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Chapter 46-Better days are coming
Gideon decided to stay for more than a week before flying back to New York. While he was here we did some sight seeing around Seattle, looked at some properties downtown, and even had dinner at the space needle. Since I have been emotionally okay and Gideon has been around I gave Taylor and Gail a few weeks off so they can take Sophie on vacation. They need a break just as much as I do.
I haven't seen Grace and Carrick since the funeral and since today is Sunday I am going over to Bellevue. Gideon is leaving today and I am going to miss having him around but he promised me, when I called him this morning, he will be back soon. The past six weeks must have really taken its toll on me and I plan on spending tomorrow lounging around in my pajamas watching eighties movies all by myself.
When I park the R8 and climb out car, Sawyer is at the door waiting for me. Since Taylor is out-of-town Sawyer has called none stop to check up on me. If being with Christian taught me anything it is that I am never alone. There is no way in hell that Sawyer and Taylor have allowed me to be alone this whole time. Even though I can't see them I know security is around, I can feel them watching me and there is always a black SUV close by.
"Sawyer, did your goons tell you I was on my way?" I ask him with a raised brow.
"I have no idea what you are talking about Miss Steele," he tells me before giving me a kiss on the cheek and a brief hug.
"Yea, I am sure you don't. Where is everyone?"
"Inside. They have all been very eager to see you. Grace more than anyone. They miss you Ana. You really should come by-"
Sawyer is cut off when the front door flies open and a giddy Mia bolts straight toward me. "Ana!" she bellows almost knocking me off my feet.
"Hi. Mia. How've you been?"
Mia releases me and gives me a hesitant smile. "Good. Mom still gets upset often but I think we are all doing better."
"I am glad to hear it. Let me get inside and see Grace." I turn to walk in the house and when I enter I am accosted by the smell of bacon. My stomach rolls and I bolt for the downstairs bathroom. Sawyer is right behind me but Mia pushes him out and closes the door before holding my hair back. When my stomach is empty I sit on the cold tile and wipe my mouth with some toilet paper. I am still very nauseous, Mia wets a rag and places it on the back of my neck.
I hear a knock at the door and Grace asks for permission to enter. Mia lets her in and I can see that the once bubbly older woman now looks tired and drained. "Ana, dear are you alright."
"Yes. I am fine. I don't know why but the smell of the bacon turned my stomach."
"Huh, has this happened before?"
"I have been sick a few times. Flynn said that stress can sometimes make people sick so he has taught me some breathing techniques for when I feel overwhelmed. They don't help much though."
Mia and Grace pass an awkward glance and I hang my head as the bacon smell drifts into the room from under the door.
"Mia," Grace says, "tell your father to open all the windows and air out the kitchen. Then go to your room and get me one of those things that Luke bought you last week. There is no way you used them all."
Mia's eyes widen with shock then excitement. What things? "Sure mom I will be right back." Mia exits the room and when the smell gets stronger I dry heave into the toilet because there is nothing left to get rid of.
"Ana. Honey, I know this isn't any of my business but when was the last time you got your period." Hummm. What an odd question, why would she…NOOOOOOOO! Oh my god is it possible that I am pregnant. No way. I have not had sex with anyone since Christian and I was on the pill the whole time we were together. I took it the same time every day and never missed until the day he died. After that day I didn't see a point because there was no way I was going to be sleeping with anyone anytime soon.
"Grace I am not pregnant. Christian and I were always careful. I think I am just sick or something."
I hear a knock at the door and Grace retrieves the box that Mia hands her thought the door. Grace places the box on the counter and bends down to talk to me. "Ana dear, birth control is not 100% effective. At least take the test to rule it out. If you are not pregnant then we can have you seen by a doctor to make sure you are alright and nothing else is going on."
I nod in agreement and Grace leaves me alone. The nausea is replaced with fear, and if I am being honest with myself, a little excitement. After I read though the directions and pee on the stick, I recap the tube and wait the three minutes it takes to get a response. I couldn't really be pregnant, could I? I stare at the stick and well before the three minutes are up I see two dark blue lines form on the stick. I study the box over and over. Clearly it is a mistake. I grab the stick and bolt out of the bathroom to find the whole Grey clan standing in the kitchen obviously waiting for me. My eyes meet Kate's and I nod to her before tears trickle out of my eyes. Kate wraps her arms around me and Mia follows. I don't hug them back; I stand here with my arms at my sides holding the stick that tells me I am definitively going to have Christian Grey's baby. When Mia and Kate pull back they just give me sad smiles. They are searching my face to see if this is happy news or if I am going to break into a million pieces.
Grace approaches with tears of joy in her eyes. "Ana, this is wonderful news. Are you okay. I know it is a lot to absorb but…oh my god, Ana I am so happy right now," Grace cries and pulls me into a big hug.
"Pregnant?" is all I can manage to whisper out. "I don't understand. I…I can't do this. Not without Christian."
"Oh honey, it will be fine. We will all help you," Kate answers. "This baby will be the most loved baby ever."
"Yea and…" Mia starts bouncing on her heals. "Well, we were going to wait to tell everyone but I am pregnant too. Ana we can do this together. We can go shopping together and go to doctor appointments together. This is be so much fun."
"Alright everyone lets give Ana a second to process the information," Carrick says before approaching me and giving me a hug that could outshine Mia's.
"Yea, little lady, I can help you raise the little guy. I can teach him how to play football, and pick up chicks, and even do a proper keg stand. No worries."
I drop the stick in the garbage and wash my hands while everyone busies themselves congratulating Luke and Mia. Pregnant? I can't wrap my head around it. How am I going to do this without Christian? How can this be happening?
While everyone is hugging and gushing over the new Grey babies that aren't even born yet, I step outside for some air and walk toward the water and down the dock. I sit on the rough wood and dangle my bare feet in the water. I think about the few weeks before Christian died. The trips back and forth, the fights, the tears, the love we shared, the tenderness he showed me, his proposal on the plane, us making love, and his romantic proposal at the cabin. I reach down to rub my stomach just as the sunshine breaks through the clouds and reflects off the water in an almost unnatural way.
"This is it, isn't it Christian. I asked you for weeks for a sign that you are okay. This is your way of showing me? Well played Mr. Grey," I chuckle though my tears. "Always have to be in control. I said that I didn't want to live in a world without having a piece of you in it, well, I guess I got my wish. This baby is a piece of you, the best piece. Jesus Christian, I don't know how I am going to do this without you. How am I going to be mother and father to this baby?"
"Perhaps I can help," I hear a familiar voice say.
Sawyer, Gideon, and I have been on round the clock Ana watch. Gideon decided to stay longer then he originally planned so Gail and I could take Sophie on vacation. I really hate to admit it but Gideon is not such a bad guy. Regardless of everything that happened there is enough fault to go around when it comes to the drama that happened when Ana ran away to New York. It is clear to me that Gideon and Ana have feelings for each other even if they don't realize it yet. Our flight got delayed due to bad weather and Sawyer was nervous about Ana driving herself to Bellevue since Gideon was leaving today.
When Gail and I arrive the house is bubbling with excitement. Carrick greeted me at the door and explained why everyone was so jubilant. Everyone seemed so caught up in the excitement of having some new additions I don't think they realized Ana was no longer present. Poor kid. She not only has to do this without Christian, she has to watch Mia and Sawyer have the happily ever after she was supposed to have. I got nervous when no one knew where she was but once I saw her sitting on the dock talking to herself all the nerves were replaced by sorrow.
I hear her tell Christian that this is the sign she was looking for and that this was his one last way to control and protect her. Fuck, I wouldn't put it past him to have it in his will to have someone sneak in and impregnate her with his clone so he could live on. Hummm, I may have to check into that more thoroughly…na, the boss wouldn't be so…I better check.
Ana asks how she is going to be both a mother and a father to the baby. I take this as my cue to let my presence be known. "Perhaps I can help," I tell her.
"Jason. What are you doing back?"
"I couldn't stay away for too long. Good thing too. It seems like there has been a lot going on while I have been away."
"So it would seem." Ana looks off in the distance and I take a seat next to her on the dock and grab her hand. "Wanna' talk about it kid?" I ask and Ana looks down at the water, I see her chin tremble. "Hey. I hope those are happy tears," I tell her.
"It's not fair. This should be a good thing but, without Christian, how can I be happy about this. I never knew my father and I have always felt that I missed out on a happy family. I don't want to be like my mother. She lost the love of her life and had to raise a baby on her own. Ray was great, don't get me wrong, but it's just not fair."
"Hey, listen to me Ana. You are not alone. You have me and Gail, you have a house full of Grey's who will help you every step of the way, and you have Gideon. We all love you and we will all be there every step of the way."
Ana's face crinkled up and she shook her head, "Gideon, god. Sure he will stick around? Who the hell would want to deal with a moody pregnant woman who is a constant reminder of the life you lost? I am having Christian's baby, he is going to run as far from me as he can. What guy in his right mind would want to deal with me and all my baggage? Face it Taylor, I'm on my own. I appreciate all of you, I do but it's just not the same," she says sadly.
"Ana, family is what you make it. It is people who love and support you though good and bad. Family doesn't necessarily mean blood lines. Trust me I have blood relatives that I would gladly trade for any one of the people on this property for." That comment gets a smirk from her. "Ray may not be your biological father but he is your dad. Carrick and Grace aren't Christian's biological parents but they are his parents and they loved him more than anything. This baby will have one hell of a family and, I can't tell you Gideon is going to stick around but I would hope that if nothing else you could both be friends. One day, after a full interrogation and cavity search from me, you will find a guy who you will fall in love with and who will make all of your dreams come true.
"You seem pretty sure about that."
"I am. When I was married to my wife I thought for years that the sun would rise and set with her. After a while we fell out of love and I didn't think I would ever love again, but I would always have my Sophie so it wasn't so bad. The day I met Gail, that all changed. I love Gail more than I have ever loved any woman before her. She is everything to me." Ana gives me a sweet smile and squeezes my hand. "Look, everything happens in life for a reason. Perhaps this is how it was supposed to be. Christian was your first love, this baby will be your always love, and one day you will find someone to be the last person you ever fall in love with. At least that's how it is for me, but what the hell do I know. All I can promise you is that you will not have to do this alone."
Ana looks up at me with hope in her eyes. "Thanks Jason." She hugs me tight, nearly taking all the air out of my lungs, when she finally lets go I help her stand. When we turn around we find the whole Grey clan standing behind us listening to our conversation. Gail has tears in her eyes, as do the other woman, Elliot and Sawyer are giving me a your-such-a-pussy expression and Carrick gives me an approving smile.
Mia lunges toward Ana knocking her back a step in an attempt to hug her. "Ana I'm sorry. We were so excited we didn't think about how you would feel about all of this. Are you okay?"
"Mia you have nothing to be sorry for. You should be happy. You and Sawyer are going to have a baby, this is good news."
"Ana," Kate interjects, " You are not alone. You have me. I will go to every doctor appointment and I will be there for the delivery too, whatever you need."
Elliot smiles, "I am on craving duty. If there is something you want I'm on it."
"And we can shop together for baby stuff and we can go to Lamaze class together and, oh my god Ana this is going to be fun, you'll see," Mia's energized voice carries.
Grace walks over to Ana and gives her a tight hug. "Sweetie, you will have all of us to love and support you. I understand that it is not going to be easy but you will never be alone. This baby is a Grey and having him or her will be the greatest gift you will ever know. You are family and we love you."
"Thanks everyone. I am lucky to have you all. I am glad to have you all, its just…babies deserve to have a mother and a father. Christian would have been a great father and knowing this baby is never going to know his father just makes me kind of sad."
This time Carrick speaks up. "Ana he will know Christian. We will tell him or her all about the great and powerful Christian Grey," Carrick chuckles. Ana nods and we all walk back up to the house for some dinner. I have to make sure Ana eats. Perhaps pregnancy will be good for her appetite.
Leaving Seattle was hard, I am not sure why but I am sure it has something to do with Ana. I had such a great time with her these past few days. It was nice to have feelings other than pain and sorrow. I had a few more sessions while I was in town with John Flynn. He puts everything into a perspective that no other therapist has before. I told him about my nightmares and I explained that since Ana saw me in the midst of my last nightmare I haven't had one since. He laughed and said she has that effect on people. I don't know what that means but she does have a positive effect on me. She calms me like no other person ever could.
Eva came with baggage and I knew that from the start. My love for her was desperate and intense. I didn't know love before I met her but we definitely brought out each other's demons. Ana is different. She puts my soul at ease with her innocence and purity. She has the uncanny ability to see right through my bullshit and I fucking love that about her. Love…no, not the right word. It's too soon to love. I don't know if I will ever love again but if I do I definitely see it being with someone like Ana.
When I touch down in New York my easy-going feeling is replaced by anxiety and pain. It's at this moment I know where I want to be and I know it is not here. New York holds too much history for me. My father, Eva, Nathan, my family, they are everywhere I look and I think it is finally time for a fresh start.
When I get to my apartment my smile fades to a frown as I step into my empty apartment. Eve is everywhere here, she was the first woman I ever let into my fortress and now that she is gone I can't stand being here. The days after she died I stayed in her room and tried to feel her in there. When I left for Seattle I let Carey stay here so he can find the same peace but he said it just made him sadder. Last week he called me and said he was moving back to California. Eva was his only reason for being out here and now that she is gone he went back to live with her father until he gets on his feet. God her father, he was such a mess. Eva was the only family he had and now that she is gone I worry about him, although…her mother did seem very comforting and after Eva told me about their secret affaire in Vegas who knows, maybe they can reconnect.
I settle into my office and start putting the plan in motion to relocate my business. I know it's not going to be quick or easy to move clear across the country but I already know what property I am interested in and as long as I can find an apartment soon I can start to sell off my properties here, starting with this one. It is time I simplify my life and focus on the important things. I have more money then one could ever spend in a lifetime so once the move is complete I am going to streamline my operation and focus on living life a little. Who knows maybe Ana will enjoy living it up with me.
It is still early in Seattle so I decide to let Ana know I am safe and sound. Her phone goes right to voicemail and I leave her a message. After a few more hours of working I try again. Straight to voicemail. That's weird.
Gideon has called me a few times since Sunday. I don't want to tell him about the baby until I have more information. Luckily Dr. Green was accommodating and I am able to see her today. I am so scared but as promised Kate is right here with me along with Grace. Once I am escorted into the small room, and the paper gown is on, my entourage is let in followed by the good doctor.
After I am asked question after question and my urine has been analyzed she confirms I am in fact pregnant. About eight weeks which places the time of conception on the night he proposed to me at the cabin. The memory of that night comes flooding back and tears spring to my eyes. Knowing that this baby was conceived on the most romantic night of my life is consoling. Kate and Grace are both there by my side as Dr. Green squirts cold liquid on my stomach and drags an object that looks like a computer mouse over my stomach. After a few seconds a thumping sound fills the room and a small kidney bean looking object can be seen on the screen. Inside the bean shape is another small blip. That's OUR blip. Our baby. Mine and Christians. Kate and Grace start crying happy tears and I am in awe of the tiny object on the monitor. This makes it all real. There is a piece of Christian inside of me. Suddenly it is all clear to me, no matter what happens, no matter what life throws at me, it is me and blip against the world. For the first time since the accident I am at peace, I am happy.
Once we are all in the SUV that is being driven by Taylor, Grace breaks the silence. "Ana, I know this is all very new but you may want to consider buying a house. I mean Escala is great but you will want to have a home where this baby can grow and play. The city is not very conducive to that type of lifestyle."
"Yea, I was thinking of that. As much as I love Escala I don't think it is the proper place to raise a child."
"I wasn't supposed to say anything but, well I don't see the harm now. Christian was looking at properties on the sound before he died. As far as I know he didn't settle on anything but there is a property available next door to us. Our neighbors recently had it redone and I am sure it would be perfect. This will also allow you to be closer to Carrick and I in case you need our help."
What would Christian do? I didn't know he was looking at homes near his parents. Having them next door would be a great help and I would love to live in the suburbs where it is quieter.
"Ana, if I may," Taylor adds. "Mr. Grey was looking at family homes and he was going to surprise you with one as a wedding present. We already went over security measures he wanted implemented. The house next to the Greys would allow for those measures to be put in place and since there is a separate guest house, Gail and I could move in as well, that is if you still want us too."
"Of course I do. You and Gail are my family and I would love if you came with me. Who else can I trust to keep me and blip safe?" I smile at him in the rearview mirror.
This is all happening so fast. Christian was looking at houses? When? And why didn't he tell me? Typical Christian, always keeping me out of the loop. I tell Grace to set up the appointment so I can see it. I honestly have no idea what to do so she tells me she is going to help me, Taylor and Sawyer will accompany us as well to make sure the security parameters Christian wanted are put in place. Once the news breaks that I am carrying Christian Greys baby I will need the extra security to keep blip and me safe. This parenting thing is frightening; I don't want to make a mistake.
My cell phone rings and once I look at the screen I silence my phone. Kate gives me a disapproving look and shakes her head. "You are going to have to talk to him eventually."
"I know that Kate but I didn't want to tell him anything until I knew for sure what was going on. I know once I tell him about the baby he won't want to be my friend anymore."
"I don't think you give him enough credit Ana."
"Really Kate," I say sarcastically. "You don't think he will want to forget the most terrible day of his life. This baby is a reminder of all the things he will never have with Eva. Do you really thing he will be alright with that because I don't?" I fold my arms and look out the window.
"All I am saying is that he will find out eventually. I think if he hears it from someone else he will be hurt. If he chooses to not be there for you that is his decision and there is nothing you can do about it."
"I know that Kate! I just can't…I don't want to…lose him too," I whisper the last part.
"Honey I know that but I really think he will be fine with it. He is moving here so he will find out eventu-"
"WHAT! How do you know that?"
"Shit. I guess shouldn't have told you. I didn't know he didn't tell you yet, but you have ignored him so I guess he didn't get the chance."
"Did he tell you he was moving here for sure?"
"Well yea, we talk sometimes. Since Eva died I have kept in touch with him." Kate grabs my hand and I can feel it shaking in hers. "Ana just talk to him. It will be okay."
We stop outside of Escala and I tell Grace and Kate that I am going to go and rest. This day has worn me out. They both understand and Taylor takes them back to Bellevue. Once inside I change into comfortable clothes. Gail has made me a turkey, cheese, pickle, and mayo sandwich with a side of chips for lunch. This has been my one go to food craving. I pull out my phone and see that I have eight missed calls and four text messages from Gideon. His last one threatens to hop on a plane and come here if I don't call him soon.
"Yea, its me. Sorry I haven't gotten a chance to call you back. I have been busy."
"Bullshit. What the fuck is going on? You have been purposely ignoring me."
"Gideon," I say with a long drawn out sigh.
"Ana, what's wrong. Are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong? I thought we were okay when I left then you just stopped talking to me. It has been five days."
"A lot can happen in five days," I murmur then take a big bite of my sandwich.
"What the hell does that mean?"
"Gideon, I have something to tell you, I don't think you are going to like it." I pause to finish swallowing my food.
"Well you see, Sunday when I was at the Grey's for dinner I found out I am…uh…going to…"
"Ana spit it the fuck out. You are scaring the shit out of me. Are you hurt? Are you sick?" Gideon's voice was full of panic and frustration.
"Nooooo, I am pregnant," I blurt out then shut my eyes waiting for him to hang up on me. He doesn't but I look at the screen because the line goes silent. "Gideon? You there?"
"Uh…yea, sorry. I…uh…don't know what to say. Are you sure?"
"Yup, very sure. I just got back from the doctors. I am eight weeks pregnant."
"Was this planned? Did you and Christian want to have a baby?"
"No, it wasn't planned. It happened the weekend before the accident. When Christian died I stopped taking the pill because I didn't see a need and even though I took the pill the same time every day stupid me didn't take into consideration time zones so with all the traveling back and forth…well, you get the picture."
"Ana, that's great. Congratulations," his tone was somber and I could sense fear in his voice.
"Are you mad at me?"
"Mad at you? Why would I be mad at you?"
"I just figured that you wouldn't want to be my friend anymore now that I am pregnant. I mean what would a single twenty-seven year old billionaire want to hang around a pregnant single mother for."
Gideon laughs at my remark. "Ana, Ana, Ana. You are so damn adorable when you are being ridiculous. Do you really think that I am not going to want to be your friend because you are pregnant? Do you really think I am that much of an asshole?"
"No! That's not it at all. I just-"
"I am on my way. When you wouldn't return my calls I readied my jet and I have some business out there so I am coming to see you. I will pick you up when I get in and we can go get some dessert and talk."
"Gideon it really isn't necessary. I don't want you flying all this way-"
"Ana! Enough. I will see you later. I have some exciting news of my own that I want to talk to you about."
"Fine. See you later." I hang up the phone and finish my lunch. After I am stuffed to the gills I lay down to take a nap. Something tells me I am going to need a nap to endure my conversation with Gideon tonight.
Pregnant? She is pregnant! She didn't want to tell me because she thought I wouldn't want to be friends anymore. She's right, I don't. I want more. Since I have been back in New York she is all I can think about. Her beautiful blue eyes haunt my dreams. I remember what it was like when we first met and those few days make me smile. The sexy visits to my office, the elevator, the best fucking blowjob I have ever had. God, I can't help but want to make love to her and hold her and protect her. Love…there is that word again.
But she won't want me. Not now. Not the way I want her. Fuck Cross you are such a selfish bastard. She is pregnant and going through the most difficult time in her life and all you can think about is what you want. No. I have to protect her. Even if I have to just be her friend. Even if we will never be more I have to protect her. I have to keep her and her baby safe. No harm can come to them, not on my watch. The move to Seattle will have to be sooner rather than later. Ana is going to need someone to help her and I don't trust anyone else to do it but me.
It's almost nine thirty at night and Ana asks me to drive her to Gideon's hotel. I really don't like her going there so late but I know she will be safe and besides that, I really need to get Gail naked, it has been ages since we utilized the playroom. Win, win.
When we pull up I see Gideon waiting for her in the lobby. She tells me to go home and she will have Gideon bring her home. I nod and pull away. Red room of pain, here I come.
I don't know why I just couldn't talk to him in the morning but he was so enthusiastic on the phone. Like a little girl with a secret. I could spot him in a room full of a million people. His inky black hair hangs wildly down the back of his head and tickles his neck. His piercing blue eyes meet mine and a small sexy smile creeps up on his lips. With only a few strides of his long muscular legs he is standing in front of me. I don't know why but him being in such close proximity to me feels different then before he left on Sunday. He has a gleam in his eye that I have never seen before.
"Hi'ya beautiful," he says and kisses me on the cheek. His lips on my skin feel so good. God I have missed him. I didn't realize just how much until right this second.
"Hello yourself." I smile back and he grabs my hand and walks us toward the elevator. Once the doors close I giggle to myself remembering all the times we were in the elevator at The Crossfire when he pulled his key out.
"I was waiting for you to pull out a key and stop the elevator."
"Were you now." Gideon stands in front of me facing me wearing a smooth smile and crystal blue stormy eyes. "Waiting or hoping?"
Before I could respond his lips are crashing into mine and I am pinned against the back wall. His hands cup my face and his tongue is grazing my bottom lip asking permission to enter my mouth. I grant him the access he requests and knot my fingers in this silky hair, pulling his mouth to mine. The elevator door dings open and when Gideon pulls back I see his hooded eyes are now almost completely dilated with desire.
Gideon grabs my hand and pulls me to his room dragging me behind him. Once the door is open my back is pressed up against the wall and his lips are on mine again. My missing him and these damned pregnancy hormones have me melting in my panties with just his kisses. I have kissed Gideon Cross before but never like this. His mouth is leaving a trail of hot moisture down my face and neck.
Suddenly he pauses and pulls me into a tight embrace while placing soft kisses on my neck and shoulder. "Ana…I have missed you so much."
"I missed you too," I say nervously. I know this is good-bye. Why else would he want to see me? He probably wants to just pull off the Band-Aid. Tell me this is too much for him and let me down gently. I don't want to make this any harder on him then necessary.
Gideon pulls me back and stares at me with a confused look, "you did?" He asks.
"But you were ignoring me. I was thinking on the plane that maybe you didn't want to be friends anymore. I thought you were going to come here and say good-bye to me."
"Good-bye to you? Isn't that why I am here? For you to tell me that this," I motion to my stomach, "is all too much for you."
"Too much for me? Ana no. I came here to tell you that I am moving here to Seattle. I knew the second I got back to New York that I wanted to be back here…with you."
"What do you mean with me?"
"I am going to be completely honest with you and you have to promise you won't freak out on me."
"I have never loved anyone, really loved anyone, except for Eva. When she left me my whole world crumbled. Then I met you and life took on meaning again. When Eva came back and we were together the love I had for her was still there. But she is no longer here, I have accepted that she is gone and she is not coming back. I love her and I always will but Ana…I…I love you too. I know this is sudden and it is too soon and you have a lot going on but I realize that life is too short to not live in the moment. So this is me, living in the moment, telling the woman I love that I am hopelessly and utterly in love with her. And if she will let me, I promise to take care of her…and her baby, even if it is just as her friend."
He loves me? He is not saying good-bye? He wants to be with me? Why the hell would he want to be with me? Shut the hell up and go with it you stupid twit, my subconscious scolds me while fanning herself.
"Gideon, I don't know what to say. I-"
"You don't have to say anything. I don't expect you to love me in return. I just wanted you to know. I needed you to know. I hope I didn't freak you out. I don't want you to leave."
I laugh at him and throw myself on he bed before covering my face with my arms. My laughter is turning into full-blown sobs because this is all too much. This week has been exhausting, I am tired and emotionally drained. I feel the bed dip next to me and Gideon pulls my arms off of my face.
"Don't cry baby and please don't hide from me. Tell me what you are thinking."
"Gideon I am thinking I am tired and hungry and I just need for life to give me a break."
Gideon smiles at me then walks over to the phone and orders enough food to feed a small army. I tell him nothing with bacon and his smile widens before repeating my request to the person on the other end of the phone. When he is done he sits on the floor in front of me and takes off my sneakers. He lies on the bed next to me and pulls me into his arms. His embrace feels comfortable and safe. I am so glad I am here with him and he has not deserted me. I don't know how I feel about what he just told me but I do know that if Christian can't be here for this pregnancy, Gideon is the only other person I would ever want to go on this journey with.