to piss me off. But now I realize it was her way of saying that she could see great things in me, and she wanted me to live them.
I can do that. For you, KP. I'll never miss an opportunity again. I'll never skip Kimmie's soccer games because it was Jim and Tim's thing... I'll never miss a chance to tell my wife I love her. And I do... I love Yori... maybe not with that all-consuming passion that I loved you... but I love her. She was my rock when grief overwhelmed me, she was my sanctuary when no one else could understand that you were more than a her... you were a friend, a cheerleader, a brilliant mind, a lover, a daughter... everything. You were everything.
I can live, KP. For you, I want to live. While I'm breathing, while my heart is beating, I'll be living.
I go to bed, and Yori's waiting there for me. "I love you," she says to me. There is pain in her voice, and I look down at her. Her eyes are brown, not green. But they are equally expressive, and tonight they are hopeful.
I make love to my wife.
In this life, I'll take everything
At Carrie's, a new restaurant in town where I'm the executive chef, I walk in to work feeling different. Carrie doesn't look up, knowing that I normally pass to the kitchen without acknowledging anyone.
I skid to a halt in the hallway, turning into her office. I draw a deep breath to steady myself. For you, KP.
"Good morning, Carrie."
She jumps and looks up at me in surprise. Then she smiles. "Good morning, Ron," she says in her quiet way.
I find myself smiling in response. My heart doesn't feel so painful.
My guys and I get to work prepping things for dishes for the day, and one of them cuts his finger, bleeding all over the meat and the cutting board.
I clench my jaw, but somehow, I can almost feel her hand on my shoulder, whispering to me that I should calm down.
For you, KP.
I toss the meat and grab the first aid kit, tending to him myself. I tape up his finger and hand him a set of non-latex gloves to work with. He stares at me like he won the lottery.
I can do this. I can live. I can tune in the needs of people around me instead of drowning in my own grief and misery. For you, KP. I can live.
In this life, I'll join everyone
I make a left turn. I'm on my way to pick up my baby girl. She's four, and she's got dark black curls and bright brown eyes that always make me melt. I want to take her out tonight, just her and me. I made a picnic, and I have a ball. I bought her a puppy, and he's sitting in the back seat, his bright, piercing green eyes reading my soul as easy as KP's did. When we reach a stop light, he crawls into my lap, and tears sting my eyes as I remember all the times KP curled in to me the same way when I was tired and anxious.
I scratch his ears.
The light turns green, and I go, but suddenly there's a loud sound, and the car spins around and around. I feel the world tilt, and suddenly I'm flying as another loud bang explodes in the small cabin, making my ears ring. I land on a sidewalk. The puppy lands a ways away from me, and he's not moving. I know he's dead.
There's too much brightness, and there's red in my eyes. I squeeze them shut; the sun wasn't so bright thirty seconds ago.
I open them again, turning my face away from the sun. a man appears in my line of vision. I can't speak to tell him that I'm hurt really bad.
I'm hurt really bad. I can't feel my legs... or my hands. There's fire in my chest. Oh God, the fire—
"Sir?" A medic swims before my eyes. I swallow hard. The world wasn't so dark thirty seconds ago.
I still can't speak. I think a pathetic sound made it past my lips, but I can't...
Is this what she felt like? I panic. I want to live. I want to live, she wanted me to live.
I'm trying to live! It can't be over now. I need to see my daughter, and kiss her round cheeks and tell her I love her. I need to tell my sister I'm sorry. My parents...
In this life...
There's cool air in my throat. I can breathe, and it feels good even though my ribs hurt. "Oxygen," I hear one of them say. I like oxygen. I can hear my heartbeat roaring painfully in my ears. I like the sound. I want to live.
I'll take everything
It's too dark now. All I can think about are my sister, my daughter... everyone I'll leave behind if it really ends like this for me, too.
In this life...
It can't end like this! I'll leave them all behind... I can't. I refuse to break them the way you broke me, KP. I won't do it. I will go back to my family! I want to live.
I'll join everyone...
My eyes slip closed against my will. KP's face swims in my mind. Her smile, and her laugh. Her sparkling green eyes. Her voice rings in my ears, laughing, snapping at me to get my head in the game, declaring her love for me.
I understand why people say that their life flashes before their eyes now. KP is what makes me want to live. Every cell in my body screams as the beautiful images of my KP make them fight to live.
For you, KP. I want to live...
This isn't the end for me. It can't be! I want to live.
All men die.
let me know what you guys think. be sure to check out my complete short story, Cold (for which a full length alternate ending is almost completed), all my other one shots, and my full length fic in progress, I Lost A World the Other Day.
thanks for making it through my story. see you soon!