Oh dear Jesus Mary and Joseph this is gonna be a rough one.

For one final time, I do not own Lord of the Flies or My Chemical Romance

Song: Fake Your Death by My Chemical Romance

Death is weird.

Genius statement, I know, absolutely inspired. But it's true. One moment you're there, alive, thriving if you're lucky, and the next it's all over. There's a whirl-wind of emotions, which differ from person to person. It starts with relief. There's no stress, nothing to be afraid of, nothing that can hurt you- if you've lived a good life anyway. There's anticipation, if you're not quite sure where Judgment will put you, and surprise if you're atheist. The part that really gets you at first is the finality, and it distracts you from the emotion. In life, every end has a beginning. In death, it's just the entrance into forever. No milestones to look forward to, no plans and dreams. But that wasn't what really got my attention. The finality that got me was the ending part. Everything I had been, everything I was, everything I had hoped to be ended there, amid the gravel and dirty melted snow, surrounded by people I didn't know and the smell of popcorn mingling with gasoline in the air. There was nothing poetic about my death, or heroic, as I had always hoped it would. I didn't die for something important, or doing something important, or even in a very noteworthy way. I just stumbled over the curb at the wrong time. Of all the things in my life I'd been through, it seemed ridiculous that that was my end. At first, that was what got me.

Some people watch
Some people pray
But even lights can fade away.
Some people hope
Some people pay
But why'd we have to stay?
'Cause even heroes
Get the blues
Or any misery you choose
You like to watch
We like to use
And we were born to lose

Then thirty seconds passed and an ambulance brought me to the hospital- a little too late, of course. Then ten minutes passed and my family got there.

The worst thing about death isn't the pain or the fear when it happens, or the finality. It's watching everyone else experience it.

My dad was stunned. He fell back into a chair and buried his face in his hands. My mom was reduced to a sobbing heap. My sister, upon seeing my body, collapsed to the floor, wailing- she'd never been one to hold back on her emotions. For some reason, my brother was the hardest to watch. He never entered the room where my body was. He reached the door, looked inside for only a moment, then stumbled backwards until he hit a wall. Then he slumped down and put his head between his knees, his hands behind his neck, and his breathing became labored. My brother was twenty five. He'd been eleven when I was born. As he sat there and I saw him cry for the first time in my life, I could see him in the photo albums I hadn't looked at in years- getting me out of my crib in the morning, as he did everyday, dragging me around the house on an old blanket, giving me horse rides up and down the hall. My brother Jack who had taken care of me, protected me, since I was born was reduced to this lump in the hallway, grieving separately from my family. I stopped watching after that.

Not to say that death is all bad, of course. After the whole purgatory bit, everything's just fine and dandy.

Ah, yes, purgatory. While I'm on the topic, I'll mention that I got six months for my lifetime of minor in fractions. Danny later explained that this is normal, and that my 'sentence' was actually pretty short. The older you get, the longer you get- all though time can be shaved off for good deeds. Danny spent seven months in purgatory, himself. We're both out now.

I choose defeat
I walk away
And leave this place
The same today
Some like to sleep
We like to play
Just look at all that pain

Once purgatory is finished, you're pretty much free to do whatever you like. Everyone who has ever lived is hanging around somewhere, either on earth or in heaven or in some place in between, and you can't meet just about anybody. Danny and I have befriended a couple from the forties, Christopher and Elaine. Christopher is young, fairly handsome, and whenever I see him he's clad in a pilot's uniform from World War II. He was shot down somewhere in the Pacific, in 1943 I think. Elaine, on the other hand, is withered and old, with kind brown eyes- or at least, that's how she appears to me. They were engaged before Christopher enlisted, and she never married after he died. To him, she looks exactly as she did the day they fell in love. I think it's beautiful, but Danny is still stuck on the fact that we should not appear corporeal after death. Science-minded people are apparently confused for at least a decade after their death.

There's a lot to do when you're dead, and until other people I actually know start popping up, I'm going to try as many of them as I can. Except sex. It's rumored you can do that too, but to be honest, that's the last thing I think you should be doing in heaven. The other thing I will not do is watch.

No, not watch that. Perverts. Although, I guess I won't be doing that either.

The watch I mean is watch people I knew. You're able to go down to earth, be around them, watch them grow old. The idea makes me sick. Danny thinks it's comforting, but in his case, it's because his auntie is all alone now that he's gone. He just wants to make sure she's okay. In my case, my family has each other, my friends have each other. I think some of them can sense when I'm there, because they usually get really upset and don't understand why. These were the first people I stopped visiting. I do keep tabs on the boys however. I watched the trials, just to see how they turned out, if I really did screw everyone over.

They held out valiantly for one hour. No one said a word, most even avoided committing perjury while they did so. Then they put Jack on the stand.

You want the heart
Or to be saved
But even good guys still get paid
So watch my back
And keep the blade
I think it got you laid
So fake your death
Or it's your blame
And leave the lights on when you stay
Take off your clothes
And dream that fame
Come on and feel that shame

Jack Merridew, to say the least, was losing it. The drugs and the guilt were tag-teaming on his brain, and his mental state was most definitely on the losing side. Everyday he grew more paranoid, and by the time the trial rolled around, he was also in the clutches of withdrawal. The poor boy didn't stand a chance. They needed only ask him one question: What happened on the island? He needed only take one look in Simon's direction, and it was over. Jack Merridew was broken, and he took all the boys with him.

"I nearly killed my brother," he said softly. The lawyer asked him to repeat himself. "I almost killed my brother twice. Once alone, once with them." He left the stand shortly after.

I sort of wish they had left it at that and arrested them, but they needed to figure out who shared blame for what. There were several accusations on the table- two murder, one attempted murder, one manslaughter (though that had a clear perpetrator) and several cases of assault, sexual assault, and attempted rape. They had to pinpoint who did what. Even that would've gone quickly- after Jack gave them up, everyone else was quick to fess up to what crimes they'd committed- if it hadn't been for Roger. He knew he was going to jail, that he would burn, but he wanted to have a little fun with it. So he gave the jury detailed accounts of the entire story from his perspective. He told them about the feeling of Willie's blood splattering on his face, the beautiful look of despair in my eyes, the bliss of tearing open Simon's skin, the exhilaration of sending that rock crashing down on Danny, and everything in between. One juror threw up. Three did the sign of the cross. Simon gnawed the inside of his mouth until it bled. My sister, who had come to see the trial, ran out crying. Roger had done what he intended to do. He finished with a smirk.

In the end, the charges were much as expected. Roger was given two and half life sentences, Jack got twenty five years for attempted murder and sexual assault, a few others received the same, the rest got time in juvie (excluding Ralph and Simon, who got off scot free, thank God).

I choose defeat
I walk away
And leave this place
The same today
Some like to sleep
We like to play
Just look at all that pain

I should've been satisfied, but I wasn't. I couldn't stop watching Roger. As he told his stories, there was an odd look in his eyes. I'd seen many expressions in Roger's face- anger, frustration, confusion, amusement. I'd seen him completely deranged, the very image he was trying to portray. I knew it was an act. So I kept watching him. I watched him throughout his imprisonment, trying to decipher his expression, but all I saw was concern. Roger was afraid, but of what I didn't know. Even he didn't, until one day during a fight, he started bleeding and didn't stop. Roger had cancer, and I think he suspected that there was something wrong for a while before they found out.

It was pretty advanced when they caught it. Stage Three, I think. As time passed, he went from a long period of stability to an endless spiral of worsening. I kept watching. I saw all his fits, every surgery, every awful treatment. I saw him waste away, lose his hair, his muscle, most of his weight. His family, although they gave financial support, abandoned him, except for Miles. Roger's twin spent every available moment at his bedside, even though Roger hated it. I watched it all, like the little creeper I am. I saw all the stages of the letter that took him nearly two years to write. I memorized the whole damn thing. Finally, I had my answer to what I'd seen in Roger's eyes. Guilt. Sorrow. Grief. I didn't like it, but I knew that's what it was. Finally, I now watch him die. His seems to be the good kind, the kind I'd hoped for. He dies peacefully in his sleep, two weeks later than the doctors had predicted.

Just look at all that pain [3x]
Just give me all that pain [3x]

I'm almost positive Roger has no family in heaven. I'd asked around for years and found no one. So, just as Danny had done for me, I show up the day he dies. He seems confused, just as I'm sure I'd looked, but his understanding comes after just one glance at the bed where his body rests. Then he laughs sort of grimly and shakes his head.

"That little liar," he says, and then in a flash of cold blackness he's gone. Later, Danny explains to me that damned souls can't see those who've gone to heaven. Roger has gone to hell and will be there for a long, long time. Two years for every one that Danny and Willie would have lived, and six months for every year I would've (it was an accident, after all). It seems I'm at last rid of my tormentor. But if I'm going to be entirely honest, and since I have nothing to lose, I will be, I'll miss Roger. I do already. But I've got forever. Three hundred and fifty years will be hardly a bat of the eyes. One hundred twenty eight thousand four hundred and eighty days until I can finally get the whole 'I forgive you' thing off my chest. Until then, oh dear imaginary audience to whom I once narrated my life story, I bid thee adieu.

I choose defeat
I walk away
And leave this place
The same today
Some like to sleep
We like to play
Just look at all that pain

So long and good night
Erin L. FitzGerald
Dec. 8 1997 - March 6 2012

And so ends my legacy.

Before I get to my goodbye note, I'll point out that when Roger says "That little liar," he's referring to when she told him she'd see him in hell.

Now for the hard part.

I'm going to miss this site like crazy. You are my people. I'm sorry this is gonna be sort of choppy and poorly written, but my emotions are getting in the way of my sense. Anyways, there's something powerful (in my opinion) about being able to build friendships with people you will never meet in real life. Throughout the time I've been on FanFiction, I've built friendships like that through reading and reviewing your stories, having people review mine, and messaging people about random things we said in those reviews. Sometimes it seems like you guys know me better than some of my best friends. It's gonna be hard to leave that behind, but that's why I finished off this story even though I wanted to quit back in December 2012. Think of it as my lame thank you.

Now, for something I haven't done since The Fate of the Boys. My official thank you's.

To all those who favorited this and Teenagers:
AmethystWren
Chloe The Creative
Enked
FadedSunset
FailingWings
Fifi226
FreddysNightmare1984
FreedomWriter15
Jovie Black
Jun Desena
Just Another Believer
Katerine-E-Kora
Lady Elisabeth
Logic-is-Opinion1422
Lupe Rouge
Lurking Pheonix
NotProcrastinating
Proud Soprano Choir Girl
Punkystuff
RowanLOTFfangirl
Secret-Pass-Time
SideshowJazz1
The Lovechild Ladybird
TheTenthSaint
Tiryn
X-XWilted-RosesX-X
all-uu-need-is-love
betharnold97
cookie-monster-is-my-bff
cutie4329
daughterofthering
gothchic6
kO-Cassidy
margaretwells
pockey lover
popsicle237
rayrae211
BpRrUiNdEe
Goneismyfave1
Nobutyeah
epicgabyisepic
ksbg
millions of roses
xXxMayonakaxXx

To all those who followed this and Teenagers:
100reasonswhy
BpRrUiNdEe
FadedSunset
FreedomWriter15
Goneismyfave1
Griffing
Held Together With Tape
Just Another Believer
MiDniGhtW0lF15
Nobutyeah
Rachel Mantegna
all-uu-need-is-love
ashstrike87
betharnold97
epicgabyisepic
ksbg
margaretwells
millions of roses
sobermiracles2
xXindigoraindropsXx
xXxMayonakaxXx
Cassi Merridew
Castiel's Guinea Pig
Chloe The Creative
DarkAngelDreams16
Foxflash327
Karylkeyy
Lady Elisabeth
Logic-is-Opinion1422
MuffinMuffin
Revenge and Rainbows
RowanLOTFfangirl
Scratchers
Secret-Pass-Time
SideshowJazz1
SummerJane'10
Tiryn
cutie4329
eylandria13
kO-Cassidy
lovelifegymnastics
pockeylover
popsickle237
rayrae211
survivor-1

Oof! Damn guys, they weren't that good! I would also like to thank all those who favorited and followed me. I'd list you, but there's a whole lot more of you guys than there are followers of this story. So just know that you are freaking special and I can not thank you guys enough for your support. Same goes to those who gave their support to Teenagers and Going Under. I can't begin to express how much I love, appreciate, and am going to miss you guys.

You know what, fuck this. I'mma give you guys a present. When you review, give me a suggestion. Any suggestion, really. A one-shot you want me to write, with these characters, with Roger and Bella, with Jack and Leah, with Lizzie, any of my OCs or any of the original characters. It can come from any of my stories, and of my fandoms. Whatever comes up the most often, I'll write it, no matter what it is. If there's no clear winner, I'll do a poll or something. You guys deserve more than my meager thank yous and a lame epilogue, and although this isn't much, I hope it'll give you guys some indicator of how appreciative I am.

Seriously though guys, I'm going to miss you. Drop a review if you can.