Same warnings and disclaimers apply. Chapter unbeta'd. I hope you guys like this chapter. It's a personal favorite of mine. One review per chapter, please.
Week of Love
"Please, Bebe, I'm begging! I can give you two free pairs of designer shoes every week for two months if you and the other cheerleaders distract the office staff," Clyde bribed during English class. Bebe stopped writing; she stared at him with unabashed awe. He swore he saw sparkles in her bright blue eyes.
"Including half off on pumps for a year," Bebe challenged. She raised a manicured eyebrow. Clyde groaned at the girl. His father would be losing some serious money on this, but for love he'd go through anything.
"Deal," Bebe purred. She delicately removed herself from her assigned seat. She strutted up to the front of the classroom loudly talking to the English teacher. She emphasized the importance of her having an impromptu cheerleading practice outside the school for two classes for total school spirit. Luckily, the teacher was a total idiot and diehard for school spirit. He immediately wrote a pass for all the cheerleaders who were consequently all in the same English class. She waved the pass teasingly in front of the classroom, winking at Clyde as she went out the door. The cheerleaders looked amongst themselves before following Bebe's lead.
Clyde took the chance to signal Token in the middle of the room before packing up all his stuff hurriedly. He pulled out a small pack of notecards, practically bouncing in his seat. Ooh. He couldn't wait. He jittered, waiting for his phone to buzz in his jacket pocket. His phone buzzed three minutes later. 'U have 10 maybe 15 mins b4 staff back. Use wisely,' it read and Clyde shot up like a rocket.
"Mr. Donovan! What do you think you're doing!" Mr. Cockinass shouted, stopping in the middle of his lessons. The brunet paid no mind. He took fast strides toward the door, a stupidly happy grin on his face.
"Sorry, uhh, my mother needs to go to the gynecologist and she wanted me and Token to come along to make sure everything is working right and the doctor isn't just some pervert!" he spouted off the first excuse in his head, not even pausing to think about the choice of words he just use. Mr. Cockinass was struck speechless and that's all that mattered.
Clyde opened the door and raced down the hallway with Token on his heels. He thanked God that no teachers were wandering the hallways or if they were they didn't care enough to say anything. He skidded to his left suddenly, then, made a sharp right turn into the unusually empty office. He wasted no time in locating the main office where the intercom was held. He walked over to the Principle's squishy seat, sinking down into the leather. Clyde pulled the black intercom toward him and then looked up at Token.
"Did you lock the doors?" he asked.
"Did you send Pac-Man, the old gaming system, and the two packs of sour gummy worms?" Clyde questioned his eyebrow raising. Everything had to be perfect in order for this work. Plan A was a total failure but plan B was bound to work.
"Uh huh, Craig said he'd give it all to Stoley during Math Class," Token answered with a reassured tone. Clyde nodded, his eyebrow falling down into its correct place. He inhaled and then exhaled, righting his expression into one of utter determination.
He jabbed a red button and began speaking into the microphone. "Attention students and staff of South Park High School. I am Clyde Donovan, a current freshmen, and I have something to say to another student in this school by the name of Kevin Stoley. So, you're like the most amazing nerd I've ever met in my life and I think I fell for you when I dropped my lunch in the rain in 7th grade and though everybody laughed," Clyde took the moment to glare balefully at Token whom was whistling innocently. "you were the one to give me a tissue and share your awesome Asian food with me!
"Adding to the fact I found out that you like the same things as me and a whole bunch of other stuff. This is so awkward saying this over the intercom, but I thought you'd like it better this way. Would you go out with me, please! Without sounding to stalkerish you are the yin to my yang. The Princess Leia to my Hans Solo. The Princess Peach to my Mario. The Aradia to my Sollux. The Rose to my Kanaya. The Shadow or Tails to my Sonic. The pepper to my salt. The lightning to my thunder. The Naruto to my Sasuke. The Juliet to my Romeo.
"Heck, you are the Jekyll to my Hyde!" Clyde cried. He was getting all emotional. "Kevin, you're the tacos to my soul. So, I'm asking you so I don't look like a total idiot, would you please go out with me? Hopefully, by now you haven't decided to hide in the bathroom and never come out. I really hope when I see you you're going to take off that oversized sweater to let everyone see that sexy round-ass.
"To all the boys and girls out there: that ass is mine. Nobody can touch it. I called dibs. Find your own luscious-assed nerd. This has been Clyde Donovan with your daily announcements. By the way, the cafeteria is serving chicken nuggets today." Clyde finished proudly.
"Clyde—" Token's frantic voice clicked within his mind as did the furious knocking on the door. The only had so little time now.
"Oh, wait, Token wants to say he loves Red!" Clyde added in quickly before pushing the intercom off. He hopped up from his seat, smiling over at his fuming friend.
"What? Why are you mad, Token?" he questioned, honestly confused. Girls were flattered by loud proclamations. Weren't they… he read it in Seventeen, and Bebe read that particular magazine all the time, and she was the girliest girl in their grade after Minnie and Lola. Why he knew that particular fact Clyde didn't know, but he figured it was important enough to know. Jeopardy might want him on their show and BAM! The question would be asked. And he, Clyde McNab Donovan, would be ready.
Token simply pinched his nose and sighed. "Never mind, we need an excuse. I can't get detention or suspended. My family's coming over. Do you know what my cousins, uncles, and aunts are like?" Token groused, pinching his nose harder.
"My Nikki would never get in trouble. He goes to a private school with the top teachers in the country. Unlike Token dear, who has to endure a redneck-white trash school. It's such a tragedy," Token replicated a deep southern womanly tenor. Clyde just rolled his eyes at his friend's dramatics.
"Token, we don't have time for a Doctor Phil session. It's time to go outside and face the music," Clyde said as he flounced out of his chair to the door.
"How'd we end up at lunch so soon?" Clyde inquired. He dug through his Taco Bell lunchbox to pull out his wrapped lunch. He lifted the tinfoil wrapped food up to his nose, practically drooling over the scent.
"To answer your question before you nose-rape your lunch, this is a teenage girl's story. She's extremely lazy and instead of doing hard work to make this story a worthy present for Cupcake Queen she's being a total ass, using lines and gags that are totally overused and not funny. I mean she doesn't even add detail. All of it is so boring, it's nothing worthwhile," Craig said monotonously.
In a matter of seconds an ice-cream trunk dropped through the roof onto Craig Tucker's body, effectively killing and splattering his blood and guts everywhere. And just like that the one-balled boy was no longer.
"OH MY GOD, SHE KILLED CRAIG!" Stan yelled around his straw of his strawberry milk.
"THAT BITCH!" Kyle followed, rightfully indignant. The rest of the boys simply shrugged their shoulders, going on with their lives as if this was a normal occurrence. Actually, Kenny seemed to be preening at the moment. He smiled at anybody who walked by or took a glance at him. Clyde shuddered at the weird behavior. He went about unwrapping his food until he realized Craig was dead, like dead never-coming back until some sort of toxic waste was dumped onto him, dead.
"GUYS, Craig's dead!" Clyde announced, tearfully.
Token patted him on the back. A tissue already pulled out of his pocket. "Don't be sad. He'll live in our hearts forever."
"No, Token," Clyde whined. He swiped the tissue from his best friend, blowing his nose noisily, "I don't care about that. I wanted to know what Kevin thought of my presents and my speech! He was the only that shared the class with Kevin besides Wendy!"
"Ooh," Token said awkwardly.
"If that's what you're so teary about I can get Wendy for you," Stan added in. Clyde looked at him hopefully as Stan called his girlfriend over to their table. Wendy smiled prettily at them, chatting with Stan for a moment before giving her attention to Clyde.
"That was a really romantic speech, Clyde," Wendy swooned with pink dusting her pale cheeks. "I wish someone would have the balls to do that for me!" Wendy shot a potent death glare at Stan who remained oblivious.
"Thanks, Wendy, uhh, can you tell me what Kevin thought of it and whether he liked his gifts or not?"
"Didn't anybody tell you?" Wendy crossed her arms; a puzzled expression crossed her pretty face.
"Kevin wasn't in Math class. He won't be coming back until Wednesday. He and his family are in Virginia, visiting family. He's been gone since Sunday," Wendy answered.
Clyde groaned, slinking down to the wooden table.
"It's okay. Thanks anyway," Clyde nodded at the brunette girl. Wendy gave him one last smile before walking back to her table.
"Cheer up, Clyde, you've still got your food," Token tried to appeal to his sense of appetite.
Clyde sat up with a small perk. He grabbed his previously forgotten food, taking a delicious bite only to spit back out after a second experimental chew. He glared at the food like it was the source of all evilness in the world. He slammed it down on the table, huffing.
"What's wrong now, Clyde?"
In response Clyde wrapped his arms around Token's neck, crying rivers on his oh-so-fancy-one-of-a-kind-expensive designer shirt. "It's a vegetable wrap~!" he bawled.