A/N: God knows how Kise managed to drown Aomine in alcohol.

I feel really bad ahhh guys wat r u talking about who said that I was going to give up writing Aokise I love both it's just that I have a soft spot for aokuro now too! Why would I not want to write these two idiotic bastards, haha. Look at these two sweethearts, they're too precious to leave alone. This is so OOC gomen;; quick drabble, I wrote this in history class and sometimes i think im funny but im actually not but hey at least its not angst no one dies

Retarded Llama


Kise looks up from the magazine that he's reading.

"You're…really pretty, you know that?"

Kise's mouth drops open, incredulous.

He laughs.

"You're drunk, Aominecchi."

" 'm not drunk."

Kise laughs again, this time he jokingly punches Aomine's shoulder.

"Yes you are."

" 'not."

"Yes. You. Are."

" No 'm not."

"You're reaaallly drunk, you know."

Aomine halfheartedly pushes against Kise.

"'mnot. Drunk."

The blonde sighs, padding to the kitchen to get a bottle of chilled mineral water.

"Honestly, Aominecchi. I'm insulted."

Aomine looks up with half lidded eyes, words slurring together. "Why…..would 'ou be insulted….."

Kise is obviously amused. "Well. Real men aren't pretty, real men are cool and handsome."

Aomine sighs and puts his head on the table, face flushed.

"Don' give a fuck." He manages to open another beer. He mumbles. "mstillthink you're r'lly pretty though."

"But I'm a real man, Aominecchi. I'm cool and handsome."

"…cool 'n handsome….?" Aomine repeats, puzzled.

" 'ou sound like a girl in bed."

Kise sticks out his tongue, throwing his magazine at Aomine's head, blush coloring his face again.

It was not fair, so not fair, for a big idiot like Aomine to tease him even when he was way too intoxicated beyond rationale and common sense.

A coquettish smile spreads, and Kise snickers.

"Ne, Aominecchi. What do you like about me the most?"

The tanned ace looks idiotically confused for a moment, thinking - like it was some phenomenally impossible physics theorem - Kise laughs again - he doesn't know whether to be insulted (for taking so long to think of good things) or flattered (for taking so long because there were too many good things about Kise) - but Aomine looks so dumb, like one of those retarded llamas on a rural farm eating grass.

What an idiot, Ahomine.

Kise helps open up another can of beer for Aomine.

"Come on Aominecchi. We haven't got all day. Drink up."

Aomine's dark eyebrows are drawn together in extreme concentration as he takes another swig.

"I…like your face."

"I…..'ike your eyes."

"'s pretty." "Like honey lemon candy."

"…..hair is really soft."

"…nice smile too…"

By this time, Kise's face is an alarming shade of tomato red, pink to the tips of his ears.

Aomine looks disoriented as he stares at Kise.

"Oi Kise."


"Are you drunk too?"

"Shut up." Kise buries his face in a pillow, self-conscious.

"Then why's your face red?"

"Shut up and just drink your beer Ahomine."

A few cans later, Kise snuggles up to the ace, till their shoulders are touching and their hands are entwined.


"….what is your favorite thing about me?"

"Just choose one. If you had to."



There's silence, until all of a sudden, Aomine's dark blue eyes brighten, at the edge of epiphany in his drunken haze.


"Sometimes if I squeeze your chest hard enough sometimes it can pass for an A cu-"

Aomine wakes up next morning stark naked, tied, gagged and bound to a kitchen chair with duct tape.


okay is it just me or can you actually see this happening. Because I can see this happening to these idiotic basukebakas.

i couldn't think of a better title than retarded llama so we're stuck with that. but yes we made progress! No one is dead/died aaahhhhh if I get any ideas about any other drunk miragen pairings I'll add them here so they can be unrelated oneshots. (but I desperately need to think about what types of drunks they are so). I'm sorry if you think it wasn't funny I tried but my humor is the weirdest thing ever I'm just not very funny (there's a reason why all I can write is angst).

Thank you for reading and have a nice day uwu