Chapter 8

Katniss's POV

He's kissing me! Haymitch Abernathy is actually kissing me! I'm dreaming. This has to be a dream; there is no other explanation for this. But even if it is just a dream, I'm going to savor this moment and pray that I never wake up. I return his kiss with a fire that I have never felt before. It is in this moment that I realize I need this; I want this more than I have ever wanted anything in my life. If only this was real. I don't really know how to kiss, being as I haven't had much practice, so I don't know what to do or how to react. Sure, I shared a kiss or two with Peeta in the arena, but that was more like a peck. It was nothing compared to what Haymitch is doing now. When I don't open my mouth, he coaxes my lips apart with his tongue. I don't deny him entry. In fact, I find myself eager to comply. Even though I don't know what to do, I know he does. Even if I did know what to do, I wouldn't be able to do much being as I am too distracted by what he is doing with his tongue. So, I let him kiss me, enjoying every second.

All of a sudden, he pulls away, leaving a hollow place inside me that I can't explain. I blink several times before I come to my senses. "Is this really happening or am I dreaming?" I ask Haymitch in a quiet voice.

"Sweetheart, if this was a dream, I wouldn't have stopped," he says in a seductive voice.

"Then why did you?" I ask sadly.

"Because you said that the other night was a mistake and…"

"Shut up and kiss me," I say as I pull his lips to mine. I'm not going to let this moment slip away. Not again. I'm going to hold on to it for as long as I can. I move my other hand to his shirt and begin to undo the buttons, when he grabs my wrist and pulls away from me again.

"Whoa, Katniss! What are you doing?" he asks, still holding my wrist.

"I thought you wanted this."

"I do, but I shouldn't. I can't be selfish and just do what I want. I need to do what is right for you and this is not it. You think you want this, but if we do this and you regret it, I couldn't live with myself. You are too important to me and I won't take advantage of you."

"You're not taking advantage of me!" I say, a little agitated now. "I do want this and I know that I won't regret it. The only thing I will regret is letting you push me away again when I know you want this. If you truly want me to stop, then look me in the eyes and tell me you don't want me."

"Katniss, I can't say that because it isn't true and I want this more than you know. I know these feeling are wrong, but it doesn't change them. I'm just trying to do the right thing."

"If you have feelings for me, then why is kissing me the wrong thing?"

"It's wrong because I am twice your age."

"I don't care how old you are," I say calmly, trying to reassure him.

"Sweetheart, are you absolutely, 100 percent sure that this is what you want?"

"I am," I say looking directly into his eyes. "And nothing you do or say is going to change that."

"God help us," he sighs. "You win, Katniss. I don't have the strength or control to fight this anymore. For the last two days, all I have been thinking about is you. Those were the longest two days of my life."

"I have been thinking about you too, Haymitch."

"If you are sure that you won't regret this and that this is what you want, I won't stop you; I won't hold back," he says in a husky low voice that I have never heard before and I like it. In a quick motion, he crashes his body into mine with such force that I am rocked back, but he doesn't let me fall; his strong arms hold me tight. His lips are on mine and his tongue glides along the roof of my mouth and his teeth nip my bottom lip, sending a shudder throughout my body. I open my mouth wider to deepen the kiss even more as I reach for the buttons on his shirt, eager to get it off. He makes a sound of warning before pulling back just enough to say "Maybe we should take it slow, Sweetheart."

"You said you wouldn't stop me," I remind him, trying to sound seductive, but not quite pulling it off.

"I don't want to rush into this." I push against him and feel his erection pressed against my stomach.

"Your body says differently."

"Be as that may, I think we should take it one step at a time. This is new territory and I want to explore it carefully. I'm also not sure how far you want to go with this and maybe we should talk about it when we are less aroused and thinking more clearly."

"Yeah and I should probably learn some of the basics first", I say feeling embarrassed. I've never done this before and I'm not sure what to do.

"Are you a virgin?"

"Ummm…yeah, I am," I say sheepishly.

"All the more reason for us to take it slow. I'm not sure where this is going, and I don't have any expectations, but if and when we decide to go further, whatever that entails, I want it to be special for you and I want to do this right."

"Ok, I can deal with that." I'm blushing and looking at the ground. I don't feel rejected, but I feel awkward for throwing myself at him like that. What has come over me? I have always thought of myself as having a lot of control. But I have never been in this kind of situation

"Are you ok, Katniss? Did I hurt your feelings? I didn't mean that as a rejection and it doesn't mean I don't want to. I just…

"I know," I say looking up at him. "I just have never done this before and it's new for me too. I guess I feel embarrassed by my lack of control," I murmur quietly.

"Don't feel embarrassed, I am flattered that you want me and that I excite you. I love it."

"Do I, you know…excite you?

"Of course you do," he says placing my hand on his crotch where he is still hard for me. "I definitely want you and you definitely turn me on, but I would hate to ruin this by moving too quickly, you know what I mean?"

"Actually, I think I do and thank you for being so considerate. I'm not saying I would regret anything, but I would probably enjoy it more if we approach this slowly." I smile as I give his erection a gently squeeze to show him how much I want this. He lets out a feral growl in appreciation as he kisses me hungrily and more eagerly than he ever has before.

AN: I decided to post the next chapter, so here it is. I hope you like it. I have also changed the last paragraph of chapter 7 because I thought it was a little ambiguous. Anyway, I hope you like it. Please review if you do. Even if you have criticism, please tell me so I can do better. Thank you everyone for reading, reviewing and following my story.