To those who are reading my chapter fic The Definition of Infuriating, I'm still writing it, I just could make any headway until I got this down. It's probably not an original idea, but I liked it and couldn't find any others like it, though it was a little inspired by the April Fools joke at the end of Casey's Code of Chivalry.
Hope you enjoy :)
Disclaimer: I don't own Life With Derek or any of the songs or videos mentioned.
"I can't believe you used my toothbrush!" Casey shrieked. "Do you have any idea how long it's gonna take me to get the thought of your saliva in my mouth out of my mind?! You are so disgusting!"
"It's not like I wanted to! You threw mine out!"
"Because you've had it for over a year! Do you have any idea how unhygenic that is?"
"No, but you'll probably tell me anyway." He started to walk away from her.
"Oh, no. We are not done here," She stepped in front of him, "You are taking me to get a new toothbrush, right now!"
"Can't," He said with a smirk, "I have a date with-"
"Not any more " She cut him off without waiting for the name; it would be pointless to learn it anyway, there'd just be another on within a week. "I intend to brush my teeth tonight, and there is absolutely no way I'm putting that brush in my mouth after it's been in yours!"
He laughed. "You already did." He winked and stepped around her.
She stopped him again and he sighed in exasperation.
"Only because I had no idea you'd used it!"
He curled up his hand. She just wouldn't stop. "How did you find out about that by the way?" He asked, wondering who he was going to kill.
"Marti saw you. Apparently she told you not to and you said I wouldn't mind." She crossed her arms, this time standing directly in front of the door so he couldn't go around her.
"Marti!" He groaned. If only it had been Edwin, then he could have made him pay for this.
Neither heard the key in the lock, so Casey was completely surprised when George threw it open, and she stumbled into Derek. He righted her and glared. "Watch it klutzilla!"
Casey glared back and turned to her mother, who stood in the doorway with a deer-in-the-headlights expression on her face. "Mom, Derek used my toothbrush; tell him he has to get me a new one!" She whined.
"Derek, it's only fair." George answered for his wife.
"I only did it because she threw mine out!"
"Then you should both get each other new toothbrushes." George said reasonably, earning a slightly surprised look from his wife. He wasn't exactly known for his common sense.
"But Derek's going on some stupid date and won't take me to get one. And I refuse to not brush my teeth tonight."
Derek could see her stomp her foot in his mind's eye.
"Derek, take your sister to get a new toothbrush." George commanded.
"Step-sister." They both corrected simultaneously.
"Do it! Or do I have to take away your driving privileges?"
"Fine!" He stormed out of the door. "Come on Space Case, I haven't got all day! I have to meet Shelly in an hour."
Casey stomped out after him without a word.
"Take your next left."
Derek rolled his eyes, "I think I know where the drug store is Princess."
"I'm surprised you know where your own ass is." She retorted.
"Aww, you been checking where my ass is Case?" He smirked at her open mouthed fury. "And it just so happens that the drug store stocks some dating essentials that I need a lot of. And some fun extras." He winked.
"Der-ek!" She hit his arm when she realised what he meant. "I so did not need to hear that!"
"Case!" He protested as the car swerved, a direct result of her hitting him. They got back in the right lane just as a car swept by them, close enough to feel the hit of air through the open window.
She huffed and turned towards the passenger side window, not wanting him to see the left over panic on her face. She grabbed her purse and exited the car as soon as they pulled up, slamming the door for good measure.
"Hey! Watch how you treat my baby!" Derek chastised her.
"Let's just get this over with." She ignored his protest and entered the store. Finding the toothbrushes she waited for Derek to pick his and remind her that she had to pay for it, before picking up the most expensive on there. "If I have to pay for yours, you have to pay for mine." She smiled triumphantly.
"Hey, I agreed to buy you a toothbrush, not a house!" He said, looking at the price.
She huffed, "Fine, but that doesn't mean I'm going to get a nasty cheap one just so you have more money to spend on your date." She looked at the display again looking for another toothbrush.
"Speaking of which, I think I'll go look at some of those dating essentials." He turned towards the contraception.
"Please! Can you at least wait until I'm at the counter? I don't want to see what flavours and textures you get!"
"Wow, Case. Didn't know you knew that much about condoms. Must have used a few eh?"
"They told us in sex ed, you jerk!" Casey said, appalled.
"Should have known. Like anyone would want to use one with you." He smirked and turned back to the 'essentials'.
"Der-ek!" She slapped his arm.
"Would you quit doing that!" He pushed her and she knocked a bottle of lubricant off the shelf and stepped back onto it. It split leaving a small trail of strawberry scented stickiness on the floor.
She picked it up and stared at it, not sure what to do.
"You know the rules klutzilla; you break it, you buy it." Derek informed her cheerfully.
Her mouth dropped open and suddenly she got a pleading look on her face. "Please, I can't buy this!" She begged, "You have to do it for me!"
"Not a chance." He folded his arms, a wide grin on his face.
"But... But...I can't! Derek please? I'll give you the money, you just have to go pay for it." She was a few seconds away from tears and he sighed.
"Alright, but you pay for both our toothbrushes." He bargained.
"Anything!" She grabbed the money out of her purse and shoved it towards him. She left the shop and waited outside for him while he paid; trying to control her breathing.
"There is absolutely no reason for a Casey freak out." Derek came up behind her. "I covered for you, you didn't dirty your shiny reputation."
"Here's your lube by the way." He passed her the sticky bottle.
"Der-ek! I don't want that! Throw it away, or keep it yourself for all I care. I never want to see it again."
"Suit yourself." He put it back in the bag and unlocked the car.
Casey mumbled incoherently as she got in the car and sat turned away from him.
"What are you sulking about now?" Derek complained.
"You know, you could have just bought the stuff without making me beg! You were buying embarrassing stuff anyway!"
He ran his hand through his hair. "You were the one who broke it, so you should have gone and bought it. I did you a favour, I didn't have to!"
"I only broke it because you pushed me!"
"Yeah, because you hit me! Again!"
The further the fight progressed, the louder their voices, and the less attention they paid to the road.
"You are such a jerk!"
"And your such an obnoxious, spoilt princess!"
The car swerved, and this time Derek couldn't haul it back in time.
The world went black for a second, and when the word came back, it was different. They weren't in the car anymore, instead they were back in the house. But things were wrong.
They looked around in confusion.
"Mike? Ash? You guys ok?" A voice called.
They looked around for the owner of the voice; taking in camera's and sound equipment along with several faces staring at them in concern.
Casey looked around at Lizzie, who was sipping a bottle of water behind one of the cameras. She started walking towards her, only to be intersected by a man wearing a pair of headphones.
"You guys ok?" He asked them both.
"What? Yeah..." Casey could feel a headache coming on. "I just need some air." She stumbled to what looked like a fire door and stepped outside.
Derek, meanwhile stood staring at the man like he was an extraterrestrial.
"Huh?" Derek said, only just realising the guy was talking to him. "What?"
"Is something wrong?"
Derek shook his head and followed Casey out of the fire door.
"What's going on?" Casey said in a small voice.
"I don't know." He stood nearby awkwardly, wishing he could bring himself to hug her.
A girly scream rang out. "Oh my God! It's Mike and Ash!" A girl who looked about thirteen ran up, dragging a second girl behind her.
"How did you get in here?" Lizzie had followed them out.
"It's Jordon!" The girl squealed again.
"Get outta here before I call security!"
"Can we just get a photo of Ash and Mike? Please?" Without waiting for an answer, the girl pulled ou a phone and snapped a picture. Jordon/Lizzie looked at them threateningly and they ran off, shouting 'Dasey forever!' over their shoulders.
"Stupid Dasey fangirls." Jordon/Lizzie muttered, heading back inside.
"Dasey?" Casey asked faintly, still distracted by the strangeness of her situation.
Jordon/Lizzie looked at her strangely. "You know, Derek and Casey, Dasey?"
Casey looked blank.
"Come on! You were the one who told me about it! It's a combination of the names, like a title for the couple." She smiled, "You encourage it way too much you know. I see what you do in those scenes; you totally overdo the stares and stuff. You know you'll never convince Daphne to make it happen; if thousands of fans get through to her, I don't see what you can do about it."
Casey and Derek looked at each other wide eyed.
"Do you want your Dasey fix again? I think I still have some fanfics and youtube videos bookmarked from last time." Jordon/Lizzie asked in a teasing tone.
Casey nodded. Maybe these 'videos' would explain some of what was going on, and if not, watching them would give her an excuse not to talk while she figured out what was going on.
Jordon/Lizzie looked amused as they sat down with her laptop. "I'll leave you guys to it, Daniel and I have to go rehearse."
Casey nodded. Neither her or Derek had spoken this whole time, but now that they were alone they began to relax a little.
"Derek, move over, I can't see." She shoved him to the side.
"Tough!" He shoved back and she scowled at him. "Case, just press play already!" He sighed and reached past her to do it himself when she didn't move.
Jordon/Lizzie had already selected a play list and they watched as images of themselves filled the screen to the song 'I Hate Everything About You'.
"Damn straight I do." Casey muttered when she read the title scrolling up the screen.
Derek looked at her strangely. "You've never heard this song before, have you?"
"No." She said defensively. "So what?"
"I wouldn't agree with it just yet."
She folded her arms and carried on watching. "Oh my god!" She covered her mouth with her hand as the chorus kicked in and scenes of her and Derek making lovelorn faces appeared. "Let's just skip this one!" She clicked next.
This song she knew. It was by Avril Lavigne and she'd listened to it enough times to know it off by heart. This time she left the video playing to 'Things I'll Never Say', her mouth dropping open at the way the images were pieced together.
Five videos later, not all of them to songs, and the playlist ended. Casey didn't want to look at Derek. She was embarrassed to say the least.
Derek cleared his throat. "Well that was interesting." He said lightly. "Strange how they all used my kissing Vicki as me kissing you."
She blushed bright red as the words 'me kissing you' left his mouth. "Well we do kinda look alike. Back when I lived in Toronto people thought we were twins."
"Oh." Was all he had to say in reply. In truth he had noticed how much she resembled Casey, but he never really thought about what that meant.
"Lizzie said there were fanfictions." Casey couldn't stop herself from looking, even though she knew they would most likely be worse than the videos.
"What are fanfictions?" Derek asked, puzzled.
Casey gave him a look.
She sighed dramatically and looked at him disdainfully so he would feel the full effect of his stupidity. "They're stories written by fans. Usually about couples getting together..." She trailed off as she saw the number of fanfictions with her filters put in place. Over a thousand just of her and Derek, on this site alone. She opened a few of the most popular in separate tabs. "We'll look at those later." She said half to herself. She decided to put 'Dasey' into a search.
She clicked on a site promising 'Dasey biased' episode reviews. They read through the reviews in silence until something in particular caught Casey's eye. Clearing her throat she hesitated. "Derek, what did you think you and Sam were fighting about?" She asked at last.
"Hmm?" He was still reading a couple of paragraphs behind her and he hadn't really heard her question.
"When you and Sam wrestled and he said it was about the 'guy code', you said 'is that what we're wrestling about'. What did you think you were wrestling about?"
This time he heard her, and for the first time since she'd known him he turned scarlet. "We... It was nothing. We wrestle all the time! It's just a guy thing." He tried to pass his tone off as casual, not with much success.
"Well, Sam didn't seem to think it was nothing. And you guys never wrestle. We wrestle sometimes..." She couldn't stop memories of what those videos had implied their wrestling matches were from entering her mind, "But I've never seen you wrestle Sam apart from that one time."
"Well do you really talk to Paul about me that much?" He figured offence was the best form of defence in this situation.
"Yes, because you're always trying to ruin my life! Did Amy really break up with you because you talked about me too much?"
"Complained. She broke up with me because I complained about you too much." He corrected.
"Did you really say I was perfect?"
That one took him completely by surprise. "What?"
"In the videos you said I was perfect." She bit her lip anxiously as she waited for an answer.
"I don't remember." He lied; he remembered the moment Edwin had got him to listen to Casey sing through the vent with crystal clarity. He had called her perfect and he couldn't say he didn't mean it.
"Do you... Do you really think step-siblings liking each other is gross like you told Ralph?" She wasn't sure she wanted to ask that question, but a part of her just had to.
"No," He said slowly, "I just said that to stop him from hitting on you and blowing my cover."
"So, hypothetically speaking; if I had liked you, you would be ok with that?" She rushed the last few words.
He opened and closed his mouth a few times before deciding not to answer the question. "Lets look at some of those fan thingies." He said in the end.
She turned back to the laptop, disappointed.
It was typical that the very first one they selected had scenes of a sexual nature. While reading they suddenly became aware of just how close they were sitting trying to look at the screen. But neither moved away. And neither stopped reading.
By silent agreement, they started reading a second when they finished the first. Casey could feel herself heat up as she read about Derek trailing kisses down her neck.
Derek had was currently looking at her neck, having just read that part himself (he'd skipped the dialogue). He couldn't help the thoughts that flashed through his mind at that moment, and if he was honest he didn't really want to. He was just considering acting on some of them when Jordon/Lizzie came back.
"Guys, you done yet? We really need to get that scene done now."
They wordlessly followed her, both trying to think of an excuse to get out of it.
As they reached the spot they'd stood in when they... Arrived, Casey started to hyperventilate. After a little while she suffered the consequences, falling backwards in a faint.
Derek made a lunge to catch her and hit his head on something.
The world went black, and when it came back they were back in the car.
They were silent for a moment, Derek mostly focused on regaining control of the car, which had miraculously come out of the collision still going but with a huge scrape up it's side.
"What just happened?" Casey asked, wondering if maybe she'd dozed off against the window.
"I don't know." He answered after a couple of seconds.
The rest of the drive was silent; as was their entrance to the house. Neither could help looking for the cameras.
Derek forgot about his date and went to his room to play some songs. 'I Hate Everything About You' and 'Things I'll never say' may well have been on his playlist. And it's probably safe to assume he did a quick search for 'Dasey' on his computer.
Casey paced her own room, trying to think of an excuse to go and talk to Derek. After all that strangeness, the things that stuck with her were that he didn't find step-sibling romance gross, and that she still didn't know what he and Sam had wrestled about. That question was killing her and she needed an answer.
An opportunity presented its self when Shelly rang the house phone to see where her date was. Casey grabbed it up and ran with it into Derek's room. She held it out in her hand, "Here, it's Shelly." She informed him before sitting on his bed. She caught a glance of his computer screen before he minimised what he was looking at, and her heart leaped to her throat and she realised it was the videos he'd recorded of her. She remembered what something had said about his love of filming her and swallowed nervously.
"No, I'm sorry Shelly, I can't make it. Something important came up.
Casey could barely repress the sudden impulse to smile when he looked at her when he said those last four words.
"So why are you still in here?" He asked, avoiding her gaze by looking back at his computer.
"You never answered my question."
He stiffened. "Which one? Because if it the one about-"
"Why you were wrestling Sam." She didn't wait to hear him make some lame joke.
He was silent a moment before glancing at her then focusing his eyes on the floor. "Isn't it obvious?"
"Not to me."
He sighed and rubbed his face tiredly. "Case, can we maybe talk about this later?"
She shook her head, "If it's that obvious then why can't you just tell me?"
"Why can't you just drop it?"
"Because I want to know!"
He stood up and opened the door. "Not now." He gestured for her to leave.
She got up to leave but stopped opposite him. "You're such a jerk!"
"At least I know when to mind my own business." He said flatly.
"It is my business! He was my boyfriend for goodness sake!"
"Was. Leave." He ordered.
"Der-" She stopped abruptly when he kissed her. It was so quick that she wasn't sure it had really happened. She stood for a moment, searching for evidence that the kiss had actually occurred.
"Does that answer your question?" He asked, looking anywhere but at her.
"I'm sorry, I missed that. Could you repeat it please?" Casey asked, a smile creeping to her face.
His eyes widened and shot to hers. A grin appeared as he realised what she meant. He leaned in and kissed her again. Properly this time.
"Mmm." Casey said when he pulled away. "Now I think I got it that time. But I wouldn't want there to be any misunderstandings."
"No, we couldn't have that." He smirked and leaned in again. He pulled away abruptly and Casey pouted. "We don't have to be called Dasey now do we?" He asked.
She laughed. "Nope. We're not actually famous, remember?"
They were still there kissing when Lizzie and Edwin walked past. Lizzie rolled her eyes and Edwin grinned.
"Think we should snap them out of it?" Lizzie said quietly.
"No, it'd be so much better to wait 'till Nora and Dad find them." Edwin replied.
Lizzie giggled and they went to her room to wait for the show.