Second chapter, and people have praised me! Follow in their pawsteps, everyone! FOLLOW!

rainbw ~ This is HILARIOUS. Please make more!

Snowsong of SnowClan ~ O.O Firestar's gone CRAZY! This is awesomeness, LOL! UPDATE SOOON! :D -Snowsong-


"GO!" Firestar boomed. Brambleclaw, Willowpelt, Yellowfang, and Willowpelt's kits all left. Longtail murmured something to a random cat.

"What did you say?!" Firestar yelled to Longtail.

Longtail remained silent.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY TO HIM?!" Firestar yelled again.

"..."

"AW DARK FOREST NAW!" Firestar yelled. "EXILED!"

"Aw come on, you exile him for murmuring to another cat?!" Birchfall exclaimed with disbelief.

"Both of you, EXILED!"

They both walked away, after the others exiled. Firestar said, "Now, carve an image of me in stone!"

"But we don't have fingers or picks." Lionblaze reminded Firestar.

"I DON'T CARE IF YOU DON'T HAVE FINGERS! MAKE ME POTTERY!"

"But we don't have clay."

"THEN MAKE ME ART!"

"But we don't have paint."

"THEN GET ME PREY WHILE I SIT LAZILY IN MY DEN!"

"Aren't we all supposed to get prey?"

"Yes, but I DON'T CAAAAAARE!"

"You are just not a caring person today, are you?"

"In more ways than one," Sandstorm grumbled.

"You are both exiled now!" Firestar said. "Go!"

"B-b-but I'm your mate!" Sandstorm stuttered.

"No you're not, you're exiled." Firestar said calmly.

"And I'm your previous apprentice's son!" Lionblaze protested.

No you're not, you're exiled." Firestar said.

"I'm your grand-niece's mate's brother's mentor's mother's meal's niece's grandson!" a random squirrel shouted from the trees.

"No you're not, you're a squirrel." Firestar said. He then jumped up and killed it swiftly and popped it into his mouth, bones and all. Thornclaw shuddered. "EXILED!" Firestar yelled. Thornclaw walked away, frowning. Lionblaze and Sandstorm were still standing where they were. "YOU TWO ARE EXILED, REMEMBER?" he yelled.

Lionblaze walked away with shame. Sandstorm started walking, looked back dramatically, then continued on walking.

"Now, if you want to live, you shall dig me a giant hole!" Firestar proclaimed.

"Why?" Mousefur asked.

"EXILED FOR QUESTIONING ME! JUST DIG THE HOLE!"

Mousefur walked away, while the rest of the clan stood there. Firestar swooped Dovekit up in his jaws. "DIG THE HOLE OR THE KIT GETS IT!" he yowled threateningly. Birchfall tried to attack Firestar, but he put his paw up against Dovekit's neck and unsheathed his claws.

"YOU WOULDN'T!" Birchfall said.

Firestar made a duckface and said, "Would I? I don't care, remember?"

Birchfall looked at Firestar with a defeated expression. Firestar flicked his tail over to a patch of ground. "Dig. The. Hole."

The clan walked over and started digging reluctantly, muttering things like "You're mouse-dung" and "Derp" and "I just don't know what went wrong". One thing was for sure, though, the mouse-dung, weak-mewing Firestar was in charge. And nocat could stop him.